Being healed by The Creator

Okay, so I know as a follower of Christ GoT is not really that kind of thing that is regular in our community (I skip all the moments). And no, I am not convicted on it...because it is a well written, deep reflection of the world we live in with some interesting fantastical moments in it.

Anyway. I’m writing this to say that there are spoilers below...and I’m sad and so having a revelation.

I feel like eating clean is like our walk with Christ. It’s choosing something that is hard to do, that will have us struggle between flesh and what we need. Sin is like junk food. Its taking what we need and replacing it with what will seem to satisfy us, but in the end leaves us more empty or just plain worse off. Clean eating and Walking with Christ takes time and sacrifice. Giving up what we desire...what our flesh desires and what the world teaches us to take on what we need, what will help us grow and be well in us for the long term. 

Maybe they aren’t fully the same, but they have their similarities. Treating your body right with sacrifices of all those sweets...gmos...too much of a tasty thing...they lead to a better way, a healthier way and a healing in some problems the other foods were causing. 

So I really am sure about leaving impact leadership. I’ll still go to the meetings and help out with video stuff, but I just will go to less meetings and stuff like that. I really have a lot of reasons...

I am not connected with people in my major and I want to grow in networking and projects

I really just feel like I have high expectations on me to connect with others, but I’m just really in a bad place rn and need counseling

I want to focus on my class projects and personal projects

I don’t want to be expected to be connecting with people when I barely have close friends...I just get to stuck on expecting the people I “disciple” or am expected to, to be my new bffs

I just don’t want to be used anymore as that video person! I wanna do my work.

One thing I have been struggling with in my mind is staying as a “leader” on the Impact team. It stems from both not connecting with people and being the only person who knows tech stuff, as well as just being disconnected from the team. 

So I got in a car accident today. I was going to The Chapel in Akron (might not go back there for a while) and I was on the wrong side of the road to exit the parking area to look for other spots and I was rushing out to get out of the way for a turning car and drove into a car coming on the right side of the road. I didn’t look left again. I was in shock a lot. like “this can’t be happening right now” and “i’m sure this is just a dream” but it wasn’t and now my front driver’s side light is messed up and I have to pay a ticket and get it fixed with my parent’s money. I just am so tired of having to have them spend extra funds on me. I feel like they must have a savings account for “cam incidents”. 

Talked to darnell again. Told him about how I was listening to “Ghost” By andy mineo and “Trees”, “Fake you out” and “Goner” by 21p and I felt a lot of weight in those songs. I didn’t know what for, cause it was definitely not for me, but I couldn’t pin point who. He told me to pray about it even if its a general group. Pray. 

Prayer is the gyst of what we talked about. How to pray for people is not to pray for yourself or how you’ll look, but for the person as their life depends on it. And I need to pray to just understand and believe and see that the holy spirit dwells in me. I am a temple for the holy spirit (1 corinthians 6:19) and I need to take care of what goes in me! 

I reallllllllllllllllllllly easily forget I need to keep track of my life. I can’t write it in a notebook because I get too lazy to continue or my hand hurts.

Anyway. I talked to darnell that day (it is November 2nd now and I have since been challenged to share the gospel with someone!! and I’m like “how?” no one ever taught me and I can barely approach anyone like ever. But God is challenging me to boldness and the fear is dissipating in the true love that I am learning and believing in my heart about Jesus and the God who was crazy enough to pay our debt) about stuff and things:

a guy asked me out and I said no without any explanation to him, but I knew I wasn’t at a time where I needed to be dating and I just wasn’t attracted to him that way

also I didn’t want to go through that “Get to know” phase for other people when I was definitely not interested in him. (I also felt uncomfortable talking about it and Darnell wanted to know why...)

I also just needed more prayer about what we’d talked about before that

relationship issues with my mom

value issues and not accepting compliments

feeling super selfish (learned that other people in leadership are too!)