I'm ashamed of my fantasies and I think it's because outside of them I stand for completely different values.
I'm a feminist and I could never be in a relationship with a traditional/conservative man. Also I'm queer and not even attracted to most cis men I encounter, usually feeling drawn to women/non-binary people. Not overstepping any boundaries with myself and others is really important to me, I don't even like being hugged without being asked for consent (safe for my closest friends and family).
But most of my fantasies revolve around non-con scenarios with misogonystic men, forcing me, degrading me, "putting me in my place as a woman", etc. I know for a fact that I don't want that to happen to me in real life (I had some bad experiences with relationships and stuff).
So Idk if it's some sort of trauma response or coping mechanism but the problem remains that most of the time I'm not able to get off on any other fantasy but I do feel a lot of shame and don't know how I could ever talk about it with a partner.
I will say that you are definitely not alone in this fantasy, or in the feelings that go along with it.
And that's just the few asks I could find in about twenty minutes of scrolling.
Despite the common misconception, rape fantasies are very common, and I think the more the world tries to make us feel bad for existing, the more common they become. It's extra difficult to talk about them when things are like they are now, because you have this rise of people who think there's something wrong if you have those fantasies.
And there's nothing wrong with the fantasies. Nothing wrong with the people who have them either.
Whether it's just because it's hot to you to struggle, or whether it helps you cope with trauma, or whether it's so complicated it's just difficult to put to words.
Some of it is that women, or people perceived as women, are often raised to find sex and sexual release as something shameful all on its own. Bodice Rippers (the stories where women are whisked away from their mundane lives into the arm of strong, powerful men who make them orgasm their brain out) are born of that long-standing social pressure.
The idea of being brought to climax "against your will" or via the will of someone opposed to your ideals, can also bubble up for that reason as well. It's a way of allowing yourself release, without having to be responsible for it. And society is so hard up to make women feel bad about enjoying any aspect of sex, that it's also something to consider when you're trying to sort out why you have that fantasy.
It is difficult to talk about, but I hope you find someone you trust enough to talk about it, and even more so, someone you can trust to play out scenarios in sessions as well. Being able to openly indulge will help ease the heavy feeling of shame no matter the reason for it.
Sex, kink, fantasies, and play are healthy. No matter how messy they get. I mean, living in general is messy business, it ain't easy being alive.
