bitchworshipper

Listen, I'm still thinking about The Devil Judge and why Gaon and Yohan are so obsessed with each other, and it's like this:

Yohan thinks he's a broken monster because his father told him so and treated him like one for his entire childhood, and then he had to train himself to act like a human by observing others like a scientist, and Gaon is the only person who has ever looked at him and told him he isn't as monstrous as he thinks and there is actually a place for him in the world.

And Gaon has been repressing his rage ever since his parents died, because his best friend and his mentor were constantly sending him the message that it would make him a bad person (implying their love was conditional), and Yohan takes his hand and tells him rage can actually be such a powerful tool if he can just learn to harness it, because there are so many things to be rightfully, righteously angry about.

Essentially:

Gaon: If I succumb to my rage, I'll turn into a monster no one can love.

Like, at least 80% of the time. Probably close to 90%.

Because while Yo Han might be bold when he's awake, I'm pretty sure he's a lot more hesitant when it comes to soft, intimate cuddling in the dark. It requires a lot of courage to both offer and ask for that kind of affection. And he's just not used to doing it — too awkward and, in many ways, too scared. What does he know about gentleness? And what would happen if Ga On said no? Or stiffened when Yo Han tried to hold him?

Ga On, though? He's the opposite. He's the kind of man who's more affectionate and confident without an audience, when it's just him and the person he cares for. So he would have a much easier time initiating that kind of intimacy after he and Yo Han get together. And, let's face it, if Ga On wants to cuddle, it's easier for him to just wrap himself around Yo Han than try to manoeuvre that unit of a man into being the big spoon.

And, deep down, I think both of them would revel in it.

Because Ga On is such a caring and nurturing person and he'd treasure the opportunity to be the one to offer that kind of warmth and comfort. Especially in such a simple yet honest way, one that also gives him a chance to bury his face against Yo Han's neck and just hold him. To, for once, be the one to take charge and have the answers to what they both need.

And Yo Han? I mean, imagine the relief he'd feel to have Ga On mould himself against his back and instead of phantom pain from his scar, he feels Ga On's heartbeats. And how much sweeter it would feel, that Ga On is the one holding on to him — tightly, fearlessly, of his own choice, and with so much tenderness. That has got to make Yo Han pretty damn euphoric some nights.

In short: Ga On, please give that touch-starved disaster of a man some hugs — he needs it.

They would never actually talk about it, of course, because Yo Han is a very prideful (and silly) man, but they both know. For all his power, strength, and darkness, when it's time to sleep, Kang Yo Han is the itty bitty spoon.

sillies

I just realized that both Beyond Evil and The Devil Judge came out in 2021.

Kdramas really did say: you survived a pandemic, you deserve not one but two ‘barely in the closet by one toe’ dramas about righteous young idealists with daddy issues who come to take on morally ambiguous and charismatically unhinged daddies with horrific pasts and end up taking them on indeed. And on and on.

“He is not to them what he is to me," I thought: "he is not of their kind. I believe he is of mine."