Shennanagins

u ever talk to someone and wish you could be like, “god i totally understand where you’re coming from, and yes this DOES suck a lot, but your shift leader at panda express is not like, a member of the capitalist class, he’s just some dude who’s worked at panda express for a while, and him telling the manager and the manager firing you for your third no-call no-show doesn’t make him like, your oppressor, he’s just some dude who probably has nothing to look forward to in life except like, his biweekly board game nights with the same friends he’s had since high school, and you should be able to relate to that because you also have never left the town you grew up in, which is FINE, i’m just saying like, you shouldn’t key Dan’s shitty 2003 mini cooper, he doesn’t own capital, if anything you should be mad at the MANAGER, but even then i don’t know if he counts as a member of the capitalist class either, so like, find another panda express, there is no dearth of panda expresses around here, and it doesn’t even have to be panda express, i think panera pays a lil better”

u good?

I’M fine, but i know some folks who are not

bimbo? ain’t that the dude from lord of the rings

GLOCK ness monster

“My dearest beloved fuckos” is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech.

See also: “Esteemed bastards”

“Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated Cryptids”

im too much of a baby for tinder i wanna meet people the old fashioned way where we’re both on either side of a fish tank and notice each other thru the water… 

My favorite type of characters are “they’re not dumb but they are a dumbass”

Characters with enough intellect and common sense to clearly and easily grasp that something is a Bad Idea, but with enough chaotic dumbass energy to decide they gotta just go ahead with it anyway are on point.

transforms into a magical girl but then i just stay inside and play video games but i look really great in the outfit

yall my world was just turned upside down i just found out the mongols used colors for directions and west was white and thats the best proposed theory for why belarus is called belarus ie white [west] russia

What if instead of editing – and hear me out on this one – I lay facedown on the floor and do nothing

I want to be like one of those authors from the 1900s who would get high on cocaine then write a book that barely made any fucking sense and just publish the first draft. Why did we stop doing that