Technicolor Dreams at The Purple Discoteque

Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.

If your vegan “activism” involves holocaust comparisons you owe me a $50 Amazon gift card and a 2,000 word essay explaining why you think Jews are comparable to cattle Goyim reblog (esp. if you’re vegan)

guys this is important

Was the record to take five steps or did he take more than five steps?

Previous record was five steps I believe

Do did he take more?

Because he could

vine being deleted really is the burning of alexandrias library of our time

this cryptid 

This is the lucky Rami, reblog in 30 seconds for a year of safe driving

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

This is funny but also true, and a huge tip when traveling. Act like you belong, and you won’t be bothered like other tourists might. Especially on public transportation… do your research ahead of time and look like a disinterested commuter and you’ll blend right in.

Fun Fact about Bees: they use pheromones to communicate and the pheromone to signal ALARM is the same chemical that makes bananas smell like bananas so if you eat a banana and then breathe on a beehive you will regret it and this seemed relevant when i started writing it

Before February ends, a miracle is going to happen

I receive it.

I pray it happens for all of us

!!

Fr? Lemme check this out

WHERE HAS THIS BEEN THE LAST TWO YEARS

Uh I reblogged this like 3 days ago and I start my new job on Monday??? Like idk how you accidentally find a job but I did.

I need to get paid asap so pls ace help

I GOT PAID I GOT PAID!!!!!! MUCH MORE THAN I EXPECTED AAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU ACE

I ALSO HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF MONEY I WOULD LIKE TO ACQUIRE, PLEASE HELP

This has worked before, so why not again?

you can have more notes just please give me money

remember fic writers everywhere, self-insert is self-indulgent and it’s for your entertainment. if someone gives you shit about it points them to cirque du freak by darren shan whose main character is a boy named darren shan who ends up writing a book about darren shan

^^↑^^

I’m sorry but do not come for me cause I been stanning since this vid was published

I mean getting the government running is a priority RN. I’m sure Dems will get to it in time

Like they got around to closing Gitmo right?

This is so funny my everything hurts from laughing so hard. Who is this man and where can I find more of his work?

John Sundquist. He is the OP too