other people have said this better than I will here, but every time there's an imodna conversation, I start hearing noises about the their relationship being codependent, unhealthy.
and, look, yeah, individually? they're mentally unhealthy. they are! they're fucked up and traumatized and trying to hold on long enough to get to the other side and each of them individually struggling to believe that's even possible.
but their relationship? how much they love each other? how much of a harbor they try to be for each other, how they do their best to help each other, steady each other, even while they're grappling with their own shit in ways that make that really really hard?
of course they're not always gonna get it exactly right. sometimes, one of them—both of them—needs support. needs reassurance. needs their partner to be there for them.
two fucked up people are never gonna have a relationship where they both behave perfectly, healthily, every time. (in fact, no relationship is gonna have that, but that's neither here nor there.) they won't have a relationship that's all sunny skies and calm waters, not until they can calm their own storms.
but they can give each other the space to be both fucked up and loved. to promise to hold each other's hand while they do what they need to do to get through it, and to promise that there is something on the other side. that it's worth fighting to get to it together.
needing each other isn't inherently codependent. and loving someone who's struggling isn't toxic.
and there's so, so much love.
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