I am so fucking Gay™

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# 01: The Joseph - Nashville, TN,  March 3, 2026, Rating: 4/10

“Four out of ten—oh fuck—this shower is too narrow.” The three of them barely fit together in it. The complimentary shower gel, conditioner, and shampoo set are bolted onto the wall so low that it’s beginning to bump into Rumi & Mira’s heads. Her girls, however, are nothing if not determined. “Oh god—Rumi.” They find a way to pin her in between them anyway, with Rumi nosing along her shoulder as her hand snakes down along her stomach and then lower; and Mira pressed up against her front, kissing them both, kissing them hungrily. The water’s nice, at least. A good temperature, steam fogging up as they— “Yes, yes!” Zoey sobs. “There.”

# 02: Hotel Mitsui  - Kyoto, Japan, March 8, 2026, Rating: 7/10

This one’s better because it has a tub. A pretty good one too—set deep into the floor and wide enough for three, with a little ledge that Zoey’s been hoisted up on, her back against Mira’s—Mira who is whispering into her ear while Rumi sinks into the water and in between her legs, and, and, and— Oh god, okay, maybe it’s an eight, instead.

# 03: The Dakota - Glasgow, Scotland, March 17, 2026, Rating: 1/10

“What the fuck.” Zoey hisses, holding a towel over her body. It’s so unsexy. It’s so incredibly unsexy. “Why are there eleven shower heads? What the fuck is this? A biblically accurate shower? Be not afraid? I’m afraid!” “It’s… a shower?” Mira is nonplussed. She is also perfect and beautiful and gorgeous enough that Zoey does not hold this against her. And Rumi seems to be trying to operate a mysterious and infuriatingly minimalistic square knob—square! knob!—to turn on this fuck-ass shower and it reminds her of when all the cars started turning the PRNDL into a fucking microwave knob all over again, and why is she acting like this is normal? Last she checked there weren’t any UFO decontamination chamber ass showers in Jeju island, and— “Nope! Sorry.” Zoey sets her foot down. “No shower sex at all—ever—in that thing.” Rumi pouts. “But—” “Forget it!” Mira twiddles her thumbs. “Even—?” “No, Mira, find a different shower!”

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Inspired by silliness brought about by @clar-a-m and our other friends on discord talking about ridiculous rich people showers! xD and alsothis historic tumblr post AND another one about zoey having rumira rate weird showers that i saw ages ago? i think? i wish i could find it but i can't [sob] but i loved it thank you op!