Hi apeiron 🩵!
Is it ok if my manifestation process feels horrible , or am i doing something wrong?
I’m a human , with a human brain , with emotions , with an identity
And we all know how it is hard for someone who is just started changing , especially when i have OCD .. and ocd is like the disorder of doubts , changing beliefs is basically changing the identity that kept you “safe” for years and you are basically becoming someone new and change is something normally hard for us because it’s unfamiliar, and unfamiliarity = danger , it’s a matter of repetition and familiarity that will make me accept change and my body to consider it safe , however dealing with changing beliefs,such as using loa , it’s like trying to change something and that something i should just shut up and keep persisting because you can’t measure beliefs , like u can’t test if your subconscious has accepted it or not , it just does , and it feels hard because u simply can’t know if u are doing it right , u just got to assume and trust that you are doing it and it is working in the background, honestly that feels like hell , an ocd brain demands certainty, i crave it , and i need validation all the time to ensure that i am on the right track or at least I’m actually influencing my subconscious, i know i can’t do that
And i have to trust , and stop myself from researching all over again whenever i get a doubt ( if u could know how many times i have read your posts over and over and over to stop doubting )
Of course i have stopped feeding the ocd that i have , and basically endure the doubt and let it happen, but it is still hard to trust and persist and believe and be patient that one day i will get all of my desires , I really liked the coin analogy you gave in one of your posts that the only way to not get your desires is if u stopped persisting , it’s pretty much the one thing holding me together , no matter the amount of understanding i do , it still feels hard , it is not that it is hard to manifest , in fact it is so simple just change thoughts and do basic loa stuff and you will get what you want , but it is hard to deal with this brain and body sometimes , it is hard to just say change thoughts and persist when this mind and body on the edge of crashing out even though in my mind i understand that this is just a moment that is going to past , it is also something that yes i can be sure that inevitably i will get my desired but yet again this mind will doubt ,
And I’m hearing over and over that manifestation should be easy , so am i doing something wrong ? Or what i am going through is normal and I should just persist
( one thing about ocd is that the more you give it validation the more your brain will doubt , the more i make sure and research and read your post the more my brain will doubt and make me crash out , the only way to stop this loop is if i read it once and move on and whenever i get the urge to make sure again i have to physically emotionally mentally stop myself or i will fall into a loop of questions and research and doubt as if I haven’t done any work at all , that is why it is hard for me to persist , because sometimes if i don’t notice change then maybe I’m understanding something wrong or doing it wrong )
Even though I’m indifferent by the 3D , i don’t fear it nor do I ignore it i simply don’t feel threatened by it i have a healthy understanding of how reality works , but sometimes i get a loop of questions (“ will i get it ? “ “am i doing it right “ “is this all a collective joke”)
And sometimes it feels like the mechanism is so good to be true , like i can manifest my full desires by affirming / influencing the subconscious?..
This is not a vent , actually all i want is to know if what i am dealing with is normal or not , an answer of yes or no would be enough 🩵 what do you think?
Yes, don’t worry.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition characterized by a cycle of uncontrollable, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions).
Based on everything you've told me, this does not feel like someone who is "doing manifestation wrong” (if that’s even possible).
It fees like someone trying to change deep beliefs while also having an OCD brain that constantly demands certainty before it allows you to relax. I also have OCD, and everything is still possible even with it.
The process feeling uncomfortable does not mean the process is incorrect. Change often feels unfamiliar and an OCD brain is sensitive to unfamiliarity because it interprets uncertainty as something that needs to be solved.
So when you can't know whether your subconscious has "accepted" something yet, your mind naturally wants proof, reassurance, another explanation, another post to read, another question to ask. That's a very OCD pattern.
What is important is that you already know that reassurance is part of the loop. Every time you go back to make sure you temporarily feel better but then the doubt returns stronger. That is exactly why reassurance don’t satisfies OCD for longw. The brain learns "Whenever I'm uncertain, I should seek another answer”, then it asks another question.
What is important to keep in mind is that OCD significantly impacts how a person changes their subconscious expectations because it locks the brain's "error-monitoring" system into a loop of constant doubt and false alarms. In the context of shifting OCD creates a major barrier by treats new expectations as threats or uncertainties that must be over-analyzed.
It doesn’t mean you can’t shift or anything, it means you need to learn how to work with yourself instead of against yourself.
Changing your subconscious expectations requires subconsciously accepting a new reality or belief as true. OCD triggers "hyper-doubt”, shif is constantly asking "what if you didn't do it right?" or "what if it didn't work?" or other doubting things which overrides new subconscious programming. When you try to plant a positive subconscious expectation, OCD often fires back with anxiety counter-thoughts such as "you will fail”. It also forces you to consciously "check" if your subconscious has changed yet (which you can’t consciously do). This hyper-vigilance keeps the mind in a stressed conscious state, preventing the relaxed state that help influence the subconscious.
As for the manifestation part (if we're talking about TAU Hecht's framework) the answer would still be yes (it’s ok). From that perspective the process isn't judged by whether you feel comfortable every day but by whether you continue returning to the new assumption instead of abandoning it. Your subconscious works on pattern and repetition.
The fact that your conscious mind produces doubts wouldn't (by itself) mean you've failed. It really depends on how you react to those doubts and whether they stay conscious doubt, or you feed them so much they start creating a pattern in your subconscious mind.
From what you've written, the thing most likely to keep the loop alive isn't the doubt itself it's treating each doubt as a question that requires one more answer.
What you're experiencing is a normal experience for someone with OCD who is trying to adopt new beliefs.
The discomfort itself dosent mean that you're doing something wrong.
Here is some things I would recommend doing to help you get rid of the “problems” you have related to this ASK:
Do not fight the doubt or try to convince your brain that your new expectations are working. Whe you brain says “your subconscious hasn't changed”, reply with "maybe it hasn't, maybe it has. Im still going to proceed”. It basically starves the OCD loop of the anxiety and short term satisfaction it feeds on.
Stop trying to follow method and work on allowance. People with OCD may get trapped in doing shifting methods perfectly. Focus instead on a state of passive allowance, it teaches your subconscious that you do not need to perform a "ritual" to achieve your goals.
If you like to script, do it once and let it go. Not falling for the compulsion to check stops reinforcing the loops.
Intentionally sit with the feeling that your subconscious expectations might still be the old ones, without trying to mentally fix or force a positive thought. Over time, your subconscious learns that the "failure” is not a life-threatening danger.
-Apeiron
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