wish;

What? You do? I think you told me once, maybe twice at best. 

-

I do. So much. It’s like I want to crawl inside your skin, I’m so in love with you. 

Hey, that’s cool. A win is a win. 

And, no. Shush. We’re just enjoying each others company and what not. 

Yeah, that’s what I say about Morgan too, but I’m trying to convince him that we need to go look at engagement rings. 

Great! By the way, can I just tell you how floored I was to hear you were Kate Buchanan’s daughter? When I first visited New York City to go to this Juilliard summer program, I saved up all the money I was making working as a pizza guy and I bought a literal back row seat to see Wicked. I was thrilled to even just be in the theater. She was brilliant. 

- 

Kinley let a small gasp out of her mouth as she heard her mother’s name. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing Kinley could say in response. Tears had flooded her eyes and she was trying to fight off a burning in the back of her throat by keeping her breath steady. “Thank you,” was the next thing she said to Turner. And then she explained, “I rarely talk about her, let alone get to hear her name out loud.” And brilliant Kate Buchanan was. She was a wonderful mother, and though memories of her voice and her touch were fading from Kinley’s memory, one thing that she would never forget was the love her mother exuded for her girls. She could still feel the warmth on her skin from the last time they hugged. “Everything I am and everything I do is because of her,” Kinley admitted, likely for the first time ever. “Dancing and performing makes me feel close to her, and though I could never sing like her, I--” she stopped to gain her composure, “--I think she’d still be proud of me.”

I missed you too, Kin! C’mere, let me get a good look at you! Ah, just as beautiful as I remember ya! 

Seriously, what’ve you been up to? Are ya famous yet?

Not famous-famous yet, no. But some freshman girls were excited to meet me last week at our recital rehearsal. And my preschool ballerinas like me a whole lot. 

Oh, you know what I’mma do…absolutely nothing. You’re dating the Master of Avoiding Conflict, baby, don’t you forget it. 

-

I love you, you know that?! 

I’m sold! Whatever help you wanna give, I’ll take. I love exposing my dancers to new teachers and styles - it just helps keep ‘em on their feet and learning new things. 

-

Well I will be there! 

Mm. You gonna punish me for it? 

I might. What are ya gonna do about it, punk? 

Hey, yeah! I’d love to expose my dancers to some more ballet. They get a little bit of it, but probably not nearly as much as they should. I hated it growing up and now I just simply cannot teach it. It literally puts my ass to sleep. No offense! 

-

Hey! Of course! I’d love all the input we can get before we go out on the floor. I’ve got a couple musical theater numbers I think you’ll particularly love. 

“Yeah, let’s do it!” Morgan fidgeted, suddenly nervous but still tipsy enough to not let it consume him, “And…I’m just warning you. I’m kinda cold. And stuff shrinks when it’s cold, so, don’t judge me.” 

Morgan had always been selfless. It was rather unique seeing as he was an only child and only children had a spoiled stigma attached to them. He attributed his selflessness to his mother. She was sweet and kind, and he remembered delivering turkey dinners to homeless folks every Thanksgiving and Christmas Day with her while his dad worked firefighting shifts. He was so selfless he’d cry in theater when his best friends got smaller parts them him because he didn’t want them to feel bad. When Morgan arrived in Brooksville, his selflessness became almost problematic (if it wasn’t already). At least that’s what his therapist told him. Problematic. Morgan’s therapist, Roger, had a mustache and pictures of his cats framed on the walls of his office. He was understanding and slow to speak, yet encouraged Morgan to push himself, and he really, really wanted Morgan to care about himself and his own needs. After months of sessions, Roger found the one part of Morgan that he held very securely and possessively to himself - sex, nudity, and his body image in general. 

After some deep-diving and tears of frustration (from Morgan’s end, obviously), Roger encouraged Morgan to take some of the nervousness of nudity away by doing different things unclothed that wasn’t sex or sexual. He said it may help Morgan feel more excited and less nervous about himself when the moment finally arrived. Morgan wasn’t really sure what you could do without clothes on that wasn’t sexual or illegal, but he figured skinny-dipping was fun and probably fine. 

He held Kinley’s hand in his, feeling the warmth and tension between them just from their palms and fingers touching. Morgan hoped Kinley wouldn’t expect more from him that night just because he’d suggested skinny-dipping. They were truly moving at a snail’s pace when it came to intimacy in their relationship, and Kinley was so good to him. Too good. Oftentimes, Morgan thought she deserved someone better who’d do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. There were plenty of guys at NYU that would give her the best nights of her life, and Morgan hoped he’d get to that blissful moment with Kinley before she caved and found it in someone else. 

They walked exchanging playful banter back and forth with each other and listening to the waves and the voices at the bonfire as they got fainter and fainter. Soon, the flame was but a glimmer in the background, and Morgan kinda hoped they’d get back before Gage and the guys put it out and the beach fell to complete darkness. Still, in that moment, Morgan had Kinley. He had the light of the moon. He had quite a few drinks in him. And he felt decently ready. 

“You don’t think fish’ll swim up between our butt cheeks do you?” He teased, peeling off his t-shirt. He’d gotten a tan he was pretty proud of. Morgan cleared his throat. Looking at Kinley and taking a deep breath before slipping out of his shorts and boxers and running into the water before she could get too good of a look at his goods, “Aha! Holy shit balls! It’s cold! C’mon babe!” 

In New York, Kinley had a small group of good girl friends. She hung out with her roommates and some girls from the dance program, but other than that, she had her core-four. They would walk around the city together, study together. Kinley knew they had her back and she had theirs. It made her feel safe in such a big, scary city, so far, far away from home. One day, the five girls were doing homework in Central Park. They all had their coffees of choice and were sitting on blankets with their laptops, books, and snacks. They were asking Kinley how long she and Morgan had been together and how he was in bed, and she nervously giggled and told them that she had never slept with him. She let them giggle and gasp and she took the blame, saying she wasn’t ready. She didn’t want to expose that it was him who wasn’t. Slowly, one-by-one, it was revealed that it wasn’t actually her. She wanted to. They didn’t tell anyone though. They kept it private and they never mentioned it after Kinley confided in them. They never mentioned it to Morgan, and they never giggled when they saw him. She knew they were a good group of friends for that. Though no friendship could compare to that of Kylie, Kinley was happy to have some friends in New York besides Morgan. And she was excited to get back and tell them all about their skinny dipping and their adventures if Hawaii. 

Once the bonfire was just a flicker, Kinley smiled wide. She hugged Morgan tightly and kissed him quick and he peeled his t-shirt off. Kinley covered her mouth as she giggled a little more. “I can’t believe we’re doing this!” She squealed. She pulled her underwear off from under her dress and kicked it over to where Morgan’s shirt lied in the sand. He was already in the water when Kinley threw her hair into a ponytail and stripped out of her white sundress. Naked and free, she ran straight for the water, squealing the whole time. And once both of their bodies were in the water, she swam to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and held on. “God, it’s cold,” she said, her body hanging from his neck, her chest pressed into his back. It seemed less intimate than her chest pressed into his. And to be completely honest, if Kinley had done so, she would’ve wanted to jump his bones right then. 

There were times in Kylie’s life when she needed to be held and coddled and healed and no one was there for her. Before her parents passed, they were great at giving her what she needed. She was always just a little more than Kinley. A little louder. A little bolder. A little needier. They understood that and so they gave their little rambunctious daughter what she needed - extra mommy or daddy time, more flexibility when it was bedtime, additional dance classes to curb her nonstop energy. When Kylie arrived at Nora’s, she arrived without her support system. Kinley and Kelsie had already been there for a few months and established friendships and support in the older kids, and Kylie walked in as the damaged, wild twelve year old with stuff to prove. Nora didn’t hug her when she acted out. None of the big girls took her under their wings when she did naughty things to catch their eyes for attention. They just let Kylie be crazy Kylie, but they didn’t offer her lots of support. She didn’t blame them for the way she turned out. Hell, she was doing great now, but she knew it was the reason why she let so many of her close family and friends confide in her now. She wanted to be there for everyone because no one deserved to feel alone.

“I’m sorry…” Kylie frowned, unaware that she’d embarrassed her twin. She let Kinley lay her head in her lap, and soon, the only sounds that Kylie could make out was the heaving and crying of her sister, and the quiet steps of Milania to peak in and make sure everything was alright. Kylie gave her a tiny thumbs-up, and as she listened to Kinley talk, her eyes welled with tears too. It was a twin thing. She definitely believed they were connected on some special level other than just normal siblings. “I miss you too. So much. Honestly, I don’t know how I’m gonna do it another three years…” She petted Kinley’s head, “I will ‘cause I know Mom would be so disappointed if I came home early, but it really is so hard. They always wanted us to lean on each other, but I bet they didn’t mean lean this much. Oh well. That’s what they get for leaving us!” 

As Kinley sat up, Kylie smiled. It was a reassuring step that signified hopefully their day could get back to some fun and chaos in the sun. “Remember when we used to hate each other? I wanted so badly to be different than you and to be my own person, and now I’m like…why the heck did I ever want that? You’re so cool. Honestly, I want to be like you now. I know sometimes you feel like crap about yourself, but you’re a literal goddess, Kin, and I mean that with my whole heart. I wish you could see that too.” Kylie lovingly nudged Kinley, looking out the window and to the beautiful ocean, “Hey, why don’t we ditch the guys for now and do something the two of us? Like–paddle-boarding! That’s something we’ll both definitely look insane doing.” She hoped it was okay to joke, “Maybe we could use that app and edit pictures of us actuallyyyy standing up on them. ‘Cause I don’t think that’ll happen today.” 

Though Kinley could use time away from Morgan, her anxiety told her no. Her anxiety told her that she needed to stay right there with him. Her anxiety didn’t let her go a day without him in New York, and now, at the beach in one of the most beautiful places on earth, she wanted him right by her side. She wanted to snuggle him up in bed. She wanted to hold his hand at dinner. She wanted him on that theoretical paddle board with her. 

But this was all of her anxiety talking. 

This wasn’t her. 

So she told her mind to stop playing tricks on her. She told her anxiety that there was no need to be concerned, and that it was just a couple of hours of sister time. She told her mind that sister time was important too. If not more important. And she smiled. She wiped her cheeks one last time and gave Kylie a timid nod. She was nervous to look stupid on a paddle board, but she was at least willing to try. 

Still in their swim suits, Kinley and Kylie went back down stairs and back out to the beach. They convinced Noel to carry the paddle boards down while they carried the paddles, and they ever so carefully walked their boards out. Sitting, first, nervously standing. Rocking. Shaking. Kinley was the first to fall in. She always had been a clumsy kid. As a little one, she was always covered in bruises from falling or running into something. Of course, there went Kelsie, like a pro. She looked like she had been born and raised on a paddle board. 

“Look guys! I’m doing it!” Kelsie shouted and waived. She seemed excited, and it made her sister heart happy seeing her little sister so happy. Freshly soaked, Kinley tried again and she and Kylie took turns fumbling and falling and getting back up until they both got the hang of it. And by that time, the sun was starting to set and the water had gone out a little. But that didn’t stop either of them.