Gigi🐞

He tossed your phone onto the couch with a sulk, arms crossed. "Tch. Fine. Let your fake boyfriend track your period. I'll be here, your real boyfriend, actually existing."

You only laughed at his sulking, scooping your phone back up from the couch. With one quick tap on the app, Caleb's familiar voice greeted you from the screen. "There you are," you murmured, brushing your thumb over the digital man's face.

That was the last straw.

Wooyoung practically lunged, snatching the phone out of your hands and shoving it behind his back as he wrapped his arms around you in a tight hug. His voice dropped to a dramatic growl. "Can he do this?" he demanded, before planting a firm kiss against your cheek.

You tried to squirm, laughing breathlessly, but he only pulled you closer. He peppered kisses along your jawline now, smugness sparking in his eyes. "Huh? Can Caleb do this?!"

Finally, he captured your lips in a lingering kiss, pulling back just far enough to whisper against your mouth, "Bet he can't."

You cupped his face gently, thumbs brushing over his flushed cheeks. "Wait… are you really jealous over a game character?" you teased, eyes sparkling with mischief.

He only pouted harder, glaring at you like you'd just betrayed him in the most unforgivable way.

You leaned in, giggling as you murmured against his ear, "Relax, Woo. He's only my substitute boyfriend when you're too busy for me, hm?" The words made him freeze. Then, with a defeated sigh, he melted right into you—nestling his face into the crook of your neck. His voice was muffled, but the words rang loud and clear: "Tch. Don't forget I'm the real deal. That Caleb guy can only dream of holding you the way I do."

You stroked his hair affectionately, but when you glanced at your phone, which was lighting up with Caleb's pixel-perfect face again, you caught Wooyoung sneaking a look too. After a long beat, he admitted in a grudging whisper, "...I suppose he is quite handsome."

But then his lips curved into that devilish grin you knew all too well. He tilted your chin up, eyes smouldering as his voice dropped lower. "But he'll never be able to love you the way I can. He'll never make you scream his name the way I do."

The heat in his words sent a shiver down your spine—and you knew right then and there, Jung Wooyoung wasn't about to let this go anytime soon. Needless to say, he would never stop competing with Caleb… not until the day you finally decided to uninstall the game.

ATEEZ MASTERLIST

Raise your hand if you're also playing Love and Deepspace🖐🏻 istg, this damn game has been making me so damn delulu hhhhh I also felt bad for not feeding y'all in so long, so I decided to write a little something based on my current obsession HAHA

If you're also playing LADS, lmk who's your fav!! I have a hard time picking between Caleb and Sylus SOBSSS

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

General ATEEZ Tag list:

@blueberrychan @marievllr-abg @itsvxlentine @minghaoslatina @huachengsbestie01

@evidive @weedforthoughtz @minkiflwr @cheolliehugs @ho3-for-yunho

@the-kpop-simp @itstheghostofmypast @vantediary @green-agent @skzline

@sharksandminhos @writingwieny @heyitsmetonid @tinyteezer @hollxe1

@pandabur666 @vampzity @tournesol155 @lilactangerine @oddracha

@haven-cove @idfkeddieishot @vic0921 @vnessalau @apriecotte

@bangtannie7 @vtyb23 @khjoongie98 @scuzmunkie @anxiousskylar

@bunny4yungi @zl-world @quailbagutte @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @cixrosie

@cristy-101 @fxckinbreathe

I got myself better though. I did a lot of therapy and have come to terms with the fact that not everything is my fault. It’s just life running its course, and sometimes, life is just unfair. I shouldn’t be blaming myself unless it’s something I’ve purposely done and knew what the consequences would be.

I’m in a much better place now. Three years of studying with therapy in between, a year of travelling and finding myself afterwards and waiting to see if the universe would let me love again. I came back home a year ago to settle down doing a job I love. I even became part of a family this past year.

But Jungkook was on my mind. Every. Single. Day. 

“I hope you’re doing ok wherever you are, Kookie. I miss you…” I said to the tree, looking at our engraved names. “I’ll come visit again soon. I’ll see you later in my dreams, yeah?”

I see him a lot in my dreams. Visions of our past and what I thought our future could look like if he were here…

I walked out of our special spot and went down to the playground where my little family was. The little boy was being spun around by his father, laughing and giggling with glee and it really warmed my heart. 

“Hey, you’re back! Thank god! I need to pee. Can you take him please?”

“Of course” 

“Ma-ma! Ap-pa!” The little boy said as he reached out for me. I smiled at him and took him in my arms.

“I hope you learn more words soon, Sweetie.” I said to him and started spinning him in my arms, making him giggle again. 

When I stopped spinning, something caught my eye. Well more like someone.

A man stood a distance away. He wore all black, was tall and lean, had black hair, a sharp jawline, and I could tell the guy had muscle. But what stood out the most– his dark doe eyes that were staring at me. Doe eyes that I would recognise anywhere. 

My heart raced and stopped at the same time. I’m imagining this right?... He’s really here?

The man just stood there and smiled at me. But his eyes were sad. 

“Ma-ma!” The little boy in my arms said to me, making me take my eyes off the man in the distance for a second. 

I looked back at where the man stood but he was no longer there anymore. Vanished.

I panicked and looked around but couldn’t see him anywhere.

No, it wasn’t my imagination!  I saw him.  I know it. 

I ran with my little boy in my arms to where the man previously stood and looked around at where he could’ve gone. And then, a breeze passed through me and my eyes followed the leaves it carried. I then saw the back of the man, walking away from me in haste.

I ran after him like my life depended on it. Because he is my life. My reason for living.

“JUNGKOOK!” I yelled with my heart beating wildly and loudly against my chest. 

But the man didn't stop. He didn’t turn around. He just kept walking. 

No, no, no! I’m sure it’s him. I couldn’t lose him. Not again. 

“KOOKIE-BUUUNNN!!!” I cried out desperately.

The man stopped and froze in his steps and I was just a few steps behind him now as I caught up to him.

“Don’t go. Please. Don’t leave me again…” I begged. The man slowly turned around and I was close enough now to see him properly. 

It was him.  

My Kookie-Bun.

Finally.

.

.

.

~~Flashback to the day “Kook died”~~

“HOSPITAL”

“COME NOW”

“KOOK DIED”

Seeing that last text message, of course my heart ached and I broke down in tears. And so did Taehyung over the phone.

But after a few minutes of both us crying our eyes out and thinking we lost someone precious to us, Jimin kept his messages coming through…

“FALSE ALARM!”

“HE DIDN’T DIE!”

“Well for 2 minutes he was dead”

“But his heart started back somehow!”

“Thank FUCK for that, right?!”

“AND GUESS WHAT?!?!!?”

“The asshole’s AWAKE!”

“THANKS TO ME!”

“I KISSED HIM FOR STAYING ALIVE AND HE WOKE UP!”

“TOLD YOU I’M HIS TRUE LOVE SIRI!”  🤪

“Kidding obviously 🤣 it was just a coincidence…”

“BTW his first words were “Siri” so I guess he still loves you! 😇”

When I read those messages I wished I could be transported to the hospital and strangle Jimin for making me panic and heartbroken for those two dreadful minutes. 

“Tae, did you see the messages? He’s alive and awake.” I was hiccuping and crying happy tears now and while Tae wasn’t listening and was still bawling. “Tae! Look at the messages! Jungkook’s ok!”

“What?! He is?!” I then saw his face on the screen as he went to check the messages, his lips in a pout and eyes so red and puffy. But then his eyes widened and he had the biggest smile on his face. 

“HE DID IT!” Taehyung shouted happily. “HE CAME BAAACK!”

“Tae, you know what you have to do for me now, right?” I wiped my eyes of my tears and finally stood up from the ground and sat in the passenger seat. Yoongi just looked confused as ever but went round to his driver’s seat. 

“Yes! I promise I’ll give him the letter! I’ll head to the hospital now! And I’ll give Jiminie a whack in the head for making us worry before.” He wiped his tears away and gave me a smile but I chuckled at what he said.

Even though Jungkook was awake now, I still had to leave. I still wasn’t in a good place mentally and I had to go to that university now since I couldn’t back out after my father paid for everything. 

But I had faith in us because I knew Jimin and Taehyung would tell Jungkook everything. And I was keeping my faith for when Jungkook reads my letter, hoping that we’ll come back together again. I hoped he could wait for me just like I’d wait for him.

“Hey Tae?  What about BunBun?” 

“Oh, uh… He’s ok!  Don’t worry!  I thought I lost him but he came back!...” My heart felt instantly relieved that both BunBun and Jungkook were ok. 

~~End of Flashback~~

_______________________________________

✨Jungkook’s  POV ✨

I saw her with that little boy, smiling at him like he was her world and my heart broke. 

She said she would wait for me…

I guess I took too long… 

She stared right at me in shock, obviously surprised that I was here at all, but then I could see her little boy call her “Mama” and it confirmed my heart break.  She’s moved on…

As soon as she looked away from me, I left.  I didn’t want to see any more. I didn’t want to see the new man who gave her a child. I didn’t want her to see me crying either. I wanted her to be happy and she’s clearly found that with somebody else so I had to leave before I ruined it for her. 

“JUNGKOOK!” I heard her yell out for me. 

But I couldn’t turn back. It hurt too much. 

“KOOKIE-BUUUNNN!!!” She cried out like she was desperate and that made me stop in my tracks. 

Hearing that nickname again and hearing the desperation in her voice, of course I couldn’t ignore that. 

“Don’t go. Please. Don’t leave me again…” She begged and I felt a pain in my heart.

I took a deep breath and tried to muster up all my courage before turning around to look at her. When I did finally turn around, it was like time had stopped. She looked the same but more mature. And still as beautiful as ever. My pretty girl. 

Except she’s not my girl anymore is she...

“You’re finally here…” Siri said it like she couldn’t believe it. Like she was convincing herself that I really was here.

I guess I really did take too long to come back to her… She’s so surprised to see me…

“I’m here… But I’m too late…” I swallowed the lump in my throat as tears started brimming my eyes while I looked between her and the little boy in her arms. 

Siri’s eyes widened for a moment and then softened as she gave me a small smile. She took a step towards me and used her left hand to wipe the stray tear that fell down my right cheek.

“You’re really here…” She said softly. She kept her left hand on my face and tenderly caressed the apple of my cheek. I placed my hand over hers so I could lean into her hand, and I closed my eyes so I could savour her warm gentle touch.

“A wise man once told me that there’s more than meets the eye…” she said.

I opened my eyes to look at her and she still had that small smile on her face. I remember Taehyung saying that to her many years ago when I was a bunny. 

“Don’t take things at face value, Kookie. Look closer at what’s in front of you.” 

I furrowed my eyebrows in slight confusion and swallowed thickly as I tried to understand what she meant. 

I looked at her. Like really looked at her. All I could see was her beauty. Her blue eyes and perfect plump lips that I’ve missed kissing. I took her left hand away from my face so I could hold it properly. I glanced down at our hands together and caressed her knuckles and that’s when I noticed there was no ring on her finger. 

My heart sped up but my mind was still a little confused— until I looked at the boy in her arms.

He had a full head of black hair, a button nose, plump little lips and almond-shaped asian eyes. I looked between Siri and the little boy and that’s when it hit me…

“He doesn’t resemble you at all… He’s not yours…” 

Siri smiled at me and nodded as she squeezed my hand in hers, “Correct.”

“But he called you–”

“Mama!” The little boy said suddenly at the perfect time. 

Siri chuckled and kissed the boy's cheek, “Soobin Sweetie, we really need to teach you more words. It's Noo–na. I’m your Noona.”

Relief washed through my entire body.

“This is Soobin. My god-son. He’s just turned one and has just started learning how to talk…” She said all that as she gave me an apologetic smile.

Oh heck! What I thought was totally wrong! She and Taehyung are right. I shouldn’t take things at face value and not jump to conclusions.

“SIRI!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL MY KID TO SOME RANDOM STRANGER?!” 

“Aaand there’s his appa,” Siri said with a sheepish smile. “Remember him?” she asked me.

I looked towards the man running this way and I felt like the stupidest man on earth again for almost letting her go. All because I didn’t look properly and assumed things without getting proper confirmation.

I sheepishly smiled and nodded. “Your cousin, Jin, right?” 

“I go to the toilet for 2 minutes and you run off with my child! I made you the Godmother for a rea— oh hey!  It’s you!” Jin said with surprise as he was next to Siri now and looking at me with wide eyes.

“Jinnie-oppa, you remember Jungkook?”

Jin then turned to Siri with open arms asking for his son back. “Of course I do,” he said as he took his son. “He’s the only man you can’t stop thinking or talking about. Took you long enough to come back to her,” Jin said to me. “Five years is too damn long. I was gonna make her date my friend if you didn’t show up by the end of the year.”

“Oppa!” Siri growled at Jin and playfully hit his arm, making me chuckle.

I was absolutely thrilled and relieved. She hasn’t moved on. She waited for me. Just like I waited for her. 

I squeezed her hand and realised that we haven’t let each other go ever since we touched.

“What?? He needs to know you’ve waited long enough for him!”

Siri looked at me apologetically but I only gave her apologetic eyes back. I felt bad for making her wait a little longer than she needed to but I had my reasons. And I remembered her letter saying she would wait however long it takes. I read her letter almost every night to give me comfort and help me sleep.

“I’ll get going and leave you two alone. I’m sure you two have a loooot of catching up to do.” Jin wriggled his eyebrows up and down at Siri which made her look at him with wide eyes and turn a slight shade of pink in embarrassment.

“Yes. Go away now. I’ll see you later. Bye my little boy,” she said to little Soobin and kissed his chubby cheeks making him giggle cutely. 

Jin went off and now it was just us. It was quiet as we just stood in front of each other, hands still together. 

“What took you so long?” she said quietly as she looked at our hands. She held my right hand in both of hers, feeling my skin and warmth.

“I wanted to better myself as well. Be a better version of myself for you.” 

“My letter…”  She looked into my eyes now as tears swelled. She’s realising that I used her reasoning as well. She wanted to better herself for me and I wanted to do the same for her.

I smiled fondly at her, “It was the first thing that came through the doors before I saw Tae himself. He held it out like it was the most important letter in the world. And to me, it was. Thank you for writing it. It motivated me to get better. To be the man you’d want again.”

I remembered everything when I was BunBun so I knew about her cousin and the misunderstanding already. But when she wrote she was leaving to better herself because she was in a bad place, I realised then that she wasn’t trying to kill herself. I misunderstood everything– which seems to be a thing I do…

When I woke up from my coma, my head injury from the car accident affected my speech where I stuttered and couldn’t form words properly. I knew what I wanted to say but it would just come out slow and stuttery. I also couldn’t move my legs that much or walk properly since my body hadn’t moved for almost 6 months. 

I didn’t want to go back to Siri as a cripple so I spent the first year or so with a speech therapist to fix my speech and with a physiotherapist to learn how to walk again and build up my muscle. After that, I went to uni to get my degree in animation which took 3 years. Not once did I sleep around or hook up with any girls because Siri was the only girl for me and I knew she’d be waiting for me. I fully focused on my studies so I could graduate and tried to get a job straight away.

I wanted to be better for her– not just physically or mentally, but I wanted to be able to provide for her and be ready to settle down with her once I found her. I wanted Siri to have a partner who was successful and accomplished. My plan was to work enough to get a nice ring, find Siri, get back with her, and propose to her because there’s no one else I want to marry. And going by her letter, I had hoped she would wait for me and say yes. 

So that’s what I was doing for the last year. Trying to work and save up to get a ring for her— and I finally bought it just recently— which is why I came looking for her.

“You’ll always be the man I want, Kookie. Even when you were crippled after your coma, I still wanted you.”

“I know… but I didn’t want you to have me that way. It kinda worked out well that you went overseas coz it gave me time to fix myself and study. This past year I wanted to earn some money so when I found you again, we could settle down straight away and live comfortably. I just wanted to have everything sorted before I went back to you so that way I can fully focus on you… Focus on us.”

The tears in Siri’s eyes finally escaped and I quickly pulled her closer to me, holding her face with both my hands and wiping her tears away with my thumbs, then I rested my forehead on hers where we both closed our eyes and relished our closeness.

“I’m sorry I took a little longer to come back to you…” I said softly to her. I could feel water starting to swell my eyes as I felt a pang of guilt in my heart knowing that she’s been waiting for me ever since I woke up.

“I told you I’d wait for you… However long you’d take…” she said softly back. 

My heart soared. This was my third chance to be with her. And I’m not gonna fuck it up this time.

“I love you,” I said as our lips were lightly grazing each other now.

“I love you too,” she said and we both closed the space between us, finally joining our lips together in a passionate kiss. Her lips were warm and soft against my own and I could feel the soft tickle of her breath under my nose. The tears I had finally fell, mixing into our kiss along with her tears too. Tears of relief and happiness that we’re finally back together again. 

After our long deep and meaningful kiss, we slowly came to a stop to breathe and rest our foreheads against each other again. 

“I’m sorry for what I did to you back in high school. I never should’ve doubted you. I shouldn’t have let H—”

“Shh, shh. It’s ok, Kookie-Bun,” she said as she held my face between her hands. “It’s in the past and what’s done is done. And I said I forgave you in my letter.”

“I know but I just needed to say it. Tell you how sorry I am. I wish I could take it all back. We could’ve been celebrating seven years together by now rather than starting again…”

“Then let’s not start again.”

“What do you mean?” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“Let’s continue where we left off before it all went pear shaped. Let's celebrate our second anniversary. Today. Here and now.”  She rubbed the apple of my cheeks with her thumbs and gave me her sweet smile. 

Seeing her smile at me like that brought me warmth. I leaned in to kiss her deeply, then came away to say, “I’d really like that.”

“Perfect. Because I have a gift for you that’s long overdue.”

I felt butterflies go off in my stomach and couldn’t stop the smile on my face since I knew what it was. 

“Wanna come over to my place so I can finally give it to you? My apartment isn’t far from here,” she said, all hopeful. 

I chuckled and nodded, giving her another kiss before taking her left hand into my right and intertwining them together, “Lead the way.”

We arrived at Siri’s apartment and she led me to her bedroom and had me sit on the edge of her bed. She went to her closet and brought out the familiar box I’ve seen once before. 

“Did Tae give you details on what the gift was?” 

“Nope,” I lied. I didn’t want her knowing I knew what it was only because I was BunBun when I first saw it. 

“Oh good!” She said excitedly as she handed me the box. 

I opened the lid and I was actually excited to see it in person, to touch the sculptures she made. Looking at the details and actually seeing how much effort she put into them. My heart ached a little that I ruined our two year anniversary. 

“Do you not like it?” Siri said worriedly with a frown as she could see my face turning sad.

“No, I love it. Really I do. I’m just upset with myself for ruining our anniversary and that I missed out on getting this back then.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it now.” She stood in front of me and took my face into her hands, giving me a soft kiss on the lips. “Don’t dwell on the past. We’re together now and I couldn’t be happier to have you back.” She smiled her pretty smile and I felt a little better. 

I was quiet for a moment as I thought about something… Do I?... Or should I wait a little longer since we just got back together?...

Nah. Life’s too short. I’ve had one too many near-death and actual death experiences that I don’t want to live another day without her actually being mine. 

“I have a gift for you too… but I hope you don’t think it’s too soon… But it’s another reason why I took a little longer to come back to you… I wanted to make sure I got the right one for you…”

Siri looked at me with curiosity. I put the box of rabbit sculptures down on the floor next to her bed and I went into my jacket pocket. I’ve only had it for two weeks. I’ve kept it with me ever since I bought it in case I ran into her and couldn't wait to ask her.

I brought out the little square box and Siri gasped immediately as I’m sure she knew what it was. I slid off the edge of her bed and went down on one knee. I took a deep breath then said what I needed to… 

“Siri… You’ve been the only woman I could see myself having a family with. The only one that’s been on my mind everyday for the last seven years. And I know it’s been five years, but I can’t go another day without us being together. Like properly together, with you as my wife.”

“I, for one, know that life is too short and I want to spend everyday with you by my side. And knowing you and me, we can continue as if we hadn’t had a five year break, coz you and I had always been great together. And with you saying ‘let’s not start again’ and to continue where we left off, it further cemented my thoughts.”

“The hurt I put you through back then, I promise I will make it up to you tenfold for the rest of my life. I should’ve never let you go back then and I don’t intend on ever letting you go again. I love you. You’re the only one who's had my heart since we were 16. So… Will you marry me? Please?”

I opened the box to reveal the ring that's been burning a hole in my pocket. Siri started crying happy tears and nodded her head vigorously. My heart raced with excitement and I scooped her up in my arms where we hugged each other tight and kissed with love.

We came away for a moment so I could put the ring on her finger and she looked at it in awe. “It’s so pretty!” she gushed as she patted her eyes dry with her other hand.

“Pretty ring for my pretty girl,” I said to her and kissed her cheek.

“This was definitely worth the wait. Thank you so much, Kookie-Bun. I love you, I love you, I love you!” She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed all over my face, making me chuckle in delight with my bunny smile coming out.

When her lips stayed a little longer on mine, our kiss turned deeper and got more heated. So heated that my hands started wandering, feeling her body, pulling her closer to me and my cock twitched slightly with the friction. It’s been over five years since I’ve had any sexual relations so… I’m horny…

Siri moaned against my lips and her hands went under my shirt, feeling my abs and chest. It wasn’t long before we both took our shirts off, she still had her bra on though, and then I lifted her and placed her in the middle of her bed, hovering over her while I kneeled between her legs.

I started kissing along her jaw and neck whilst one hand squeezed at her breasts and the other went to squeeze her ass as she laid under me. My hands then went to the buttons of her jeans where I started to undo them, and just as I was about to pull them down, Siri stopped my hands and mumbled against my lips…

“Mm, wait… Kookie…” I hovered her and looked at her with concern and worry.

“What’s wrong?””

“There’s just… something you should know… I did something I’m not proud of after our break up and when you were in a coma…” She crossed her arms in front of her as if to hide her body from me, then she gulped and looked away from me ashamed as she bit her bottom lip.

I knew what she was worried about now. The scars on her thigh from when she self-harmed. I leaned in and kissed her lips to reassure her it’s ok, and without even thinking, I said something kinda stupid…

“Don’t be self-conscious. I love all of you. Scars and all.” I said that while rubbing the inside of her left thigh where I knew they were.

That made Siri freeze up and gasp, “How’d you know I have scars there?”

Shit. I fucked up there. I couldn’t think of an excuse because I didn’t have one. I froze and held my breath as I didn’t know what to say.

“No one knows about them. Not my father, Tae or Jimin. Even Jin. Only my therapist overseas… No other person knows… Except there was one time… BunBun…” 

She looked up at me as if searching for something and all I could do was clear my throat and bite my bottom lip in nervousness while looking away.

Siri gasped again and looked at me wide-eyed in disbelief. “You… were you… BunBun?...” she asked hesitantly, not believing she was even asking such a question because how could something like that happen, right?

All I could do was give her an apologetic smile and a small nod.

“Oh my god!” She put her hands over her mouth in shock. “You saw… you saw everything! You heard everything! You were there the whole time!” She had tears in her eyes again now as she figured everything out. 

“That’s why I could smell you, right? BunBun smelled like you. That’s why you understood everything and could answer me...” 

“I’m sorry,” I wiped the few tears that dropped from her face, “I didn’t know how to tell you it was me and I don’t even know how it happened. I have no idea how I got into the body of a bunny. But after you harmed yourself, I didn’t want you knowing it was me because I didn’t want you to slip further into your depression, blame yourself again or be ashamed…”

“You knew… you were there… That’s why BunBun cried… you saw my cuts so it was  you crying… and BunBun cried when I left the country…” Siri’s eyes widened again at a realisation she must have made, “The dog attack and your cardiac arrest were linked?”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t understand… how’d you wake up from your coma?”

“I jumped in front of a car as BunBun. Had an idea that if I died as BunBun I would go back to human-me, and it worked.” I gave her a small smile. “I actually thought you were trying to kill yourself that day, not leave the country,” I said sheepishly. “So I risked my life as BunBun to try get into my human body so I could tell Tae to stop you from hurting yourself. 

“When I woke up, your name was the first thing I could say properly since it’s easy to say, and Jimin told me you were flying out of the country soon. That’s when I realised I got it all wrong. And then Tae came in with your letter 20 minutes later and I understood why you left— since I witnessed your depression, I understood why you needed to go. And in a way, it was kind of a good thing I thought you were going to harm yourself otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here as human-me right now.”

Siri’s eyes widened again, “Tae knew? He lied to me! He told me BunBun died from eating a poisonous mushroom a few weeks after I left the country!”

I chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, he thought it was weird I could understand you and squeak back a few times. He asked me questions until I told him who I was by using the photos in your box of memories of us. I told him not to go with the poisonous mushroom idea, but he didn’t listen.”

“Wait— is that why you as BunBun tried to get on your human body when I took you to the hospital that one time?”

“Yeah. At the time I thought maybe if I gave human-me ‘kisses’ then I would transfer back to my body but that didn’t work. And then we watched that dog movie and I got the dying idea from that.”

“I can’t believe you were with me the whole time…” Her eyes started softening as she looked at me and held my face tenderly. 

“You’re not mad?...”

Siri shook her head, “I'm mad at Tae for lying to me about BunBun, but I'm not mad at you." I let out a small chuckle and nodded.

"If anything, it’s sort of comforting knowing that you were there for me. I’m just sorry you saw my darkest moments…”

“Don’t be sorry. It was all my fault you started doing it in the first place since I broke your heart. You have no idea how regretful I was as BunBun. It’s why I kept annoying you and squeaked for cuddles at night.”

Siri softly smiled and grazed our noses together, “It was you giving me the kisses and cuddles at night. It was you giving me the flowers when we were at the park…”

“It was the only way I could show you any kind of affection and tell you I love you…”

Her eyes lit up and within seconds she pulled my face for a deep, meaningful kiss. Siri then rested our foreheads together, “Thank you for being there for me as BunBun. You have no idea how often you pulled me out of my dark thoughts.”

“I tried my best.” 

“I love you so much Kookie. Kookie-Bun. BunBun. Just you, Jungkook. I love all versions of you.”

God, my heart was going crazy with the love and warmth that was filling me up right now. I had to make love to this woman right here, right now.

I lunged for her lips, pressing my body against hers where I could feel her heart pounding just as fast as mine. Her hands carded through my hair, pulling me in for a deeper kiss where she slightly parted her lips so I could slip my tongue inside. 

I grinded against her heat, making her moan into our kiss and then we were both fumbling to undo each other’s pants and take the rest of our clothes off. 

Once we were naked, I kissed back up her legs and when I reached the scars on her left thigh, I was silently relieved to see there were no more extra scars. I kissed along each scar as if to erase her dark memories from them. 

I moved to her heat once I was done with her scars, kissing her clit gently and softly before I placed my right middle finger inside her. Siri instantly threw her head back when I started fingering her and flicked my tongue over her clit. 

Her hands were in my hair pulling my face closer and she was moaning and whimpering each time my tongue pressed harder on her clit.

“Fuck... Kookie… Don’t stop” 

Her body started to tense and she moved one hand to grip her bed sheets while the other stayed in my hair to keep my mouth in place. I added another finger into her and that seemed to help send her over the edge. 

Her body shook as she let out a long moan of pleasure, her walls tightened and my fingers were now coated heavily in her cum. I pulled my fingers out, sucking them clean as I looked into her eyes. She was breathing heavily and still getting over her first orgasm as she stared at me with lust filled eyes. 

I crawled on top of her, kissing up her body, sucking and fondling her breasts on my way to meeting her lips again. I entered my tongue into her mouth so she could taste the remnants of her cum while I rolled my thumbs over her hardened nipples.

My hard cock was tapping against her heat and I couldn’t wait to be encased by the warmth of her tight pussy. She opened her legs wider for me, wrapping her legs around my hips and I directed my cock at her entrance. I used her previous cum to lubricate my tip, and then I thrusted right into her, making us both moan at the feeling.

“Fuck it feels like our first time,” I tell her. “You’re tighter than I remember.” 

Siri chuckled and brought my lips to hers again for another kiss. “I feel the same way,” she smirked, but then she closed her eyes and hummed in pleasure when my cock was deep inside her.

She then threw her head back again, her face flushed pink, eyes closed in bliss and mouth was slightly ajar, letting out sinful moans of satisfaction as I pumped into her at a steady but deep pace. Fuck she looked beautiful under me.

My mouth dove for the sensitive spot on her exposed neck, licking and sucking the area to leave my mark. I used one hand to squeeze one of her breasts and moved my mouth there next to tease at her nipple with my tongue. I lightly grazed my teeth over her nipple, earning a whimper from her and her walls clenched on my cock. 

“Fuck, Jagi, I’ve missed you so much,” I said breathlessly against the skin of her neck. 

“M-me too, Kookie… God, you feel good,” she moaned back.

Her breasts were squished against my chest now as there wasn’t a space between us except when I pulled my dick out only to pound back into her again. 

“Mm, fuck…” She whimpered as I started to increase my pace now. Her wetness coating the base of my cock made the sounds of our skin slapping together loud and prominent, along with our sensual moans.

I leaned my left forearm by her head and gripped her thigh with my right hand to hold her in place as I snapped my hips against her faster and harder. Siri tightened her legs around me, her hands dug into the skin of my back and I could feel her walls squeeze my cock tight as she came all over my length. Her walls contracting around me made me throb and with a few more hard and deep thrusts, I released my load into her while grunting and moaning against her neck. 

We both had a slight sheen of sweat on our foreheads and both were panting slightly. After a few moments, I kissed up her neck gently till I reached her lips to kiss her with love. 

I slipped myself out of her and rolled to my side so I was on her left and she immediately snuggled to my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. 

“Shit… I just realised we didn’t use protection…”

Siri giggled and softly pecked my lips, “Don’t worry, I’m still on the pill. And I don’t care if I get pregnant. I want a family with you. Make mini BunBuns.”

I chuckled and felt butterflies fluttering in my chest. “I’d like that. Although I’d prefer mini Kookie’s and mini Siri’s rather than bunnies.” 

“We could have both? We could get some pet bunnies?”

“I wouldn’t mind. I know I jumped the gun with proposing so soon, but we should probably look at getting a place together first before doing anything else. I only moved back home just recently and will start my new job in two weeks. I literally worked in order to save up and get you a ring. I did save for my own place as well on the side but I’ve been staying with my parents until I found a decent apartment.”

“Stay here with me. My apartment is big enough for two people.”

Butterflies went off in me again, “You would be ok with that?”

“Of course. I just got you back, Kookie. I don’t want you away from me anymore than you need to be. I want to wake up with you and fall asleep with you— like we did in highschool when you snuck in and stayed the night. And I want to be able to hold you and kiss you whenever I want.”

Siri nuzzled into my chest as she wrapped her right arm around my waist tight, pulling herself closer to me. Again, butterflies were going crazy in my stomach and I couldn’t stop the smile on my face. I tightened my arms around her and just enjoyed our embrace. 

I let out a content sigh and kissed her forehead, “I’ve missed this. Just holding you. You have no idea how many times I wanted to just hold you when I was BunBun but I was too small to do anything.”

“You can hold me as much as you like now.” She looked up at me and gave me a warm smile that made me melt. 

I’m so happy we’re back together. No words could describe the happiness and overwhelming love I have for her. 

I kissed her once more before wrapping my arms tighter around her and gave a little squeeze. I then rolled onto my back and pulled Siri with me so she laid on my chest. Her right hand started rubbing circles over my abs and I closed my eyes and hummed at the tender familiar feeling.

“So… Can you move in tomorrow?” 

I smiled widely and chuckled, “I’ll move in tonight.”

Siri giggled cutely and stopped rubbing her hand on my abs which made me pout.

“Come on then! Let's go to your parents and grab some things you’ll need for tonight. We can grab the rest of your things tomorrow,” she said excitedly. 

“Hold on,” I said as I grabbed her hand to place it back on my abs, “I don’t wanna leave just yet. Keep rubbing my tummy.”

Siri chuckled, “Aww you miss the belly rubs when you were BunBun?”

“Hell yes! They were my favourite type of cuddles.”

Siri laughed and it was my favourite sound to hear. She laid her head back down on my chest then started rubbing circles on my stomach again. I let out a satisfied humm at her tender touch and felt like I was home. 

“Let’s just get my things tomorrow. I don’t need anything for tonight.”

“You sure, Kookie-Bun?”

“Yep. I have everything I need right here.”

~~~ THE END ~~~

“One common denominator…” I mumbled to myself as realisation was settling into me. “I know what needs to be done now…” 

I need to take myself out of the equation. Leave this place before I hurt anymore people I care about. Before I hurt myself again. 

Being here is taking a toll on my mental health. I haven’t been ok since the dog attack and Jungkook’s cardiac arrest. Seeing BunBun with his patchy fur and stitches these past few days has made me feel more guilty. It’s made me hate myself more since it’s all my fault.

I realised then that I definitely needed a change. That I needed to change.

“Need to sort a few things out first. Make it easier for dad…” I said to myself while BunBun was tilting his head to the side cutely like how dogs do.

I gently placed BunBun down into the rabbit fence and went to my desk, getting out a notebook to write down a list of things I needed to do. 

1– Tell dad change of plans asap

2– Contact the university

3– Book—

Squeaaak!

I ignored BunBun’s call for me and continued writing. But thinking of him reminded me that he needs to go on the list too.

3– Book flights and accommodation asap

4– Sort out a new home for BunBun– maybe ask Tae?

Squeeak! Squeak squeak!

I looked at BunBun with a sad smile now, feeling bad that I was going to leave him… But this will be for the best… the best for everyone… just until I sort myself out.

“Not now BunBun. I need to sort some things out.” I told him and I noticed he flattened his ears and it made me feel more guilty but I had to do this. I had to sort my life out since I’ve been a total mess. 

5– pack my bags

6– visit Jungkook in hospital before I leave– maybe leave him a note for if/when he wakes up??

The next few days, I had to talk myself into doing this. I was going to go to the university Jungkook and I had planned on going together, but I felt that I needed this change. I needed this for me. 

I was scared about moving to a new country, meeting new people and starting my adult life overseas where I wouldn’t know anyone. I talked to myself aloud to try get it into my head that this is for the best because I am the one common denominator for the bad luck that’s been happening around me, so I need to take myself out of the equation. 

I kept having to repeat those words and telling myself that a new life in a new country means I can start again. 

A new life in a new country will give me a fresh start. Will help me to heal myself and love myself again, especially if I want to be happy again and get over my demons. 

I’ll come back home and be a better person. Be a better version of myself. Maybe be better for Jungkook if he’s awake and if he still wants me… 

After telling my dad and contacting both universities to tell them of my change of plans, everything was set in motion. My dad managed to book me flights for the end of the week since I needed to get settled into the new country sooner before starting my studies. He said he has a friend overseas who used to be friends with my mother and she can accommodate me during my studies. Apparently she was looking to have a homestay anyway but would rather have her friend's daughter stay with her.

I caught up with Taehyung and Jimin during the day and told them my new plans. I asked Tae if he could take care of BunBun which he gladly accepted. What he didn’t like however was the idea of me going overseas as he was worried about Jungkook waking up and finding out I’m not around. I was worried about this too so I decided I would write Jungkook a letter and leave it with Taehyung to give to him when he wakes up. 

The day before my leave, I wrote a letter for Jungkook while BunBun was munching on his fruit and veg dinner. Later that night, I was thinking about my letter to Jungkook and wondered if he could forgive me after everything. Then I started doubting myself and wondered if I was even doing the right thing by giving him a letter. Do I just leave it? Don’t say anything and just let fate play its course? 

My thoughts then wandered off where I wondered if anyone would even miss me while I was gone… “Would you miss me if I was gone, BunBun?...”

It’s amazing how it seems like he understands me because BunBun went straight to licking me and cuddling into my neck. 

“Do you think anyone else would miss me?... Do you think Jungkook would miss me? Or do you think he would be relieved that the person behind his hospitalisation is gone? No longer a bother to him anymore... No longer there to cause him anymore pain…”

My depressive thoughts started consuming my mind and I couldn’t stop them from haunting me, practically mocking me inside my head. 

BunBun could obviously sense my weakness and tried to make me feel better by licking and cuddling me more but it only made me feel guilty. Guilty because I was going to let go of this lovely little fur ball that clearly does love me. 

I started crying and wishing in my mind that my depressive thoughts would go away. That I didn’t have them at all. But this was exactly why I needed to leave. To clear my head, reset my mind and start anew. 

People may say that I’m running away from my problems and yes, that may be true, but everywhere I look there’s a reminder of the bad luck I bring; seeing Bunbun’s patchy fur, seeing his stitches, driving past the hospital where I know Jungkook is laying in there because of me. Everytime I go past the mall it’s a reminder of the accident and I only ever see the image of Jungkook unconscious and bleeding on the ground. There are just too many reminders that everything is my fault and I just need to get away from it all. 

I placed BunBun on the pillow next to me as I felt tired and drained from everything. But it will all be over soon. Tomorrow night I leave. 

“I’m gonna miss you BunBun…” I whispered to him as I closed my eyes and let the tears fall onto my pillow as I fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was still feeling tired and drained today. Still feeling guilty that I’m leaving BunBun, my dad, Jungkook and even Tae and Jimin behind for my own stupid selfish reasons.

I had finished packing BunBun’s things and I could tell he knew something was up as he was a bit jittery. Poor thing froze up and I could feel his little bunny heart pounding under his skin when I was placing him into his cage. It made me feel worse that I was about to leave him soon.

I remembered there was one thing I really wanted to do before I left the country. I went to my bedside drawers and took out my antidepressants. I stared at the bottle, looking at my name on the label, cursing myself for even resorting to using them. 

I was reminded of my mother and her suicide as I stared at the bottle, “Like mother, like daughter,” I said to myself. 

Except I won’t be like her. Not if I can help it.

The thought of what she did, leaving my father and I without her, the hurt and pain we endured together— I refuse to go down that dark path. I know how much it hurts and I refuse to be that selfish. I don’t want to hurt the people I love around me anymore. Remembering that pain and hurt gives me the motivation to want to overcome my depressive demons. 

I opened the bottle and counted how many pills were in there. Eleven to be exact. 

BunBun squeaked and rattled the cage he was in and I looked his way, giving him a small sad smile because I hated the fact that I was leaving him behind. That I was leaving everyone behind. But I won’t leave without saying goodbye to all the important people. 

“Don’t worry BunBun. I’ll take you to your new home first before I deal with myself. Plus, I gotta go visit my dad at work and say goodbye to him as well… and I want to see Jungkook one last time…”

But I do plan on coming back. I’ll only be gone for three, maybe four years. I wanted to chuck away my antidepressants. Go to a new country with a ‘new’ me. This is the first step I think in trying to free myself. To try and find myself. 

“I think I wanna do this at the special spot I had with Kookie… Maybe when the sun sets so I get a nice view before I leave this place… “

Yeah, I like that idea. I’ll chuck the pills down the mountain where they can dissolve and rot at the bottom. Where they can’t cloud my mind and make me pretend to be someone I’m not. I just want to be me again. 

It’s like I’ve suddenly got this rush of determination to rid myself of my dark thoughts naturally. I started thinking aloud and asking BunBun some nonsensical questions…

“Do you think angels will guide me?” —Guide me on the plane by having a safe flight. Guide me to make good friends and make better decisions. Lead me somewhere that will heal me and help me overcome my troubles.

“Do you think I’ll be able to get a new life? A new start?”

I put the pills back in the bottle, closed the lid and put them in my purse to take care of for later. I continued getting BunBun and his things ready, packing them up and placing him and his things in my car. 

BunBun cried and squealed the whole way to Taehyung’s house and I was feeling worse about leaving him. 

“BunBun, stop crying,” I pleaded. Since he seems to understand me sometimes, I thought I’d tell him why I’m leaving. People talk to their pets as if they understand so I thought I’d do that too…

“My decision is made. I need to go. Be done and gone. I’m the common denominator after all. My mother, Cheddar, Jungkook… and you… Things I love end up hurting or leaving me so the best thing is for me to leave instead… I’m doing this for all of you so I don’t hurt anyone else.”

It’s so I can become a better person. A better me. I’ll be coming back in a few years anyway once I’ve gained a bit more life experience and gotten over my inner demons. Maybe I should’ve said this to BunBun as well since he was crying even more now and it was giving me a headache. But luckily, we arrived at Tae’s place and I didn’t have time to convince BunBun that everything would be ok– he's a bunny, of course he can't actually understand me.

“We’re here! Your new home, BunBun. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

After handing BunBun to Taehyung, I went to grab the rest of his things while Tae took him to his room. All I could hear was BunBun’s crying and squealing and I just hoped poor Tae wouldn’t have to keep dealing with that for too long.

When Taehyung came down to help me bring in the rabbit stuff, I handed him the letter I wrote for Jungkook in a sealed envelope. I made him promise me that he or anyone else wouldn’t read it and that he had to give it to Jungkook if he wakes up. If he doesn’t wake up, then that letter doesn’t see the light of day. He pouted but nodded his head, folded the letter and put it in his pants pocket.

I came into Taehyung’s room to say goodbye to BunBun and give him a cuddle one last time before I left him. He stopped crying and his ears were down flat on his head and he looked totally adorable. Sad, but adorable.

“I’m sorry BunBun. But I have to do this…” I said softly to him with guilt in my eyes for having to leave him. “Have a good time with Tae ok?” 

I opened the cage and BunBun immediately jumped into my arms, licking me wherever he could. He was squeaking and whining in between his licks and it made my heart break that he loves me this much.

“Aw BunBun…” I said dejectedly. “It’ll be ok. Tae will love you just as much as me and maybe you could even make friends with little Tannie since he’s not as big or as scary as that other one that hurt you?”

He started crying again and tried to snuggle into my neck. I sighed sadly and had to try pry his little claws off my shirt before handing him over to Taehyung where he continued crying.

“Damn, he’s like… really upset…” Tae said, a little bewildered. 

Even I’m a little confused at how much crying BunBun is doing. It’s not like I’m dying or anything…

“You’ll look after him for me though? I trust you Tae. After Kookie, you’re my next best friend.”

Taehyung’s eyes lit up and he gave me his boxy smile, “Of course I will!  I’m sure he’ll settle down after a few minutes.”

“Well… I gotta go. Take care BunBun…” I patted his head one more time and for a moment, he stopped his squealing and crying. “I love you little Bun.”

He started squeaking and whining again so I leaned in and gave his head a soft kiss. I then gave Taehyung a hug and a kiss on the cheek as well, “Thanks for everything, Tae. You’re a great friend till the end and Jimin too.”

“We’ll catch up later?” he said, all hopeful.

“Of course. See ya later, Tae.”

I gave him a smile that didn’t reach my eyes because I was sad I was leaving. But it's better than me being here and resorting to harming myself again or going that extra mile and doing what my mother did. 

I’m determined to not end up like my mother. I’m doing this to get better. New country, new me, new life. A better me for them. Dad, Jungkook, Taehyung, Jimin, Jin, and BunBun. 

A couple hours later, I finished saying goodbye to my dad at his workplace since he couldn’t take me to the airport. I went to the hospital to visit Jungkook where I said a few words and gave him a kiss on his lips before I left. I was sort of hoping I could wake him up with my kiss but who am I kidding? There’s no such thing as magic. 

I went to a cafe not far from school where Jimin works part time so I could say goodbye to him as well. He'll only have to work here for another 3 weeks and then he'll be going to the police academy. 

When I got to the cafe, it looked like Jimin had just finished up and was about to leave.

“Ooh! You’re here! I have good news about Hana!” Jimin perked up as soon as he saw me coming through the cafe doors.

“Yeah? What is it?” I couldn’t help but smile since his smile was so infectious.

“Hobi-hyung said the confession in her journal and the recording she made was enough evidence to actually charge her. They’re gonna arrest her and try get her the maximum penalty which is 3 years imprisonment! Isn’t that fucking awesome?!”

“Jimin-ah! Language!” We heard someone from inside the kitchen say. Must be his manager.

“Sorry Taemin-hyung!” Jimin said as he sheepishly grinned at me while we walked out of the cafe. “Oh and because she was practically out to get you and Kook, she’ll have a permanent restraining order against her so she can’t go near you or him once she’s out of jail.”

Well this certainly uplifted my mood. One good thing has already started from me planning to leave. 

“That’s really great, Jimin! Keep in touch online and let me know how everything goes, ok?” I opened my arms out for a hug which Jimin gladly reciprocated.

“Of course! You heading off to the airport now?”

“Not yet, still gotta pack a few things.”

“You said goodbye to Kook yet?” 

“Yep. Tried to give him true love’s kiss before I left but it didn’t work.”

“That’s coz he needs these lips.” He said while pointing to his lips and pouting them out. “I’m his true love. I’m heading over to visit Kook now actually so maybe I’ll try kissing him and see what happens.”

I rolled my eyes but laughed along with Jimin. Of course I knew he was joking. All three are straight but Jimin likes to play around with Tae and Jungkook occasionally just to tease them, so he’s now teasing me. 

“Goodluck with that, Chim.” 

“Hey, don’t blame me if he wakes up gay or bi!”

I was feeling a little more uplifted with Jimin’s joking around and I hugged him once more, giving him a kiss on the cheek as well since I also gave one to Taehyung earlier.

“I’ll miss you boys.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll send you snapchats of me doing stupid shit to Kook’s face,” he said that with a proud eye smile and it made me chuckle.

“Can’t wait to see them.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I went back home and packed the rest of my things. I ordered an uber once I was done but  I asked if we could make a quick little detour to One Tree Hill before heading to the airport. The uber driver turned out to be one of Jin’s friends, Yoongi, and he was more than happy to make the detour for me. 

While Yoongi was waiting for me, I walked up the hill and went to my special secret spot Jungkook and I used to go to. It was perfect timing actually as the sun was starting to set. I dug into my purse, retrieving my antidepressant bottle and I opened it up. I shook some of the pills out and stared at them. 

“I will be better,” I said to myself. “I’ll come back new and improved where I won’t need you little buggers anymore.”

I took one pill and chucked it as far as I could. Then I took another and threw it in another direction. I repeated this with the rest of the pills, chucking them anywhere and everywhere, as long as they were away from me.

After the last pill was thrown, I felt a bit of relief. I felt a little liberated. 

I knew right then that I was making the right decision to leave. This is the start. And I’m already starting to love myself again because I’m feeling pretty good about myself in having the confidence to do what I’m doing and taking control of my life. 

Before I left, I turned to look at the tree where Jungkook and I would chill against. Memories of us making out and having sex right in this spot came to my mind and brought a smile to my face. 

“I’ll come back, Kookie. I promise. I’ll be better for you.” I said to the tree, rubbing my thumb over where Jungkook and I engraved our names into the wood. 

‘Kook + Siri 4eva’ in a love heart. So cliche but we loved it. 

I headed back to Yoongi’s car where he was waiting for me. Just as he was about to open the door for me my phone rang. I took it out of my pocket and saw it was Taehyung facetiming me. I also saw that I missed a few text messages from him but I must not have heard them on my way back down to the car.

“Sorry Yoongi, mind if I get this?” 

He shook his head, “It’s all good. You’ve still got plenty of time to get to the airport. You’re quite organised.” 

“Yeah, I know,” I smiled at him. “Hey Tae, what's up?”

“Siriiii…” His voice cracked as he sniffled and rubbed tears away from his eyes. I immediately felt my heart drop to my stomach seeing Taehyung cry.

“Tae, what’s wrong? Something happened to BunBun?”

“Siri, I’m so sorry! I didn’t take care of him like you asked me to! I failed! He’s GONE!” he cried loudly.

“What?! Tae, what do you mean he’s gone? What happened to BunBun?!”

Just then, I was getting a call from Jimin as well. 

“Shit, Tae, Jimin is trying to call me…” 

Taehyung looked terrified for some reason. “Oh god! Where is he? Is he at the hospital with Kook?!” 

Because I was already on the phone to Taehyung, I missed Jimin’s call but within seconds, Jimin sent a message to our group chat that consisted of the three of us.

“Jimin is sending us a message in the group chat, Tae. Check it.” 

We were both quiet for a moment as we both checked the messages Jimin was sending through. 

My legs gave out and I dropped to the ground as I read them. Yoongi didn’t anticipate me doing that so he just had a look of shock on his face watching me on the ground as tears ran down my face and nothing but a quiet sob came out of me while I clutched at my heart. 

It hurts. It fucking hurts. 

I could hear Taehyung sobbing louder and yelling out, “No no no!  It’s all my fault!  I’m so sorry!” 

I heard Taehyung say those words but I wasn’t processing them. Because all I could hear was the pounding in my ears. My heart has never hurt more than it has now. 

I wished I had saved those pills now and taken them all at once to save myself this wretched pain. 

It fucking hurts. 

Jimin only sent a few texts but only one stood out. Only one that mattered. Only one I needed to see to know that my world had come crashing down, everything stopped moving and my heart stopped beating…

“HOSPITAL”

“COME NOW”

“KOOK DIED!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Siri’s letter

Dear Jungkook, If you’re reading this, I’m glad you’re finally awake. You had all of us scared for a while.

I hope by the time you read this, either Tae or Jimin has told you the truth– I never cheated and I could never do that to you. You’re my first love, Kookie. My one and only. 

I know you’ll probably be mad at yourself for doing what you did with her, but just know that I understand why you did it. I just don’t understand why it had to be her but I’ll get past it– eventually… and I forgive you. 

I forgive you because it’s my fault everything happened in the first place. It hurts me more than anything to know that I caused your doubt in me. I caused you pain and heartbreak and all that led to your accident. I blame myself everyday for it and I hope you can forgive me. 

If you read this and I’m not there, it’s because I had to leave. I have to get away from everything. I’m in a bad place and I hope you understand that I just needed to get away in order to make myself better. I want to come back as the girl you used to love, but in order to do that I need to learn to love myself again and heal.

I’ve always thought we were the right people for each other and that maybe it was just the wrong time for us… So I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait however long it takes for you to come back to me. 

But please, if you don’t want me or ‘us’ anymore, then let me know in some way so that I can move on.

I’ll never forget you Kookie-Bun.  I love you.

Love always, Your girl Siri xoxo

The day after I was admitted to the vet clinic, I let out a long weak cry when I saw Siri. I could smell dry blood on her. She self-harmed again and I wasn’t there to try help her feel better or to stop her from doing it.

Not only that, but what made me really worried were her eyes. They weren’t just blank, they were distant. They were empty and I could see right through her fake smile as it never reached her eyes. 

She visited me each day though and came to give me some pets, but couldn’t stay for too long as the vet staff wouldn’t allow it. She also wasn’t able to cuddle me properly as I had stitches in my belly and on my back. I didn’t look as cute anymore either because they had to shave some of my fur in order to fix me up. 

I know it had an effect on her mental health seeing me like this and not being able to get her oxytocin rush from cuddling me– and that made me worry even more.

I knew she was blaming herself for the dog incident because every time she looked at me, I saw pain, guilt and regret in her eyes. And each day, they just got sadder and emptier.

To make matters worse, Taehyung came to visit me a few times and told me what happened to human-me at the same time that I was attacked as a bunny. So now I also knew another reason for why she’s slipped into her depressed mindset. It’s because she was blaming herself for my accident. She still believes it was her fault I got hit by a car which led to me being in hospital, which then led to my cardiac arrest. 

And the scary thing… it also meant that whatever happens to bunny-me, affects human-me. It seems that if I were to die as a bunny, then human-me might also die. Why else would human-me go into cardiac arrest while I was under attack by a dog? Unless it was just the high stress level of it all affecting human-me? Either way, it makes me doubt if I should die as a bunny now…

But Siri is in a really bad way right now and I don’t know how to tell Taehyung so he can protect her and be there for her. I know he can sense something is off about her because he told me she seemed a bit different. Fuck, I wish I was back in my human body so I could tell him. Warn him to look out for her since I wouldn’t be able to do much from the hospital bed even if I did wake up. 

I probably wouldn’t be able to walk straight away since my muscles have had no movement for a few months, and if I have any head injuries that’s affected my cognitive abilities, we wouldn’t know until after I wake up– IF I wake up…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (been in coma around 5 months now // bunny for around 3 months) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Siri just picked me up from the vet clinic and is taking me back home. She did look a little cheerier but her smile still didn’t reach her eyes. Maybe when I’m out of the cage and in her arms she’ll feel better?...

When we got into her room, she took me carefully out of the cage and held me in her arms like I was a fragile newborn baby. Siri let out a sad sigh as she looked at my patchy fur and the stitches on my back. She turned me over and cradled me like a baby like she always does, but she pouted sorrowfully seeing the stitches on my belly. 

“Look what I’ve done to you, BunBun…” She said regretfully as she lightly touched my stitches.  I flattened my ears and felt bad for her since she was blaming herself. 

Unfortunately, my tummy stitches were more sore than my back stitches and she hit a sore spot which made me let out a little squeak in pain. She gasped and instantly retracted her hand away saying ‘sorry’ to me.

Nooo!  I didn’t want her to feel worse! I wanted her touches and her cuddles! I’ve missed her these past 5 days and I just want her to be happy again. Like she was before the dog got me. She was so beautifully happy each time I picked a new flower and gave it to her. I want to see that smile again.

“One common denominator…” She mumbled to herself as she looked at me like she had given up. 

I have no idea what she means by that but with the way she was looking at me like she had lost all hope, it couldn’t mean anything good…

That distant blankness was back in her eyes and she nodded to herself, “I know what needs to be done now…”

What the hell was she talking about??

“Need to sort a few things out first. Make it easier for dad…”

She gently placed me down into the rabbit fence and went to her desk, getting out her notebook and writing stuff down. 

I had no idea what was going on with her now. I squeaked to get her attention as I wanted to be close to her and see what she was writing but she completely ignored me. I squeaked some more and she just looked at me with a sad smile.

“Not now BunBun. I need to sort some things out.” I flattened my ears to show I was sad but she only went back to her notebook. 

The next few days Siri continued being weird and out of it. Talking and mumbling to herself occasionally. Some words I couldn’t quite make out but I have heard her say quite frequently, “one common denominator”, taking something “out of the equation” and “this is for the best”. There was also one time when I heard her say “new life” and “can start again”.

I started to freak out a bit more when I heard the last three phrases because I don't exactly know what she meant by them but I didn’t have a good feeling. And then she asked me something that really scared me…

Last night Siri laid in bed and laid me on her chest, stroking my head and ears gently. That distant look in her eyes was all I could see when I looked at her while she stared blankly at the ceiling. 

“Would you miss me if I was gone, BunBun?...”

Hearing something like that in addition to how depressed she’s been lately, I could only assume she was having suicidal thoughts. I went to her neck straight away, licking and nuzzling her to show her how much I care and love her. Trying to tell her that I would miss her if she was gone. 

“Do you think anyone else would miss me?... Do you think Jungkook would miss me? Or do you think he would be relieved that the person behind his hospitalisation is gone? No longer a bother to him anymore... No longer there to cause him anymore pain…”

My little bunny heart was absolutely terrified at her words. She sounded like she was so far down the depression rabbit hole and there was nothing I could do or say to make her think otherwise– all because I was a bunny. Even my squeaking, licking and nuzzling didn’t seem to get her out of her trance or make her giggle anymore. If anything, it made her tear up and start crying.

Siri placed me on the pillow next to her, “I’m gonna miss you BunBun…” she whispered to me before she went to sleep crying quietly into her pillow. 

My heart really sank at hearing that. It’s like she had already given up and made her decision…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, Siri was packing up my rabbit stuff, collecting it all together and putting them into a bag. She then put me into a cage and I was panicking like crazy because I knew for certain that she had given up on herself. Given up on life after witnessing what she said and did next…

She went to her bedside drawers and took out her antidepressants, staring at the bottle for a moment before she let out a half arsed chuckle, “Like mother, like daughter,” she said before she opened it and shook out the pills, counting how many she had left– which was quite a few…

My heart was racing in pure fear. She was planning on overdosing on them. I squeaked and rattled the door of the cage and it made her look my way, giving me a small sad smile.

“Don’t worry BunBun. I’ll take you to your new home first before I deal with myself. Plus, I gotta go visit my dad at work and say goodbye to him as well… and I want to see Jungkook one last time…”

Oh god!  Her step-father is going to be so crushed! Losing his wife and daughter to suicide! Siri cannot be this selfish putting her father through this pain again! And what about me? Taehyung? Jimin? Her cousin Jin? Her other family members? We’ll all be in pain if she’s gone…

“I think I wanna do this at the special spot I had with Kookie… Maybe when the sun sets so I get a nice view before I leave this place… Do you think angels will guide me? Do you think I’ll be able to get a new life? A new start?”

Nooo!!!  I can’t believe she’s talking like this!  That she’s actually gonna go through with it! 

She put her pills back into the bottle, closed the lid and put it into her purse. I kept squeaking and crying as she placed me in her car, watching as she walked passed with the rabbit fence and other rabbit stuff, loading them up into her car.

“My decision is made. I need to go. Be done and gone. I’m the common denominator after all. My mother, Cheddar, Jungkook… and you… Things I love end up hurting or leaving me so the best thing is for me to leave instead… I’m doing this for all of you so I don’t hurt anyone else.”

Oh gawwd! That’s what she was saying to herself the other night?? She was talking herself into it! 

“We’re here! Your new home, BunBun. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

Siri got out of her car, carrying the cage I was in and knocked on the front door.

“Hey, Siri! Hey BunBun bro!” Taehyung said happily as he took my cage from Siri.

I’m gonna be living with Tae now?? Not that it’s a bad thing since he knows about me, but I want Siri. I want my girl. I want to be with her, safe and sound.

“Thanks for taking him in, Tae. I’ll grab the rest of his stuff.”

“Sure thing!  I’ll pop him in my room!” 

Taehyung turned and walked me to his room, “Hey man, looks like you’re living with me for a while. Siri said she couldn’t keep you for some reason but she couldn’t tell me why…”

I know why and I started crying and squealing some more. I was scared and heartbroken that I was about to lose the love of my life today and I couldn’t do anything about it. I hated that I couldn’t tell Taehyung to stop her and talk her out of it. 

“Hey man, why are you crying like that? I know I’m not Siri but you’ll still like it here with me. At least I know it’s you inside. Don’t worry about Yeontan either. He’s only a little bit bigger than you so he won’t go chewing you or anything…”

I kept crying. I was in mourning of what's to come. This is all my fault for not trusting Siri. For having that small doubt about us and letting Hana come between us. This is all my damn fault!

“Jeez... It’s like you don’t wanna hangout with me at all…” He pouted and looked slightly offended that I was still upset at being here.

Taaaeee! Just save Siri for me pleeeease!!!  I tried to squeak out but of course he couldn’t understand me. All he heard was a long squealing whine coming from me. 

“Ok… I’m gonna leave you here while I help Siri bring in the rest of your stuff… Cheer up, man… you could pretend to be a little excited to be with me at least…”

I kept up my whining and crying until about 5 minutes later when both Siri and Taehyung entered his room with my rabbit stuff.

Siri came up to me in the cage and I stopped my crying for now... “I’m sorry BunBun. But I have to do this…” She said softly to me with guilt in her eyes. “Have a good time with Tae ok?” She opened the cage and I immediately jumped into her arms, completely ignoring some of the pain from the stitches on my belly and I just started licking her where I could.

Don’t do it. Don’t go. I love you. Don’t leave me. 

“Aw BunBun…” she said dejectedly. “It’ll be ok. Tae will love you just as much as me and maybe you could even make friends with little Tannie since he’s not as big or as scary as that other one that hurt you?”

I don’t wanna be friends with a dog after being the chew toy of one! I don’t care how cute or small Tannie is!

I started crying again and tried to snuggle into her, taking in her sweet delightful scent as it’ll be my last time and trying to tell her not to leave me. Siri sighed again and she had to try pry my little claws off her shirt before handing me over to Taehyung where I kept crying and wriggling in his arms to go back to Siri. 

“Damn, he’s like… really upset…” Tae said, a little bewildered.

“You’ll look after him for me though? I trust you Tae. After Kookie, you’re my next best friend.”

Tae’s eyes lit up and he gave her his boxy smile, “Of course I will!  I’m sure he’ll settle down after a few minutes.”

“Well… I gotta go. Take care BunBun…” She patted my head and for a moment I stopped my squealing cry again. “I love you little Bun.”

Fuck, Siri!  I love you too!  Please don’t do this!  I squeaked and whined out. 

Siri leaned in and gave my head a soft kiss, then she gave Taehyung a hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Thanks for everything, Tae. You’re a great friend till the end and Jimin too.”

“We’ll catch up later?” he said, all hopeful.

Siri gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and nodded, “Of course. See ya later, Tae.”

And just like that, my first love left… with a glint of sadness and guilt in her eyes, and maybe even a hint of determination. 

She was really going through with this no matter what… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was heartbroken.

I was numb. 

I felt empty.

My first and only love is going to end her life today and I can’t do anything to stop her. 

I cried and squealed for a couple hours after she left, mourning her even though she isn’t gone yet.

“Kook… Seriously, man. You’re giving me a headache with the whining and squealing. What is wrong with you? It’s not forever, Siri is coming back,” Taehyung said as he came to sit on his bed while I was wallowing on one of his pillows.

Oh Tae… You don’t know the truth of what she plans to do…

My ears flattened on my head and I shook my head no to tell him that wasn’t true. 

“Is there something else?”

I nodded and Taehyung looked confused, pouting his lips and furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to think of what I could mean.

Fuck I wish I could just tell him what’s wrong. I hate that I’m a bunny right now. I want to be human again and be there for Siri properly. I want back in my body, goddammit!  I need to save Siri!

The anger, fear, and stress inside me somehow gave me new motivation and determination. There’s not a lot of time. I had to tell Taehyung about Siri and I needed him to stop her. But how?? 

 All I could think of was to actually die as a bunny and hope I wake up as human-me straight away. Hope that I have enough functionality to contact Taehyung to tell him about Siri and our special spot. 

There’s a slim chance of this happening though… What if I don’t wake up straight away or what if I end up killing both bunny-me and human-me? Do I risk it especially after what happened during the dog attack?

It’s not like I could lead Taehyung to our spot either since I’m still a bit sore from the dog attack and we’d take too long to get there. By the time I lead him there it’ll be too late.

My heart was racing and my mind was all over the place because I didn’t know what to do. But I knew two things– I didn't want Siri to die and I had to save her. 

You know what? 

Fuck it.

She’s worth it. I love her and she’s worth everything. Including my life.

If I end up killing both bunny-me and human-me, then maybe I’ll meet Siri in the afterlife since she’s planning on dying too– if there is an afterlife.

I just hope to God that small chance of waking up to my human body straight away will happen. I’m hoping my prayers to the universe will get through and they’ll let me save Siri. That they’ll let me save us. 

I noticed the sun was getting lower in the sky and knew I had to leave now if I wanted even the slightest chance of saving her. The sooner the better. 

I squeaked to Taehyung to get his attention and I went to the corner edge of his bed looking at the window, then I got up on my back legs and moved my front paws up and down to show him I wanted to be over there.

“You want the window? Need some air to calm down?” 

Sure… Let’s go with that… 

I nodded my head and Tae picked me up, taking me over to his window and placing me on the ledge. I squeaked at him and licked his hand as he petted me. I was trying to tell him thank you for everything if I don’t make it back to my body.

I love you, man. You and Jimin. Thank you for what you’ve done for me and Siri, and thank you for being my friend all these years. If I don’t see you guys again, just know you two are the bestest friends a guy could have.

“Don’t know what you’re saying but I’m guessing it’s something nice if you’re licking me?”

I internally smiled and then nodded at him. And then, with all the courage I could muster within me, I quickly hopped through the open window and jumped down onto the roof of the garage that was attached to his house. 

“BunBun!  Kook!  What the fuck?!” I heard Taehyung say all panicked from his window.

I ignored his calls for me and continued hopping to the edge of the roof, then I jumped off, curling myself into a ball to limit the damage and pain from the impact to the ground.

“What are you doing?!” I heard Taehyung yell. 

Luckily, the landing wasn’t too bad and I looked back up to Taehyung’s room and saw he looked shocked and scared. He then quickly left his window and I assumed he was coming to run after me. 

Sorry Tae. I gotta save my girl. 

With my bunny legs, I ran, bounced, and weaved through the bushes between the neighbours lawns. Passed a few streets already and was almost near the main road where I knew a lot of cars would be. 

“KOOK!” I heard from behind me. I looked behind me quickly and saw Taehyung wasn’t far from catching up to me.

With all my might, I ran as fast as I could till I finally reached the main road. There were quite a few cars coming up and so I waited until one was close enough for me to run in front of it. 

“BunBun! Kook! Get back here!” I heard Tae yell for me again.

Now my heart was really racing as he was coming closer.

A car was approaching and I looked back at Tae one more time who was so close but so far away. I got up on my hind legs and used one of my paws to wave goodbye to him.

His face showed pure fear and confusion but I couldn’t let that stop me. This was the only way to save her… at least, I hope it is…

I turned around and hopped onto the road, closing my eyes and thought of Siri for my final moments. 

Please let this work.   Please take me back to my body so I can save Siri.

“KOOK, NOOO!!!”

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6 + 7 combined

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12 + 13 combined

Chapter 14