TO BE OR NOT TO BE

maybe i can take that last bit back, but i still feel like some irreparable damage was done to that bridge and it's really uncrossable now, if still standing. it doesn't matter because siyeon never really cared much to open up to me anyway, so the ache in my chest from loss ought to just shape up. we didn't lose anything. we never had anything.

siyeon is absolutely insufferable and selfish though. bridge burned

i don't wanna talk to yoohyeon though (:

this is stupid this is stupid this is stupid i don't owe you anything i dont have to apologize for anything you never spoke to me about this how was i supposed to know!! why's it stuck in my mind like glue that i somehow did something awful to you and yoohyeon!! that awful thing was finding my own happiness away from you?? finding it in someone you wanted?? i'm not in the wrong. i'm not in the wrong. this is stupid.

regardless of the fact that i truly felt awful about that whole skit everything was a dream at family dinner it is absolutely wild to think about the fact that i hadn't felt that valid in my mother's eyes in such a long time and it all has to do with my choice of partner and not anything ive done myself but i can't bring myself to resent it because i am pretty damn proud of namjoon. as a choice there could have been many terrible ones but i think the one i made was the furthest from a mistake

that's a funny way of saying i didn't even know about all that. right before the family dinner too 😑 anyway good night fellas

haha cool

yoohyeon is not a problem because she's my friend and i love namjoon