MACHT KORRUMPIERT.

                          ‘ i went to the doctor this morning, and he confirmed it. ‘ 

            her hands go to his wrists and she looks up at him, leaning towards him to give him a peck on the lips. it’s taken everything in her to wait until he got home from work and got settled. she nearly went to the office to tell him, but she wanted the news to be delivered in their house, in the home they were building together.  

                                          ‘ i feel amazing. ‘  

          and then her joy bubbles over and she’s beaming, laughing and kissing his face as she jumps into his arms. her arms go around his shoulders and she buries her face in her husband’s neck, and overwhelmed with joy she begins to cry. 

                       ‘ we’re going to be parents, thomas. ‘ 

he has to be so careful with her now. he understands that june has always been a force of nature -- she protects herself, doesn’t need anybody to do it for her -- but june and a baby? what kind of man would he be if he didn’t look after what was his?

   and so when she jumps into his arms, he catches her and holds her so tightly that he might never let her down again. he isn’t surprised that she’s crying from her happiness, because she’s always felt everything so completely. the real shock is that he’s standing there crying, too.

     “pregnant?”

he hopes june understands that his reply is borne of shock, not disappointment, but he has no idea what his face is showing. all he knows is that other than that one word he’s been staring at her in silence for a good minute since she said it. of course, they’ve been trying for this, but now that it’s happened... it all seems so real. so overwhelming. 

he stands up to cross the room to where she’s sitting, and takes her face in his hands before leaning to press a kiss to her forehead. this woman amazes him. she’ll never stop amazing him. here she is, beautiful, strong, creating a life -- the only thing thomas is certain of is that he could never deserve her.

     “hast du Schwierigkeiten, nein zu verstehen?”

the question comes out far more explosive than he intends it, but he needs her to shut up. it’s the same thing, over and over, and she never seems to understand when he isn’t going to shift on a decision. a no is a no -- especially when it’s a no regarding a party. that’s all prom is, after all -- a party. he doesn’t care that some senior has asked her. he doesn’t care who else is going. he only cares that she isn’t.

“how?”

thomas doesn’t even need to think about his answer. he knows how everything got screwed up. he can pinpoint the exact moment that his life changed for the worse -- and though most people would think it was the day his wife died, he disagrees. the turning point was much before then. things began to go downhill even before he lost her.

he remembers vacations when it had just been the two of them. june, a blunt in one hand, flame-bright hair riding the wind as they sped along empty roads with the windows down. their wedding, their honeymoon, when everything had been wonderful, so wonderful--

         and then he remembers the cold dread that settled deep inside him the minute june told him that they were expecting. we’re going to be parents, thomas. he remembers wishing that it was some practical joke, and how once she’d said the words, everything had changed. they couldn’t be so carefree anymore, because they had someone else to think about. and now, he and he alone has to think about her. his life is utterly consumed by his worries about autumn and her reckless behaviour, and how much embarrassment she causes him. not for the first time, he catches himself wishing he’d taken the time to put on a goddamn rubber.

       and so, thomas takes a sip of his whiskey, chasing it down with a deep breath before he looks over at autumn, sad and disappointed and oh-so-tired.

                    ❛ all these years and i’m just now learning you’re the adventure and not me? ❜ 

           HER BACK HITS THE MATTRESS AND SHE LAUGHS, arms remain looped around his neck and those bright eyes look up at him filled with all the love in the world. had someone told her years ago that she’d fall for a man in a suit, she’d have laughed and waved her burning bra in their face after using it to light a joint. but here she was, not the opposite of what she’d ever expected to be - but not anywhere close to what she imagined. but they had so much love and she was happy. so happy. 

         fingers thread through his hair and there’s a pause as she looks at him, burning question slipping from her lips in the moment. 

                                    ❛ do you want to have another baby? ❜ 

another baby?

he almost doesn’t know what to do with the question. it’s come out of nowhere -- another was never in the plan, and he’s hardly one to do things if he hasn’t thought them through first. but he looks at her and he sees how she’s all lit up, excited for the yes even though he isn’t even sure yet if it’s coming. 

              ( he remembers the sheer joy in her smile when they’d first met their daughter. it’d be nice to see that again. )

aggressive   /   callous   /   cannibal   /   careless   /   compulsive   /   cowardly   / domineering   / envious   /  greedy   /   hypocritical /  impatient   /  impolite   /   incompetent   /   kidnapper   /   lazy   /  liar    /  materialistic   /   murderer  /  obsessive  /   overcritical   /   overemotional   /   patronizing   /   sarcastic   /   self - indulgent  /  serial  killer  /   torturer  /   touchy   /   traitorous  /   unclean   /  unpredictable   /  untidy   /  vain   /   vengeful

                                   ❛ i’d like to say relax, but you know that i can’t sit still. ❜

                    FINGERS CURL AROUND HIS AND SHE SMILES AS HIS LIPS BRUSH HER KNUCKLES, and then without warning she turns and jumps on him. arms around his shoulders, legs hooked over his hips as she laughs and peppers his face with soft kisses, lingering on the tip of his nose and the corner of his mouth. 

                                 ❛ take me on an adventure, mr. kimball. ❜ 

                       anywhere in the world, she doesn’t care as long as she has him and autumn with her. he could take her to the goddamn beach an hour away and she’d still enjoy herself. but he wants to get away, she wants him to get away too. no phone calls, no emails. just time, just the three of them. 

         she still takes him by surprise, even after so long -- but there should be a word for surprises that are familiar. he hadn’t know she was going to do it, but he knows the way that those legs lock around him, the way that each gentle press of her lips leaves warmth tucked into his skin even after she’s moved them away. and he LOVES her. god, does he love her. 

         one arm closes around her waist to support her and he walks the pair of them out of the bathroom easily, slow steps taking them towards their bed. “an adventure?” he repeats, a laugh that matches hers bubbling up from behind a crooked smile. “i was under the impression that EVERY day with me was an adventure.”

    a noise that’s halfway between a sigh and a groan leaves him. when will she let this go? “would you like me to apologise, autumn?” he pushes his chair back from his desk so that she can see that she has his full attention, when really his focus is still on business, on numbers and on the paperwork he needs to finish for today.

     there was a time when thomas kimball believed in family before anything. deep down, that man still exists. it’s just a matter of actually getting through to him, and autumn is yet to master the art. only one woman has ever managed it, and since she’s gone, it’s impossible for it to happen again.

   so, he sighs again, pulls open a drawer and grabs a pen and his checkbook. autumn likes things, doesn’t she? she’s a material girl, which means money is fine compensation for missing her birthday. “perhaps this will make up for it,” he says, tearing the completed check out and sliding it over the desk towards her.

                    SHE CRACKS ONE EYE OPEN AND CATCHES HIS GAZE IN THE MIRROR, an amused smile replacing her contented smirk. she runs her fingers along his and makes a soft noise of agreement, it was no secret that their daughter was an easy child, she didn’t cry or fuss about much of anything. she’d be perfectly content no matter where they went, as long as she could play. bottom lip is taken between her teeth in thought and she tries to remember where she had the most fun on her travels, or a place she hadn’t been. the only answer she was set on was simple: somewhere with you. no work, just family. but to name a place like that to fly to, it was a bit difficult. 

                                           ❛ somewhere warm. ❜

     he lifts her hand to his lips and settles a kiss there, gentle, lingering. above anything, june has taught him how to truly care for someone other than himself. he’d never thought it possible, but somehow... somehow, he loves june and autumn far more than anything else this world has to offer.

                              ❛ it’s a little….. stale. but i’m enjoying myself enough. ❜ 

                she comments, gently pulling her sleeve towards her palm. thankfully the fabric gives a bit, just as it had been all night as she so carefully kept every mark hidden from wandering eyes. the other reason she’d picked this dress for the night was it’s modest neckline and the sleeves, the more she could cover without looking as though she were trying to be too modest was better when it came to this particular crowd. 

                 ❛ did you see mr. fitzgerald? he was looking for you about an hour or so ago. ❜ 

                         it’s around the time of the night she starts to feel the itch in her feet, the desire to go out and tear through clubs and bars alike with friends who were just as fucked up as she was. but she was bound here, a martini or three would have to be sufficient. she shows no signs of anxiousness to leave, but her posture slouches slightly against the bar as she tries to lessen the pressure her shoes put on her feet. 

“i didn’t.” and nor is he going to go out of his way to find the man, either, because while that would make for good business, it would not make for a happy thomas kimball. autumn is right to describe the party as stale. everyone is there for one reason, and one reason alone. not one person in this room genuinely likes each other.

               well. he and autumn like each other. most of the time.

                   she’s made her rounds, said hello to her father’s most important colleagues and scanned the room for any potential ‘friends’ to spend the evening with - but she’s come up dry. none of the men here are within twenty-five years of her age, and it showed. but she’s here for a reason, and whatever it was she’d smile and look pretty and pretend to be whatever her father wanted her to be. 

               it’s not long before she finds herself standing at a corner of the bar, sipping a martini and looking for her dad, at least she could have a conversation with him without being objectified. he’s no where to be found, until she hears his voice and jumps slightly, where had he even come from? 

      ❛ thanks, dad. i um - i remember you told me that once - i think that’s why i picked this one out. ❜

     if there’s one thing he admires about his daughter, it’s her willingness to do what’s required of her. she hardly ever complains, or leaves a task undone. she gives a new meaning to the phrase dutiful daughter, going above and beyond wherever she can. sometimes he wonders if that isn’t enough to make him forgive her indiscretions.

         then he remembers the embarrassment that they cause, and he thinks again.

as he looks her over, he notices the hint of a bruise in bloom on her wrist, just where her sleeve ends. he does his best not to look at it again. it won’t do him any good to think on his guilt and his sins today.