Living Storyteller

-Pair of Eyeballs: $1,525

-Scalp: $607

-Skull with Teeth: $1,200

-Shoulder: $500

-Coronary Artery: $1,525

-Heart: $119,000

-Liver: $157,000

-Hand and Forearm: $385

-Pint of Blood: $337

-Spleen: $508

-Stomach: $508

-Small Intestine: $2,519

-Kidney: $262,000

-Gallbladder: $1,219

as a half asian person, asian representaion is important to me, and i’m sure it is to all the other asians out there. but incorrect representation is far worse than no representation at all, so here are a few guidelines and things to keep in mind when writing an asian character.  

things to keep in mind when naming:

please don’t make up names that “sound asian”. well known offender: cho chang from harry potter. hearing people mock me when i speak in my asian language by saying “ching chong chang” is bad enough, but making us asians read/hear about a character whose name is a constant reminder of that ignorance and racism really, really bothers me.

if the character was born in a different country, our first names aren’t always native to our language/country. we may or may not have a traditionally english name. a great example of this used correctly is ethan nakamura, from the percy jackson series.

coming up with a last name is not difficult - at all. just google “common (insert country/ethnicity) last names” and they’ll come up. use this for other ethnicities/races too!

this is really just common sense but don’t give a traditionally korean name to a japanese character, vietnamese name to a chinese character etc. (unless they are multiple ethnicities).

guidelines for physical descriptions:

please…don’t say they have slanted eyes. just don’t. almond eyes is a good alternative.

our skin isn’t yellow. we aren’t lemons. also, the asian race incorporates not just east asians but also filipinos and other much darker skinned people.

many east asians have straight, thick black hair. but again, even within the asian race we are diverse, so this isn’t always true.

of course, if your asian character is being faced with racism, you can have the racist character make fun of their eyes or skin. some asians make fun of themselves, but make sure you check w multiple asians to see if this joke is ok.

writing personalities, characteristics, quirks, etc.

asians can have any personality, just like any black, white, or hispanic character. they can be mean, they can be nice. just make sure that if you only have one asian character, they aren’t shown as a villain. if you have multiple asians on both the “good” and “bad” sides, that’s perfectly ok.

stereotypes can definitely affect your character. be concious of them.

people’s personalities and quirks are shaped by their parents/how they were raised. an asian kid adopted by white parents is not going to act the same way or entirely fit in with other asians raised by asian parents. their cultures (or their parents cultures) will affect them.  

asian cultures

asians can be racist to other asians. in the past, koreans and japanese do not get along, and that has really showed in the japanese side of my family. my mother is quick to stereotype koreans she sees, but she does have korean friends she gets along with. racism among asians exists, and it’s not always black and white. rasicm also exists against other races; i’ve heard of an asian daughter who wasn’t allowed by her parents to marry a black man.

asians can have friends of multiple races/ethnicities

not all asians know their respective languages. some only know a little, some are completely fluent.

asians don’t know everything about other asian cultures, and can still accidentally insult other cultures. each culture is very different, so do your research on each one.

universal asian culture things: 1) no shoes in the house. 2) do well in school. 3) strict rules on cleanliness, going out, friendships, relationships, and curfew. 4) mothers always wear slippers for some reason. 5) attacking insolent children with said slippers. 6) screaming

religion is also varied. usually it’s either christianity or buddhism, although there are of course, exceptions. the native japanese religion is shinto.

taiwan was recently the first country to legalize gay marriage, which is good news, but that also means that many asian countries are against it or don’t fully support gayness. not all asians are like this! but it’s common for asian parents to be less understanding of this kind of stuff so keep that in mind if your asian character is going to be gay.

stereotypes and their affects

asians are smart. this one probably came around because many asian parents are very strict when it comes to their child’s education, but strictness doesn’t equal understanding a subject you just don’t get. this stereotype is usually detrimental to asians because people expect too much of them. if they do well, it’s expected and less people congratulate them. if they don’t, they’re shamed for it more.

asians are bad drivers. this one doesn’t affect asians as badly as the smart stereotype, but it’s still insulting.

asians all look alike. again, this one isn’t really that bad, just very annoying. yeah, some of us look similar, but a lot of us are very different. i was once compared to a guy who was fully vietnamese, whose skin must have been at least ten shades darker, with black hair and was on the chubby side. i’m japanese, half white, with brown hair, and definitely thinner than him. if i genuinely look like the person you’re comparing me to, it’s not a problem, but it’s definitely offensive when we’re very different types of asian. we are all different and unique, and it’s important that people respect that. 

it’s important to remember that not all of the things i said are always true - there are always exceptions. i’ve probably missed a lot of things. i also don’t pretend to know about every different kind of asian. so if you have anything to add, feel free, and if you have any questions about how to portray an asian, ask someone of that ethnicity!

Personality is the most important thing about your character.

So, whenever I see character sheets, most people just put a little paragraph for that section. If you’re struggling and don’t know what your character should say or do, what decisions they should make, I guarantee you that this is the problem.

You know your character’s name, age, race, sexuality, height, weight, eye color, hair color, their parents’ and siblings’ names. But these are not the things that truly matter about them.

Traits: 

pick traits that don’t necessarily go together. For example, someone who is controlling, aggressive and vain can also be generous, sensitive and soft-spoken. Characters need to have at least one flaw that really impacts how they interact with others. Positive traits can work as flaws, too. It is advised that you pick at least ten traits

people are complex, full of contradictions, and please forgive me if this makes anyone uncomfortable, but even bullies can be “nice” people. Anyone can be a “bad” person, even someone who is polite, kind, helpful or timid can also be narcissistic, annoying, inconsiderate and a liar. People are not just “evil” or “good”

Beliefs:

ideas or thoughts that your character has or thinks about the world, society, others or themselves, even without proof or evidence, or which may or may not be true. Beliefs can contradict their values, motives, self-image, etc. For example, the belief that they are an awesome and responsible person when their traits are lazy, irresponsible and shallow. Their self-image and any beliefs they have about themselves may or may not be similar/the same. They might have a poor self-image, but still believe they’re better than everybody else

Values:

what your character thinks is important. Usually influenced by beliefs, their self-image, their history, etc. Some values may contradict their beliefs, wants, traits, or even other values. For example, your character may value being respect, but one of their traits is disrespectful. It is advised you list at least two values, and know which one they value more. For example, your character values justice and family. Their sister tells them she just stole $200 from her teacher’s wallet. Do they tell on her, or do they let her keep the money: justice, or family? Either way, your character probably has some negative feelings, guilt, anger, etc., over betraying their other value

Motives:

what your character wants. It can be abstract or something tangible. For example, wanting to be adored or wanting that job to pay for their father’s medication. Motives can contradict their beliefs, traits, values, behavior, or even other motives. For example, your character may want to be a good person, but their traits are selfish, manipulative, and narcissistic. Motives can be long term or short term. Everyone has wants, whether they realize it or not. You can write “they don’t know what they want,” but you should know. It is advised that you list at least one abstract want

Recurring Feelings:

feelings that they have throughout most of their life. If you put them down as a trait, it is likely they are also recurring feelings. For example, depressed, lonely, happy, etc.

Self Image:

what the character thinks of themselves: their self-esteem. Some character are proud of themselves, others are ashamed of themselves, etc. They may think they are not good enough, or think they are the smartest person in the world. Their self-image can contradict their beliefs, traits, values, behavior, motives, etc. For example, if their self-image is poor, they can still be a cheerful or optimistic person. If they have a positive self-image, they can still be a depressed or negative person. How they picture themselves may or may not be true: maybe they think they’re a horrible person, when they are, in fact, very considerate, helpful, kind, generous, patient, etc. They still have flaws, but flaws don’t necessarily make you a terrible person

Behavior:

how the character’s traits, values, beliefs, self-image, etc., are outwardly displayed: how they act. For example, two characters may have the trait “angry” but they all probably express it differently. One character may be quiet and want to be left alone when they are angry, the other could become verbally aggressive. If your character is a liar, do they pause before lying, or do they suddenly speak very carefully when they normally don’t? Someone who is inconsiderate may have issues with boundaries or eat the last piece of pizza in the fridge when they knew it wasn’t theirs. Behavior is extremely important and it is advised you think long and hard about your character’s actions and what exactly it shows about them

Demeanor:

their general mood and disposition. Maybe they’re usually quiet, cheerful, moody, or irritable, etc.

Posture:

a secondary part of your character’s personality: not as important as everything else. It is advised you fill this out after. Posture is how the character carries themselves. For example, perhaps they swing their arms and keep their shoulders back while they walk, which seems to be the posture of a confident person, so when they sit, their legs are probably open. Another character may slump and have their arms folded when they’re sitting, and when they’re walking, perhaps they drag their feet and look at the ground

Speech Pattern:

a secondary part of your character’s personality: not as important as everything else. It is advised you fill this out after. Speech patterns can be words that your character uses frequently, if they speak clearly, what sort of grammar they use, if they have a wide vocabulary, a small vocabulary, if it’s sophisticated, crude, stammering, repeating themselves, etc. I personally don’t have a very wide vocabulary, if you could tell

Hobbies:

a secondary part of your character’s personality: not as important as everything else. It is advised you fill this out after. Hobbies can include things like drawing, writing, playing an instrument, collecting rocks, collecting tea cups, etc.

Quirks:

a secondary part of your character’s personality, not as important as everything else. It is advised you fill this out after. Quirks are behaviors that are unique to your character. For example, I personally always put my socks on inside out and check the ceiling for spiders a few times a day

Likes:

a secondary part of your character’s personality, not as important as everything else. It is advised you fill this out after. Likes and dislikes are usually connected to the rest of their personality, but not necessarily. For example, if your character likes to do other people’s homework, maybe it’s because they want to be appreciated

Dislikes:

a secondary part of your character’s personality, not as important as everything else. It is advised you fill this out after. Likes and dislikes can also contradict the rest of their personality. For example, maybe one of your character’s traits is dishonest, but they dislike liars

History:

your character’s past that has key events that influence and shape their beliefs, values, behavior, wants, self-image, etc. Events written down should imply or explain why they are the way they are. For example, if your character is distrustful, maybe they were lied to a lot by their parents when they were a child. Maybe they were in a relationship for twenty years and found out their partner was cheating on them the whole time. If their motive/want is to have positive attention, maybe their parents just didn’t praise them enough and focused too much on the negative

On Mental and Physical Disabilities or Illnesses

if your character experienced a trauma, it needs to have an affect on your character. Maybe they became more angry or impatient or critical of others. Maybe their beliefs on people changed to become “even bullies can be ‘nice’ people: anyone can be a ‘bad’ person”

people are not their illness or disability: it should not be their defining trait. I have health anxiety, but I’m still idealistic, lazy, considerate, impatient and occasionally spiteful; I still want to become an author; I still believe that people are generally good; I still value doing what make me feel comfortable; I still have a positive self-image; I’m still a person. You should fill out your character’s personality at least half-way before you even touch on the possibility of your character having a disability or illness

Generally everything about your character should connect, but hey, even twins that grew up in the same exact household have different personalities; they value different things, have different beliefs. Maybe one of them watched a movie that had a huge impact on them.

Not everything needs to be explained. Someone can be picky or fussy ever since they were little for no reason at all. Someone can be a negative person even if they grew up in a happy home.

I believe this is a thought out layout for making well-rounded OCs, antagonists and protagonists, whether they’re being created for a roleplay or for a book. This layout is also helpful for studying Canon Characters if you’re looking to accurately roleplay as them or write them in fanfiction or whatever.

I’m really excited to post this, so hopefully I didn’t miss anything important…

If you have any questions, feel free to send a message.

If you haven’t heard there is a literal massacre going on in Sudan.

People are getting kidnapped, arrested, raped and killed. This has been going on for a few days now but naturally there’s hardly any media coverage.

THE WORLD CARES MORE ABOUT AN EMPTY CHURCH IN FRANCE THAN HUNDREDS OF INNOCENT BLACK MUSLIMS DYING IN SUDAN.

There are a few ways to help:

 - Emergency Medical Aid Donation

- Facebook campaign raising funds for food and other necessities

- International Rescue Committee

- Save The Children

Even if you can’t donate please help spread the news!!

I’ve seen many posts about this and many of them are either not very complete or somewhat misleading, so here goes, a certified anxious wreck’s guide to panic attacks. 

First thing: there isn’t a clinical distinction between a panic attack and an anxiety attack so I’m not sure why everyone is splitting hairs over it. In the DSM “panic attack” refers to the quick, sudden onset of intense fear and stress, the sympathetic nervous system response, and all the associated physical symptoms (that i’m about to get into). “Anxiety attack” isn’t a clinical term, and yet I see all kinds of posts “explaining” the difference and none of them actually agree on what the difference is (duration? severity? trigger or lack thereof? I’ve seen so many different things), so to me it seems like a dumb thing to split hairs over. Generalized anxiety is definitely different, but even then the lines can blur and when we’re talking about a discrete *event* where the symptoms come upon a person, that’s an “attack” and saying panic attack suffices. Or anxiety attack. Just. Whatever. 

TL;DR: there is no clinically recognized difference between a “panic attack” and an “anxiety attack,” everything I see explaining the difference has a different idea of what the difference is, and it’s not like, offensive or something to use the “wrong” term so just. Yeah it’s not a big deal. 

What is a panic attack? 

A panic attack is basically when someone all of a sudden feels extremely terrified and panicked, without being in actual danger. They’re associated with anxiety disorders and post-traumatic stress disorder, though they can happen to someone who doesn’t have a mental illness. 

Panic attacks are not just the emotion of fear, though; there are a lot of physical and mental reactions that go along with them. Feeling terror isn’t the only thing that’s happening. When the brain perceives a threat, the sympathetic nervous system causes a bunch of things to happen in the body to prepare the person to either fight or run away from the threat. That’s called a fight-or-flight response. Breathing and heart rate speed up, while digestion is suppressed, and so on. These responses affect almost every system in the body. The person’s mental state also changes. They become very hyper-vigilant to threats and “tunnel-visioned” on whatever it is that seems to be the threat. 

A panic attack is basically all this stuff happening, but there’s nothing to fight or run away from. It’s bad. 

Symptoms, physical and mental

Some things to keep in mind, that I haven’t seen addressed in any post before: I’ve known a lot of people, including myself, with various anxiety disorders who experience panic attacks and all of them experienced a different grab-bag of symptoms. In some cases, the symptoms could be very weird. It would take forever to exhaust all the possible symptoms of a panic attack, but I’ll do a list and explain (I’ll go into more detail about how to write all this in a bit). There’s a whole range of severity, and the loss of control/thinking you’re going to die happens with the more severe ones. One person can have both small attacks and huge ones that are much worse, and the symptoms they have can change over time. 

Intense fear - panic attacks are terrifying. They vary in how terrifying. I know saying “terrifying” is exactly what it says on the tin, but it’s hard to convey to someone who hasn’t experienced this exactly HOW terrifying they can be when they’re really bad. When I was younger, I had attacks that lasted hours wherein it seemed almost as if I had suddenly realized that nothing in the universe is kind or good or safe and nothing I could hold onto for security felt even real. I know that sounds damn dramatic, but it’s what happened. On that note: 

Feeling a sense of immediate impending doom. Again, no real way to describe this well but its Bad 

Being convinced you are going to die. I mean convinced.  

Feeling like you are losing control or going crazy. This goes along with the things I just discussed, and is usually with a severe attack. 

Racing or pounding heart - this is one everyone will know. Basically, your body is convinced you need to run from something or fight something. 

Feeling that the room is swirling or spinning around you. 

Choking/suffocating feeling or feeling like you have trouble breathing - This is scary. Honestly, a lot of why panic attacks are so scary is that the *symptoms* are scary. I used to always feel like I couldn’t pull air far enough into my lungs, or that no breath I took in was deep enough. You might feel like your throat is closing up. Expect a character to possibly gulp or gasp for air that they don’t feel like they’re getting. 

Dizziness or feeling lightheaded or faint. Can result from hyperventilating as a result of feeling like you can’t breathe. Your character might need to sit down all of a sudden, or lean against a wall. 

Crying, or screaming: Not everyone will respond this way, but a person’s stoic-ness or “toughness” doesn’t have a lot to do with whether they do. Even a strong, tough person can react this way. An emotional person won’t necessarily cry. It depends. 

Talking to oneself, babbling, muttering, moaning, really any kind of vocalization. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.” That kind of thing. 

Pacing rapidly, fidgeting uncontrollably, unable to sit still. Messing with items around you and throwing them aside. Your character might walk around in tight circles or gesticulate frantically, clutch at their hair, etc. 

Really any tic or nervous habit that a character has might get worse and possibly harmful.

Shaking/shivering/trembling uncontrollably: A lot of people will think hand tremors or being “shaky” with nervousness, which I guess happens, but this can be and very often is very intense, teeth-chattering, whole-body stuff. Often seems to happen in waves or spasms, and you can’t stop it. If you’re having a very bad attack, think violent, uncontrollable waves of shivering. It’s very unpleasant. 

Tunnel vision or black around the edges of your vision: This is not something I can find on google but I know it’s happened to me at least once. 

Sweating. 

Goosebumps or chill-bumps. 

Chest pains. Not something I have experienced much, so I can’t elaborate too much. 

Numb, tingly fingers or hands. I don’t have any personal experience with this, but apparently this happens to people. 

Racing or spiraling thoughts. Even if it didn’t have a trigger at all, your thoughts can still be really panicked and disjointed. Expect your character’s internal monologue to be very repetitive and unstructured. If there was a trigger, expect extreme obsessing over the thing that caused the panic. But in some cases, panic attacks can be almost purely physical responses. Multiple times I’ve been overcome by the symptoms and mentally just been like “Oh, this is…happening to me.” 

Anger or aggression: The intense feelings of a panic attack can come out in some weird ways, and this is one of them. Snapping, lashing out, irritability, or other ways of responding with anger won’t be out of place. You might be extremely defensive or ready to fight back. 

Nausea: Panic attacks always came with very severe nausea for me, though I never actually threw up (that’s rare, but it happens to some people.) This doesn’t happen to a lot of people, though. 

Other digestive distress: You can definitely have diarrhea or stomach pains. 

Hot flashes. 

Face turning pale/blanching. 

A feeling of weakness in your body. 

Feeling like what’s going on around you isn’t real; your surroundings seeming surreal. (Derealization. I haven’t experienced this much, so you can do more research on your own if you want to explore this one.)

Feeling detached from your body or like you’re observing yourself from far away. Feeling like you aren’t real. (This is called depersonalization.  Not much personal experience with this, either.) 

And these symptoms aren’t even close to all of them. Honestly, a lot of weird crap can happen, because panic attacks affect the entire body and everyone’s body is different. Of the list above, I’ve experienced everything at one point or another except depersonalization, stomach upset, and the tingling hands/arms and many of the above symptoms happened to me as flukes (I think chest pains happened like once). Some of the things on the list developed later in life. (I started getting hot flashes due to anxiety when I was 16.) Some symptoms disappeared as I got older. (I haven’t actually experienced shortness of breath much since I was a kid.) Everyone I know has a different set of these traits. I have no idea why. This is all just to show the wide variety of symptoms that can occur, and show that everyone is going to experience it differently. As for your character, you can just pick whatever feels right to you. Racing heart and shortness of breath are pretty much staples of the panic experience, and the shaking/trembling and dizziness are very common as well, but everyone is going to be different. 

Now, how does one actually write a panic attack? 

If you’re writing about panic attacks, you most likely have a character who has some form of trauma or anxiety disorder. Now, panic attacks can happen totally at random, but there is usually some sort of cause. 

When I say “cause,” that can be “the room is too hot” or “I saw something in an article about one of my phobias.” (These examples are drawn from my friend and me, respectively.) Really little things can set the snowball rolling. Stress or anything unexpected will do it, and so will exposure to your character’s triggers. 

When I was younger, my triggers were all related to my phobias, which were mostly health-related. That meant reading something about some rare form of cancer, or something like that, could cause me to have an attack. Triggers could be related to a character’s trauma, or they can just be something that scares or stresses out a character. it depends on the character. Trauma related triggers can be very little and random. Anything they associate with their abuse or abuser–a scent, a certain song, a phrase said in a certain way–can set them off. 

When I say “snowball,” that’s really how it works. The thing about panic attacks is that the attack itself is absolutely terrifying, to the point that a lot of people who experience them develop extra anxiety just over the prospect of having another one. The hallmark characteristic really is intense terror. When you’re not good and jaded and used to having them, the symptoms themselves will make you freak out more. Panic results in feeling like you’re struggling to breathe, and struggling to breathe results in more panic. I was especially screwed because my main triggers were–guess what–all related to illness. Yay. 

Your character is going to be in a very altered state of mind, most likely. They will be obsessing and spiraling and latching onto worst-case scenarios so that they can’t really objectively analyze what is going on with their body. Everything is Bad. Everything seems like it’s as bad as it could possibly be. On this same note, your character is not going to be able to think or reason their way out of this. Their irrational, fearful thoughts are going to be a lot stronger than the reasonable ones and will be flashing like strobe lights on top of it. If that didn’t do it, the extremely powerful bodily response they are dealing with sure would. The “sense of impending doom” or of feeling like you might die is overwhelming and hard to counter with thoughts because it just feels so vast. 

Write a severe panic attack as you would excruciating pain, because that’s the best way to put the kind of mental state. It has to stop, it HAS to stop, but it doesn’t stop, there’s nothing you can do because there’s no actual threat. 

And yet, if your character has experienced this many times, they may be able to hold onto sanity and control their physical responses. I’ll get into coping skills in a bit, but I’m putting this out there to say that the first time and the fiftieth time might be really different. 

The first time people experience a panic attack, they often call 911. I’m serious. The thing is, you have to learn that what you’re physically experiencing is a result of panic; you don’t just instinctively know that. The first time I had one, I was 10 and the shaking and spasming didn’t feel like an emotional response, it felt like what in the actual hell is going on? Am I dying? It takes several more times experiencing this to figure out how your body reacts during a panic attack and several MORE to be able to piece yourself together enough during it to say to yourself, “I am having a panic attack,” and identify the symptoms. 

That said, even when you know what’s going on with you, it’s still very scary because what do you do when you feel like you have to run, but there’s nothing to run from? Or you feel like you can’t breathe, but you know you’re taking in air? 

All that to say: the emotional response of fear isn’t the central thing your character will be conscious of. Their thoughts, and their physical reactions, are as important and they might even seem detached from the feelings of fear. So don’t just have your character being like “I’m terrified, I’m terrified, I’m freaking out…” It feels like some kind of medical disaster. I wasn’t always able to identify my attacks as fear at all. Obviously your character is scared. But show that through their thoughts (spiraling, disjointed, obsessive, babbling) and what’s going on in their body (cant breathe, sweaty, shaking uncontrollably).  

Panic attacks can last anywhere from a few minutes to hours. When you get to ones that are hours long, usually it’s happening in multiple “waves.” Your character can start to calm down, and then they can start to think about stressful things again and hyperventilate and go back into it. A lot of definitions list them as “brief” but the briefest one I’ve ever had probably was no less than 20 or 30 minutes. Again, it will vary with the character. 

After your character starts calming down (this can just happen due to utter exhaustion, getting the symptoms under control, or just realizing that it’s been two hours and they’re not dying), they will feel exhausted. Especially if it’s a long attack. If they’ve been in panic mode for hours expect them to be feeling like a beaten rug hanging on a porch. Panic attacks are draining. They probably won’t feel up to much after. Their energy will be gone. They might feel a sense of calm and security after they’re done, or they might feel very sick and bad. It just depends. 

On Coping 

The best coping skills usually target the body itself and focus on slowing down the fight-or-flight response. This is why breathing exercises are recommended. But they don’t always work. Being super aware of my breathing would always make me freak out more. The mental and physical aspects bounce off one another and if something that’s helping in one area is making it worse in another, it won’t help overall. 

In my experience, knowing what was happening to me, all the causes of the physical things I was feeling, and that they were all just results of the panic attack helped me fend off the worse things–feeling like I was going to die, et cetera. It may not be that way for everyone. But just knowing what is happening to you, or not knowing, makes a lot of a difference. 

What not to do: I know it’s hugely tempting to have your character be held and reassured by their love interest and calm down, but…really, with a panic attack, you’re not going to pull someone out of it. It has to pass. Especially once the snowball is already rolling, it needs time to pass. Even the best damn coping skills in the world aren’t going to erase this and neither is a hug from someone cute.

Different people will need different things. Some people will be helped by being hugged or held tightly, but that’s not everyone. Some will want to be left the hell alone. Some people will want you to be near them and talk to them, but not touch them. For some people, holding their hand is enough. 

There’s a post going around somewhere saying that grabbing someone and holding them tightly to you will stop a panic attack. This goes for both real life and fiction–DO NOT DO THAT. Ask!! Ask!! if it’s okay! to touch them!!!!!! Never ever ever ever ever touch someone who is in this sort of distress without permission and especially don’t keep doing it even if they struggle. They could feel trapped and start to feel even worse, or if their panic is trauma related, they might have  a flashback to an assault. In either case they might fight back and hurt you or themselves. Don’t put this in a book and show it actually working and being a good thing because NO. 

If you want to indulge some hurt/comfort or fluff,  just show the love interest character staying with them, asking what they need, doing what they can to help. Your frightened character’s love interest can coach their breathing, bring them a blanket or a glass of water, or just talk to them. They can remind the character that they aren’t suffocating. I mean, sure, they can hug if you like. Some people are comforted by being hugged. Just don’t portray it as some kind of cure or instant fix. Someone who is having a panic attack isn’t going to just immediately calm down upon falling into the arms of the right character. They may not calm down at all. The love interest might feel very inadequate. The most comforting things in the world are not going to be that comforting right then. Anyway, showing the love interest sticking through and being compassionate and attentive through ugly, scary hours of terror, even if there’s not a lot they can do, is sexy. 

If you wanna do cuddles, put those in post-attack, when your character is mostly calmed down and now is just spent and tired. They probably need the comfort and a long hug or back rub might do them good. 

Bang. Bang.

I hit the ground.

Bang. Bang.

That.. awful sound.

Like ok, sure, sometimes it’s hard to believe you’ve made any positive impact on the world. But it’s pretty easy to believe you’ve made a sock. Look at it. There it is. Put it on, now your foot’s warm.

There have been studies done on rats and dogs where they develop learned helplessness in the animals by giving them impossible tasks. Eventually the animals stop trying, even when the task stops being impossible. (I.e. put a rat in a maze with cheese it can’t get to until it develops learned helplessness, then put the cheese somewhere it can get to it and it won’t even try.) But once they show the animals they CAN do something - i.e. physically moving the rat to the cheese - the learned helplessness goes away.

No one can move you to your cheese for you, but the book says DOING something - which they define as “anything that isn’t nothing” can help. Make a food. Work in the garden. Clean a thing. Do a favor for a friend. Call your elected officials.

Knit a sock.