Kiki rah - KIKI AY

I identify as a diva

She/Her + Bi

fucked in the head but atleast im funny

Like - F1 ,Arcane, Good Omens, HTTYD, House. MD, The Good Place, did i mention F1, Dead poets society, fight club, interstellar, hayley williams, hozier, billie eilish, twenty one pilots, radiohead, tv girl and all that jazz

Dislikes - people. (I am actually quite social so chuck over a hi if ur wanting to shitalk)

Austic and ADHD but dont let that stop you....

Yeah ok so she might be depressed, traumatised, anorexic, stressed out and derranged but why does that matter

i need some advice

for a long time, i have always felt there was something else between me and my best friends (i don;t know if i can even call her that anymore).

we 'dated' for a few months when we were kids, messing around, and i know its stupid to classify that as any relationship but i wish we could transfer that stupid childhood love into something real.

We go to different schools but stayed in contact - we used to call atleast 1-4 times a week, but now i barely hear from her. I put so much effort into keeping our friendship even know there is a part of me that is begging to make it something more.

I listened to her talk about the guy she liked (who is now her boyfriend) and her others friends (who she now speaks to shit tonnes more then me)

We aren't close anymore and its killing me. I want to be like we used too. She helped me through hell, and now it feels like she wants nothing to do with me, mind you this is all happening while im trying to figure out my own feelings for her.

SO please tumblr, help me here bc i dont know what to do anymore. I love her so much and i know people change (i defintly have), but I hate what that change has done to us.

Sincerely,

Fuck my fucking chungus life

can't a girl be a little straight without the women calling her a liar?

Ive made it quite obvious i have an eating disorder. Its not as bad as it used to be - because my god it was terrible #heartfailure - but it still impacts me in ways i know wont change.

I see people posting on their pages and forums about wanting to be 'skin and bones' or 'an@rex1c', glorifying a deadly illness that i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

So they dream of eating 100 calories a day and the treat ever hunger pang like a praise. It may feel good at first, but when you wither away to nothing but cold skin and lulling eyes, you might understand.

This is not a pity post or taking the moral high ground - this is to raise awareness to people who don't understand how much damage they are doing.

I have been where you are, i counted my ribs with genuine pride and hid behind a skeletal frame to stop it hurting.

Until you feed your body properly and stop romanticizing a disease, your future will be nothing but pain. I wish you all the best and truly hope this reaches the right audience.

Choosing recovery is the hardest choice i ever made, but it was the best.

sum up the contents

i need sm to kiss me with years of untamed need. Not in a horny i-need-to-take-you-on-this-couch way, just in a yearning love that is part wholesome and part longlasting.

I feel like anyone who has ever expressed romantic interest in me is either batshit crazy, using me or i dont feel the same.

I was sick once - I still am, but in the way that people don't look at me with worry anymore. I am sick in the way that only I really know how much it still impacts me.

I have been sick for a long time, the disease varying as I grew older. This sickness has almost taken me so many times, toying with the previous remnants of an old sick. This isnt your normal type of ill, you wont see me cough or clutch my chest - you will see me as normal until I flicker. I may flicker in and out, quick enough that you convince yourself it never happened.'

You convince yourself nothing was wrong bc you don't want to have to deal with the consequences if something is.