hi

I'm a mom to a 2 year old and there is something so special about connecting with other moms at the park. I'm ADHD and have always been too much for other people. I've always been the weird girl. Somehow, motherhood has helped me connect and not feel so awkward with other mothers. I met another, more seasoned mom, at the park tonight, and I'm just grateful that I am somehow able to make small talk now and I don't feel awkward and I don't feel 'wrong'. It's like I'm part of a cool, unspoken club. I'm so glad I had my daughter. Even through the tantrums and the potty training and the sleepless nights, my god. No one told me that it was otherwise so fun. (Mind you, I make a lot of choices that prioritize fun over chores. There will always be dishes and laundry, etc. Meals are so simple to avoid stress. I also have a lot of support). I hope my daughter is also having fun.

I'm like 11 years behind the hype, but I'm just now getting into Lana Del Ray.

I have a million bad memories of my dad and also good memories that are buried by the pain of the bad, but in my 30's I do keep remembering that he played baseball witb me when I was 13 in the yard, and he drove me around when I needed and bought me tampons without making it a big deal. I'm just having a lot of emotions tonight because we had a massive, painful fight a few weeks ago. He was nicer to me as a child than he was when I hit puberty. Watching him interacting so innocently and kindly with my 2 year old daughter is beautiful and painful. Why did it ever have to change with me.

things have been bad and stressful for the past month and i am ready to get my optimism back. actually i want my apathy back. i got really into the absurdist mindset for about a year and felt pretty good and now i care too much and it's ruining my life bc i can't control the current situations that i am facing entirely and apathy/acceptance is partially the answer