I don’t think I ever felt my heart hurt this much before, and why it does is still a mystery when I am an inch closer to my dreams. Dream city, to be more specific.

February 2016  -  MAKATI, PHILIPPINES

I like myself better as an introvert. It's less likely that I meet the wrong people, and there's less chance of me being misunderstood for what clearly I am not. People think I'm a snob or a slut (!!?) or maybe an untalented person (yes) when In fact I really am just like my hometowns pride: incredibly shy. I'm tired of the trial and error. I'd like to believe in desires of the heart again but how can I when life punches me in the face everytime I do. Am I really really that unlikeable?

I really just hope you give this some thoughts.” 

Its easy to get sidetracked by jealousy, bitterness and anger. Perhaps, I think, that is why for me, self-control works. I need to control myself before my surroundings eat me whole, before the world crash on my shoulders, when it shouldn't. Not when I'm still in charge of my mind, at the very least. I need be believe in myself despite everything, despite everyone and I can't do that if I'm still looking over my shoulders, anxious and afraid over everything. I can't. Method actors are great because they do this sort of thing. I'm not an actor. I don't even know if I'm really an artist. (someone's asking why I kind of live inside a bubble of indifference and disinterest with a bunch of people or a certain lifestyle. I hope I answered your question)

But they say you can have what you want...just probably not all the same time. 

I'm always the late bloomer, I really am. I blame this dense heart, which does nothing but feel things for the wrong people. I know what you're thinking; this is different. I haven't told you anything about this yet. #chemistry #isn't #just #a #subject #loophole

Just two of the things I value the most: heart and music. I know I can be an ice queen, a snob, a very distant stranger, a weirdo most of the time. I'm very aware of such... flaws or traits. But I'm never one without empathy, or care. A little too much, actually and it is beneficial to my work but not to my personal life because I tend to give them so carelessly, every so often and while I'm on the process of subtly nursing that flaw, I'll keep track of the other things, the other reasons and the answer to this question I've been asking myself for weeks: Why don't you like me? #overshare #dontgiveashit #empathy #firstforeverything #fuckfeelings

Someone: pretty sure it is haha, people sometimes don't know how to label their feelings eh :) 

Me: Someone who’s trying to find herself. :) 

me: i see. 

i always do, even in the midst of paralyzing fear (my enemy). because despite the bruises, and the failures, I realized I do transform into a different person. and that's more than enough of a motivation for me, especially when it all comes down to.... proving them all.. wrong (by doing the thing they say I just can't do). to win is very ideal but ultimately, I just want transformation. into the person I always saw myself turning into and believe me, I have nothing but complete faith for that person. #frequentflyer #fears #numbingfears #cityscape #learntofly #theunderdog #nonconformist #blackandwhite #bw_asia #IamNOTamediocre

claustrophobia (n); it isn't about the lack of space, nor the shortage of breathing ground, but the dominance of the clutters I want so badly to be gone. away from this bubble I protected all my life. #cityscape #claustrophobia #photography #urban #digitalart #typography #photo #graphicdesign

stay, sunday. or at least, leave all your good parts spread out throughout the week. for my sake. #VSCOcam #claustrophobia #portraits

on conquering feels, and fears. I'm not so good at them but... i will be. You'll see. #bw #introversion #claustrophobia #mostusedword #mountainpeaks #offthebeatenplaces

CAROL 

#fyi #makingyourlifeeasier