Efflorescence

She was once apart of your life, your dawn on Sunday mornings, your starry Summer nights. But it was only once upon a time, but it was only for once in your lifetime. And now she’s nothing but a ghost, haunting and lingering in between the words of your favourite sad love song.

I wish I would’ve never let you in, I wish I would’ve never seen your roses and your crystals, the good side of you. Because I was never prepared for your bad side, your roses had thorns and your crystals had sharp edges. I never knew something so beautiful could hurt me so bad, I never knew I could hurt this bad, you showed me I could hurt, so bad.

Sometimes it just hurts to speak. I can feel it with every word as more and more energy leaves my body, I grow weaker and weaker even if it’s just a simple conversation about the weather.

We all love the ones that hurt us because we are looking for someone to help us feel something, even if that feeling is pain.

The worst feeling is when you’re not sad enough to cry but at the same time you’re not happy enough to smile.

No matter what, you have to keep it moving, even if it’s just an inch, even when it hurts. Just keep it moving, just keep moving, eventually one day you will get to wake up and say “I’ve finally moved on”.

I’m not asking for the world in the palm of my hands, I’m not asking for a fairytale happy ending, I’m only asking for a shoulder to cry on.

She never was perfect, only different. Somehow even her flaws managed to give him butterflies. He would sit alone in a deathly paralysis of the night, wondering how on Earth she does that?

Is it unfair to say that I want you to live forever? I know I never loved you the way I was supposed to. Please don’t give up on life, please don’t give up on us? I need to make it up to you, I need to love you right, I need you to live another day, I need forever with you.

Is it so hard to believe that I have a heart that beats? A soul that breathes? Is it so hard to believe that I am capable of loving you? I only want to take care of you, I only want for you to be my baby. 

But when it was time to take care of her soul, he didn’t know what to do. For he only knew how to adore her lips, her laugh, her smile.

You gave me your heart, it was cold and blue. You told me to take care of it, so in the storm I held it against my chest, I kept it warm although it made me cold. I kept it warm until it was warm. I kept it warm until it kept me warm. But when Winter came and I needed it the most, you stole it back and you left me cold and blue.

You broke my trust, but you still get to be the one who smiles. You broke my spirit and still get to be the one who laughs. How do you break my heart and still get to be the one who loves?

She has a smile like clear water and a laugh like the sound of raindrops. But don’t ever think she has it easy,  it takes all of her to open her eyes everyday, it takes all of her strength just to wake up and face the world.

She is more than the smile on her face, the curve of her hips or the texture of her skin. There lies a soft glow behind the colour of her eyes, a soothing song lingers behind those pink lips. She stays up all night wondering if you will ever notice the real her? The her that both cries and laughs out loud. When will you see that the her that actually means something can only be seen with your eyes closed?

When he first felt the warmth of her hands, a calmness he craved spread throughout his whole body. The longer he held on, the less he could keep on resisting. He wanted those hands all over him, taking care of him, casting their wicked spell on his helpless soul.