you might not believe it when i say this, but when i read this, so much of my own joy swelled within my heart. that you are loved and happy makes me happier than you might realize.

unfortunately, i don't know the answer to your question; i have never held love long enough to learn how to carry it, and to carry it gently.

however, i will tell you to allow your fear. allow it to guide you to your other fears, where you can then decide what it is you fear most. let that be what drives you to always choose the direction your heart is pulling you, even when it is through difficult and treacherous terrain. let your love guide you. it will never lead you astray, no matter what the end may come to look like.

please do what you can then. i know that trying to eat healthy, and to eat in general, is... not cheap.

my condolences to you regarding your health, and i hope for nothing short of a miracle; you'll be in my thoughts for as long as i live, and i mean it.

and i hold my own faith that they will one day see how much you care. perhaps not necessarily in the words you throw out into the void, but surely in their memories of you when they look back, even in the most difficult moments of the past. i know i have seen it with regards to memories of my person when i have looked back, even with how much hurt that had been inflicted.

it's funny, because for the briefest moment i seriously wondered if you are the person i miss, whom i am too afraid to speak directly to. i doubt we are the people either of us wish we were.

but i would like to say that, when it comes to telling someone they are thought of and missed, and might always be missed, there is no such thing as running out of time. even if you fear that they never want to hear from you again, that they never want to think of you again, i think we, as humans, must let the people in our lives, past and present, know that they are thought of and missed, even if only indirectly. we have so little time on this earth, alive at the same time; you don't know what will take us from each other. so i am of the opinion that you must tell the people you love that you love them, while you still can, as much as you can.