This is for me. I'm writing this with all I've been feeling the past month. I want to say that I don't hate you, and never will I. You know, I really did give it all I had. I gave you every piece of me. In the end, the only thing I earned for it was a goodbye that I didn't deserve, but you felt was necessary. I completely understood that you needed to focus on yourself, but what I didn't and still don't get is... Why did that mean you had to leave me? I don't mean that as in: "You broke up with me; you left me." I mean it as in: "You completely erased me from your life and walked away; you left me." You know that we could've at least stayed in contact a little bit while you focused on yourself, and you know damn well that that was the only reason why I was upset because even when you broke my heart and begged me to hate you, all I said in reply was, "I love you. You're beautiful. Thank you for everything." I do love you. I'll never stop loving you. I couldn't hide the fact we broke up for more than a few days because my grandma could tell something was wrong and I just broke down in her arms that I wanted so badly to be yours. Do you realize how close we were to finally knowing how it felt to hold each other? We were only 8 days apart. I rarely cry, and at the surface, I smile and am doing so much better. But at night when I'm alone and it's quiet, I can physically feel the shattered pieces of my heart, and all I crave is to have you on the other end of the phone, falling asleep with me and the last thing I hear before I fall asleep is your voice telling me how much you love me. I wonder if you still do. I wonder if you really felt as much as you said. You told me you love me, yet you said goodbye so much easier. Last night, it all hit me hard. It's like waves- there are the small currents and then there are the big ones. But no matter how often or how hard they hit, they never wash away the memory of you. I'm beginning to forget what your voice sounds like and all the details of your face, but not once have I forgotten the way you made me feel. You remember those gifts I bought you for your birthday, specifically the light up moon? I put it beside my bed last night and it was the first time in over a month that I felt connected to you. It was the first heavy, content, and maybe the easiest sleep I've had in awhile. Reminded me of you and it felt like you were next to me again, falling asleep with me. I get that you have your pride, but if I'm important to you, you'd put it aside and call me. I don't question why I feel so much for you, even though I never touched you. I already know the answer. I fell in love with you, you as yourself and your soul that I miss so much. I didn't need to touch your body to know what it meant to love you... Not when I felt you in all directions, in all aspects deeper than the physical. This may never get to you or one day maybe it will, but I'm still sitting by the river, not waiting, just feeling. I've never once walked away from you and I find comfort in myself, knowing I never broke a single promise I made to you. I find peace with our love and what of it was mine to share. I loved you completely, with no regret, only beauty. I was proud of our love and all my faith had belonged to you. Yes, you did wrong me. But I still could only ever love you. I've only done right by you. I hope you've finally found that happiness in yourself you were searching for. I'll never forget you. All I can do is remember 'til I've remembered it all. I really do hope one day you call and I pray that all is alright with you.
tangentwithtanner
dededos
romaincrisis
kianamaiart
