Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc.

She's back and she's losing weight like heck because she keeps forgetting to eat. I've been so miserable with my body since my awful relationship started. I'm so happy to be able to at least feel good about myself even though I still feel dead I side 🙃🤘

Since turning 17, I have been forced to do things I didn't want to do for someone else (the one that valued my virginity the same as a can of coke). I have been made to feel so uncomfortable by that person that I had to leave my job for over an hour just to cry in the cellar for a seemingly annual visit to my old work.

I've been groped almost every night but it never bothered me too much because I knew nothing would come of some drunken creeps in a nightclub.

I tried another job and I got horrible texts off my 'manager', made to do disgusting jobs as part of a power trip and cornered in the kitchen and as I tried to leave.

Since working in a daytime pub, I've been objectified more than I ever believed possible. I never wanted to believe that people are genuinely like the idiots I laugh at on Facebook. That people are so homophobic, sexist and bigoted. They are.

I've been told that pubs have genders, that gay people are gross and bisexuals are worse, called the hired help for being a female bartender that's a bit gobby. For months, two grown men couldn't stop themselves recording me at my job. Trying to film up my skirt, zooming in on my chest and bum while I pour pints then threatening to come back after security leaves. Three men in 2 weeks couldn't stop themselves groping me as I walked past and denying it even though their hands were still outstretched. Too many people make their affections for me all too graphically clear.

And people wonder why mental health issues are so common. Some days I would rather cry and stay in bed than leave my house where people can find me and I get called pathetic for being terrified for my safety. Some days I feel empowered like I'm not scared of people anymore and getcalled a slut. Some days I act totally normal and that means I make the rest of the times up.