Fuck Cancer

"What is it exactly?"

He didn't bother answering. Nope, he just shot you another wickedly charming grin.

As much as you wanted to hate him for it, you couldn't help falling that bit harder for seeing that grin and the twinkles of mischief in his gaze. He loved to spoil you when he got the chance, and he wasn't about to stop. Even when you told him you didn't need to be spoil, he double-downed and find some other way to make you feel special. All you really needed was him though.

Sliding him a beer, you could only shake your head at him.

Soon enough, you had other patrons vying for your attention. It took several minutes to do up their orders and have them retreating back to their original places around the bar. By the time you got a chance to breathe again, you spotted Jake at one of the pool tables with Bradley and a few other Daggers. While they'd gone ahead to rack up a new game, you noted Jake lacked a cue stick, an unusual sight due to his love of the game and its brand of hustle.

In your moment of breath, Bradley's girl came up to you with a wide smile on her face.

You soon learned the reason why when you spotted the sparkly ring on her finger.

"Congrats, girl," you squealed right along with her.

A few patrons gave you both the stink eye, but you both ignored them. Instead, you inspected her ring and noted how pretty it looked. The perfect ring from the perfect guy for her. You couldn't be happier for her.

"You know you'll be next," Bradley's girl said, her gaze going to where Bradley and Jake stood talking near the pool table. The other Daggers took turns giving Bradly their congratulations from what you could tell, but it was the look on Jake's face that nearly stole your ability to breathe.

Phoenix had taken up Bradley's attention momentarily, but it gave Jake reason to scan the bar. His gaze landed on you and he shot you a wink, which you happily returned. But his gaze didn't veer away, either, soon settling into a look of such softness, such adoration. It was a look of love and promise.

"Like I said," Bradley's girl whispered in your ear, breaking the spell Jake had been weaving over you.

You shook yourself and gathered up your things. "You sure you and Penny have got the place? I don't wanna leave you two if you need the help."

"Go! Jake's been waiting on you long enough. See what this surprise is he has for you. Send me pics, too."

Officially shooed from the bar, you soon found yourself closing the distance between you and Jake, who opened his arm for you to slide under. His hand settled at your waist even as he turned his head and pressed a kiss to your head.

"Ready to go?"

You nodded. "Yeah, I am."

He didn't need any further encouragement. After a few simple farewells, he swept you out of the bar and to his truck. Opening the door for you, he helped you inside and made sure your belt was buckled before shutting the door and dashing to the driver's side.

On the way, he held your hand on the console between you. Every so often, he'd bring your hand up and press a soft kiss to your knuckles.

"Really not going to tell me, are you, Seresin?"

"Nope," he grinned at you, "but I know you'll love it."

"You keep saying that," you grumbled but with little bite or heat.

Eventually, he pulled off the main road and onto one of the quieter streets. The homes were a little older but quaint in their unique colors and styles. At the end of the road, he pulled to the side and killed the engine.

A man emerged from the open garage with a wave and a nod.

"Who is that?"

"Javi's friend, Zach. Come on, I'll introduce you, then we can see your surprise."

Zach turned out to be a nice guy who was all too happy to show you the surprise Jake had for you.

A large pen had been setup to the side of his garage which had a full litter of puppies. The wiggly pups grew more excited upon seeing you and Jake, each one jumping over another, to get to you. Several licks and nips touched your fingers long before you'd even gotten into the pen where you could settle in the heart of the litter.

"They're ready to go. Just have to pick out the one you like, darlin'."

"You got me a puppy?" you asked, even as you allowed several of said puppy lick you and jump on you.

Taking them in, you soon spotted the sweetest of the bunch. A little shy but so sweet when you picked it up, nuzzling into your neck, you fell instantly in love. The pup wouldn't be little for long, you knew, but you couldn't help falling for its sweet face and silky coat.

Jake merely smiled that sweet, sappy smile as he watched you.

"Find the one?" he asked eventually, but he knew. Of course, he did, helping you out of the pen with the pup of your choice still in your arms. Before you got too far, he leaned back into the pen and took out the one that had caught his eye as well. At your questioning glance, he shrugged. "Can't have yours getting lonely when we're working. Everyone needs a buddy."

After thanking Zach and squaring up, you both took your pups back to the truck where Jake proceeded to show you all the items he'd gotten for the pups prior to collecting you from work. He'd really gone all out with everything the two pups could possibly need for their first few weeks in their new home: new pens/crates, training pads, toys, treats, and food.

"You thought of everything, didn't you?" you couldn't help asking. "Well, Seresin, you weren't wrong. I loved your surprise, and I love you."

His head ducked down, but you could make out how pleased he was at your words. He hadn't always been the best at gifts or surprises, but he'd gotten better with time. You were almost certain this was one surprise and gift you'd never forget as the two pups cuddled in your lap.

"I love you, too, darlin'. Let's go home."

Of course, Bradley didn't think this all the way through, sees and hears about Jake, and he MISSES him, but he just keeps tracking on. DADT is repealed, he has a few (doomed from the start) relationships, and he knows Natasha is still friends with Jake but he stubbornly refuses to ask her about him. Jake has no such qualms, regularly asks for updates and doesn't really understand why Bradley decided he no longer wanted to be friends with Jake. (Does Jake think that maybe Bradley had a thing for his wife? Yes. But he dismisses it as a stupid idea pretty quickly).

And then we start Top Gun Maverick with ex-best-friends Hangster, Bradley with what he believes is a long-term deep rooted love for Jake which part of him hates, all while he's dealing with Maverick being back in his life and dealing with A LOT of deeply buried emotions he's been ignoring for a LONG FUCKING TIME, all while facing the thought that he might die without having any resolution over any of it.

Jake, thinking Bradley and Natasha have maybe finally stopped doing the stupid will-they won't-they dance (because as much as Natasha has kept Jake informed about Bradley, she never outed him). But Javy and Bob start something, and they both separately inform Jake that Natasha and Bradley are definitely not together.

THEN - on the carrier, Bradley is chosen to fly and Jake is a little terrified because he and Bradley might not talk, but Natasha is going up as well, and Jake is being faced with the potential of losing BOTH of them. So Jake confronts Bradley, and Bradley grabs him and kisses him and Jake is SHOOK because WTF? He gets a hard, too dry hand job from Bradley, told by Bradley that HE LOVES HIM and Jake is just left reeling, untethered to reality.

He drinks some water from the fridge, stretching his neck this way and that and mourns the hours of sleep he would have gotten before Lou came into the world. He wouldn’t change a thing, but thinking about her almost certainly waking him before 8 a.m. makes him cringe now. He yawns, considers if he wants to take a quick shower but he's dead on his feet. He'll just drop into bed and change the sheets the next day. They're probably due a wash anyway.

He treads softly as he passes the couch, Phoenix passed out on it. He chuckles and curses the fact that his phone battery died halfway through his shift because he kept checking if Bradley had called with bad news. Taking a video of Phoenix snoring away would be prime blackmail material.

He sneaks into the guest room and his heart squeezes in his chest when he sees Bradley passed out on the floor next to Louise's bed. It looks like he fell asleep reading her a good night story, the book sliding halfway off his Hawaiian-clad chest.

Louise is cuddling her plush dog, passed out. Jake leans down to fix her comforter and to press a kiss to her hair. His kid drives him up a wall sometimes but he loves her more than life.

"Bradley," he whispers, going down on one knee to shake him awake gently.

Bradley's eyes slip open and find Jake's in the dark room. "Jake?"

"Yeah. Come on, your back's gonna kill you tomorrow if you sleep down there."

Bradley blinks, looking around like he hadn’t planned to fall asleep. He sits up and rubs his eyes, the book falling down with a thud. They both freeze, looking at Louise but she‘s out.

"How'd it go?" Jake asks in a whisper, walking over to his own bed and slipping off his shirt on the way.

"Uhhh." There‘s a cough behind him but no information put forward.

Jake laughs, looking over his shoulder. Bradley always needed a moment to wake up. Bradley ungraciously gets on his knees and Jake ducks his head away. He really doesn’t need the picture of Bradley on his knees when his kid is in the same room.

"It was fine," Bradley says and Jake thinks that he's standing now, gauging from where his sleep-rough voice resounds. "We fed her pizza and then played board games. She's smart."

Jake grins, feeling pride blooming in his chest. He opens the button on his jeans and steps out of them, aware he's giving Bradley a show but too tired to care right now.

"Thank you," he says, meaning the babysitting and the compliment for Louise.

"My pleasure, Jake. You know that." Jake sits down on his bed and looks up, meeting Bradley's eyes. He's near the door and looks way too good even with a sleep-rumpled shirt and his hair flattened unattractively.

"Thanks anyway."

Bradley nods.

"Shift go okay?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

Jake nods. He's happy it all went smooth enough. But he's exhausted. A wide yawn splits his face and Bradley looks at him like he wants to put Jake to bed, too.

"Get some sleep, darl–. Uh. Jake."

Jake ignores the slip up. He can’t deal with all that on top of everything else.

"Good night, Bradley."

Bradley quietly opens the door and slips into the hallway, head still inside the room. "I told Louise to let you sleep in tomorrow but I don’t know if she'll remember."

"It's fine. I want to be awake with her."

Bradley bites his lip.

"Good night, then. Sleep well."

"I'll do my best."

His job interview had turned into a trial shift behind the bar and Jake felt confident he'd get a call back with an offer. The lady who ran the bar, Penny, seemed to like him charming her customers while making their drinks to satisfaction. He hadn’t worked as a server since Louise was born and he was happy to now have the evidence he hadn’t lost a step. Working the bar had always been fun. He had started at a restaurant while at college, then worked at different locations until he was forced to look for something different when Louise was born.

He silently makes his way to the kitchen and opens the fridge. There's a takeout container with his name on it waiting and when he peeks inside, it' his favorite pasta from the pizza place they have on speed dial.

His stomach growls at its sight and he plates it up and puts it into the microwave. Penny had offered him a meal but he had declined, too anxious to get everything right and secure the job to scarf down anything.

He picks up on movement in the living room and listens for little footsteps, but it's Bradley shuffling into the kitchen. His face has lines from the throw pillow he has slept on and his hair is adorably disheveled. Jake's heart gives a double beat. He still hasn’t gotten used to seeing Bradley like this again, all soft and sleep-warm.

"You're back," Bradley whispers. He checks over his shoulder, probably to see if he had woken Lou. Jake laughs. The microwave is much louder than Bradley's low voice, and once his kid sleeps, she is not that easily woken up again.

As he waits for his food to heat up and tries not to ogle Bradley, his mind drifts to wondering how she will fare in school. Maybe he should start waking her up instead of letting her sleep in so that she could get used to it all before she gets to school, but he can’t bring himself to do it. He wants her to be a child without any societal expectations or responsibilities dragging her down for as long as she can be.

"I'm back." The microwave dings and he pulls out the drawer to get a fork, digging in as soon as the plate is in his hands. His stomach growls again at the first bite and he realizes how hungry he really is. The portion almost looks too small.

Bradley clears away some papers from the kitchen table so Jake can sit and Jake is too ravenous to thank him for it. He sits and starts wolfing down the food.

"How was it?" Bradley asks.

"Good," Jake says around the food that's a little too hot, burning his tongue. He fans air into his mouth, looking around for something to drink.

Bradley steps towards the sink and fills up a glass for him, handing it over with an amused little frown. Jake nods in thanks, then goes back to eating like he's been starving for days.

When he has cleared half the plate, he slows down enough to realize Bradley is sitting opposite and watching him, biting his lip like he wants to say something but hadn’t wanted to interrupt Jake.

"What?" Jake asks, straightening up.

"Louise had a bit of a moment earlier, but we managed."

Jake stops chewing, fork in the air. "A moment?"

"Yeah. She—" Bradley's eyes swing around the room.

Jake doesn’t have the nerve for Bradley to be stuck on his perch, not when it comes to Louise. He kicks Bradley's leg under the table and earns himself a glare.

"What happened?" He shoves another forkful into his mouth, chewing with his eyebrows raised.

Bradley scratches the back of his neck, his cheeks pinking a little.

"She asked me if we were getting married."

The food in Jake's mouth ends up in the wrong pipe and he starts coughing, his eyes watering. Bradley leans over, ready to thump his back but Jake gets himself under control, drinking water to soothe his throat.

"I think she's worried about you," Bradley adds, sounding anything but eager to share his concern.

Guilt grips him and his appetite leaves him at once. He knows he fucked up, losing his office job because he "didn’t commit himself enough to the company." He should have asked one of his friends to look after Louise a couple of nights the week, stayed at the office late like all his colleagues did. But he knows what it's like to grow up with a parent who doesn’t really care if you're there or not. Who looks past you when all you want is for them to notice you. And he never wants to be like that for her. He wants Louise to know how much he loves her, how much he wants to spend time with her. He already saw her too little while working from nine to five. Bringing her to kindergarten, then having to rely on his friends to pick her up and babysit her until he can come pick her up.

He wonders how he's going to do it all with this job. Most of the work will be in the evenings, into the night. He won’t be home before three a.m. some nights. But he'll figure it out. He'll get to spend the afternoons with her instead. He can wake up with her, bring her to kindergarten, then nap, then pick her up and make sure she gets something healthy to ear.

He'll have to rely on Bradley heavily and he knows it's a lot to ask, but when Jake let the idea float that it'd be easier to get a job working the bar than find another office job in the current climate, Bradley hadn’t hesitated to offer his services as a babysitter. Just for the time being. Just until Jake could save up a little, enough to move out again. Not that Bradley had said he wanted Jake and Louise out of the house again. The opposite is true. Bradley has said he's happy to have them here, at his house. He even offered Jake his own room, floating the idea of building a room on top of the garage.

Jake had obviously fucked up, asking Bradley to take a step back again until he was more sure on his feet as a parent.

"What did you tell her?"

"Basically that it's grown up stuff but that I'd be there for her. And for you."

Jake nods. If he knows anything he knows that Bradley means that. Even if they don’t work out romantically in the long run like Jake had always hoped, Bradley wouldn’t just abandon them.

"Thank you for taking care of her."

"Always."

Bradley's heart breaks a little. "Sweetheart, your dad's not alone. He's got you, doesn’t he?"

Louise looks up at him with her big baby blues. "But I‘m going to go to school after the summer! Daddy needs someone who is there when I'm away."

"Well, he's going to have to go to work, too. So he's not going to be alone. He'll be with his colleagues." At least Bradley hopes Jake will get the job he‘s currently interviewing for. The hours sounded great and Jake seemed excited about the prospect of working there.

"I just don’t want him to be sad."

Bradley sits up, putting Suni up in the pool with Barbie. "That’s sweet of you, darling. But your dad's gonna be alright. He's got you and me. And then there’s aunt Nat and uncle Javy and all your other uncles and aunties, right? He's not alone and neither are you. We all got each other."

Louise sighs, like she's only half-listening to what Bradley's saying and finds the rest of it lacking. She pulls the beige horse with the pink mane from the makeshift barn they had set up and starts combing its hair.

"I guess."

Bradley frowns. It's not like Louise to be so down, her eyebrows dipped together in thought. She looks so much like Jake when he's concerned. Her little face makes Bradley want to fix everything for her and Jake. And stat. "Is there something else?" he asks, brushing his fingers over the soft rug they had added in Louise‘s corner of the room. Bradley would love for Louise to have her own room but Jake had insisted they didn’t want to take anymore space when Bradley had offered him his own room with the idea to move to the couch.

She shrugs, but Bradley's pretty sure there’s something else bothering her.

"Just…“

He leans down, trying to get her to look at him.

"Juuuust?"

She ducks her face, voice more quiet when she explains, "I‘m sad that you don’t want to be my other dad."

Bradley's eyes widen at the same time he wants to start crying. His heart squeezes tightly. If only Louise knew how much he would love that. Be her dad, be Jake's husband. But a five year old won’t understand why Jake and him can’t be together right now. Bradley barely understands himself.

He tries to think of what to say, watching her try to hide her face from him even more.

"Sweetie," he says. "There's some things that you'll only understand when you're a little older. Hey!" He nudges her chin up gently, waiting for her to meet his eyes. "But you gotta know that I love you both very much and that I'll always be there for you, alright? For you and your dad."

Louise nods, but she looks like she's about to start crying. Bradley's got his arms spread out the second she throws herself at him. She squeezes her little arms around his neck and starts sobbing into his shirt. His own eyes get a little misty as he hugs her to him, trying to soothe her little heart. "Come on, LouLou, you're fine, hm? I'm not going anywhere." He holds her a little while, rubbing her back and lets her cry herself out. When she calms down a little, he pushes up from the ground and stands with her in his arms. He starts for the living room, planning to carry her to where he last saw her favorite plushie on the couch, all the while praying that Jake will be back soon because he's got no idea what else to do to help her calm her down. Jake's the Louise whisperer, always knows what she needs.

He changes course halfway, heading to the kitchen. "You want some ice cream?"

Bradley huffs out a small relieved laugh when he feels her nod against his neck, tears almost dried up. He opens the freezer and peers inside, glad he stocked up on treats for all three of them on his last grocery run.

"Alright, sweetheart. Chocolate or vanilla?"

She thinks about it and shrugs.

"How about I take vanilla and you take chocolate and if we don’t like our choices, we switch?"

"Okay." Her voice is small but she seems better.

The move was probably more overwhelming for her than they realized, and Jake's stress –as much as he had tried to keep up appearances in front of her– probably didn’t stay unrecognized either.

Bradley is happy he can be there for her when she works through her feelings, even when it breaks his heart to see her be so sad.

He pulls two popsicles from the freezer and sits her down on the counter, opening hers and handing it to her with a wink. She takes it eagerly enough, which also calms Bradley down.

He opens his own popsicle and sticks it in his mouth, motioning for her to follow him.

She jumps down from the counter and lands on her feet, lifting her hand to hold his as they make their way out of the kitchen, still feeling a little clingy after all the emotions. That's fine. He wraps her hand in his and spins her around as they walk back to the couch. She shuffles onto the sofa, catching sight of her plushie, which she wraps into her free arm immediately, making herself comfortable while Bradley looks around for the remote control.

"You wanna watch Moana?"

It's her favorite Disney movie and Bradley can dig it too. At least it'll keep them occupied until Jake returns.

Jake follows him to the kitchen behind Bradley and receives a cold beer from the fridge with a nod and a small, shaky smile.

Bradley gestures for Jake to sit and takes a swig from his own beer. He starts to pull out the ingredients for the meal and his favorite pan as Jake falls back into one of the kitchen chairs, looking beat down by the world.

"So what’s the plan?" Bradley asks, casual.

Jake looks up at him, and Bradley doesn’t like how lost he looks. And it scares Bradley to see. Jake always has a plan. Needs one, Bradley thinks.

But maybe this time he doesn’t. Maybe this time he's all out of ideas.

"There’s none," Jake admits, grimacing. He rolls his shoulders, starts playing with the label on the bottle. "I– I don’t know what I would have done if it wasn’t for y'all. Showing up for us like that. You letting us stay here."

"You would have found a way," Bradley counters, filling the big pot he never uses when he‘s alone with water at the sink.

He doesn’t even have to think about reassuring Jake. He knows Jake would have figured it out some way, even if he stood all alone. Which thankfully isn’t the case. Jake is resourceful, a little too self-sufficient at times. He doesn’t like to ask for help and will only do so if it is for Louise. He's a great dad, even when he sometimes doubts himself. Bradley is convinced Jake would have done anything to make sure Louise is safe and taken care of. Would go to lengths that scare Bradley, who has a vested interest in Jake's well-being as well.

The corner of Jake's mouth lifts for a moment and Bradley is pleased when his shoulders relax slightly at his words. "You want my help?" he asks, but it's only a courtesy offer. Jake's not great in a kitchen. Good thing Louise isn’t a picky eater. But even if Jake was the next Rachael Ray, Bradley would not ask him for anything other than leaning back and letting Bradley take care of him right now.

"No, you just sit there and look pretty."

"You into the raccoon look, Bradshaw?" Bradley frowns. Jake does look like he hasn’t slept in three days. Bradley vows to feed him and Louise and then shuffle him off to bed right after.

'I'm into you,' he wants to say.

The words are on his lips but he doesn’t want to make this more uncomfortable for any of them. And he knows how Jake's brain works.

Bradley doesn’t want to put any wrong ideas in his head. That he owes Bradley anything more for taking them in than letting Bradley be a safe harbor for him and his kid.

"Shut up and drink your beer, Seresin."

Bradley cringes. Yeah, he's a bit of a hoarder, but sue him. These things remind him of his parents. He didn’t want to get rid of them when he redid the living room.

"You're not seriously considering them moving in here," Bradley asks, flabbergasted. "Jake and I can’t live together."

"Too bad, 'cause it's happening."

"Nat…"

"Think of Louise. You want her to move into Jake's mom's place?"

Bradley frowns. From everything Bradley knows, that's not an option. Jake avoids his mother at all costs. The relationship between mother and son had already been strenuous due to her alcoholism and the fact she let her late husband beat the shit out of a teen Jake, and it had soured even more when Mrs Seresin had 'found god' in her recovery and started preaching about how Jake was doomed because he was gay. Nevermind that Jake was bisexual and had a daughter with a woman. A woman who hadn’t been ready to be a mother and had left Jake high and dry, to pick up the pieces and raise a child on his own.

Not that they had let him. Their group of friends had picked up the slack; Javy and Nat had even moved in with Jake for the first year of Louise's life.

This had been five years ago. Bradley and Jake had gone from friends to lovers back to friends during that time.

If Bradley was being honest, his heart stung a little every time he was around Jake these days, but he would always take that over not seeing him anymore. Not having him and Louise in his life at all. And he understood. Jake had to put his daughter first, even when Bradley didn’t understand why they couldn’t just raise her together. But when Jake had sat him down two months after their first kiss and had told him he had acted too prematurely in getting into a relationship with Bradley, that he had too much on his plate and Louise deserved to have all his attention, Bradley couldn’t exactly say anything.

"No, of course not," Bradley sighs. He eyes the boxes and is already calculating how long it will take to put them in storage. "Does Jake know you're here?"

"Javy is over there, talking to him."

"He won’t want to."

"He doesn’t have another choice. Sucks for him." She opens the flaps of one of the boxes, peeks inside. Her eyes swing up to him. "This is your mom's stuff?"

"My parents', yeah."

Nat looks around, calculating as she bites her lip. "Maybe we can put them up at a hotel—"

"No, it's fine." He shakes his head, interrupting her before she can say any more. His mom would hit him over the back of his head if he let Jake and Louise stay at a hotel instead of offering them this room. "I'll call Reuben, see if I can borrow his truck."