Khonshu’s Big Toe

Peter, innocently: Yes Mr. Stark?

Tony: I bought you every single piece of your outfit down to the pocket square. Why on Earth are you wearing pink socks to a black tie event?

Peter: Cuz it was the closest thing to white I had?

Tony: I gave you BLACK SOCKS. I thought it was ridiculous to buy you socks because surely you could at least manage that on your own, but Pepper insisted. What on Earth could you have done to them??

Peter: They were realllly nice socks. Like best I've ever had, and y'know kicking butt isn't the kindest to the ol' dogs, so I kept them on when I had to suit up

Tony: Still not following.

Peter: It was fine until Jack O'Lantern decided to hit me with an itching powder attack. If anyone's a menace it's that guy!

Tony: So you wash the socks. What's the problem here

Peter: I did do that! And then I dried them and they turned into little baby socks...

Tony: High heat on natural fibers, kid? I thought you were a scientist

Peter: Well I needed them to dry fast. I kinda just cranked it all the way up

Tony: Why didn't you just use another pair of black socks?

Peter: I don't own any

Tony: You don't—whatever, I don't have time to get into that. Why didn't you buy some then?

Peter: I didn't bring my wallet tonight because Pepper said it would mess with the lines of my suit

Tony: Peter when was this...

Peter: During the speeches

Tony: Whose speech? I just got off stage

Peter: Yep! You talked for the duration of a delicate wash spin cycle, a very quick dry, and a web-sling back here

Tony:

Peter: By the way Jack O'Lantern tried to attack the event. He's webbed to the lamppost outside waiting for the cops

Tony: In all honesty I'm just surprised you managed to show up at all. Just don't let anyone take pictures of your ankles tonight

• peter becomes spider-man first, and there is no iron man yet

• the plot of im1 doesnt happen until much later (so yeah SUPER canon divergence)

• while tony is held hostage, hes inspired and motivated by a very clearly kid vigilante doing the work nobody was willing to do, and makes the iron man suit

• eventually they meet, and while peter doesn't become tonys mentor (obviously), he still offers some nuggets of wisdom that tony takes to heart

Tony: “man, I’m struggling hard to get these guys to tell me who they’re working for, but they just won’t crack!”

Peter: “…well, coming from someone with ZERO experience in the matter. Really, none at ALL. Just guessing, have you tried leaving them for a few hours to make them sweat, coming back, threatening their futures, and threatening to tell their boss that they had given up all of the info willingly in an effort to bring the organization down?”

Tony: “…oddly specific…”