Khalehla

When he was younger, Shane believed that to play hockey, he had hold himself in and make himself palatable to the game, despite being given the title of "Generational Talent" and "Highest IQ in the Game". He realised very early on, that he was different - in looks, in skills, in mannerisms - and that if he just tone himself down enough so that all people could see was his hockey talent, then he could play and would be loved and accepted.

He was quietly devasted when he found out how very conditional that love and acceptance was.

After being outed, after moving to the Centaurs and playing with Ilya, after becoming the First Husbands of Hockey, after realising he doesn’t have to hide who he is or waste precious energy being palatable, he becomes BETTER, he and Ilya become almost impossibly good, and hockey becomes his in a way it never was or could be if he stayed at Montreal. The resulting Empire becomes his testament.

And Ottawa loved him - how they loved him. They loved their Hometown Prince who came back and chose home rather than cross the border when he left the team that drafted him. And not only that, he was the reason why the other Generational Talent, the other half of the First Husbands of Hockey, the beloved Captain of the Centaurs, was also playing in Ottawa.

While he was playing, that title made something itch inside him, though, because it felt almost like a velvet cage, another title he needed to live by. But now that he's retired? He's learned to let the title settle like a worn jumper rather than the shackles he used to fear they were.

It still surprises him that he’s still considered the Prince of Hockey-Ottawa, and that his fans adore him and his family, long after his and Ilya's numbers have been raised to the rafters. And it's not so bad, being their Prince. The obligations aren't burdensome and the fans for the most part are respectful; as long as they remember that he isn’t a lonely isolated prince - he has Ilya, and now the boys - he doesn’t mind anymore being called Prince.

So as a game, they take turns coming up with something that could not possibly get deranged. These include:

Bank or local credit union. Mortgages, savings accounts, very beige branding. Ilya sits at a desk, fully dressed in a suit, talking about compound interest.

Response: No chance. Competent man explaining finances? In a suit? That’s an entire kink category. And you know they’ll put him in a vest with the jacket off halfway through, rolled‑up sleeves. Forearms…

Gut‑health campaign. Fibre. ‘Take care of your insides so you can play like Rozanov.’ Very grown‑up, very serious.

Response: COngratulations, you just invented ‘thirsty for probiotic daddy,’

City of Ottawa Municipal recycling. ‘Please sort your plastics.’ Safety vest over a hoodie. No suits, no jeans, just reflective neon.

Response: have you seen his legs in work boots? You’re just giving them ‘hot dad taking out the trash’ energy. There will be fanfic. There will be slow‑motion shots of him lifting the bin. There will be whole essays about how he respects the planet and also definitely knows how to fix a broken sink.

Transit safety. Don’t stand too close to the tracks. Bright orange safety posters.

Response: Imagine: long coat, cold breath in the air, camera catches him from behind as the train rushes past… That’s ‘mysterious stranger you see on your commute and accidentally fall in love with’ AO3 tag. And then they’ll Photoshop Shane sitting at the window of the passing train.

Pest control. ‘Hi, I’m Ilya Rozanov, and I want to talk to you about rats.’

Response: There will be edits of him saying ‘I can take out anything that invades your home’… which will lead to people who call themselves the Infestation.

Ottawa Public Library. ‘Read a book, kids.’

Response: All the “daddy” comments the internet can shake a stick at. Bonus unhinged points of someone saying “Rozanov can caress my spine anyday”

Orthopaedic shoes

Response: classic, older man/silver fox thirsting, with the additional bonus of Romantic thinkpieces about how Ilya takes care of his joints so he can still pick Shane up in his fifties.

Voice‑over only. Cartoons. Animated safety mascot. No face, no body, just the voice.

Response: deep, sexy Russian accent? Internet has no chance. And they’re probably gonna draw the mascot hot.

Tax filings: The Canada Revenue Agency. Literally just him saying, ‘Do your taxes.’ No visuals, no mascot. Just a PDF link.

Response: the PDF will get leaked. People will zoom in on his digital signature. Unhinged comment: ‘rozanov.pdf ruined my life’.

-.-

Later, someone in the group will post on their social media: “Okay, internet, hit me: ‘Least Thirstable Possible Ilya Rozanov Campaigns That Are Still Somehow Horny.’ Round One. Go.”

Except when it comes to Shane’s freckles.

Ilya gets THE most intense cuteness aggression, and he can’t help himself from the occasional nibble, multiple kisses, or sometimes just running his fingers lightly over them in wonder.

the Centaurs have realised that the easiest way to distract Ilya is Shane - and the fastest way is for Ilya to fixate on his freckles.

Chapter 4 of my fic Stanley Queer: A Guide to Winning the Cup (Badly) uses a very scientific coincidentally predictive algorithm that may or may not be able to predict the winner of a game depending on each team's QF. So if you want to read a fic that has:

Sidney Crosby breaking journalists and the internet then walking off into the sunset

"hot Russians" becoming a requirement for winning the Stanley cup

Alex Ovechkin being the chaos godmother the league never knew it needed

cursed algorithms that work 😦

... hope to see you in the fic!

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Alex Ovechkin stands at the grill, spatula in one hand, beer in the other, shouting instructions in Russian and English interchangeably. A banner someone made as a joke hangs between two trees:

WELCOME TO OVI’S MATCHMAKER BBQ HOT RUSSIANS - NICE CANADIANS NORTH AMERICANS - CUPS GUARANTEED*

(*results not actually guaranteed, please consult your local GM)

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So if you are NOT into Game Changers - Heated Rivalry, you might want to unfollow me now since it will be a lot 🤪

If you are, and would like to read my Empire universe, would love it if you could join me on AO3 as well 🥰

https://archiveofourown.org/series/5891921

This is how the Centaurs built an empire in seven years, and why they look ready for the seven after that

And here's chapter 2 of the main universe story for your reading pleasure 😊

(Will contain minor spoilers, but also hopefully intrigue you enough to keep reading 😉