My Keto Journey

Its the same merry go round right now. I was able to get down to 152 two weeks ago. I believe I have some serious stomach issues right now.

I havent even gone to the gym honestly. I feel like this is strictly due to the fact that I’ve been covering people’s shifts at work, so I’m too busy to eat. Which doesn’t mean I’m not fucking hungry. I have been constantly hungry all week, but I’m also way too lazy to make food, im too broke to buy food. There has been a huge decrease in consumption of food haha.

But Im back to my no BM times. i think we’re at 4 days. I believe it’s the prune juice that was helping and the reduction of dairy. I’m out of prune juice, and i’m chugging coffee like it’s my other job.

My stomach growls almost constantly, but I don’t feel that dizzy starving sensation. Even when I did eat my stomach would grumble 30 mins later. I’ve got to stop listening to this sound because i’m not truly hungry.

This is almost hilarious. Like insanely funny, more insane than funny though.

Its all me, I know its me. I can’t get back into fasting, and I can’t get my ass to the gym, or even do a home work out. I am re assessing all of this.

Small goals. Like just taking out Dairy. Which I’ve done pretty well on this week, Just a tad forgetful when I want cream in my coffee...or when that blueberry muffin looked really good. But today, I drank coffee with almond milk.

With my constipation: I might have found a solution, I can’t tell which one is actually working. I’ve been drinking one glass of prune juice a day, and I’ve added alot of sourkrout to my meals and salads. Prune juice btw, is disgusting. I don’t know if its the mentality that prunes are associated with elderly homes, or just the nasty after taste it has. But it works.

It’s been super rainy and gloomy here in California, with all the storms. Not exactly gym mood weather.  I keep putting mental excuses in my way. Yea sometimes I do get busy, but sitting on the couch binge watching “Workin Moms” isnt being busy. Gas and traffic are legit factors, but I’ve gone to the gym at 8:30-9pm when it starts to die down. I have a good time when theres no one there. I really enjoy the sauna or steam room too.

It’s almost 1am and I can’t get over the fact that I’ve been stuck in this 3 pound never ending loop since January.

I don’t want to over celebrate now, I just want to hunker down and get to the finish line and out of the motherfuckin 150s! I fasted Monday and I am fasting today.

Spoiler alert, I have not gone to the gym. Even though I have a week off of my preschool job and we had Monday off from school. Just bein honest. I never said I wasn’t lazy.

I’ve kept my eating down to less than normal junk food given valentines day. I am even slowly taking out dairy. I watched a Youtube video about constipation and how dairy can be a silent cause of bloating and constipation. Still have yet to have a BM on my own, I have taken fiber pills, more fruit and I am honestly trying for more water. I am not usually thirsty all the time so its an effort to remind myself to drink. Trying anything possible at this point. I feel like its getting to the extreme. Ironically when I need a Dr, I just got kicked off my medical plan for making 67 dollars over the amount needed to re-qualify. What the actual fuck. I will have to fight that on top of doing everything else on my to do list.

All the little things are piling up. 

Have to get an oil change,

 have to file my taxes, 

have to finish a painting due on the 5th,

have to finish prep for my art class on sunday

Have to finish fixing my door panels to my car

I am pretty sure this is because of my period, it hasn’t changed all week. I haven’t been eating all together healthy meals but I am not doing piss poor either.

I fell into a dark place this week because of my last weekend, I lost my fragile motivation.

I measured myself though, because when I first started losing weight last year I kept a log.

12/28/2017: 179lbs BMI: 32.7  waist: 43″ hip 46″

2/27/2018: 174lbs  Waist: 40″ Hip: 46.5″

8/6/2018 159.6lbs Waist 38″ Hip: 44″

Today: 157.00 BMI 28.7 Waist 37.5 Hips: 43.5

I dont know if thats more or less motivating to see that I’ve barely changed since August. 28.7 is still in the overweight category, but it was up into the Obese range. So theres that. 

Yessss!!!! I didn’t even go to the gym this week, I went on a short walk near my school on Wednesday. I stuck with the 5/2 fasting schedule. I cheated a little bit last night with some pretzels and a piece of bread. But other wise I’m keeping a low carb diet, not 100% keto yet. Baby steps.

My motivation is back, just from getting out of that stupid yo-yo fluctuation. That was crazy! I even had a small BM this morning, definitely  not a weeks worth. I even took a laxative yesterday. I am considering doing a detox cleanse. I just want to be regular!

I was laughing about this with a co worker, and she is Portuguese, and she told me there is a saying that translates “I love you like a big poop”. I thought that was great and it relates to me so much!

Now, to survive this weekend. I have a dinner date with a girlfriend Saturday to go to CPK, so my plan is to look at the menu beforehand and try to order something that isn't just a salad.

Sunday after work I made plans with family to do a dinner with roast chicken. My little sister is doing whole30, so it works out in my favor as long as there is no wine involved.

of course I yo-yo’d this weekend.

but TMI haven’t had a BM since thurs I think. I can’t remember, which is horrible.

I did fast Monday, ate pretty good Tuesday. I had two almond cookies from daycare and snacked at a meeting that had cream cheese n breaD. I had eggs and veggies for breakfast, turkey and cheese for snack.

I’m going to start adding in fermented foods to try and combat this block up problem.

Goal for Feb: 145lbs

First day of of the Month, and I am ready! I am still going to plan do a 72 hour fast, but work my way up to it. There are a lot of fasting methods out there, and I am going to adopt the 5/2 fasting rule. 5 Days of keto eating, 2 days of fasting.

Monday Wednesday will be my fasting days, the rest of the week will be my Keto days. Once I have that down, I will jump into 72 hours and see how it goes.

Went to the gym yesterday, felt a little easier. Also found out the gym near my school is a super sport. Damn! I don’t have the funds to upgrade.

I think i’ll find a good walking trail, so it’ll be hiking monday wednesday after class, then tues/thurs gym after work. Friday I’ll have to plan out. Sat and Sunday is avoid social gatherings that ruin my progress and drain my bank account.

This yo yo part really sucks. I am struggling to find the motivation to pre plan. I don’t want to stay in this unending wave. The mental battle is so real and I am tryin to be as human as I can. I accept my flaws but I want better for myself.

TMI alert, I have chronic constipation on top of all this, so sometimes it’ll be 4-5 days of no BM’s. I want to get this condition under control, and I keep reading about how fasting for 72 hours can reset your body. It’s been a goal I want but can barely get past 18 hours fasting. 🤣

January is over tomorrow, and I keep promising to do better but failing to get there. I’m still human and I like to cuddle with my cats rather than meal prep. But i realize this year can’t be about avoidance. Because it’s not working anymore. I need me.

I barely had time to sit down this past weekend, so I’m not surprised.

fail to plan, plan to fail yada yada

I need to cut my social life in half, I really need to learn the word No, not today.

It’s a struggle, and I love my family, and my sisters boyfriends family, but damn! I like being alone too! when i save money and gas and calories haha

Holyflippinmoley, Finally got out of the 156′s. 

I went to the gym yesterday, and did a incline walk on the treadmill, then some light body work outs like squats and crunches. My body is not as sore as I thought it would be, since the last time I went to the gym was in October. I was able to get down to 152 before my cruise trip and holidays. 

I will get out of the 150′s by the end of this month!!!

I went out drinking on Saturday, I had about 4 drinks total, which were not keto. Neither was the truffle cheese fries..and this weekend was a mix of bad choices. 

 My friend gifted me a leather jacket that was too big for her, shes like a size 0 and thinks I could fit into her things. I tried to tell her that I’m a size 12, 10 if I’m having a good day.

But, her Medium sized jacket fit!! She made a comment that I probably have body dis-morphia, which might be true. but I am stll pretty over weight for my height. I was just stoked about the jacket fitting and looking good.

I don’t get jealous of other people being skinnier than me, because I have been skinny and faced the same problems I’m facing now. So I know that those people with the “perfect” bodies are probably facing the less than perfect mindset we all have sometimes. 

I get determined. I want confidence, and I want to be healthy and I will get those things by switching to Keto, even though its  a slow process.

Today I ate: two eggs, 6oz of steak with half an avocado.

I cooked steak and brussels sprouts. My grilling game needs some work though...

But! I went into auto mode and made a bow of cereal, had two bites and put the spoon down and decided that it wasn’t worth it. Very proud of that moment.

Fasted until about 11:40, Snacked on ritz and some cookies from my daycare job. Then at 3pm I had 3 eggs, 2 slices of bacon with a couple of veggies.

Decided that wasn’t enough and had a big bowl of cereal... 

I have no excuses. I hope the fiber helps me have a regular BM. That is all. I enjoyed it and now the moment is gone and I can move on.

I don’t know how many calories that is, I am not doing hard core Keto, just slowly taking out carbs until I can get my sugar addiction controlled. I will have control over my cravings by this month. Thats why I love keto, the increase of fat helped decrease my need for sugar. 

I don’t feel bad about my slip ups today, because I refuse to beat myself up and stay in a negative mind set about food.

This is mainly a self healing way to vent to a community of strangers.

I am currently 32.

my weight is 158.6 as of 1/16/2019

my highest weight has been 180lbs.

i’m not proud, but i’m ready to stop beating myself up and just do the work.

I have been incorporating fasting as well as keto. I got down to 152 before the holidays.