keptblck

❛   I  don’t  want  some  fancy  man  ,  arthur  morgan  .  you  think  I  would’ve  ever  bothered  with  you  if  that’s  what  I  wanted  ?   ❜   she  can  feel  that  crack  growing  deeper  as  his  words  continue  to  sting  .  as  her  thoughtless  mind  begins  raging  with  self  inflicted  wounds  .  mary  isn’t  perfect  ,  she  knows  .  there’s  so  many  things  she  wishes  she  could  change  about  herself  ,  but  she  can’t  .

perhaps  that’s  why  she  should  give  in  when  he  tells  her  to  .  a  hypocrite  she  was  …  trying  to  force  a  man  to  change  while  dangling  her  love  over  his  head  to  do  so  .  she  was  embarrassed  ,  ashamed   &   yet  she  did  nothing  .

❛   If  you  think  that’s  what  I  want  then  you  ain’t  been  payin’  attention  at  all  !  I  don’t  need  no  high  society  …  I  need  safety   &   security  .  I  want  you  ,  but  you  keep  denyin’  the  fact  that  your  life  ain’t  ever  gonna  give  me  those  things  I  need  .   ❜

❛ mary, why do you want me? ❜ it’s a rhetorical question, but arthur half asks it to see what the answer really might be. there such tragedy in confusion, such confusion in tragedy. his hand slowly falls away from her. he reserves back to himself. heavy headreminders drip from his nose, over lips pursed heavy, and down to his chin.

he bespeaks the philosophy he’s holds so dear. AN APOSTLE WRITING IN HIS LETTERS, answering questions in his wisdom that the citypeople beg of him. every word of it some utterance of a man before him. dutch and hosea’s rhetoric does not roll off, fine, from between his teeth; but in his head it is so steadfast and sure. 

‘’You must’ve not heard ‘em on the way in.’’ Vague of him to say. But surely the other man might have at least FELT something odd about this place. These woods. While the soil might have seemed healthy, sprouting tall trees and thick grass and colorful weeds— this speck of earth was scorched. Giles intended to bring some kind of light back. Drive out and trap away what holed up itself up here. ‘‘— The stories I mean. Folk talk ‘bout it.’‘

The hunter gave a frown, shoulders shrugged lazily. Wasn’t any of his business what the man wanted to do. But he’d certainly prefer to cleanse the church on his own. It’d be safer that way and save him from the QUESTIONS afterwards.

‘‘Ain’t no crime— man’s free to go where he wants. Don’t mean it’s always the best place to be.’’ Chapped lips were dampened with a nervous lick. There was a slow nod of his head. Gaze quickly panned about the old broken church. As though he was looking for SOMETHING. Wood floors moaned and creaked as Giles stepped closer to the stranger. Voice lower, tone shifted, ‘’It’d be mighty wise if you did, friend. Not very nice here. Makes people SICK.’’

he wonders, briefly, what the history here was. some grand town epidemic of the revolutionary era, leaving wooden cabins sunken into the earth while the stone pillars of the church still stood? MAYBE. he can’t say it bothers him too much, though it explains the odd embrace the air takes him in. she is musted, she is cold. her fingers tap his neck and her nails scrape the vertebrae. 

heartless  .  she  thinks  .  heartless  .  she  feels  .  empathy  gone  with  the  changing  of  tides  .  he’s  not  wrong   &   the  sensible  side  of  her  knows  he  isn’t  …  but  she  stomps  her  foot  in  anguish  ,  anger  .  stubbornness  breathing  life  into  those  bones  that  quake  too  easily  .  there’s  a  shake  of  her  head  ,  the  ease  of  a  sigh  turning  into  a  hiss  .

❛   yes  well  …  he  ain’t  killin’  people  for  it  is  he  ?     ❜

she  knows  it’s  a  blow  below  the  belt  .  knows  that  everything  this  man  did  was  out  of  love   &   loyalty  .  it’s  why  she  found  herself  free  in  his  presence  more  often  than  the  caged  bird  she  was  .  but  that  made  no  difference  .  moral  obligations  be  damned  ,  she  knows  the  type  of  man  he  could  be  if  he  placed  more  effort  into  himself  than  that  of  others  …  but  he  won’t  .  she  should  know  by  now  that  this  fight  was  pointless  .  that  she’d  lose  each   &   every  time  .

❛   it  don’t  matter  anymore  does  it  ?  we  keep  comin’  back  to  the  same  damn  argument  as  if  it’s  changed  now  .  we’re  fools  ,  Arthur  …   &   I  was  stupid  for  thinkin’  otherwise  .   ❜

it’s a truly odd paradox; to be called selfish for your selflessness. the labyrinth built from the bricks of this is an incomprehensible mess that hardly any man could come to navigate———  arthur included. he relents himself with a breath, a sharp and heavy inhalation. it brushes mary’s words aside like some great tornado so that he leaves unscathed despite their bite. WOLVES AND SOCIETY DO NOT MIX. debate the domestication of such in relation to this and you’d find that they’re inclined to return to themselves, anyway. not of hate. simply because their pack is what they know.

arthur morgan is a bit like that.

(answered on mobile)

there’s much to unload with an answer to that question, but rather than biting his lip and dismissing it, arthur decides to stop holding things so close to his chest. he’s not a secretive man, all things considered. he’s just one that doesn’t see the immediate value of emotional openness. there is weakness that lives, the deeper you journey, in the lake of his chest. it’s an ugly thing. it swims in the form of some pathetic looking fish, eyes blown and mouth agape as it struggles, inherently, to exist.

“it’s a long story, mary,” he starts glumly, though his words are not tight and there is no knot in his chest. “in my experience, things always come back. now i’ll happily call myself one of ‘em bad me , but,” arthur pauses, stopping himself for a second as he searches for the best words to use to describe it. graceful as he sometimes could be, his mind blanks. “bad things happen to bad people, and y’know, the opposite. i’ve seen good folk get hurt on behalf of their associating with myself.”

there is vastness in oceans and it is reasonable to want to see it all, and with everything in mind—— mary deserves to know it in full.