standing on my tallest tiptoes.

LOCATION && WITH WHOM : : FOREST W / ANYONE @nlupdates​

“Oh, I wouldn’t step right there if I were you,” he said. “Someone was walking their dog earlier and it took a shit in that spot.” He kicked his feet back and forth, smiling down at the other from the tree branch he was sitting on. “You should be happy that I told you! I wasn’t going to at first but decided to do the right thing for once.” 

          it’s  nice  to  hear  kennedy  laugh.  she  knows  that  things  haven’t  been  the  same,  feels  like  she  might  be  slowly  losing  them  in  this  aftermath.  seeing  the  outcome  of  her  choices,  however,  serves  as  a  bitter  consolation  that  it  had  been  the  right  path ;  this  hurts  less  than  what  she  prevented  to  happen  would’ve  hurt.    ❛   it’s  cool,  just  like,  creepy  cool.  but  i  really  like  this  part  here.   ❜    motioning  with  circles  her  favorite  idea  from  the  sketch,  minjeong  wants  to  encourage  them  in  anything  they’re  doing,  so  she’s  trying  by  doing  what  she  thinks  is  going  to  give  just  that.    ❛   right,  i  guess  leaving  candies  around  wouldn’t  be  all  that  bad.  ghosts,  though ?  not  before  the  designated  date.   ❜    she  wants  to  keep  the  tone  light,  doesn’t  know  how  much  she  has  left  with  kennedy  until  they  rightfully  decide  to  leave  too,  she’s  cherishing  them  right  now.

A dry laugh escapes him, despite it not wanting to. It’s not Kennedy’s fault, but their response tells him Minjeong still hadn’t explained what had happened between the two of them. Maybe it’s a mercy his ex friend had granted, saving him the embarrassment of just how terribly he’d fucked up and having Kennedy know it. But he doubts anything Minjeong has done since February would ever be for him. “I’m glad then, that you two are good,” he mutters, nodding once.

Nick’s focus snaps back to attention to Kennedy’s downturned face, obscured slightly though he’d do anything to read their eyes, and he isn’t able to stop the look of concern that flashes across his face and the instinctive step he takes in their direction. A hand almost reaches toward their arm, but he has enough control to stop it. “Ken, that’s not…” he starts, further guilt creasing the space between his brows. “No, no, of course not,” Nick finally gets out, finding the emotions this question elicits before he does the answers or their meanings or their repercussions. “I knew you first. Before this…” He thinks about that day in that cafe of some forgotten place in Massachusetts that only the two of them remember, of the way he can’t remember the last time he was that honest. “You knew me back then. You knew me, Kennedy.”

There’s no fully tricking Kennedy when it comes to emotions since that’s basically their whole ordeal but they don’t want to have to keep asking Nick to clarify for them. They don’t want to constantly have to be asking for explanations that they know realize are never going to come. The tears threaten to form at this singular thought but they know that crying right now would only cause him to feel bad for them and it would turn into something completely different. Kennedy doesn’t want Nick to offer them an explanation out of guilt or pity but because he genuinely thinks that they deserve to know. 

He wishes he could do what he wants. He wishes he could start with closing the distance between them or talking to Minjeong. He wishes that when he looked at Kennedy now he didn’t feel that pang of stinging guilt, followed by a creeping anxiety that ushered in senses that didn’t exist. The warmth of running bodies and fire. The sound of inhuman shrieks. The smell of blood. Nick stood still, staring hard at them before him. Alive. Breathing. But still hurt, and he has no idea where to even begin to explain. He has no idea what the right choice is or how to make it. He clings on the empty sound of their laughter.

“I just…” Nick starts, words failing, breath uneven as he tries to remember this is the reality he finds himself in, the one that stuck. “I guess I shouldn’t have gotten in the way. Of you two, of siblings,” he starts, honesty coloring his words, however somber or misdirected. “Whatever I was… It doesn’t matter quite as much, you know? You’re family, you’re… You’re talking, right? To her?” he asks timidly, wishing he could even say her name without feeling like he’s crossed another line.

It tears them up that he can just stay there and watch them, show no reaction or indication that he’s going to start explaining. That he’s going to suddenly apologize and reveal some big secret that’s going to make everything okay. Kennedy needs everything to be okay because otherwise, why did they make the decision to come here in the first place? “You didn’t.” They start, looking down at their shoes. The pale green sneakers now more of a brown-ish color from how much they wear them everywhere. Soon they’d have to get rid of them. Replaced. Is that what he was doing? They’d just run their course and he could find someone else now. “Minjeong and I are fine.” Which wasn’t exactly the truth but they were certainly doing better than either of them were with Nick. 

Every part of his body wants to reach out and pull them into him, like they’re an extension of his hand, his arm, his body. It’s felt oddly unnatural not being around the Nemesis siblings, and painfully obvious, like a ghost has been following him around the campus. But Kennedy’s absence stings in a way he wasn’t prepared for when he and Minjeong had exchanged their blows. Betraying his best friend in the same way she’d betrayed him had made him at least expect the worse— and that’s exactly what had happened— but he hadn’t been ready to miss the person who’s care had been the very reason he’d pulled at the thread Minjeong’s manipulation had left.

Their words hurt, but he hates that he knows they’re justified, and he can’t bring himself to tear his gaze away from them, caught in a trap by one of the only people who could make him do something he didn’t want to. “Do you want me to stay?” Nick asks quietly in response, afraid of the answer.

“You can do whatever you want, I guess.” It’s what he’s been doing lately, anyway, regardless of how Kennedy might feel. Neither of them will tell them anything still and it just makes them feel so stupid. With Minjeong, it’s different, she’s their sister. Whatever she’s hiding from them, they have to trust that there’s a valid reason and that nothing too big would ever come between the two. But they thought, for a single humiliating moment, that what Nick and they had was different. That it was more. Kennedy tries to shove that out of their mind now because clearly there’s no validity to whatever it is they’re feeling. Whatever they had sensed Nick was feeling. Now he was just covered in guilt. 

“Shoot!” She responds immediately, making sure to give Kennedy all of her attention. When they flip the notebook, Prim tilts her head, first to one side then the other. “Is this like an inkblot test? I think it looks like a really fluffy bunny that’s just slipped in a puddle of ink.”

          takes  her  a  second  to  react,  didn’t  expect  a  question.    ❛   of  course,  show  me  that.   ❜    drawing  is  something  minjeong’s  learned  they  had  in  common,  and  she  admires  that  they  can  do  it  in  a  public  area,  unlike  her  who  keeps  it  mostly  hidden.  so  she  didn’t  want  to  disturb  kennedy  when  she’s  joined  the  free  space  next  to  them,  had  paperwork  to  keep  herself  occupied  with,  anyway.    ❛   that  looks  like  one  of  those  super  creepy  games  you  play,  babe.  is  that  .  .  guts  there ?   ❜    she  leans  closer  to  look  at  this  with  better  attention,  but  she  can’t  say  she  enjoys  her  decision.    ❛   a  bit  early  for  halloween,  should  i  be  concerned  by  that.   ❜

They know that he has been avoiding them. There’s no other way to go around it and perhaps if things had gone differently, Kennedy would have tried to reach out more to him regardless. Begging for more of his attention when it was clear that he wasn’t in the space to give it to them. Mostly they just missed their friend. It had seemed like a sign from the universe when they ran into him here of all places but as time went on it seemed to be the opposite of a miracle. 

💌🧸  𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 !  ♡꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱ — @nlupdates​

              𝒐𝒏  𝒂  𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒖𝒍𝒂𝒓  𝒅𝒂𝒚  he’d  definitely  take  the  buy  one  get  one  free  ,  but  he  wasn’t  going  back  to  his  building  in  a  while  ,  and  didn’t  want  the  extra  strawberry  milk  to  go  to  waste  .  “  hey  ,  sorry  to  bother  you  but  i  just  got  an  extra  ,  and  it  would  be  a  shame  to  waste  such  a  precious  drink  .  do  you  want  it  ?  ”

“Of course!” He loved taking pictures, especially for other people. “It’s a great outfit by the way, want one on your phone too or just on your film camera?”