Ismay's Garden

First there is Self-forgiveness…

We are all here on a journey to experience life for the sake of gaining wisdom. Not for our mental survival self, but for our eternal soul self. We seek to know and in this process we will inevitably make mistakes. Mistakes should not be judged in the sense of good or bad, or even right or wrong. The question is, what have we decided is the purpose of our lives? What are we trying to accomplish and how will our creations contribute to our higher consciousness?

Once we can answer these questions, we can make better judgments about the usefulness of our actions. Are our current or past actions in support of the direction we are trying to go? Do our choices taking us further on the journey or are they causing us to regress and continuously change direction?  When we have done some deep reflection, we realize that losing our way is usually connected to some unresolved issues in our past. We forgive ourself for not taking responsibility for our own healing and for not knowing that this is an essential starting point.

Forgiving others…

Overtime you learn that, while not easy, you have complete control over your emotions and overall well being in this current moment. Right now, you can shift your individual consciousness to soul/source consciousness. From this point of awareness you can see that you will play many roles this lifetime. You have the power to remain a victim or become one of the many survivors, warriors, advocates, and guides.

We have constant connection to an infinite source of wisdom and love. We often block this channel on the learning journey, but this supply remains available to us at all times. We keep learning in order to contribute to this universal consciousness, but we don’t have to keep making the same mistakes.

When we feel like we’re replaying a familiar scenario, we can hover over our issues, in a sense, and see it from our higher consciousness. In this way, we can move through our points of stagnation and into a space of manifestation.  We can remove the mask of our mental perspective and reshape our physical reality like clay. Through forgiveness, you release yourself and others form the prison of the past and make way for new possibilities.

We love to the extent that we have been able to understand love. We do unto others to the degree that we have experienced empathy, mercy, faith and joy in our own lives. Understanding the awareness, effort, and dedication it takes for your own healing process, ignites a greater compassion for others on their journey.

I always weigh my beliefs about forgiveness against issues like child abuse and other predatory acts. To this I say forgiveness does not mean absolving someone of something hurtful. It doesn't mean saying their actions are okay. Forgiveness is about you first. It’s your method of freeing yourself from the toxic emotions, and mental frequencies that manifest physically and in the world you co-create.

In addition. seeing things from a different conscious perspective reveals that predators have a story too. Often they have experienced trauma that has never been healed and forgiven. If we detach ourself form our personal pain, we can acknowledge that mental disorder and unresolved trauma can deteriorate the best of us. When we forgive others, we release them to do the more purposeful work of dealing with their issues. In the ideal sense, I would want a predator of any kind to experience the shift that helps advance our collective consciousness.

Forgiveness makes space for growth because it liberates us from the past. It gives room for greater understanding and new beginnings. It is not always easy, but if we start with the concept of regaining control of the direction of our lives, we are on the right track. We are the architects, designers of our fate.  We can design our best lives when we stop allowing people and past situations to control our current emotional, mental and physical well being.  ~ Kenda Rae

Music: https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae

Shadow work involves integrating the other (lesser, hidden) aspects of ourselves in order to be whole. Don’t condemn the shadows. Understand them and know how to utilize them. Allow them to guide internal exploration. Let them be the greatest teacher of compassion and understanding.

Often the people and situations we judge are those that trigger the shadows we are trying to avoid.

To run and hide is to give power to the aspects of ourselves that we are trying to evolve past. But is spiritual evolution truly necessary? If transcending means that an aspect of yourself no longer exists, then the answers are maybe and in the right time. We are as we are for a reason. Nothing is without order. Your so called gluttony, lust, anger, and fear could be the catalyst and guide to attaining your greatest wisdom. No theory can soothe a passion away. No disciple can conquer a yearning whose source remains foreign. Know thyself.This is not only a call to know your strengths and talents. Know the intricacies of all aspects of your being. Biological to spiritual. Remain curious and courageous about discovering the underline drive behind your impulses and ways of being this lifetime.

The only way to develop understanding and true compassion is to look at the parts of ourselves that bring us shame, without judgement. Although we hide these dimensions of ourself from the world, and sometimes from the conscious mind, they weigh on our internal being and delay our personal growth. Learning to embrace ourselves and forgive our past mistakes removes the blockages and makes room for the light in us to grown.

As we traverse the valley of our inner world, we must release the “demons” we posses in love instead of turning away in fear. This is an act of mercy. Mercy does mean we justify our “negative” aspects, it means that instead of burying, denying or imprisoning these traits we choose to release them to return to the source. The love is the compassion to end suffering caused by attachments and confusion. The release allows the closure that is needed to begin a new phase of the soul journey.

Releasing our shadows with compassion encourages us to extend this mercy to others. We are in the classroom of life to gain wisdom. Along the way mistakes will be made. Our personal healing work helps us recognize the battles common to all people. We have much more to gain when we align our efforts, show love, and raise even the weakest parts of ourselves and community up.

What if the shadow consumes us? God can not abandon all that God is. If we choose to separate it will only be in the limits of our minds. We will always remain united to the source because we can’t really be separate. The fear that has been placed in our hearts is largely for control. If we explore the terrains of our inner world and get lost, we will find our way, if that is what our heart truly desires.

The Will

Who are you?

We often find out who we are in the most difficult situations. When tragedy forces our self-image to take a back seat, something else becomes our guide. After losing our role identity or physical abilities, we’re left to dig deeper to reveal what lies at our core. What emerges is our will.

Our desire to learn from our experiences and make the best of any situation is the result of a strong will. Will must be cultivated. It must be trained to overcome the challenges of life. Your will is the best indicator of your success. It reflects your ability to endure, set goals, and manifest your vision in the world.

There is an aspect of us that exists outside our body and emotions. Ideally, we want this aspect to be in the driver seat of our biological vehicle (our body). We want to use the body to facilitate the creation of our wishes. Our bodies are not meant to be a burden, leaving us prisoners of pain and disease. In addition, our bodies are not meant to lead us in the continuous pursuance of sensual pleasures. Leaving us slaves to overindulgence.

Being led by emotions is equally dangerous. Emotions are fleeting.  As time passes, we often reflect on our impulses and feel ashamed. We realize that reacting in anger, frustration or lust takes us out of our power.

So who are you? What aspect of you sits separate from your body and emotions and is able to reflect on and direct who you believe you are?

Our will most closely aligns to the consciousness of this objective being. Some call it the soul, the aspect of the collective mind that is represented in your stream of consciousness.

One way I like to image life is that the real (soul) us is in a room somewhere playing a game. In this scenario, our life is essentially a video game that we are being directed through by our remote consciousness. We can make our own decisions within the parameters of the game. To us, these choices are relatively infinite, giving us the perspective of free will. However, our free will in only maximized when we align our body, emotions and soul awareness. When we play the game, guided by our higher consciousness, we win. The key to advancing is to not become distracted by the elements of the game.

Fortifying your will, strengthens the link between you the avatar and you the consciousness stream playing the game. Realizing this connection is enlightenment on one degree. As you tune your will to the frequency of love, you my feel closer to the inner voice of reason that causes you to pause and reflect before action in taken. You may begin to harmonize with the intuition that nudges you in life or helps you identify harmful and helpful acts. We advance when we stop habitually reacting to the scenarios that are meant to keep the game engaging. In order to be successful we must have an objective and utilize the game’s resources to reach our goal. We then become directors of our own narrative.

A cultivated will manifests from a soul supported consciousness. This awareness can be developed through consistent meditation. Higher awareness produces a calm and focused mind. A disciplined mind leads to a peaceful presence that is reflected in a noble and graceful character.

The very thing that makes us human is the consciousness to discern and willingness to decide and create. Without will, our visions would remain in the etheric field, never becoming tangible. Without will, our trauma, fears, and doubts would consume us and we would fail. By calming and focusing the mind, we have the ability to align our will with our soul consciouses. We win when we allow this unified drive and awareness to be our guide.

NEW MUSIC - (Great)ful - https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/kenda-rae-greatful/s-hBzgS

More Music:

https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/silence-the-lights

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Facing Fear

The brain is designed to keep us safe from anything that can bring harm or death. Sometimes new experiences can feel like critical situations for the body. However, a vulnerable ego doesn't always align with a physical threat. Often the only danger we face, when trying something new, is the chance of wounding our pride.

It is the responsibility of the conscious mind to override the biological response. When it comes to taking a chance to improve your life, you may find that failure simply means ending up in your current situation. For example, you interview for a job and don’t get it.  Keeping this is mind, stagnation should seem scarier than branching out into the unknown.

Sometimes there are greater risks involved, such as financial loss or even safety. Make a plan to minimize your losses and try. Try your idea on a smaller scale. Try with a friend. Find a mentor and try. Decide to try something else that makes more sense. The point is try. Trying something new broadens your viewpoint. Our negative assumptions of a foreign situation usually differs greatly from reality. Once we are exposed to a new experience, we begin to release the influences of our limited perspective.

Fear of a non-physical threat is a socially constructed response. We generate our ideas of right, wrong, dangerous, and safe based on our cultural conditioning and past experiences. We are challenged to dissect our beliefs about what keeps us secure and expand our way of thinking. Today, we are able to quickly access information that debunks superstitions and traditional taboos. We can easily find evidence of people safely going against the grain. We have proof of those who have survived and thrived while taking the road less traveled. Often these trail blazers were alienated and doubted. Surly there were fears they had to overcome. However, their connection to the unseen forces and internal wisdom guided them through.

So how do we approach fear rooted in culture and lack of knowledge? Explore more. Learn more. Challenge yourself to go beyond the surface and investigate the topics that pull at your core. As we gather information, it is important to use discernment. Information does not equate to wisdom. Wisdom is reflected in shrewd analysis based on experience and spiritual connection.

Take the information you find and meditate. Have a conversation with your spiritual guides and allow the truth of a subject to rise to the top while the fluff falls away.

Fear is a gift because is illuminates our weakness. It directs us to the places where we need to develop more discipline and understanding. When we don’t know which direction to move in our life, we should look deeply into our fears. What is at the core of our troubles? This is the area to move into next. Imagine that life is a game in which you are only meant to gain more wisdom, expand your strengths and fortify your will. What a blessing fear is to show you exactly how to achieve the high score of this round of soul development.

~Kenda Rae

NEW MUSIC - (Great)ful - https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/kenda-rae-greatful/s-hBzgS

More Music:

https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/silence-the-lights

For Donations:

Light and Dark

None of us are as bright as the sun. We bask in her light, we reflect her glow, but as the recipients and not the source, we are destined for periods of darkness. Learning to understand and embrace the internal journey is a major step in our growth. Consciously reflecting on the lessons that we are immersed in, instead of longing for the light, allows progress. When we avoid the darkness, we miss the opportunity to experience our inner source of clarity.

Anatomically, the eye works the same way. Our pupils dilate in search for the light in the darkness. When the light returns, our pupils contract letting less light in. We have discovered in the darkness the capacity to see more then we previously thought possible. We are not as dependent on illumination from an outside source. We already possess the capacity to go deeper and see clearer, if we continue to seek to understand our reality when things are not so bright.

Over the years, I have learned to think of my challenging periods differently. In the midst of these trials, it is not always easy to see the infinite possibilities of positive outcomes. But something remains in me beyond seeing. There is a knowing that trouble doesn't last for always. We live in a world of rhythm, sound and silence, light and dark, day and night. We need to experience the opposite to have an appreciation for the entire picture.

I believe we have this human experience to know ourselves and our source. Possibly, both god and humanity are learning their depth through creation and accomplishments. To observe ourselves we need to reflect from another perspective. In order to experience the All we need to separate.

We cannot see the spectrum of colors in white light. Not until we divide white light through a prism do we get a small picture of what is contained in the combined source, the All. Our human family, plant family, the elements, emotions, energy, ether, and thoughts are all fractals of the one source. Scattered to give us a glimpse of what the All contains, In this sense we are all God. Learning itself though the dispersion of itself.

A prism can only separate the light when it is present. The light will go back to being the all inclusive white light if left undisturbed. The colors of the rainbow eventually return the the whole combined source. We are like these varying vibratory streams longing to reunite. We experience the call to merge in the longing for food, music, sex, love and connection on any level. We see, if left undisturbed, we will find ways to form connections to our environment. The more we connect in any one area of life, the deeper we tend to gain some form of spiritual understanding.

When we are passionate about a particular path, we are more likely to be committed to the process of maturation and discovery. As we grow, we experience reoccurring themes that appear not only in our chosen pursuit, but also in other aspects of life. These are often referred to as universal laws. For example, the concept of honoring life's rhythms can be learned as a teacher, stay at home mom, farmer, or financial investor. The importance of balance can be learned in a relationship, while cooking, taking a yoga class, managing money, painting and designing clothes.

In our darkest periods we will naturally gravitate to the aspects of ourselves that need rebalancing. This does not mean we understand how to proceed in this area of our life. As the world becomes more inundated with information, this can become very challenging. We are able to access information that supports every school of thought, whether it moves us closer to or further from our life goals. Periods of silence are advisable. This time should be used to balance the nervous system, calm emotions and observe the clutter of the mind.

I believe we all have unseen assistance. This could be our higher selves guiding an aspect of our consciousness through a simulation. It could be deities, spirit guides, angles, demons, or advanced beings that connect though telepathy. Whatever your belief system, there is information beyond our current understanding that is available for us if we take time to listen. Instead of longing for the light, walk bravely into your inner world. Sometimes we hear clearest in the darkness.

Much Love and Growth

Kenda Rae

New Music:

NEW MUSIC - (Great)ful - https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/kenda-rae-greatful/s-hBzgS

More Music:

https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/silence-the-lights

For Donations:

All of nature operates in rhythm. These ebbs and flows make room for realignment. In the midst of our busy schedules we often lose our own natural rhythm...and forget the importance of finding it again. Now that Laylah has decided to wean herself from breastfeeding , finally:), I have reintroduced intermittent fasting back into my life practices. My personal goal it to give my body and mind time to rest and recalibrate before approaching a new weekly cycle. It also slows me down enough to readdress goals, emotions and me-time that got overlooked during the week. If you're interested in trying it out here is my (evolving) method. I say evolving because being holistically healthy is an active, ongoing process. It's always good to question, re-evaluate, tweak and try again when it comes to your person well-being!

Weekly 24hr Liquids Fast: Sat 6pm until Sun 6pm.

1 Last solid meal is on Saturday around 6pm. 2 On Sunday, I wake up around 6am, have a talk with God and all my spiritual guides. Rest in bed until your ready to get up. 3 Drink 32 oz of water, use the rest room. Healthy bowel movements are the goal! If you're having trouble with digestion, eats lots of fruit and/or salad the night before. 4 I do some low impact training on this day. Last Sunday I went to the sauna, did some slow yin yoga and swam with my family. Everything was very chill though :) 5 After training, have a fat superfood mineral smoothie. My smoothies are the equivalent of a full nutrient dense meal. Last week I had, Sea moss, Spirulina, Chlorella, papaya, mango Banana, coconut and some almond milk. These smoothies are so extra with good stuff that I don't get hungry until the evening time. 6 Drink room temperature water the rest of the day. 7 Go about your day avoiding unnecessary foolishness. Real life situations, perceived, or virtual. If you can afford to stay home that's a good option. Trust me, most things will still be there on Monday:) 8 Write, read, make music, art. Revisit projects and ideas. 9 Take at least a 30 minute nap. 10 Then eat your first solid meal at around 6pm. Include a big salad in your meal.

At 25 I found myself at my first spiritual transition. My quarter life crisis. I had accomplished my major childhood goals. I was married with a child. I had a good corporate job. We moved from New York to Atlanta and purchased a home. My checklist was complete, but I still felt unbalanced and confused. I had not found the peace that I knew would come at the end of years of hard work and focus. I felt I had bought into a massive lie about the meaning of success and happiness. Although I had followed the plan, I found myself In a environment that felt foreign to my spirit.

The chorus of Love and Forgiveness came to me as I washed dishes, gazing out the window facing my backyard.

When the melody and words come this way, I know spirit is speaking a bigger message through me.

Love and Forgiveness Are Necessary to Heal the Heart Nourish the Weary, to Birth the Light Gain Clarity Love and Forgiveness

What this meant to me at 25 was that I was responsible for my evolution. As I evaluated my life to that point, the lines between miseducation and willing conformity were very blurry. How many times had I ignored my intuition or made choices that felt safe despite my heart pulling in another direction?

For all its blessing and challenges , the place I found myself standing in was largely of my own making. It was now up to me to reflect, accept and move on. Love represented zest for life, valuing myself, knowing my desired were worth nurturing. Forgiveness represented the healing, not blaming, not judging, the moving forward.

Over 10 years have passed since I wrote Love and Forgiveness. Life continues to confirm to me that being more loving and forgiving is necessary.

Our world is saturated with human suffering. Advocating for the defenseless and mobilizing revolution against injustice are always worthy causes.  However, our efforts to reform the external world should never take precedence over the work we are required to do on ourselves.

Will your anger motivate you to eat better, care for your body, educate yourself, learn a martial arts, be loyal to your mate, be a better parent, be a better sibling, be a better example, guard your mind against distractions, grow food, meditate, be silent? Cultivate the ability to hear the messages beyond the media. The spirits speak in silence.

If we remain in a state of reflection and self-work, it becomes harder to judge others for their vices. Some of the time spent judging and pleading for change must be redirected to the discipline of developing self, family and community. In that order. With this mind-state, the rage, frustration and sadness that once consumed us, becomes portals to expansion.  

This process of pain and growth reminds we of giving birth.

The mother supports life, but the mother is not God. When the baby is ready, the space that holds them becomes too small. This requires a transition. The discomfort is intense but temporary. The pressure is necessary to help us reach a place where we realize that there is so much more to life then what we knew before.

When you start thinking about yourself and your world differently you often feel alone. You might not be able to relate to your friends, family and surroundings as you did in the past. Traditionally, cultures accompanied these natural shifts with rites of passage ceremonies guided by wise elders and teachers. Modern societies, in general, have lost these valuable traditions. As a result, we often feel isolation and doubt as we approach a consciousness shifts.

I have been blessed to have personal teachers come in my life at the perfect time. I’ve also had great books synchronistically cross my path.  Books have provided guidance, encouragement and confirmations as I’ve deconstructed and rebuilt my world. Research and reading in general has given me tools to reinvent my life many times over. Here are a list of some books that have come into my life at pivotal moments and provided foundation for the paradigm shifts. (Click the links for more information.)

Life and Teachings of the Masters of the Far East by Baird T. Spalding Way of the Peaceful Warrior - Dan Millman No Disrespect - Sister Souljah Siddhartha - Herman Hesse Sacred Woman - Queen Afua Vegan -The New Ethics of Eating - Erick Marcus Women Who Run With Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Midnight - Sister Souljah The Celestine Prophecy - James Redfield The Mysticism of Sound and Music - Hazrat Inayat Khan Unassisted Homebirth - Lynn M. Griesemer Herbal Healing for Women - Rosemary Gladstar Colon Health Handbook - Robert Gray Autobiorgraphy of Malcom X - Alex Hailey The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle Healing Love Through the Tao - Mantak Chia SoulCraft - by Bill Plotkin Parable of the Sower - Octavia Butler Spiritual Midwifery- Ina May Glaskin

The first time I heard my son refer to another woman as mom, I was floored. I remembered when I was a girl and tested those waters with my father. I told him “I have two daddy’s now” after my mother married. At 8 years old, I knew my father wasn't having that. He was an exceptional person and parent.  He quickly let me know that I then, and would always, only have one dad.

So when I overheard my son talking to my ex-husband on the phone, and referring to a mom that wasn’t me, I was shocked. Flashes of childbirth, sicknesses, celebrations, the acts of love and the many sacrifices replayed in my mind. How disrespectful was it to call another woman mom? Was my ex-husband encouraging my son in order to be hurtful to me?

Just as soon as the storm had begun to stir in my mind and heart, the waters calmed. I thought about the relationship I had with my son. We have a beautiful bond. Never have I felt the slightest bit of disrespect, or resentment from him. He is kind and patient with others. His compassionate spirit is inclusive of friends, family and strangers. He is flexible, forgiving, and loving. These are the things I admired about my son.

Every discussion I planned to have with him about the incident seemed to center around my ego. So instead of addressing it like my dad did with me, I decided to say nothing.

My father transitioned when I was 9 years old. The woman he was in a relationship with at the time is like a second mother to me to this day. She has attended every major life event. She is the one I get to share my favorite memories of my Dad with. We knew him in a way that many people did not. A few years ago she sent me a gift box. It contained a book my father wrote, oils and incense he made. A framed photo of him and the newspaper clipping of the article that covered his death and the fire that caused it. I love this women and I am grateful that my mom has supported our relationship throughout the years.

Even after trust, respect and affinity is established, loving in a blended family can still be a challenge. Our egos struggle to accept that another person can play a role, similar to ours, in the lives of our children. But blocking the natural maturation of a relationship, either in actions or thoughts, sabotages the growth of your child. Who knows the lessons they are here to learn about love, family and life.

I have learned that being consistent and committed to growing as mother is enough. I’ve listened as much as I talked and guided along the way with a level of detachment. This gave my son the space to make sense of new family relationships in a way that was genuine and not colored by my perceptions and emotions.

https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/inphinix-a-superhero-story

I have always been drawn to the stories of Kali, Oya, Isis, Pele, the Phoenix etc. Not as a form of worship, but for the death/life cycles they represent. If you’re evolving and seeking truth in your life, you will experience many symbolic deaths before your final transition.

Be willing to embrace the changes that come with growth. If you remain fluid, like the phoenix, you will purify yourself of the character traits you no longer need and rebuild a better you from the stuff that remains.

That is what Inphinix represents to me. Infinity and phoenix. A continuous process of purging and purifying through fire and rebuilding from the ashes.

Inphinix is a member of the superhero league that we are all welcome to join.

https://soundcloud.com/kenda-rae/inphinix-a-superhero-story

Inphinix (featuring the lovely and talented Jae Franklin) Written by: Kenda Rae Produced by: ARchiTECHt, Garrit and Marcel

Lyrics

Verse 1

From the fire she rises again look flying high, it’s your neighborhood heroine before we share the wisdom of a warrior born the win Lets go back to the past where it all begins Back to the places, where there was urine in staircases Budda smoke and dope and demons of all faces In this ghetto lived a girl, to sensitive for her world So her family kept her guarded, like the prophets keep their pearls from the swine held the line, with her mission other their mind Meantime, Kenda learned pretty faces were a dime… a dozen, but intelligence wasn't so on the university track is were she started running and she packed that JanSport backpack to the seams cracked walking from the bus stop, looking like a hunch back Siblings through the side eye, told the hood to fall back If you mess with little sis, we will leave you laying flat.

Chorus They see the Inphinix wings They hear the sound of the anthem singing here she comes They see the inphinix wings They hear the sound of the anthem sining here she comes Infixing!

Verse 2 Fast forward she's older now Grew a brave heart, now she strolls like a soldier, Wow… look at these, two degrees, the life of ease engineer and educator still she wasn't pleased knew their was more to be Artistic and spiritually she only felt free, when expressing creativity first it was poetry Then she was rapping, soon she was singing and spirit lead her to fasting Said she had talent, but to take it to higher levels she must purify her vessel, so she can clarify her channel so she could handle the messages that were given increased her physical training ,meditating, and deep breathing And when the warning came This system will fall apart found peace in practicing yoga and courage in martial arts She had them Kali sticks clacking and Wing Chun warrior flow The spirits watching were please to see this woman hand grown She’d shown initiative, hard work and discipline she wasn’t giving in, she multiplied a few so unto her more would be given They crowned her Inphinix and told her Wear her wings well, now go forward in the light you have a story to tell

Chorus They see the Inphinix wings They hear the sound of the anthem singing here she comes They see the inphinix wings They hear the sound of the anthem sining here she comes Inphinix!

Verse 3 (As Inphinix)

Last month I had a miscarriage. I was 11 weeks when I went to the emergency room and was told the fetal heartbeat could not be detected. The doctors believed the heart beat stopped at 8 weeks, based on the sonogram measurements. The term for this scenario was a “missed miscarriage”.

When I went to the emergency room, I had not passed any tissued yet, only as much blood as a normal period.  Since the complete miscarriage could take up to 2 weeks, I was advised to go home and rest. In all my naturalness I wanted to miscarry at home and heal in peace with my family and without interventions. My husband and I are advocates for healthy living and spiritual well being. We delivered our son at home in an unassisted birth without complications.  Based on our past experience, it did not occur to me that I might need medical attention.

I started to pass the pregnancy tissue the next evening. This went on throughout the night. By the time I had passed several clots, I knew something was wrong. I could barely stand. I felt like I was in labor, however, whenever I was not laying down, my head pounded, my vision blurred and my heart rushed. I fainted, so I assumed I had lost a significant amount of blood.

*****************************************************************************************************

At the doctors office, I was given fluids until my blood tests were returned. When the result came, my doctor told me my hemoglobin levels had dropped to 5.5 and I needed a blood transfusion.

The clinic, the hospitals, the blur of needles and tests settled in moment of deep humility as I stared at the 2 pints of O- than would be channeled into my veins. Regardless of the donor’s virtue, vice, gender, culture, etc….I was thankful. I prayed there was enough of a connection between us to allow their blood to restore me.

I was in the hospital for two days after the transfusion. I was in a room alone. My phone was dead, no charger. The tv was not programmed correctly. My husband was at work. My two youngest children were being cared for while I rested. No distractions. Time for that real self-reflection.

First I sat quietly….meditated.

Then I wrote…

I am not my legs, I am not my breasts I am not this blood, I am not this breath I am not my body, even at its best What’s giving my life, even when I’m taking rest? I am more, I am more spirits calling for me to explore I am more So much to see, so much to be So many reflections in these mirrors of me I am more, my love I amore

Then I pondered…..

And spirit without fail dropped a few keys….

1. Silence is essential

I grew up in the 80’s so I remember a time before internet, cell phones and even call waiting. The stage of social technology and societies’ dependency on it, was more balanced.  It was necessary for people to plan, pay attention, be patient, memorize and use intuition. Problem solving skills related to the necessities of life was a part of our everyday routine.

Silence is essential now because we are immersed in distractions. Media is designed to capture our attention. It has become so invasive that “art” mediums are being misused to program our memories instead of inspiring authentic reflection and evolving our feelings and thoughts.

Silence is like a mental and spiritual fast. It allows us to identify and flush out the habitual patterns of thinking that have become toxic. Quiet time provides the space to reconnect with our inner voice. The part of us that is connected to a source that is infinitely wise, loving and patient. Many of the answers to our most pressing questions are revealed easily when our mind is still. If you have learned to dislike the silence you should ask yourself, “Why?”. “What am I running from?”

2. Reprioritize your priorities

Your character is most important.  When we are immersed in the daily life/work patterns we start to believe that the tasks and titles we hold are paramount. The truth is most of what we do is not that serious. We can be replaced at our jobs. Other people have similar titles and degrees.

What requires more attention is the development of our character. The relationships that we have with others in the world and the spiritual spheres. Are you patient and kind? Are you optimistic? Do you complain or are you a problem solver? Do you keep your word to yourself and others? Do you procrastinate? Do you show appreciate of others’ time and efforts?  Do you honor your dreams and support others aspirations? Are you honest and authentic?

Prioritize your virtues and all other successes are destined to follow.

3. Being who you want to be is not that difficult

Many of us admire our dreams from afar. We thinks that it takes some special skill or circumstance to begin the process of realizing our goals. This is not true. To begin just takes a choice. Once we decide to walk on the path, the necessary pieces will unfold.

If you want to be a writer, write. Throughout the writing process you will learn to be better. You will attract situations that will challenge your current abilities. Overtime you will accumulate projects that reflect your experience and growing talent. Yes, some goals require greater effort. However, if you are honest and your dreams stem from an authentic passion, what is there to stop you from focusing on the necessary steps to fulfill your purpose?

4. If you leave now, life will go on

You are special, you are valued, you are loved. However, life will go on tomorrow if you transitioned today, because it must. Don’t wait until to you are dead to take time for yourself.

When emergencies happen we realize how easy it is to stop time and leave everything until the crisis has passed.  Realize that a life out of purpose is a crisis. Your peace, spiritual connection, innovative ideas and authentic expression is necessary for all energies that cross your path.

Schedule time for your personal development as you would any other appointment. We should all be aware of our physical, physiological and spiritual needs. We should know what feeds us emotionally, heals us physically and inspires us to action.

5. We are responsible for ourselves

When you feel someone has done you wrong, or the universe has placed you in a negative, unfair situation, ask yourself, “What did I do to contribute to this reality?” or “What can I do to alter this reality?”

Sometimes, it’s hard to accept that we are not victims in our circumstances. I know, there are a million, “but what ifs….” Trust that for every exception, there is an exceptional person who has overcome that scenario.

Taking the approach of self accountability is an empowering choice. Reflecting on how we fostered a situation, sets us on the path to making constructive changes in our life. What habits, character traits, choices, association are no longer serving you? What patterns of behavior, continue to draw you into uncomfortable situations. The universe in all its order is slowing you down and creating opportunities for you to reflect and get back on path. Be grateful.

6. Show up for your dreams

Imagine your in a forest in the dark. You don't know the exact way out, but you know you are okay. You can sense the right direction. In your mind you see a house with the light on in the front porch. In the house the people are kind and provide the things you need. They knew you were coming. There is a special room just for you. It has all the treasures, resources, and keys you require to realize the life you imagined.

But first, you must trust your intuition to make it through the forest. You must cross the road when you see the house in the distance. You must will yourself to walk across the yard even though you are tired. You must trust to knock on the door. Once you are in the house and you are safe and restored, you face the hardest part. You must know in your heart that you are worthy enough to turn the knob and open the door to the room that was made for you.

What if all that you desire is already destined for you? Even if everything was given to you, you still can choose to say I accept or decline. It seems odd that we would reject our greatest desires for ourselves and the ones we love. But we do this every time we don’t show up for our dreams. By this I mean, taking time to create occasions for those dreams to manifest. If you want to be a painter, but you never buy the tools, take the class, watch the youtube videos, designate the time and space to create, how can you bring your vision into manifestation?

Organize and prepare for your dreams as you would your regular job. Learn, stretch and challenge yourself in your area of interest. Why wouldn't you make progress in any field that you have put proper effort toward?

7. Don’t compromise your morals or boundaries