ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

one thing about me is i am not an emoting type of bitch why do expressions and talking take so much energy. if you look at me and ask if im doing okay i WILL do a performative smile and force myself to look happy. and truly i AM happy. but im happier when you turn away and i can let that shit slide right off my face and go back to my delicious little happy silence

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

i want you on my team holy shit

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

goo goo dolls if they were in dune: and i don’t want the worm to see me

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.

i’m gonna cry it’s raining right now and i just passed by a family where both parents were without an umbrella but their kid who couldn’t have been older than like 3-4 was proudly holding this GIANT umbrella whose diameter was as tall (if not taller) as the kid. both the parents were getting absolutely drenched but u could tell the kid was just so happy to have an “adult” task and carry the umbrella themselves and i think that sacrifice is what love is all about