into your hands i command my spirit

i dont want a childproofed internet i am almost 30 fucking years old. give your kid an internet safety talk and stop making it the problem of every adult on the planet every time some cryptkeeper legislator gets the brilliant idea (via conservative lobbying) to push through yet another bill gutting our access to free expression + increasing the powers of the surveillance state + lining the pockets of Big Data in the name of Protecting The Kids they wont even feed. this shit is exhausting i can’t believe we’re going to be fighting about it for the rest of my life

“My emperor is fine” your emperor has commissioned over 8000 life-sized terracotta soldiers and buried them facing east, in the direction of his recently conquered enemies in the hopes that they will protect him in the afterlife.

DELETE THIS IMMEDIATELY

i bring a "technically i could do this tomorrow" energy to things that tomorrow me really resents

I just can’t believe some of u are soooo young u didn’t experience the early 2000s at all like even briefly . U were born and ur mother door dashed you home from the hospital

actually i was in the NICU for a couple weeks after being pieced together by surgeons but whatever lmao

That’s because she used klarna. To pay through 4 easy installments with no interest

btw I'm having a blast reading through all the tags of the characters you're imagining doing this to

Roy hires Ed specifically to have someone even younger than him running around being a problem.

I went out to the country! And you know what I found! An Even Younger Asshole!!! He’s like half my age and twice the trouble!!! I HIRED HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!!! YOU CAN THANK ME WHENEVER!!!!

This is all forms of collaboration

This is the most honest comment I’ve ever seen

This bass line will keep me from being institutionalized