Iāve been spending a lot of time reflecting on how social media affects me, and honestly, itās complicated. On one hand, it connects me to people Iād probably never cross paths with otherwise. It gives me a space to share my thoughts, my photos, my life. But on the other hand, it drains me. It pulls me into cycles of comparison, insecurity, and frustration that are hard to shake.
The part that gets me the most is how much I depend on likes. I donāt want to care about them, but I do. When I post something, I catch myself checking over and overārefreshing, waiting, wondering if people are going to respond. If they do, I feel validated for a moment. If they donāt, I start questioning myself. Was it not good enough? Do people not care? It feels ridiculous to let numbers on a screen determine my mood, but thatās the reality. Itās like Iāve been trained to equate attention with worth, and itās hard to unlearn.
Then thereās the constant stream of opinions, arguments, and divides. Scrolling through my feed feels like walking through a minefield. People I used to respect post things that make me second-guess who they are. Politics, morals, beliefsāit all feels like a war zone where everyone is trying to shout louder than the next person. Sometimes it feels like the internet brings out the worst in people, like they forget thereās a real human on the other side of the screen. And it leaves me feeling heavy, like Iām carrying other peopleās anger and bitterness just from reading their words.
And then come the commentsāthe ones directed at me. It doesnāt matter how many positive things people say, my brain zeroes in on the one cruel remark. A stranger who knows nothing about me can drop a hateful comment, and Iāll replay it in my head for days. Iāll think about it at night when Iām trying to sleep. Iāll hear it in my own voice as if itās true. Itās wild how one sentence from someone Iāll never meet can get under my skin so deeply.
Itās not just the negativity from others, though. Itās the way I compare myself constantly. To people who look better, travel more, make more money, seem happier. Even when I know what Iām seeing is curated and filtered, it still cuts. I start thinking, āWhy canāt I look like that? Why isnāt my life that exciting? Why am I not enough?ā Itās a toxic loop that I willingly step into every time I open the app.
The hardest part is that I donāt want to give it up. Social media isnāt all bad. There are moments of real connection, encouragement, laughter, and joy. Iāve met people through these platforms who feel like family. Iāve shared parts of myself that Iām proud of. Iāve learned things I wouldnāt have otherwise. So I stay, even when it hurts me. Because walking away feels like giving up a piece of my life too.
So Iām caught in this messy middleāwanting the good parts without the bad, wanting connection without the comparison, wanting to share without feeling exposed. I try to set boundaries: putting my phone down when the scrolling gets toxic, unfollowing accounts that make me feel worse instead of better, reminding myself that none of this defines my worth. But itās not easy. Some days I do better than others. Some days I fail completely.
I guess what Iām realizing is that social media isnāt just something I useāitās something that impacts me on a deeper level than Iād like to admit. And maybe the first step in protecting my mental health is just being honest about that. Saying it out loud: this isnāt good for me right now. I need breaks. I need boundaries. I need to stop letting an app control the way I feel about myself.
Thatās where Iām at. Still figuring it out. Still stuck between loving it and hating it. Still trying to find balance in a world that wants me online all the time.
