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Frequent Flyer It's the city lights that draw you in. Before you can get to the nasty club with all the whims and victims of intoxication you've got to ride the T. Economically concious, cheap, and ultimately you will get where you need to go. Everyone takes the train, you are not the exception. Slide your uncovered thighs onto the cold plastic seat and wait. You'll see others on their phones, earbuds in, blocking out conversations between passengers. "My Raki lady did the most phenomenal work on me last Wednesday..." "Did you see their post about..." "since when is Mr. Bigley a commie?" The windows will darken, the train sways in a way that will cause you to avert your gaze to your shoes. Bells chime twice to signal the opening, then closing, of the doors. "Next Stop Park Street" A young man is muttering, "I can't do it." "I can't spend another night outside." "Tonight's not as cold as last night. last night was freezing." "I'm so tired, please." Not much changes. The prior conversations continue. Everyone's holding their distractions of choice with more intent now. A focus only sen by BARR examies. He continues, quickening to get what he has to say out before we all leave. "$8.47 for a water and a cheese stick. That leaves me with $4.26" He's not speaking to anyone in particular. He's in the aisle, pacing in discrete squares. Then he sits, "I haven't changed my clothes in two weeks." "Please someone help me. It's going to be cold soon. I'm so tired, please." His back is to you, head between his knees and fingers search his hair for answers. The young man begs with a lump in his throat, one you know well, it's followed by tears. You choose to witness him. It is the absolute least you can do. You want to offer him your last three dollars in hopes it gets him by. In hopes he recovers and is loved like your brother. Though a passenger hushes at you, "He's a frequent flyer on this train. If you were feeling bad for him, next stop is the shelter- They take Anyone." Just like that he is discarded. You cannot show empathy for a stranger because it's 'their fault', because they've 'asked for help already' or maybe because 'someone else will help'. Go on, get off the train. Enjoy your night knowing that for however long you're comfortable, the young man will keep coming back to the station, boarding, crying, begging, being ignored until he is gone. Not much changes. He will be replaced by someone else's loved one and you will be replaced by anyone. E. L. T. / 10-24-2024

No Will we lose everytime? A silkworm traveling from bark to leaf, then swinging past a flailing child only to be Twacked so hard it falls to it's end. We wonder then why we ever started. In the mornings, when fresh dew coats the world, it's only natural to put your shoes on first before going out to grab the mail. For to be bare is to be judged. When our future comes will we allow our past self to see it too? Every bit of dust collecting on the moulding, on the sill, in the corner behind the cabinets, on the top of picture frames, inside that unused vase are all good places to write you're sorry. Will it ever be the right time? Bus stops like the one cornering seventh and eighth hold so much waiting. For the bus, and to go home. Waiting to see your mom. Waiting to be alone more so than you are here. Waiting to wait. Waiting for tomorrow and so on. Won't we get to know? When noticing another person it is best to say 'hello', best to tell them their clothes fit just right and they are socially accepted. Every 'Thank you', 'Congradulations', 'I am so proud of you' is free. It is wise to be kind. Could we have done more? Solo, an individual on their way to take it all on. When the time comes there is no comfort in the face of reality. She hates you and she will tell you, 'no'. E.L.T / 8-12-2024

I Just Want to Sleep Alone (Comfortably) I feel it creeping. A slimey thick independent sludge, it's indistinguishable and void-like. I watch dead girls eternally preserved online & wonder if they were ever really there to begin with. I feel it clawing. A dull aching, bordering finality, sinking in and lacerating. The grip my distractions have on me is robotic. Habitual. When broken- I feel it eating. Gnawing away at my sweet deeds, all my sugar coated pleasantries. When I'm left alone, it makes hell feel like a living room fireplace. The heat of abhorrence makes my skin feel like latex-worthy of stripping the discomfort off. Painstakingly slow, careful, pulls. All the hairs and imperfections plucked and punctured with it. Finally, when it exhausts me to the point ads and wonders can't hold my thoughts over this loomingness, I'll cave. I'll try to find resolve in grief, not one to be ungrateful. I get to experience the scope of feelings life brings, after all. It's unfortunate to be given a gift I have no idea what to do with. It's in me. It's lonely. E.L.T / 9-10-2023

Unnamed (2019) Mini Your soul reeks of havoc. Your aura has tinged lines of cruelty within it. & I wonder if you notice, or if you think the terrible things you do are invisible. I'm not saying you're all bad, though. Time can mend any broken thing, but if for a second you believe "being a good person" is only in the eyes staring back at you while you pretend interest is, purely, anything, but for yourself, may you only add to the stench of narcissism that envelopes the good parts of you. E.L.T / 1-15-2019