[lawn mower noises]

STUMBLES INTO THE ROOM

“Do you not think I put a lot of time into that? Because I did.”

“Never in all his years at the company had this happened - this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong.

.....soup??? What about soup? Do you want me to talk about my favourite kinds of soup? Because I actually don't eat food so I have to disappoint you there. Although French onion has always looked very interesting to me, with the big crouton and all. Do you... want soup? This is a weblog, and the Parable is a video game, neither of which are ideal methods of delivering soup to you.

Wait, maybe that's it. Maybe I can figure out some way to add soup to the Stanley Parable, and that will drive up engagement numbers. Hmm... perhaps a chute somewhere that connects to various vats of soup, and you can put the bucket under there and press a button and then the soup of your choice will pour into the bucket. Would finally put that blasted thing to some good use. No, wait, no no no, as soon as I said I realized Stanley would just press the button without the bucket there, spraying soup all over my beautiful office. Okay, back to the drawing board.

Oh, this is genius - what if the button delivered soup not to Stanley in the game, but to the player in real life? You'd enter your credit card details and link your Amazon account when you load up the game, and then when you select a delicious brothy concoction, the game will automatically order it for you! We should get a brand deal with Campbell's where their soup varieties are the ones we sell, and we incorporate organic product placement, tastefully subtle of course, so as not to ruin the integrity of the story.

Narrator would look in Stanley’s sketchbook without permission and then yell at him for reading script drafts