Cry me a fucking waterfall.

IM SCREEAAAMIN

​Me not feeding into my impulses and being so proud that I reward myself by doing everything I planned on doing impulsively

im a slut for water. an h2hoe, if you will

reblog if you would let them keep their apartment, ignore if you would open your window and destroy the fruits of their labor

It’s their window now they earned it

i started writing original fiction because of a comment i got on a house md fic i wrote when i was 12 years old. someone said “this is out of character, house and wilson would never act like this.” so i thought, “if i make my own characters, no one can ever tell me they’re out of character, because i decide,” and i started planning my first novel. now i’m 23 and i’ve written 4 novel-length works, i have a degree in publishing and i work at a literary magazine, largely because someone insulted my house fanfiction. follow your dreams.

succeed out of spite

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

Pro tip: Don’t do this if you recently applied for a new job.

bolded. just in case.

i feel like that pro tip is told from experience

wow so powerful.  what film is this?

(vegan) I hope your power runs out 

thats fuckin nice and all but the chicken is already in the nuggets. the power going out doesn’t save a chicken. it’s a nugget already. sorry

I love this post because they said (Vegan) like its a fallout skill check