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Claire Keane
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noise dept.
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@kattylove6092
Story of my life people. You know what’s real ? The struggle.
Happy Pride Month ♥
this right here is why ‘queer’ is an identity, not a slur
QUEER IS AN IDENTITY, NOT A SLUR
I identify as queer when people ask because I am bisexual, genderfluid, and greysexual!!! Queer as fuck.
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some bpd dissociation moods
- intense, uncontrollable sobbing when you get hit with that wave of unreality
- or screaming
- or both
- lying on the cold floor. that’s it. you’re just laying there, empty.
- doing something impulsive because you want to feel real/things to feel real
- i dont have a personality and nor do i have a body
- feeling more alone than you normally do because no one else is real
- stressing out for a few hours only to dissociate on continuum for the next couple weeks
- hopeless laughter as you sink further into the void
Some fun moments of my own BPD history I thought I'd share:
*not knowing if you're sad, angry, or numb or all
*slamming your head against things because it technically isn't harming yourself since no scars!
*going from sobbing to okay over and over for hours on end in varying intervals!
bpd things should talk about more
sooooo i haven’t seen a lot of posts about these symptoms (i use this loosely, i am not a doctor) but these are some things I experience, let’s chat
• hearing voices
• feeling as you though you have another “personality”
• BLACKING OUT when dissociating
• how bad the anger gets…how it burns; wanting to destroy and rip everything to shreds
• the guilt for the things you say/do when you think you’re about to be abandoned
• doing everything to avoid disappointing someone you care about bc they will leave you
Ope, there is me. Then there is high Heather, Drunk Heather, Sleepy Heather, and Aggressive Heather. Each one is different but all still me??? And people think you're insane when you say things like that!
Also- Post Black Out headaches and dizziness!!! Always fun 🙃
me: *has an emotion*
my BPD:
Or "OVERLY VALID FEEL IT *ALL*
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me @ my hell brain after going through the 4737238th mood change in 3 hours: are you quite finished
The emotional pain associated with having BPD is honestly one of the worst things. Anyone without BPD will never understand what it’s like to feel emotional pain so intensely that it completely consumes and overwhelmes you to the point where you even begin to physically feel it as well.
The way I describe it is a cold ocean... It comes in waves. At first they aren't bad, but as the waves carry you out to sea you start to drown... It's cold. It numbs you and burns your skin all at once. You don't know where it ends and you begin...
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A straight™:
Me:
Aziraphale: Five years ago today, I married my best friend.
Aziraphale: Heaven is still furious about it but Crowley and I were drunk and thought it was really funny.
consider: ineffable husbands get addicted to buzzfeed quizzes
crowley because vanity and aziraphale because how do the humans have this knowledge
wait I just had a terrible thought, is the moment when Crowley calls Aziraphale to tell him about Armageddon the first time they talked/met after „You go too fast for me Crowley“???????????? Is it????!!
I understand they don’t have sexes or anything bc they’re like..on another level of existence, but Aziraphale is what RuPaul would call
RuPaul voice: “Oh you’re a bossy bottom, aren’t you?”
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crowley is so good at tempting aziraphale honestly, it’s so apparent to me during their drunken book shop scene where crowley is literally swaying side to side with his glasses off and staring unblinking at aziraphale, like as he’s planting all the seeds to convince the angel to work with him he’s also being hypnotic haha i adore that scene, and crowley looks so beautiful with a bob hair and no glasses <3
so pretty but so intense lol
don’t break eye contact with me…
keep staring…..
and i love how aziraphale was really thinking it and then kinda did this ..”wait…hmm what are u doing…” brow furrowing look at crowley haha
and it’s this shot immediately afterwords lmao still unblinking lmao
and then finally aziraphale submits and they shake hands but course crowley is still intensely staring…can’t let up just yet right
and he we finally visibly see him blink a couple times during the whole “we’d be godfathers! overseeing his upbringing!”
and his eyes are so relaxed in my favourite shot! (so pretty)
cause he’s like…”temptation accomplished!”
i love this scene :)
You know, I think what really surprises Crowley is not how heaven treats Aziraphale during his “excecution” but how Aziraphaleis entirely not surprised by it.
Crowley expected heaven to be all detached and impersonal about the attempted homicide thing but the disrespect? The rudeness of it all? The belittling crushing nature of being a bug that needs to be exterminated? Yeah, he didn’t expect that. And he’s furious because how dare and when he gets back to earth he sorta braces himself for how Aziraphale is gonna react to his retelling because Aziraphale has such faith in heaven being the good guys days ago and it’s gotta he some rough news-
But instead Aziraphale goes “oh he told me to shut up and die already? Typical. He could have least been more creative with his delivery.”
And Crowley just stares cus “wait you have been reporting to heaven for 6000 years saying they’re the good guys and the fact your boss told you to shut up and burn to death isn’t even a little surprising wtf has his job been like???”
