Guess Iāve Always Been A Bitter Hag, Then
Shuffling through the sparrabeth scenes from Dead Manās Chest and At Worldās End, and I swear I suffer from the exact opposite of whatever the shipper brain is because hereās me in the cinema in 2006 and 2007, going:
āDude, of course theyāre not doing Elizabeth + Jack Sparrow, thatād be way too bold and interesting, scoff, no, TPTB are trying to trick me into caring, naturally theyāre going with the safe and boring option anyoneās mum would be proud of, think of the tropes, the lead chasing after the girl always gets the girl, nah, the two are just playing each other, the manipulative douches, Jackās just trying to get into Elizabethās pants for the lulz when heās not too busy joking about the ridiculous idea of caring for her, there are no tender feelings involved whatsoeā
Meanwhile, the actual movies:
Yeah, mate, donāt let her see what the needleās pointing at. Coward.
Iāve heard of guys fake-promising marriage to get a woman into bed. Iāve never heard of a guy actually willing to go through with it before the sex.
why so sad :( no oneās even looking at you
(And letās not forget the deleted scene where Jack verbally confirms Norringtonās accusation that he just wants Elizabeth for himself)
Not dying to tongue the guy again, na-ah.
No one heartbroken pictured here.
Spotted in his natural environment: a guy feeling secure in his relationship.
You forgot to deny it, sweetie.
Man, how many times has this guy tried to get rid of the boyfriend already?
As explicitly confirmed in the deleted scene
Could these two stop being idiots for one minute, please?!
Like, on one hand good on me for apparently having a pre-installed state-of-the-art Anti Batey Creator Fuckery 3000 security system which prevents me from getting attached to the idea of my ships ever becoming canon, but I do find it to be a teensy bit of an issue that it caused me to completely miss how the poor sod was genuinely, CANONICALLY, in love with Elizabeth from start to finish.
Christ, eksqueeze me, I really need to overdose on crack videos and fan edits now to compensate for my barren soul āexpectations are bad and hurtā conceal donāt feel bai.