I've been told I have characters...

Shuffling through the sparrabeth scenes from Dead Man’s Chest and At World’s End, and I swear I suffer from the exact opposite of whatever the shipper brain is because here’s me in the cinema in 2006 and 2007, going:

“Dude, of course they’re not doing Elizabeth + Jack Sparrow, that’d be way too bold and interesting, scoff, no, TPTB are trying to trick me into caring, naturally they’re going with the safe and boring option anyone’s mum would be proud of, think of the tropes, the lead chasing after the girl always gets the girl, nah, the two are just playing each other, the manipulative douches, Jack’s just trying to get into Elizabeth’s pants for the lulz when he’s not too busy joking about the ridiculous idea of caring for her, there are no tender feelings involved whatsoe—

Meanwhile, the actual movies:

Yeah, mate, don’t let her see what the needle’s pointing at. Coward.

I’ve heard of guys fake-promising marriage to get a woman into bed. I’ve never heard of a guy actually willing to go through with it before the sex.

why so sad :( no one’s even looking at you

why so distrot

why so disappoint

Dude, again?!

(And let’s not forget the deleted scene where Jack verbally confirms Norrington’s accusation that he just wants Elizabeth for himself)

Not dying to tongue the guy again, na-ah.

No one heartbroken pictured here.

Not at all.

Spotted in his natural environment: a guy feeling secure in his relationship.

You forgot to deny it, sweetie.

Perfect.

Man, how many times has this guy tried to get rid of the boyfriend already?

As explicitly confirmed in the deleted scene

No obvious sad boi here

Jesus, the puppy eyes.

Well I’m convinced.

the man pain! :’(

Could these two stop being idiots for one minute, please?!

Like, on one hand good on me for apparently having a pre-installed state-of-the-art Anti Batey Creator Fuckery 3000 security system which prevents me from getting attached to the idea of my ships ever becoming canon, but I do find it to be a teensy bit of an issue that it caused me to completely miss how the poor sod was genuinely, CANONICALLY, in love with Elizabeth from start to finish.

Christ, eksqueeze me, I really need to overdose on crack videos and fan edits now to compensate for my barren soul “expectations are bad and hurt” conceal don’t feel bai.

Ve Neill https://www.instagram.com/therealve/

Great times with Johnny on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of Black Pearl. “This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Sparrow”.

It’s amazing how makeup can transform the look and texture of skin. Check out this sunburned/weathered skin effect I put on @orlandobloom for Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of Black Pearl.

“Writer’s block is life block. Writing mirrors what’s going on in our bodies and our brains. If you can’t think of what to say, this is diagnostic, it’s telling you something. If you can’t think of what to say on the page, usually it’s because there’s something you want to say or do in your life that you feel you cannot.” -Allison Fallon

"Warrrr!" playing cards, a selection of art from the old promotional website for Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular / salty opinion

the price of freedom has flaws. many of them. i try not to be too harsh on it because it’s infinitely better than this franchise or the house or mouse rightly deserves and i’m still frankly astonished that it was not only commissioned, but published, but being picky as i am, there are a number of things i don’t like about it. so let this be my preface that this novel is still one of the saving graces of post-2007 potc material, but in the interests of deliberately being salty for this meme i am going to Criticise what i don’t like

number 1: i hate that jack has two love interests and i hate that the two most fleshed out female characters in the novel are ultimately reduced to love interests, particularly amenirdis. i understand why crispin felt like there was a need for jack to have a childhood sweetheart esque romance for the earlier shipwreck chapters, but given that amenirdis is clearly the preferred romance considering the amount of time dedicated to it throughout the kerma chapters, i really feel like she should have stuck to one at the most. speaking of kerma, i really don’t like that storyline and the implications that come along with it of jack fitting into this white saviour narrative ( considering that he saves chamba, then amenirdis, then shabako, then the whole of kerma. it’s kinda excessive. they could have easily left it at chamba and then had jack in the support role to amenirdis rather than pursuing the angle of it being jack’s destiny to save zerzura ). i also don’t like that when we get to the freeing the slaves part, jack takes them to kerma because it does disrupt my whole personal canon of jack taking them to tia dalma based on that final scene of dmc ( especially as that appears to be the writers’ intention and i will always, always favour the trilogy writers’ word of god over any supporting material, including tpof, because the trilogy did after all come first )