you jabbering butt plug

If you want to talk about being spied on, what about your friends still following me? People who GOT ABANDONED WITH ME IN LONDON, BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T BE ARSED, REMEMBER?

Or why don't we put my side across? Like how you started telling people I was abusive last year for asking you not to shout all the time. Did you tell these people I was in so much pain that I had to be talked down from suicide by my friends? Or did you just pretend I was being lazy?

Or how I was accused of being transphobic, when you never told me your pronouns had changed, but then decided to blame me, and twist it to your narrative again?

Or how when I was sick, you never thought to tell a mutual friend that I didn't hate them, I just wasn't able to function to talk to anyone? So that they ended up thinking I'd ghosted them, and you could swoop in and be their bestie, and their kids godparent, and never even tell me they were pregnant? How that hurt me so much that I wanted to fucking die, but your response to me saying that was literally a post going "lol not my problem!" and a selfie of you enjoying the fucking sun.

Or we could talk about how your best friend ghosted me when I told them our MOTHER WAS DYING and you could forgive them? But when I asked you to be civil to someone who told you some fucking home truths, so I didn't have to lose my friend, you couldn't do it? By the way, me, and our Dad actually agreed with her.

How you go "Oh I'm a carer and it's so hard!" and then you go to bed at 8PM, and I have to do it after GOING TO WORK LIKE A GROWN UP. Going to work when I've hit rock bottom, over and over, earning the fucking money I spend. Have you told them what day to day carer work is? Making dinner, making lunch, helping him with little jobs. Yes, there are days when he's really bad, I'm not saying there aren't, but what about when you go to bed at 7PM on those days and leave me to do it after work? You don't want to acknowledge I do fucking anything, because you don't get to play the martyr.

Oh, you have ADHD now? Weird how that happened after I got referred for an autism diagnosis.

You are so shitty, and so manipulative. Whenever someone calls you out, you give them the silent treatment and never fucking say shit. You never admit when you're wrong, just stay silent til I feel like I have to apologise so that our Dad isn't stressed. You don't learn shit.

You let everyone be ill, and have mental health issues, except me, because with me you have to see the ugly side of things. "Oh I'm so supportive of these problems." Yeah, then why when I ask for the most basic considerations for the OCD I've suffered with for 17 years, you act like I'm asking for the hardest thing in the world?

I am so fucking sick of having to be nice, I am sick of being painted as a villain every single day. You have to be the sickest, the queerest, the biggest fan of everything and I am so tired of always competing. I have lost some of the most important people in my life because I thought family was more important. What kind of fucking idiot I was.

I've been replying, and posting, and making a lot of loud comments about wanting the actress who is cast as She-Hulk to be a woman over 6'. My voice is getting lost in a lot of the "oh this is political correctness gone mad!"/"get woke, go broke" malarkey, so I'm going to once again express why this is important.

I am a tall, cisgender woman, born in the 1980's. I spent my entire childhood, being reminded how much of a freak my height made me. Anytime I saw someone like myself on screen, they were the butt of a joke, or a trans panic storyline. My height was such an issue for me as a child, seeing women like me was so rare unless they were these jokes, that I genuinely thought my parents had lied about my gender so they could have a daughter. That is how much I saw that as the only representation.

I wanted to be an actress as a child, went to drama lessons, took it at GCSE, would have gone on to do it at A-Level etc had I stayed in school. It was all I wanted. I ended up dropping out of one drama class because I was only given male characters, trees or the wooden woman on the front of a boat as roles. I auditioned for school plays, for musicals and was told I couldn't be in them as I would pull focus with my height. I couldn't play the leads because "who wants to see a tall Sandy?" I gave up on these dreams because my height was labelled an obstacle by people.

The comic characters I saw as I got into the stories were all tall, amazing women. I felt better. One of these has made it onto the screen anywhere near my height, Jean Grey in the original X-Men films. While the women who played my tall heroes, such as Valkyrie and Captain Marvel did an amazing job, there is that tiny sting there, that reminder that they could have been like me.

I was 26, before I saw a character like me on the screen, who was loved, respected and admired by the world. She got jokes made about her, but she fought back, and won everyone's heart. She was a badass who used that to her advantage, and fuck, she made me feel like I mattered. I'm talking about the amazing Brienne of Tarth. That is just how recently it's been since I saw anyone like me given a level of respect in something. I met Gwendoline Christie a few weeks ago, and I started crying telling her just how much her being there made me feel like for once, the world saw me as a real person and not a joke. I have met a lot of actors, through cons, premieres, everything but she is the first person I ever cried on. When Game of Thrones ended, I panicked because shit, she's gone. I have nobody left.

We constantly cry out for representation for people, but somehow when I do it, someone will inevitably turn it into "well [XYZ] are ignored too, so I don't see your problem", or tell me that not enough women like me exist to deserve to be seen. This isn't just my problem though, I'm not the only woman of my height who goes through this. I had a discussion with another actress over 6', who told me that she felt the same, she had these issues as well. She told me that she wanted to be the role model that she never got to see growing up.

Those replying to me have made the point that Jen could - and probably will - be CGI'd. That's excellent, but guess what? I'm 6' 1, and I am not CGI. Shocking, I know. Start with a woman over 6' and build the CGI on that. Easy.

I don't think I'm asking for the world here, just the understanding and acknowledgement that in this situation, a woman over 6' is what the role deserves. Women, girls, we deserve to see ourselves just as much as everyone else does.

So my friends, please, please, when looking at your Jen fancasts, go for the actresses 6' and up.

Vanessa had learned very quickly that death had it’s perks.

Granted, it was lonely, she missed Wade desperately, and Heaven TV was seriously lacking in good porn, but an omniscient point of view, a front row seat to everything happening back home? That was pretty fucking great.

---x

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