Please Be Nice.

My first character was (and is) a Vampire Nord Nightblade named Britte Windrime (Ebonheart Pact, but that’s kinda a given). I didn’t really understand game builds at first so she’s kinda just an all around sorta character with equal stats in stamina, magicka, and health. She uses two-handed weapons and is kinda awful to play with but tbh I still love her nonetheless. Her mechanics are poor and her Shadow abilities are way underleveled (I’m talking she’s a 100CP character level but her shadow level is 28). But she was the first character I played through the game with. Finished all factions and the DLC that I own (DB, TG, Elseweyr, Summerset, Orsinium, IC) on her. Playing the game with her was fun but I felt like there was something missing so I thought maybe I’d try something new.

My next character was a High Elf Nightblade named Ayrelia Envaris. She was a one-hand and shield character I tried out to see if it was the weapon that was giving me the most grief. I didn’t get much farther than finishing the main quest line because I wasn’t super satisfied with that character either and I had yet to figure out character builds again so I was kinda just winging it with her and hoping for the best. The change in race was due to me adoring the Aldmeri Dominion questline when I played through it on my old character. Queen Ayrenn has my whole heart. So I went with a high elf and haven’t looked back. But I didn’t get super far with Ayrelia, I think I only reached like level 28 with her or something because I got bored with the Nightblade mechanics and wanted to try something new.

So my most recent character, and the one who I’ve sunk a lot more time into than I did the previous two, is a High Elf Sorcerer named Erissara Stormal. Level 116 CP and still going strong. I have really enjoyed this character bc I started to get a better feel for builds, so Erissara is a Magicka/Tank build meant for offensive pushes. She has a large damage output but has a lot of survivability so I’m not constantly dying. I’ve taken on group dungeons with this characters going completely solo and been okay. I try my best to build a character that I can use to solo as much as I can, since I don’t have anyone else I know who plays ESO. I could join a guild, but don’t want to bc I’m afraid of the sexist assholes who always eventually show their heads. If there was a guild of just girls on Xbox that I could game w/, I’d be better able to make characters to fit a team comp. But that’s kinda an unrealistic daydream, shit like that gets shut down so fast by whiny man babies. Anyways, back to my character.

She’s prettt fking great. I have a real enjoyment for the game now that I have AoE damage that can take care of multiple enemies. It’s turned the game away from being an absolute grind into something that I enjoy playing. Anyways...

Tonight’s episode had me shook for so many reasons. But I think the moment that hit me the most was Beau and Nott’s little scene where they shared secrets. What with the whole, “Beau admits that she does, in fact, have feelings for Jester.” thing happening, that whole scene made me feel so many feelings and man, I don’t know how Marisha did it but like I felt personally attacked.

As a lesbian I have had so so many instances of getting a crush on a straight girl, or one of my best friends, then immediately repressing every single one of those feelings. And if I did tell someone, I would brush it off by saying, “oh but she’s straight anyways so it’ll never happen. It won’t work because she’s never gonna feel the same way I do.” And like, straight people get crushes all the time where it’s unreciprocated. But it’s something about the way that Beau said something about how she didn’t realize that Jester was her type, or that she would never be Jester’s type like highkey reminded me of every single conversation I’d have with my friends about whatever straight girl I was crushing on at that time. That I was never gonna be her type, that she’s not gay so she’ll never feel the same way regardless of whether or not I actually knew her sexuality.

And in the same vein, my friends would always seem to react like Nott, “Well, you could be her type. Maybe she hasn’t realized yet.” And there was a moment where Beau hesitated and kinda resisted that response, just brushing it off saying like, “Nah it’ll never happen like it’s fine, it’s just a crush, it’s just my best friend I have feelings for, it doesn’t matter- but don’t you dare tell her.”

And idk I just feel like I’ve had these exact same conversations. I tell my friends I like a girl. They usually say something on the lines of, “Omg that’s awesome! You should do something about it.” And then I brush it off by saying, “nah I’m not her type it’s okay I just needed to tell someone” and then they’ll say, “but what if you secretly are her type? What if she doesn’t realize until you ask her?” Then I shut them down by minimizing my feelings for her by saying she’s straight, I can just tell- regardless of if I know for sure- and that it’s just a dumb crush and I’ll get over it. And that’s usually the end of it. Sometimes I’ll banter back at my friends kinda how Nott and Beau did, but the conversation between those two tonight eerily echoed a lot of the conversations I’ve had with my friends about liking straight girls or whatever.

After hearing about the ending of the DLC (of which I am absolutely thrilled I read the spoilers for, not even joking), I refused to pick up AC Odyssey until I was damn good and ready. That was months ago and now I finally sat down and finished that part of the DLC and hooooly shit.

It was so much fucking worse than I imagined.

I’ll admit, the story about the Tempest was compelling and her final moments actually did make me tear up, I genuinely felt for her and Kleta.

However,

The romance between Kassandra and NutTacos was fucking shit writing. I’m not even gonna talk about the fact that I played my Kassandra as strictly lesbian Bc I’m sure that conversation has been hashed out plenty of times.

But oh my fucking god Nutboy was insufferable. I can handle it if Kassandra got together with someone like Brasidas or fuck- even Alkibiades (Bc lets be real at least he was entertaining). But Nutella was such a whiny little sad-sack and was absolutely fucking pathetic. Kassandra is absolutely out of this piss poor of a male lead of the DLC’s fucking league. I am also thrilled to hear that he also dies as well because oh my fucking god I did not like him at all.

I mean the writing was also absolute dogshit, like I could have written a better ending and dialogue and all of the associated scenes with Napoli and it wouldn’t have a shitty forced romance.

I genuinely wanted to vomit every time he was on screen because like, I’ve seen forced romances, but never one as poorly written, poorly executed, and with as poorly matched of a couple as this absolute fucking mess of a “romance”.

I’m #AntiNatakas