Everyday's Scramble

"Call her in for a little lesson."

I had a thought last week; yes, EwB is easily sliding into my top GLs but I wish it told us more about Lal. I think anyone could give you a solid rundown of Wine’s issues at this point. Lal’s main struggle has been how to get past Wine’s walls, while figuring out how to best take care of her. I was in a place of acceptance that we might stay more surface-level with Lal, just focusing on how she helps Wine. It would not be the first time I wanted more from character development in a GL. Wine would do the majority of the growth, but I would still love it! Look at her!

But Lal. Oh Lal.

My girl has been hailed as the greenest of green flags. A savior of sorts. And, you know, she is pretty great. Supportive. Takes accountability. Respects boundaries. Genuinely cares about people. She is just what Wine needs, and she can help her heal and be happy.

However…

Now that we get so much more about Lal, in just a few scenes, we see that there’s more to how “good” she is.

Supportive…to the point of self-sacrifice.

Takes accountability…even when it’s not hers to take accountability for.

Respects boundaries…but can’t set them for herself.

Genuinely cares about people…cannot apply the same care to herself.

While Wine is walled off to be self-protective, Lal is just trying to be enough; to be worthy of protection. But she can’t keep her metaphorical cup filled. She keeps emptying it out for other people who can’t, or won’t, refill it. She won’t even tell them it needs to be filled.

She keeps her needs locked up to deal with, on her own. That can be a pretty lonely place to be. I mean, how many times has she said some version of the phrase “I want to handle it by myself”.

Maybe Lal needs a little saving too.

Lal, while a social butterfly, has only one real, personal friend. (Compared to Wine’s robust 3). She isn’t even fully honest with him until she’s forced to be. She doesn’t tell her mom she’s sick. She always downplays her illnesses.

In hindsight, I like that we haven’t seen sat much of Lal’s weakness, up until now. We get glimpses, but nothing more. Because that’s how she organizes her life. Push through, keep going, work late nights, develop better systems, hide the pain or discomfort…eventually, the damn is likely to break, all at once.

And that’s where we get to see the balance that exists between Lal and Wine. Their strengths compliment each other. It started with physical needs, and it grew into more.

Wine uses the tools she has built her walls with, effectively, and destroys the woman who exploited Lal.

Lal is persistently friendly and has a near-compulsion to meet the needs and expectations of others. She repurposes it to break down Wine’s walls and take care of her.

They fit together. Their own unhealthy habits turn into tools of care for each other.

Lal’s reaction to being supported, being SEEN, by Wine is so telling (and wonderfully acted). As is Wine’s reaction to being told she deserves love. It can be an intense relief, to be weak in front of someone and have it be okay.

Rin's Dad: "there's a guy lurking around and it seems to like you. I need you to tell him that you married Khem and she eats you out every day since then. I want him to back off".

❗i found most of these online, so i can't guarantee they are correct ❗

google drive

bl - pdf x epub

gl

non thai novels

MEGA - another place where you can find the novels and download them

updated list of the novels - in one word document

requests and suggestions - document where you can add the novels you're looking for and check if someone already asked about them, you should be able to edit there

hopefully all the links are working right, let me know if there's a problem.

if you have any requests or maybe you have some novels and want to share you can always send me a message. if i don't reply to you, i'm not ignoring you, i just wasn't able to find what you're looking for so i keep the asks unanswered so i don't forget and check later and can update you when i find it.

individual novels under the cut:

Oon and May's Journey

TT really hates it when I post girl kissing or anything Oab Oom so yep you guessed it posting here again lol

Anyway Oom is probably my fave character atp (aside from seeing myself in her—yeah BPD can mess you up like that) she's an incredibly well written character that's nuanced and flawed and very very human

As a certified May defender my favourite ship is still Kosol x Jail. However alot of Kosol haters would be Kosol. Think about it. Your best friend is almost murdered and has to live the rest of his life disabled. His mom who is also a parental figure in your life kills herself. You want revenge but you cant go after the criminal who has all the resources to get himself a slap on the wrist so you go after the shady lawyer that got him off because in your mind its the lawyers fault.

She didnt hurt your friend but she let a criminal back into the streets. Her defense got him a win in the court of public approval. Instead of being seen as the murderous bastard he is he's seen as a hero now and your friend is a nameless motorpunk who deserved it.

Its terrible but it is realistic and the profession of law is fundamentally immoral. The job of a lawyer isn't to seek justice its to defend their client and while we the audience can understand this because we are far removed from the repurcussions of May's actions if it were your friend or your family you would be tempted to get some payback even if you didnt do it.

Cases like this cause me to have a huge amount of cognitive dissonance because i love stories about vigilante justice. I know if this story was from Kosol's pov I probably wouldn't feel as bad for May as I do.

With Pluto alot of the central characters have some sort of logic behind what they do no matter how shaky. The difference between villian and victim depends on the point of view and the amount of informatiom we have at any given moment. Kosol is wrong no matter how you slice it but the only reason why we think May didnt deserve it is because we know and love May.

May knows this too. She may not have hurt Ben or killed his mom but she set his attacker free. Her crime was enabling and she feels terrible about it because under normal circumstances she wouldn't do it. That's why she wont turn him in. She believes those who do wrong deserve punishment. In her mind she did wrong and the universe punished her. The specifics dont matter anymore especially when you factor in Ai oon's relationship with Kosol.

Back to Ben. I say he is the Mvp because he has every reason to hate May and hold what she did over her head forever. He has an idea of the guilt and anguish she's facing because he no doubt blames himself for his mom's death the way May does and he not only frees himself from the prison of guilt and pain he likely lived in for years, he freed her too. If I were in his position I wouldn't have the strength to do it.

This is very much an explanation not an excuse. As a May lover my favourite ship is still Kosol x Jail but as a person who sometimes lets thoughts slip through when I watch shows I have complex feelings about Kosol. No love or hatred just confusion and because of that he may be one of my favourite gl characters in 2024. In terms of writing.

Side note: Ai oon's reaction to finding out the news also reinforces this point. She was far removed from the repercussions of Kosols action. She saw only the "villian" side of May and decided to pass judgement, determining what she did and didnt deserve. Then she meets May and falls in love. Now she is haunted by the fact that she not only enabled the crime that caused the person she loves most to become blind. She inspired it. She planted the seed. We can say she did nothing wrong. I maintained that stance till i found out she knew exactly what Kosol did and didn't stop him. Now I think she is partially guilty but ultimately Kosol is a grown man who makes his own choices and he choose to do what he did. The real question this episode is asking is how do we measure guilt. Does being a bystander make you guilty? An enabler? Or a perpetrator? The answer is all but only sometimes. Everything is relative it just depends on who is telling the story.

One thing I can say as the book reader, the show is waaaay better than the book. Having been able to show different character's perspective help.

Have you always known? I’m sorry. You know I’m the reason she’s blind, and you let me love her. Ai. It’s not like that. I was the one who assaulted her. But if I hadn’t initiated it, you wouldn’t have done it.

Everything is highlighted by Namtanfilm's microexpressions, so every rewatch becomes a whole new experience. What you think was just an innocent smile isn't so innocent at all, and so it creates this bigger better picture and you go; oh, so that's why.

The perfect example to this is this scene where May says Oon jai and then a few eps down the line we find out she knows it was oon from the start and so her saying that was really intentional and not at all a cute coincidence

aside from that Namtan has a certain way of conveying yearning, and she probably has the best "look of love" out of all thai gl actresses I've seen (the 10-11 urs of acting under her belt certainly does wonders)

And Film has this certain way of masking intentions in a way that you know something's up but cant help but root for her character anyway? AND GURLIE'S HOSPITAL SCENES ARE TOP TIER??? especially the scene where she first loses her sense of sight.

I'll make sure you understand what it feels like to be loved.