blue ain't your color

pay attention to the eyes

people jest but this is literally how i worked out i was gaslit for like 15 years of my life

People who “want trauma” are recognizing, on some level, that they were traumatized but in a way that’s not “socially recognized” as trauma. What they really want is for people to see that they’ve been traumatized and be on their side

Hold up

I think it’s also important to talk about mental illness, and how the pain and trauma of being mentally ill as a kid is often diminished because of the lack of outside actors. If you spent your childhood being suicidally depressed because your wee little kiddo brain decided to be a chemical shitshow, it doesn’t matter how much mom and dad loved you, that kinda thing fucks you up. And having people only look at your external surroundings and argue that “nothing bad happened” ignores all the pain you went through internally. So wishing you could have something external you could point to in order to justify that pain and enduring stress -- just so people could understand -- makes sense. 

Sometimes I think that my childhood wasn’t THAT bad because I got through it, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how fucked up it really was. Sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit for the abuse, sadness, and trauma that I did pull myself through. Sometimes I forget that the strong child I used to be is still a part of me. Sometimes I forget that I have gone through some tough things in my short life, and that I deserve to be happy.