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i genuinely have the urge to write the wildest dirty talk smut ever. like âok getting carried away hereâ level shit. maybe itll get me out if my writing slump.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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...love physical affection. Like, love love it. A lot. And not just pecks on the cheek or casual hand holding. Oh no, heâs all in. We're talking the kind of clingy that borders on overwhelming. But it's never suffocating. He just wants to feel you. Your arms around his shoulders. Your fingers in his hair. Your head on his arm like a pillow. Your body tucked into his side when you walk. And he wants you to feel him, too. His head in your lap. His nose brushing yours as you fall asleep. His chin resting on your shoulder. Thereâs something about you that makes him want to stay as close as humanly possible all the time. If he could, heâd keep an arm around your waist every second of the day. It's weird to think that someone could go through genuine withdrawals from something like snuggles, but somehow Jisung does. Daily.
...take pictures constantly because heâs low-key afraid of losing special moments. And with you, there are just too many worth keeping to miss even one of them. First meeting. First date. First late night drive. First sunrise. First kiss. First everything! He wants proof they happened. Something solid to hold onto to remind himself how he felt during those precious moments. His sentimental ass really does him in when it comes to memories of your relationship stiring in his heart. Still, he tries not to spend too much time behind a screen. When you gently pull him back, he listens immediately. No argument, no defensiveness, just a quiet âokay, babyâ as he locks his phone and focuses on you instead.
...want to be the soft one sometimes. Not in a dramatic way, but just in a quiet way. He wants to be taken care of. Thought of sweetly. Considered fondly. He likes being pampered, being doted on, being treated like he matters in the smallest details. It didnât always come naturally to him, but with you, heâs learned itâs okay to want to be handled gently. To be the one who's protected instead of always protecting. Of course, heâll still protect you, obviously, always. But some days, he just wants to be your baby for a while. The one getting his hair played with, the one napping against your chest while you talk softly to him. And thanks to you, he doesnât feel the need to justify that to anyone anymore.
...keep a journal full of lyrics, thoughts, half-written songs, minor observations -- anything that captures what he feels when it comes to you. Heâs a hopeful romantic, what else can he do? No point pretending otherwise. Feelings sit heavy in him, the good and the bad. And writing is one way he makes sense of them. So, he scribbles things down whenever they come to mind. On paper, in his notes app, on a napkin, on his hand, wherever he can. And sometimes, when the night feels right, he lets you see them. He plays something soft on his guitar while you sit under the stars, pretending youâre not recording him when he gets lost in the words and sound. When he gets lost in you. It's moments like that where you get to see his beautiful vulnerability, and your simply starstruck that someone like him could be madly in love with someone like you.
..."accidentally" leave his shirt at your place on the days he can tell youâre a little off. He notices more than you think, like how you get quieter, how your energy dips, how your gaze falls just short of his, how you start picking at your skin without realizing it. He knows you donât always say what you need, and that's okay. Because he's paying attention regardless. When he leaves, thereâs always something left behind. His hoodie draped over your chair. His comfort shirt tossed nonchalantly on your bed as if he just so happened to forget it. He never brings it up. Never asks if you found it. But later when he sees you wearing it, the sleeves too long and the fabric swallowing you whole, his expression softens in that quiet, loving way. You look so soft and lovely in his clothes, and honestly he loves to see you wear them. You look like you're his. And thatâs just how he is with you. He doesn't make a big deal out of things. He just...takes care of you naturally. Refilling your water without asking. Plugging your phone in when itâs about to die. Pulling a blanket over you when you fall asleep mid-conversation. Letting you lean into him without asking questions, adjusting so you fit more comfortably. He's the type that doesnât ask to be noticed, just loved in return. And you do. You notice him and love him. Very much.
The tension between you and Chan is the kind that makes meetings last twice as long. Youâre the creative producer brought in to manage the documentary team. Heâs the hands-on group leader who apparently needs to have input on everything.
From the very first meeting, itâs clear youâre going to clash.
He doesnât like how you arrange your teamâs camera workflow. You donât like how he paces the edit feedback. He says âAre you sure thatâs the best cut?â with that infuriating tilt of his head. You say âYouâre not the only one in the room with vision, Bang Chan,â with a smile so fake it makes the interns flinch.
And yet. Somehow, you always end up near each other. Side by side on benches at location shoots. Across from each other in edit bays. Walking in step down hallways even when you donât mean to.
You chalk it up to coincidence. He blames logistics.
Everyone else calls it what it is. Chemistry. The hostile, unresolved kind.
The first time you actually laugh around him is accidental.
Itâs past midnight after a long shoot. Youâre both still at the company building, fighting over the structure of a voiceover segment. Youâre tense and tired and practically vibrating with annoyance. Then, out of nowhere, Chan mutters under his breath, âThis would be easier if you werenât so hot when you argue.â
Your brain short-circuits.
He goes pale, like he canât believe he said it out loud.
You burst out laughing.
He stares at you. âYouâre not mad?â
âNo,â you say, grinning. âJust shocked you finally admitted it.â
From that night forward, something shifts. Itâs not that the fighting stops. But now it sparkles with something else. A kind of spark that doesnât burn so much as glow.
He teases you at every opportunity. You roll your eyes but your smile starts coming easier. He brings you the wrong coffee on purpose just to watch you scowl, then slides the right one into your hand two minutes later. You pretend to be annoyed. He pretends not to love every second of it.
He does.
It builds slowly. Lingering glances. Accidental touches. Banter that walks the line between sarcastic and intimate. Thereâs a night when you drop your pen under the conference table and bump into his hand reaching for it at the same time, and you both freeze, fingers touching.
You say nothing. He doesnât move.
But your heart kicks like itâs trying to escape your chest.
The real turning point happens in Busan.
You go with the team for a week of concert filming. Itâs chaos, sleepless and loud, but thereâs something magical about it too. Youâre sharing a van with Chan and a few others when your phone dies, your camera battery shorts out, and a key file goes missing all in the same hour. You snap. Not at anyone in particular, just the air, the world, the chaos.
Chan notices. Quietly.
Later, after rehearsal, he knocks on your hotel room door with a charger in one hand and a convenience store bag in the other.
âI brought snacks,â he says. âAnd I found the missing file. It was in the wrong folder.â
You stare at him. âAre you being⊠helpful?â
He shrugs. âDonât get used to it.â
You laugh, softer this time.
You let him in.
He sits on the floor beside your bed. You stay on the edge of the mattress, legs crossed, hair a mess, your heart too raw from the day to pretend youâre invincible.
âIâm sorry I snapped,â you say.
He looks up at you, calm and gentle. âYou donât always have to be perfect.â
That shouldnât be what makes you cry, but it is.
He doesnât freak out. He just shifts closer, slow and respectful, and rests his hand on your knee.
Thatâs all it takes.
You lean down and kiss him. Soft. Careful. Just once.
Then again.
And again.
He pulls you into his lap and cups your face like youâre something fragile. Youâre not. Youâre tired, worn down, and shaking from being seen so clearly. But he kisses you like he likes all of it. All of you. The fight, the mess, the sharp edges.
When his hand slides under your shirt, you donât stop him. When your lips drag down his throat, he tilts his head and breathes your name like a prayer. You end up under the sheets, tangled and flushed, his voice low and sweet in your ear as he murmurs things like, âYou drive me crazy, you know that?â and âI was gone the second I met you.â
Heâs slow. Gentle. A little bossy.
You like it more than you want to admit.
Afterward, you lie with your head on his chest and his fingers tracing lazy circles against your spine.
âYouâre warm,â he says, half asleep.
âYouâre clingy,â you mumble.
He laughs. âYeah. Get used to that.â
And you do.
Back in Seoul, everything softens.
He brings you food. You text him dumb memes at midnight. He leaves stickers on your laptop and takes pictures of you when youâre not looking, then pretends itâs for âreference footage.â
He holds your hand when no oneâs looking. He kisses your cheek when everyone is looking.
You still argue. Of course you do.
But now it ends in kisses.
And when the final cut of the documentary premieres, he pulls you aside in the green room and says, âWe made something beautiful. Together.â
You nod. âEven with all the yelling.â
He grins. âEspecially with all the yelling.â
He kisses you then. Slow. Certain. Like youâre not a challenge anymore, but a choice.
warnings: infidelity, mentions of suggestive content, morally gray characters, MDNI
a/n: based on this request, this fic explores fictional situations that are morally very very wrong and I do NOT condone cheating, lying, or breaking up relationships
Masterlist
~°~
You joined the SKZ writing team as a junior lyricist few months ago, still half-convinced someone would tap you on the shoulder and tell you thereâd been a mistake.
You kept your head down at first and just observed the process, you learned the rhythms of the JYPE buildingâthe way nights stretched longer than days, the way creativity bloomed best when everyone else had gone home. You didnât mind the late nights. You actually felt calmer then, more focused, the lyrics coming easier, more relatable.
Then Bang Chan started staying late on the same nights you did.
Then Bang Chan started staying late on the same nights you did.
At first, he was just there. Black hoodie pulled up, headphones hanging loose around his neck, humming melodies under his breath while you scribbled lines that never felt good enough. He worked harder than anyone youâd ever seen, yet there was an ease to him tooâa quiet warmth that made the studio feel less empty.
Somewhere along the way, you stopped seeing the idol and started noticing the person beneath it. Someone human. Someone who cared deeply about the work in front of him.
You noticed his silly habits too, like the way heâd tap his feet constantly when he was thinking. The way he thanked you sincerely when you offered feedback. The soft, approving hum he let out when something finally clicked. The way he slipped into a baby voice with his members during recording sessions. He was effortlessly charming, carrying an aura that made it hard not to be drawn in. It didnât take long before you realized you were starting to crush on him.
You told yourself it was harmless because crushes happen, especially when youâre young, ambitious, and surrounded by people who feel larger than life. But of course youâd never act on it. You werenât stupid.
Then one night, during a late session that had dragged well past midnight, his phone lit up on the desk beside him.
Baby <3
Your heart dropped so hard you thought you might feel it in your stomach.
You hadnât meant to see it, but you did, and it felt like being caught doing something wrongâeven though all youâd done was exist too close.
Chan glanced down and his expression softened and then he stood up quickly.
âSorry,â he said, already reaching for his phone. âIâll be right back.â
He stepped out of the studio, voice lowering as the door closed behind him.
The room felt quieter without him. You stared at your notebook, the words blurring together, chest tight with something you hadnât prepared yourself for. You swallowed and turned slowly toward Han, who was sprawled across a chair nearby, scrolling on his phone.
âHey,â you asked, trying to sound casual. âChan⊠he has a partner?â
Han looked up immediately, like the question surprised him. Then he grinned.
âYeah,â he said easily. âTheyâre, like, that couple. Always super lovey-dovey.â
Your fingers curled tighter around your pen.
âSheâs in Italy right now,â he continued. âDoing her PhD. Crazy smart and beautiful. Totally hyungâs type.â
âAnd honestly,â Han added, chuckling, âIâve never seen hyung that happy before. Ever since he started dating her, itâs likeâboom. Manâs glowing. Sheâs definitely the love of his life.â
Love of his life.
The words echoed heavily in that confined studio.
âOh,â you said quietly.
Han didnât notice the way your smile faltered. He just went back to his phone. You looked down at your notebook again, blinking hard.
If only he was single, a traitorous part of you whispered.
You swallowed it down like poison and forced your pen to move again. The door opened a minute later.
Chan came back in, slipping his phone into his pocket. His eyes flicked toward youâjust brieflyâbut something in his expression made your breath hitch. It was gone in a second, replaced by focus and professionalism.
Still, you couldâve sworn you saw something like sadness there.
Everyone got back to work and life went on.
The late nights didnât stop. If anything, they multiplied. It was their comeback season afterall. Sometimes it was the full team. Sometimes it was just you and him, the studio dim except for the glow of screens and the quiet hum of creativity.
You started sharing meals, heâd order and treat you recommending his favourite places. And those nights would look like takeout containers spread across the table, you both laughing over dumb jokes and bickering about lyrics that didnât quite land. You learned how he took his coffee. He learned you liked extra chili oil even though you pretended it didnât affect you. And somewhere along the way, you became friends.Â
You talked about everythingâmusic, childhood memories, fears about not being good enough. He listened like what you said mattered. You found yourself looking forward to nights you knew heâd be there.
Once, you asked about his girlfriend.
âLong distance must be hard,â you smiled gently at him.
He nodded, eyes on his screen. âYeah. It is.â
That was it, then he changed the topic, and you let it go because pressing felt like crossing a line you didnât want to acknowledge.
One night, exhaustion finally caught up to you.
You must have fallen asleep on the studio couch without realizing it, notebook slipping from your hands sometime after 3 a.m.
When you woke up, the first thing you noticed was how quiet it was. The second thing you noticed was him.
Chan was sitting on the floor beside the couch, legs folded in that loose criss-cross position, elbow resting on his knee, cheek propped in his hand. He wasnât working, or looking at the screen, but he was looking at you.
Your eyes fluttered open fully, and the moment you met his gaze, you caught the fondness there. He blinked quickly, like heâd been caught doing something he wasnât supposed to, then straightened up and rose to his feet
âMorning, sunshine,â he said, teasing, slipping into that baby voice.
You groaned softly, rolling your eyes as you pushed yourself upright. âWhy didnât you wake me up?â
He shrugged, voice light. âYou just looked really adorable.â
Heat rushed to your face before you could stop it.
âI did not,â you muttered, rubbing at your eyes.
He laughed quietly, the sound warm and soft in the early hours.
And then, like the universe loved irony, his phone rang.
Baby <3
You saw it, he did too and froze.
The space between you felt suddenly charged, heavy with something unspoken. His smile faded just a little as he stared at the screen, jaw tightening.
He declined the call. Your heart sank.
âYou should answer her,â you said, trying to keep your voice neutral.
He hesitated, phone still in his hand, then shook his head slightly. âIâll call her later,â he mumbled.
You nodded, pushing yourself to your feet, muttering something about going to freshen up.
**************************************
The tension between you and Chan continued to grow. You hate to admit it but you could tell it was more than platonic from his end too.
The late nights stopped feeling lonely once he was there. You stopped checking the clock, because neither of you wanted to be the first to leave. Hours passed quietly, in that soft rhythm of shared work and unspoken companionship. He stayed close without crowding, careful in the way that made the studio feel alive, warm, almost like home.
Some nights, you caught him out of the corner of your eye, abandoning his work just to watch you scribble lyrics. There was something almost magnetic in the way his stare lingered and sometimes your laughter would collide and hang in the air long after a joke, and in those small and intimate moments, it felt as if the world had shrunk down to just the two of you. He teased you lightlyâremarking on the way your lip quivered when you were lost in thought, the purple felt-tip pen you always saved for the final draft, the tiny ritual of two cups of tea to revive yourself after a draining writing session. But when he spoke about these, you were amazed at his observation on you and how he paid attention to you and it made your heart lurch in ways that felt achingly wrong.
He asked for hugs, and when you wrapped yourself in each otherâs arms, it lasted long enough that the world outside seemed to disappear. He held you the way someone might hold a fragile thing, afraid it could vanish if they let go. You could just feel the attraction because it was so obvious it hurt. Yet neither of you named it.Â
You never crossed the line, but you hovered so close that sometimes you wondered if that unspoken tension was worse than giving in. Like the way his hand would linger on your arm when he laughed, or your fingers would brush as you passed something, and the spark between you would hum in the quiet. Sometimes he would look at you just a second too long with such a yearning that your heart would start pounding in a way that left you breathless.
Then came the team party, that ruined everything.
But, you reminded yourself constantly:
He has a girlfriend. Sheâs perfect. He loves her.
After a brutal week of deadlines, sleepless nights, and endless studio sessions, everyone was exhausted yet wired. The CEO suggested drinks to unwind, and somehow you all ended up at a private bar so lavish it felt unreal, tucked away from the rest of the city.
Chan sticks close to you and offers you a drink.Â
You noticed the way his hand kept finding your back. The way he leaned down to talk to you even though you could hear him just fine. The way your name sounded wrong and right all at once on his lips. Drinks kept coming, and before you knew it, the warm buzz of alcohol had already settled in. He nudged you toward the dance floor, you followed him without really thinking. After a few songs, you stumbled back into a booth, laughing and catching your breath, watching everyone else let loose around you. Yet somehow, it felt like the two of you were in your own little world.
âItâs been a long week,â he sighs, running a hand through his hair.
âYeah, Iâm glad itâs over,â you giggled.
He leans a little closer. âI donât usually get this⊠relaxed.â
âGuess you need someone to drag it out of you,â you tease.
He laughs softly, and the warmth of it lingers. âMaybe⊠or maybe I just needed the right company.â
The music pulses around you, but the space between you feels insulated, private. Your hands brush, lingering, and he doesnât pull away.
âIâve wanted to do this all night,â he murmurs.
You barely have time to answer before his lips meet yours and after the initial shock you kissed him back. Everything youâd buriedâmonths of tension, stolen glances, longing, restraintâcomes rushing to the surface.Â
The kiss wasnât tender or careful, instead it was desperate and messy and soaked in alcohol and everything youâve been pretending not to feel. You know itâs wrong. You know itâs dangerous. You know it changes everything, but you melt into it anyway.
When you finally pull away, breathless, your heart hammering like a drum, panic claws at you. The realityâthe girlfriend, the life you shouldnât be destroyingâscreams at you.
You push back and stumble away, chest heaving. âI⊠no.. no,â you manage, voice trembling. You get up and run toward the bathroom, leaving him sitting there, frozen for a second.
âWait!â His voice calls after you. âY/N!â
He follows, matching your pace. The hallway feels eerily quiet compared to the bar. You enter the empty washroom, take deep breaths, and stare at yourself in the mirror, willing yourself to pull it together.
Then the door opens and Chan steps in, locking it behind him before you can think to stop him.
For a moment, neither of you speak. The space is small. You can feel the heat between you, the tension thatâs been building for months pressing in from all sides.
âLeave me alone,â you slur.
âBabyââ
âStop!â
He doesnât listen. He trips slightly, and you instinctively reach to steady him, even though youâre barely keeping your balance yourself. His gaze flicks to your lips, and you feel the pull too strongly to resist.
âThis is a bad idea,â you whisper, almost to yourself.
âI know,â he replies, voice low and urgent.
And then heâs reaching for you again. The kiss comes fast and hungry. He presses you against the wall, your bodies flush, breaths uneven, hands gripping at fabric as if to anchor yourselves in the chaos of the moment. Foreheads press together between kisses, both of you gasping, and moaning in the shared heat of the instant.Â
Every rational thought, every moral boundary, every flicker of guiltâthey all crumble under the weight of the ache for holding each other. The kiss deepens and you both begin to cross every boundary that you set all these months, desperation fueled with intoxication consumed every corner of your senses.
**************************************
You woke up the next morning with a headache and a sick feeling curling in your stomach. You quickly realised it was at the barâs hotel room. The room felt too quiet but the memory of his touch came back rushing like a wave. The weight of what youâd done pressing down on your chest until it felt hard to breathe. And then you saw him. He was awake and avoiding your eyes like if he didnât look at you, it hadnât happened.
Neither of you said a word. You got dressed in silence. You left without touching him and without even saying goodbye.
After that, the studio became a battlefield.
You avoided each other like strangers. Conversations became clipped and professional.
He didnât sit near you anymore. You didnât stay late anymore. But the silence was worse than the guilt.
You replayed that night over and overâevery look, every breath, every second you shouldâve stopped. You hated yourself for wanting him still. For noticing the way his voice sounded rough nowadays. For missing the way he used to look at you when he thought no one noticed.
You couldnât live with it. So by the third day, when the studio was quiet again and it was just the two of you, you broke.
âChan,â you said softly, heart pounding. âWe need to talk.â
He froze. The air shifted instantly.
He exhales through his nose, slow and controlled. âNo,â he says. âWe really donât.â
âYes,â you insist, voice trembling despite your effort. âBecause pretending nothing happened is killing me.â
He finally turns to face you and his expression is guardedâleader mode engaged, walls fully up. Whatever softness you saw since you began working with him was gone.
âThat never happens again,â he says flatly.
You swallow. âI know. Iâm notâthis isnât me asking for more. I justâwhat happened was wrong. We crossed a line. And I feel sick about it.â
His jaw tightens.
âIt was a mistake,â he repeats, like a mantra. âOne time. Fueled by alcohol and bad judgment.â
You nod. âI know. But it did happen. And ignoring it doesnât make itââ
He cuts you off sharply.
âYou will not talk about this. To anyone. Ever.â
The finality in his voice makes your stomach drop.
âIâm serious,â he continues, stepping closer, his voice dangerously low. âThis cannot get out. Not to the team. Not to friends. Not to anyone.â
Your eyes burn. âI would neverââ
âYou donât understand,â he says, voice low. âIf this comes out, it doesnât just hurt me. It destroys her. And I wonât let that happen.â
Her.
The reminder slices clean through you.
âI love her,â he says, firmer now, like he needs you to hear it clearly. âSheâs the love of my life. And whatever that night wasâit doesnât change that.â
You nod again, too quickly, shame flooding your chest.
âI hate myself for it,â you whisper. âI know what I did. I know what that makes me.â
He doesnât soften.
âThen weâre on the same page,â he says. âBecause this ends here. We stay professional. Cordial. Nothing more.â
Your throat tightens.Â
He looks at you and for a split second, something like regret flickers in his eyes.
âKeep it to yourself, please,â he says. âI can;t lose her.â
Silence stretches between you, thick and heavy.
âDonât worry,â you say finally. âI wonât say a word.â
âGood,â he lets out a sigh.
And thatâs it. No apology was shared, it was like agreeing to a contract. You just agreed to bury it, and to lock it away forever and pretend you didnât still feel something every time he walked into a room. It was the closure to that night.
**************************************
From that day on, you become professional to the point of coldness.
You arrive on time. You leave on time. You donât stay late unless absolutely necessary. You donât laugh as freely. You donât linger. You donât sit near him if you can avoid it.
You donât let yourself imagine what ifs.Â
One afternoon, you were carrying a stack of lyric sheets and tripped over the edge of the carpet. Papers went flying in every direction, but before you could even scramble to gather them, Chanâs voice cut sharply through the air:
âY/N! Watch where youâre going!â
You froze, cheeks burning, bracing for the scolding you fully deserved. But the moment he saw your stunned, embarrassed expression, his tone softened. His hand reached out gently to steady you.
âDonât hurt yourself,â he muttered, brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. âBe careful next time.â
Your chest lurched. You wanted to protest, to step back, to remind him he wasnât supposed to care, but the other staff were around, watching the exchange, and you had no words that could make sense of the storm rising inside you.
Another evening, you stayed late again, the studio empty except for the hum of the connected electric guitar. Chan lingered near the console, playing a melody softly. You were engrossed in your writing when a chair scraped quietly behind you.
He fidgeted with the rings on his fingers and cleared his throat. You looked up at him, but before he could say anything, the door burst open and Minho and Seungmin came in with coffee, and the moment ended. You couldnât help but wonder what Chan had wanted to say.Â
Another day, you didnât show up at the studio because you were feeling a little under the weather. The next day when you went to work, Han cornered you as soon as you walked in, a teasing grin on his face.
âYouâre taking Innieâs spot as hyungâs most favorite friend,â he said, nudging you lightly. âHe was so worried about you yesterday.â
You froze, a flush rising to your cheeks. âHe was? Thatâs ridiculous,â you muttered, trying to sound dismissive.
âRidiculous?â Han echoed, grinning wider. âChannie hyung literally called me three times asking where you were. He looked⊠tense, like he was going to explode. Iâve never seen him soââ
âStop.â Your voice was sharper than intended. You couldnât bear itâthe attention, the implication, the way it made your chest flutter against your will.Â
Han raised his hands in mock surrender, clearly amused by your flustered state. âAlright, alright. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?â
You huffed, crossing your arms. You couldnât tell Han how much Chanâs behavior was driving you insane. First, he tells you to forget that night, to erase it as if it never happened. Then he ignores your existence for hours on end, only to turn around and worry over you, to glance at you like⊠like you were the one he let slip through his fingers. Heâs infuriatingly complicated, and it makes your chest ache with frustration. Why canât he just leave you alone, like he so harshly insisted that night?Â
You just wished he would stop with this nonsense, because it wasnât just the moments when you were alone with him that set your chest on fireâit was also the tiny interactions scattered across ordinary days.
One afternoon, Hyunjin was lounging in the studio, clearly bored, and started a conversation with you. âYou know,â he said casually, âI could set you up with one of my friends. Really nice guy. Youâd get along.â
You smiled politely, shrugging it off, trying to keep the conversation light. But the moment his words hit, you felt a presence behind youâChan, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, jaw tight. His eyes flitted between you and Hyunjin, and suddenly, his expression was unreadable, but the tension radiating off him made it impossible to ignore.
You blinked, unsure how to respond, and turned back to Hyunjin. âYeah, thanks for thinking of me,â you said carefully.
Chanâs gaze lingered longer than it should, burning into your back. You could feel the heat of it on your skin, and your chest tightened.
Another day, you opened the studio door and froze mid-step.
Chan was on the phone, mid-call, and the soft laughter that reached your ears made your stomach twist. He was on a facetime call with her.
Chanâs head shot up, eyes briefly flicking toward you, a hint of guiltâor maybe irritationâpassing over his features before he quickly returned to the call.Â
âIâll⊠come back later,â you mumbled automatically, heart thudding.
You walked back out, trying to force your pulse to slow, wishing you could stop the jealousy creeping through your veins.
Then there were days when Changbin would sit too close to you in the studioâleaning over to see your lyrics, brushing shoulders while pointing at the monitorâand you would feel Chanâs eyes on you before you even noticed.
It wasnât overt jealousy at first. It was a subtle tightening of his jaw, a sharp glance, a hand tightening unconsciously on his pen. You would catch him watching your every movement, and sometimes, just sometimes, heâd mutter under his breath, âThatâs ⊠way too close.â
You hated yourself for noticing. Hated that it made your stomach twist, hated that the flush on your cheeks came every time he looked at you that way. And you knew that he wasnât supposed to care like this, he had a life, a girlfriend, a future separate from you.
But all of these momentsâhis small jealousy, the lingering looks, the quiet possessivenessâbuilt tension you couldnât run from. Each one made the line between professional and forbidden blur just a little more, until you couldnât remember where it started and where it ended.
Even though you tried to stay distant, tried to bury yourself in work, Chanâs presence and his every glance, every word, every tiny gesture reminded you of what you both couldnât have and made the longing all the more impossible to ignore.
And you felt pathetic for feeling this way.
**************************************
JYP had invited everyone to his farmhouse for a weekend party, a fancy affair tucked away from the city, somewhere that felt like a world of its own.
You did not want to go. Parties werenât your thing, and farmhouse weekends were definitely not your thing. But, as usual, Changbin and Han had other ideas.
âYou have to come,â Changbin said, grinning like a child who already knew heâd won. âItâs amazing. The place is huge, the food is unreal, andâwait for itâthereâs an elevator inside a house! Who even has that?â
Han nodded enthusiastically. âYeah, come on. You canât just sit this one out. Youâd be missing it for no reason.â
You groaned, crossing your arms. âI really donât care about elevators inside houses.â
âOf course you do,â Changbin said smugly. âEveryone does. Itâs insane.â
âYouâll see!â Han added, giving you a playful shove. âWeâre not taking no for an answer.â
You sighed, knowing that arguing would be useless. These two always got what they wanted, and if you tried to resist⊠well, youâd just end up in their crosshairs until you gave in.
âFine,â you muttered, finally relenting. âIâll go. But only because I want to see this ridiculous indoor elevator.â
Changbin and Han high-fived like youâd just handed them a victory. âYes! You wonât regret it!â Changbin cheered.
âTrust me,â Han added, smirking, âyouâre gonna love it. And maybe⊠youâll enjoy the party too.â
You rolled your eyes but secretly wondered if maybe, just maybe, there was a part of you curious about the farmhouse too. After all, this was JYPâs placeâthe kind of fantasy space that seemed worlds away from your average life.
As the weekend rolled around, you drove out with Changbin and Han, and tried to focus on the sceneryâthe rolling fields, the warm glow of the farmhouse in the distanceâbut your thoughts kept drifting to him.Â
âIs everyone going?â you asked from the backseat, trying to sound casual.
âYeah, Minho hyung is driving the rest of the members,â Han replied, leaning over slightly, fiddling with a music cord to connect it to Changbinâs car.
Changbin, behind the wheel, shot him a playful glare. âYah, stop messing with the aux cord, Iâm trying to focus here!â
Han just laughed, clearly enjoying his antics. âRelax, Binnie. Iâm just making sure we have the perfect playlist for the trip!â
You rolled your eyes but couldnât help smiling at their energy. âPerfect playlist for what? For annoying me on the drive?â
âExactly,â Changbin said with a grin, tossing a small look over his shoulder. âBut also for the farmhouse vibes. Youâre going to love it.â
Han chimed in, âItâs insane. Honestly, this is why we insisted you come. You canât say no to a JYP party.â
You huffed, but the tension in your chest eased a little, replaced by amusement. âI canât believe I let you two convince me to come. I shouldâve stayed home.â
âPfft,â Changbin snorted. âYouâd have missed all the fun, and we canât have that.â
You leaned back in your seat chuckling as the music filled the car. As the farmhouse drew closer, glowing like a golden oasis in the dusk, you couldnât help the flutter in your chest at the thought that tonight, for better or worse, you would see him again.
The farmhouse was even more stunning than youâd imagined. Lanterns hung from wooden beams, casting a warm golden glow across the wide, open living area. The scent of polished wood and fresh flowers mingled with the faint aroma of food from the kitchen. Outside, strings of fairy lights twinkled along the patio, reflecting on the small pond nearby. You took a slow breath, trying to drink it all in, and felt a strange mix of awe and nerves.
Changbin and Han led the way, laughing and pointing out little detailsâan antique vase here, a hidden bookshelf there, and yes, the infamous indoor elevator. You rolled your eyes at the elevator but couldnât suppress a smile; the energy the two of them carried was contagious.
Just as you were settling into the flow of the party, you noticed Bambam and Jackson making their way over, laughing and teasing each other as they moved through the crowd. Gosh, they were even more handsome in real life.
Han and Changbin immediately stepped forward to introduce you.
âY/N, this is Bambam and Jackson,â Han said cheerily, nudging you forward slightly. âTheyâre part of the fun squad for the weekend.â
Jackson extended a hand, grinning warmly. âHey! Finally get to meet you. Changbin and Han have been talking about you all week.â
You shook his hand, smiling politely. âItâs nice to meet you too.â
Bambam leaned a little closer, his mischievous grin spreading. âSo youâre the one theyâve been hyping up? I can see why. Youâve got a presence about you.â
You chuckled, feeling your cheeks heat up. âThey probably exaggerated a little.â
âExaggerated?â Jackson echoed, mock horror in his voice. âI think they undersold you.â
The conversation flowed easily, and before long, the five of you had claimed a cozy couch at the edge of the main hall. Jackson left after a few drinks and Changbin and Han lingered just long enough to make sure you were comfortable, shooting each other knowing looks before wandering off into the crowd.
Bambam leaned back, smirking, resting an arm along the back of the booth. âFinally, some uninterrupted time with me,â he said, tone playful. âI thought theyâll bother us all evening.â
You rolled your eyes but couldnât hide your smile. âHey, theyâre my friends! Are these parties always so glamorous?â
âWell, itâs a JYP party,â he teased, nudging your shoulder lightly. âThis is nothing compared to Jacksonâs parties though. Maybe you should come as my date for the next one?â
Your chest fluttered, and for a moment, you let yourself laugh freely. The night felt lighter than it had in months. The banter, the warmth, the easy camaraderieâit was intoxicating.
Bambam leaned closer, whispering something jokingly, making you chuckle. He dropped playful comments and flirtatious remarks, making the conversation crackle with energy.
But then, out of the corner of your eye, you felt it. Chanâs presence.Â
He was standing at the entrance of the main hall, arms crossed, eyes fixed on you. Not the subtle, professional glance you were used to. His gaze was sharp, intense, and it made your chest tighten. Every laugh, every brush of Bambamâs shoulder against yours, seemed magnified under his scrutiny.
Before you could even process it, Chan was beside you. âY/N,â he murmured, low and urgent, tugging gently at your arm. âWe need to talk. Now.â
Bambam looked between the two of you, confusion flickering across his face, but Chanâs intensity silenced him. You didnât even have time to respond before he guided you out of the hallway, past the crowd, and toward a quiet room on the second floor of the farmhouse. The music dulled as he pushed open the door to an empty room and shut it behind you.
The silence was loud.
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?â you snapped, yanking your hand free. âWhy were you staring at me like that?â
He turned to you slowly, eyes dark. âWhy were you laughing with him like that?â
You let out a bitter laugh. âSeriously? Thatâs your problem?â
âYes,â he said, stepping closer. âThatâs exactly my problem.â
âSo what?â you shot back. âAm I not allowed to breathe near other people now?â
He reached out suddenly, gripping your shoulders, fingers digging in like he was holding onto the edge of a cliff. âDo you even understand what you do to me?â
Your breath hitched. âWhat?â
âI love you!â he yelled, the words ripping out of him, raw and unfiltered.
Your knees nearly buckled. âWhatâŠ?â
âI said it!â His voice cracked, eyes shining with something dangerously close to tears. âI canât stop thinking about you. Every day. Every damn night. I wake up and itâs you. I sleep and itâs you. If onlyâif only you had met me earlier⊠I couldâveâGod, I couldâve chosen differently.â
âDonât,â you whispered, shaking your head. âDonât say that.â
He let out a broken laugh. âBut I canât leave her. I wonât.â His voice dropped, heavy with truth. âSheâs been with me for years. My mom⊠she gave me her ring. Her ring, Y/N. Iâm supposed to propose. Our families know. Everythingâs already planned.â
The words sliced straight through you.
Each word felt like a blade.
âI canât destroy that many lives,â he continued quietly. âI canât break her. I canât disappoint my family.â
He looked at you then, really looked at you, and his voice softened in a way that hurt worse than shouting.
âBut you,â he continued, stepping closer, eyes softening in a way that made your chest ache. âYou feel like home. You feel like everything I didnât know I was missing.â
Tears burned behind your eyes. âThis is wrong,â you whispered. âYou donât get to say that to me while choosing her. You donât get to love me in private and erase me in public.â
âI know,â he said, almost pleading. âI know itâs wrong. But everything in meâagainst all oddsâwants you. I donât know how to shut it off.â
You shoved his hands away, voice breaking. âYou treat me like shit, Chan. You tell me to forget, to act normal, to pretend nothing happenedâand then you get jealous, you corner me, you say you love me? Do you know how cruel that is?â
He flinched.
âWhat we did was horrible,â you continued, anger mixing with grief. âI hate myself for it. I hate that I was the other woman. I hate that I let myself believeââ
âDonât say that,â he whispered.
âI will,â you said fiercely. âBecause someone has to be honest. And since you canât choose, I will.â
Silence fell between you, heavy and suffocating.
âIâm leaving the team,â you said quietly. âI wonât renew my contract with SKZ. Iâll go to another band.â
His head snapped up. âThatâs not necessary.â
âYes, it is,â you said firmly. âBecause you canât⊠and I canât. I canât have another drunken mistake. I canât be the girl you look at when your life feels too heavy. I deserve more than that.â
He swallowed hard, eyes glassy. âBut Iâll lose you, forever.â
âNo,â you whispered. âI was never yours.â
He let out a sob, âThis hurts.â
You shook your head and as you were beginning to leave, he grabbed your wrist to stop you. Then he stepped forward, forehead resting against yours, breath uneven. âJust⊠just once more,â he murmured. âSo I donât forget what this felt like.â
You shouldâve said no. You shouldâve pushed him away⊠but you kissed him.
It wasnât desperate this time. It was slow. It was a goodbye pressed into trembling lips. His hands cradled your face like you were something precious, something he was already mourning. When you pulled away, both of you were crying.
âBe happy,â you whispered. âWith her.â
He shook his head, unable to speak. As you walked out, you didnât look back. It was their love story and you were just the other woman.
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Iâm about to go on a rant that will probably cost me some followers, but honestly, who fucking cares because this shit needs to be said. Read below the cut.
Sorry, but this isnât stray kids related.
Yes, I care about Palestine. Yes, I care about whatâs going on. Yes, they need a ceasefire.
BUT CAN WE PLEASE FOCUS ON WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN OUR OWN GODDAMN SHIT SHOW OF A COUNTRY RIGHT NOW?!
We have white supremacist cocksuckers acting all high and mighty, breaking into peopleâs houses and tear-gassing six-month-old fucking babies!
WE HAVE NAZIS IN OUR FUCKING STREETS GETTING AWAY WITH ANYTHING THEY FUCKING WANT.
Our president is bombing other countries and random boats for no fucking reason. A college student was shot in the eye by an ICE agent and is now permanently blind in that eye. After a six-hour surgery, he STILL has metal fragments in his goddamn skull!
A WOMAN WAS SHOT POINT BLANK RANGE IN THE FACE AND A MAN HAD A WHOLE CLIP UNLOADED IN HIM.
I understand that you care, and Iâm glad that you care, because you should. But the United States is turning into Nazi Germany right before our goddamn eyes.
WE NEED TO FIX OUR SHIT BEFORE WE START WORRYING ABOUT OTHER COUNTRIES. IT PISSES ME OFF TO NO FUCKING END TO SEE MY MUTUALS ON INSTAGRAM POSTING TONS ABOUT PALESTINE BUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE, FOR FUCKâS SAKE.
GIVING AWAY A STRAY KIDS MOVIE TICKET REDEEM CODE đđ
I ended up with two tickets since they announced the Stay Together bundle late (Thanks a lot JYPđ), and Iâd really love to give away the extra redeem code to a Stay who hasnât been able to get a ticket yet.
This is one digital code for the movie. I keep the souvenir ticket and you get to see the film đŹđż
Please reblog to help this reach someone who really needs it. Iâll DM the code privately. đ«°đœ
â« every guy in here wants me, but the thing is, i want you.
àšà§ summary: a stupid party game leads to you being dared to make out with the hottest guy there. who would have thought thatâd be jisung?
àšà§ pairing: nerd!han jisung x popular!fem!reader
àšà§ genre: college!au, some fluff, smut MDNI.
àšà§ word count: 5.6k
àšà§ warnings: 18+, explicit language, messy makeout sesh in front of people lmao, pet names (baby), dry humping, hair pulling, biting, degradation?, praise, oral (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, kinda sub!jisung and dom!reader ig??, alcohol mention (in the first line mb), mentions of a breakup but it means nothing to the plot whatsoever, afab reader, there's probably more but idk lmk >_<
àšà§ author's note: okay sorry i had to project onto y/n like yes i was too dumb to understand interstellar and yes i did watch almost 300 movies (in 2024 tho)âŠanyways this was literally supposed to be like 3k words MAX (that's why i wrote it in lowercase as intended for my shorter fics) and then i did that thing where i go insane so here we are.
friday night. changbinâs place. alcohol, loud music, too many bodies to count.
this isnât really your scene; itâs just the one thatâs been forced upon you because of the crowd you hang with.Â
which also isnât really your crowd. itâs just the one you were sucked into because pretty people always gravitate towards each other. and you liked some of the girls enough, but most of them basked in their popularity while you just allowed it to exist.
it has its perks, at least. youâve gotten decent-to-good sex from the hottest guys on campus and an abundance of classmates willing to send over their notes whenever you need.
unfortunately, it also made you a target during truth or dare. yes, the stupid game that has stood the test of time among youthful children and brainless college students alike. horny guys either want to pick apart your brain or want their friends to give them a challenge thatâll end up with you in their lap.
itâs so stupid.
yet here you are, agreeing to play anyways. because you always play. people might start thinking the world is going to end if you donât.
you recognize most of the faces around you. most fit right in. most belong there.
and then thereâs han jisung.Â
he wasnât always around. han jisung â immaculate gpa and spotless record â wouldnât have been caught dead at a party previously. but half a year ago, he met hyunjin in chemistry and became a valuable resource and, eventually, a friend.
at first, it was just for help with studying and trying to maintain a passing grade. along the way, though, hyunjin learned jisung is actually kinda cool, in an only slightly weird nerdy way. so he initiated him into his friend group, and now jisung often found himself at parties he felt out of place in.
but unlike you, he even looks out of place. sitting â no, sinking â against the couch, glasses sliding down his nose, hoodie pulled over his hat like itâll make him more invisible. you hate that he actually looks maddeningly attractive.
heâs been mostly quiet during the game. everyoneâs kept their questions or dares relatively tame when it gets to his turn. they refrain from anything overtly sexual because truthfully, nobodyâs even sure he has sex. nobody sees him looking at girls, let alone talking to them. but oh, he looks. at you, actually, when you arenât paying attention, because youâre too damn beautiful.
as for you, however, theyâve been relentless. and now itâs your turn again, too many sets of eyes falling onto you at once.
âtruth or dare,â jeno asks.Â
âdare,â you answer immediately. youâve gotten tired of sharing the intimate details of your sex life, like whoâs been your best fuck, whoâs been the worst, who youâd be willing to sleep with again.Â
âi dare you,â he begins, eyes twinkling with mischief, âto make out with the hottest guy here.â
none of the guys try to hide their excitement. they all expect it to be them, smirking as your gaze falls over each of them one by one. mingi even purses his lips and blows you a kiss from where he sits across from you.
if they were going to put you through hell, youâd throw it right back in their faces. in an instant, you push off the couch and walk over to where three of them sit: jisung and his two friends, hyunjin and jeongin.Â
first, you direct your torture to hyunjin. standing between his legs, he wraps his arms around your waist and tries to bring you closer. when you donât budge, he looks up at you with his chin resting on your stomach.
âsorry, lover boy,â you purr, fingers threading in his hair. and just like that, you move to the next one.
jeongin, a year younger than you but definitely hot and far from inexperienced. this time, you bend down and begin to inch towards him, hands on either side of his thighs.
âi fucking knew it,â he whispers to hyunjin, who only huffs in response. and just as heâs about to sit up to meet you halfway, you grab his cheeks and stop him there. he looks adorable with your grip puffing his lips out.Â
adorable. but not the hottest guy here.
âdonât get me wrong, innie,â you drawl. âyouâre hot.âÂ
you release his face and retreat to stand again. his eyebrows are furrowed, mouth agape â youâve left him speechless.
and then, just like that, you drop down beside him. right ontoâs jisungâs lap.Â
han fucking jisung, who probably has no idea what to do with someone like you.Â
âbut heâs hotter.â
as you settle against him, itâs clear heâs completely shocked and confused. maybe even a little doubtful this is real. actually, those are sentiments shared by everyone in the immediate vicinity.
âwhat. the. fuck,â jeno mutters under his breath. he certainly didnât think his dare would lead you to jisung.
youâre straddling him now, and with the new proximity, youâre certain you made the right decision. his flustered state only adds to the lustful curiosity brewing within you.
âme?â jisung asks quietly, waiting for the laughter. waiting for you to stand up and walk back to jeongin or hyunjin or any of the other guys playing.
it doesnât come. you just sit there in his lap prettily, staring into his eyes framed behind his glasses.Â
âyeah, you,â you smile sweetly, and he swears heâs going to die right there on that couch. god, what a good way to go out â with a pretty girl on his lap, completely unaware of how his cock is already twitching beneath you.
wait. he has to kiss you first. then he can die happy for sure.
maybe youâve read his mind. just as he remembers the dare, you push his hood back and snatch his hat, pulling it onto your head backwards. how do you look even better wearing something of his?
thereâs nothing to hide him anymore and nothing to hold you back anymore. your arms slink around his neck and yank him closer.
and then to your surprise, heâs the one closing the final inches, crashing his lips onto yours desperately. it takes only a second for you to fall into rhythm, lips moving against each other with restraint at first. the rest of the room ceases to exist and the music fades into background noise you can barely make out.Â
right now, itâs just you two. and the only sounds truly reaching your ears are the quiet hums of contentment that escape him. your fingers trail delicately along his skin, leaving a path of goosebumps behind them.
somehow, the kiss slips into something hungrier, messier. you arenât sure who initiates the descent. you? him? both of you at once? who knows. who cares. all that matters is that jisung is a good fucking kisser.
actually, nevermind â youâre pretty sure it was you. it probably happened when you tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck and slid your tongue inside his mouth as he groaned into yours. the sound was so sinful that you just had to taste where it came from.
and he lets you. encourages you, even, kissing you harder as you taste every inch and quickly decide heâs your new favorite flavor. in the midst of it all, you notice (with great disappointment) that his hands are still resting on his knees awkwardly, and that simply wonât do. you reach behind your back and grab his wrists lightly, guiding them to your ass.Â
he doesnât tense or hesitate; he just keeps his hands there, squeezing lightly. now youâre the noisy one, moaning quietly into him, and he prays that you canât feel his cock beginning to tent in his pants.
you pull away, not because you want to, but because you definitely feel it and itâs driving you crazy. but then he squeezes your ass harder and sucks your tongue back into his mouth, drawing you right back in.
jisung, the âshyâ nerd you always asked hyunjin about (in subtle ways, like âdo you think he could tutor me?â or âwhy doesnât your friend ever talk to anybody besides you and jeongin?â), sucks your tongue like he might pass away if you part from him.Â
so you donât. you bite his bottom lip between your teeth and tug, silently telling him you asked for this. your hands land on his jaw, fingers pressing into his skin roughly. a cool sensation sends a tingle up your spine, one of his hands finding a new home just under the hem of your shirt.Â
without thinking twice, you roll your hips against him. just once, but once is all it takes. everything in him stills, your clothed cunt creating friction right where heâs now dreadfully hard.Â
youâre still kissing him sloppily, but heâs no longer responsive. sensing his unease, you pull away again, and this time, he doesnât lure you back in. you remain close to him, faces only centimeters apart.Â
âeveryoneâs watchingâŠâ he trails, voice low.Â
oh, right. there are still at least ten people watching this unfold, not expecting a simple makeout dare to turn into softcore porn before their very eyes. especially not between you and jisung.
âyeah,â you breathe out, resting your forehead against his. youâre finally met with the complete visual of his wreckage â flushed cheeks, pupils blown wide, lips tinted a darker shade of pink from your lip gloss. and, of course, the very obvious erection poking into you.
âand iâm hard,â he sighs, but it comes out as almost a whine.Â
he sounds both needy and humiliated, and youâre damn near soaking in your panties at this point. at least it isnât outwardly noticeable, otherwise youâd be in the same predicament as him.
âi know,â you tease with a smile, âiâll get us out of here, mkay?â your voice is syrupy sweet, and he nods quickly at your words. something about it is so pathetic in a cute, intriguing way, so you lean forward and press another much more chaste kiss to the corner of his lips.
you swing your leg over him and throw his hat onto his lap, offering him some coverage for hisâŠproblem. even though everyone surely already knows itâs there â heâs only human after all. your aim is impeccable, and he swallows hard as he flashes you a look of gratitude.
when you rise to your feet, itâs like youâve suddenly flipped everyoneâs on switch; the space fills with chatter once more. this will probably be the talk of your friend group for at least the next two business days.
âjesus christ,â mingi curses.
ây/n,â lia giggles, âyouâre crazy.âÂ
âwell fuck,â hyunjin groans, âi didnât think this friendship would lead to more competition.â
while youâre unbothered and simply roll your eyes at them, jisung sits stiffly on the couch, clearly at least a little embarrassed by their comments. he manages a small smile when jeongin elbows him and whispers something in his ear.
âthanks for a great game guys,â you smirk, âbut jisung and i are tapping out.âÂ
you turn around halfway and reach your hand out towards him. when he clasps his hand in yours, you tug him lightly and heâs on his feet in a second, standing closely behind and using your body as a shield in place of his hat thatâs now discarded on the couch.
it hardly seems possible, but disbelief spreads across everyoneâs faces even further. they all stare wide-eyed until their expressions settle into knowing smirks and sly grins. the remarks continue as you lead jisung through the living room and up the stairs.
âmore like heâs tapping you.âÂ
ây/n, if you change your mind, iâll be here!â
youâre familiar with changbinâs house from a number of parties and maybe a hook up or two. so you head straight for a room you know to be empty, opening it with your free hand and kicking it shut after.Â
now that itâs just you two in a quiet room (aside from the thumping music coming from below), jisung is even more confused. how the hell did you consider him to be the hottest guy in a group full of the certified campus fuckboys? and moreover, you felt him literally pop a raging boner and instead of laughing at him with your friends, you brought him upstairs. alone.Â
heâs silent, but you can tell heâs lost in thought. âwhat are you thinking?â you purr, snaking your hand into his hair again while heâs backed against the door.Â
âjust uh,â he pauses, âyouâre really, really pretty.â
itâs sweet and innocent, yet it has you clenching around nothing. because heâs so unlike the guys youâre used to. nerdy, shy, maybe a little bit of a loser, and then at the same time, he made out with you like he needed it to survive.Â
âthank you,â you giggle, taking his hand once more and guiding him to the bed. once youâre at the foot of it, you spin around and push his chest with enough force for him to fall to the mattress. you crawl onto him, finding yourself in a familiar position â straddling him, feeling every bit of his arousal.
he leans up on his elbows and looks around, suddenly concerned. which he really shouldnât be, because he has an actual angel straddling him on a fucking bed and heâs probably ruining it.Â
too bad heâs unable to turn off his brain for a bit. âwait. whose room is this?â he asks, chewing on his bottom lip subconsciously.Â
ârelax, jisung,â you assure. âitâs changbinâs old roommateâs. but he moved out, so now itâs a spare.â
that should quell his worries, but instead it unleashes a whole new flurry of them. he canât stop himself from the sarcastic reply he shoots out.Â
âoh. okay, perfect. the communal sex bedroom. iâm sure this place looks great under black light.â
yeah, youâre definitely going to scoff in his face and leave him there and never look at him again, he thinks.
or not.
you snort and throw your head back, and even the small movements of your body bouncing as you laugh have him going wild.Â
âyou think too much, you know that?â yes, unfortunately he does know that. âiâm friends with changbin, i know he keeps shit clean. mostly.â
of course youâre friends with the older boy whose house you were currently partying in. and whose spare room you were probably about to do unholy things in. jisung doesnât think changbin even knows his name.
he falls back flat against the mattress, eyes trained on the ceiling now. âyou have a lot of friends it seems,â he says, and you wonder if itâs meant to sound as envious as it does.Â
part of you wants to tell him itâs not worth it. that he should appreciate the few friends he has because at least theyâre genuine; popularity doesnât equate to fulfillment. but that sounds like a whole ted talk youâre not sure you have the time or willpower to get into when all you want right now is to bring the boy beneath you to absolute ruin.Â
âi guess,â you agree simply. âi use âfriendsâ loosely. itâs all transactional.â
âtransactional?â
âmhm. thatâs just how things go in these crowds. these people donât really know me,â you shrug.Â
youâve piqued his interest now â or rather, heâs been interested, but now heâs gnawingly curious. from the outside, you fit right in with everyone downstairs. you laugh easily, you complete stupid dares without a second thought, you flirt and flip your hair and flutter your eyelashes. to think thereâs a whole other side under all of it makes him crave to know more.Â
âwhat donât they know?â he questions softly.Â
âhm,â you hum, thinking of something thatâll really throw him off. âthey donât know that i logged almost three hundred movies on letterboxd last year.â
he scoffs in disbelief and you just stare him, unwavering.Â
âthree hundred?!â you nod. âbullshit.â
you roll your hips against him again, this time as a punishment for doubting your movie-watching abilities. a ragged groan rips through him, and his hands find their way to your waist, holding you down firmly. begging for more.Â
âswear. iâm a devout cinephile,â you grin, grinding down on him again.Â
his breath hitches. somehow, you feel so good even through the layers of clothes. âhow did you even have time for schoolwork?â he sputters. itâs honestly a little impressive that his mind is still on academics.
âsome of us donât spend all of our lives studying,â you joke. he clicks his tongue and you decide he deserves the real answer. you know he wonât judge you for it. âi went through a rough break up and spent like two weeks just watching movies in bed.â
he frowns, wondering what idiot would break your heart. then he pictures you, no longer laughing with your friends at a party, but crying in bed with a sad romance movie playing in the background. âfuck that guy,â he says sternly.Â
âyeah,â you whisper, âfuck him.â
thatâs the end of that conversation. thatâs the end of all conversation; your hands twist into the fabric of his hoodie and your lips come crashing down onto his. you pick up right where you left off on the couch â tongues entangling, teeth nipping, moans no longer hushed.Â
you work your way down to his neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses on his jaw along the way. your hips grind steadily, clinging to the rhythm youâve built. heâs learned his lesson, too; he grips your ass without you needing to direct him, helping you through your desperate movements.Â
âdonât worry. i wonât leave any marks,â you reassure as you kiss the skin of his neck carefully. âwouldnât want the star student to look like trouble.â
âyou can,â he says too quickly, unsure where the newfound confidence comes from. it disappears almost immediately after. âif you want.â
when you pull back in surprise, you find only confirmation. he nods and you grin wickedly, dropping back to his neck and sucking with more determination now. ây/n,â he sighs, his hands sliding up and lifting your shirt slightly as they rub along your side.Â
him saying your name like that is your undoing. you push off of him and stand from the bed entirely, and heâs too breathless to voice his disappointment. he doesnât need to, anyway, because his eyes drop to where your fingers are making quick work of your zipper and button.
âfuck these pants,â you hiss, pulling them off hurriedly. thereâs hardly a moment for him to take in the sight of your bare thighs and lacy panties. âyours too,â you return to his lap and begin working on his jeans now. he helps you yank them down, hearing the quiet thud as you toss them to the floor.Â
thereâs one less layer between you, allowing you both to feel much more. you can feel how hard he is, straining against his boxers, a small damp patch from where heâs leaked precum onto them. he can feel how soaked your panties are, the wet fabric offering very little at this point. youâre soaked because of him. that thought alone could almost make him cum in his boxers.Â
with each roll of your hips, your pussy glides against his cock, and he knows he wonât last long like this. at least before there was the thick material of your jeans helping him maintain some composure, but now he can practically feel himself sliding through your folds.
âyouâre really fucking wet,â he groans. such filthy words come out of him with an ease you didnât expect, and it has you rutting against him harder now.Â
âyeah, thatâs what happens,â you giggle through moans, âyou know anatomy and physiology, donât you, sungie?â you reinforce your question with a particularly slow, purposeful grind.Â
âshit,â he swallows harshly, feeling himself nearing the edge too quickly. âyeah. yeah, i do.â
thereâs not much of a rhythm to your movements anymore. itâs all frenzied need, and his hands are digging into your thighs roughly, keeping you in place and guiding you. you almost canât believe this is the same jisung you always saw in the library with his nose in a book.Â
ââcourse you do. youâre so smart,â you purr, catching his lips in another sloppy kiss. you can tell heâs close, and itâs unbelievably sexy that he looks so fucked out just from making out and dry humping. âbut i didnât know the smartest guy on campus was so desperate. holding me down on your cock like this.â
the amused edge in your tone brings him even closer, and he bucks into you now, losing all care for how shameful he may seem.
ây/n,â he whines. âiâm seriously gonna cum in my boxers if you keep going.â which is a funny statement considering heâs the one doing half of it.Â
and if itâs meant to be a warning, you donât take it as one. thatâs exactly what you want him to do. you want him to fall apart for you without you even touching where heâs neediest. you have an inkling he wants to, too, considering the strength heâs using to keep you against him.Â
âgood,â you coo, âcum for me just like this, ji.â
you shift your head towards the side of his face, grabbing his jaw and latching your lips onto his earlobe. Â
âfuck,â he moans, âyouâre so perfect.â he can feel you smile against his ear, and for some reason that almost does it for him.
âhave you always thought that, or is it just because iâm on top of you?â you ask teasingly, biting down softly.Â
he tries to turn into you â he wants to see your pretty face so badly â but your grip has his head held in place and you tsk at him for trying. so heâs forced to squeeze his eyes shut and surrender himself to pleasure.Â
âno! always have,â he grunts. âi thought you wouldâve caught me looking at you all those times.â
maybe you have caught him a few times, but lots of people stare. you never thought too much of it. certainly never thought youâd have him unraveling for you like this.
âand did you ever think about me like this?â you lean back, pressing your hands against his chest while you grind down harder, faster.
now he can take in every inch of your face, from the strands of hair sticking to it to your blissed out expression. you are perfect, whether youâre sitting in the dining hall with your friends, laughing with guys at a party, or â especially â if youâre rubbing against his cock in someone elseâs bedroom.Â
âyes,â he chokes out. âfuck, yes i did.â yes i do, he wants to say, but he canât correct himself before heâs spilling into his boxers, thick white spurts coating the fabric as you milk it out of him.Â
after a minute, you lean down to kiss his cheek and pull off of him. you scoot up until youâre against the headboard, staring at the ceiling in wonderment. then you look further down the bed where jisung is still trying to catch his breath. han fucking jisung. jesus christ, what a night.
âwait,â he pants, struck with realization. âyou didnât cum, though.â he tilts his head back to look at you, the mattress dipping under him.Â
god, heâs cute. and considerate. which is more than you can say about most of the guys youâve fucked.Â
âitâs fine, jisung. i had my fun regardless,â you smile sincerely. but that just wonât do. no way is he letting you think heâs okay with being the only one satisfied. no, jisung has never been selfish, and he wonât allow that to start with you of all people. in fact, he thinks itâd be cruel after how good you just made him feel.Â
âcan i eat you out?â he blurts out, slightly regretting it when you furrow your eyebrows. his cheeks flush a light shade of red thinking youâre going to reject his offer. and to think he was really looking forward to tasting more of you.
âhave you eaten a girl out before?â
he looks almost offended, flipping over dramatically to look at you rightside up. âyes i have, actually,â he scoffs. âiâm not a virgin, you know. iâm not that much of a loser.â
you laugh and pat the space next to you. though heâs still pouting from your question, he joins you by the headboard. âi wouldnât think you were a loser if you were a virgin,â you whisper reassuringly.Â
âprobably because you already do,â he sighs.
well, thatâs not totally untrue, but itâs not like you looked down on him for it. not at all, not even before tonight. âno,â you shake your head, and he looks at you wordlessly, already sensing your dishonesty. âokay, kinda. but in an endearing way!â he groans, dropping his head to the pillow (how many other people have done things with these pillows? he doesnât even want to know). âseriously. i think youâre really, really cute, sungie.â
there goes that nickname again making his heart thump erratically. you might actually be the death of him. he lifts his head back up and looks so pathetically hopeful you could melt right into the sheets.Â
âcute?âÂ
âyeah. so cute that you donât even realize that youâre hot.â
suddenly, you kiss him again, hard, and he whimpers into your mouth. the sound goes straight down to your soaked panties. perhaps he senses it, snaking his hand down and grabbing the inside of your thigh, right next to your heat. it tears a moan straight out of your chest, and when you pull back, his eyes are desperate.
âplease?â he begs.
thereâs no reason for you to deny what you both want. you nod quickly and thatâs all it takes. he slips his glasses off, carefully placing them on the bedside dresser because yes, heâs still cautious even when heâs about to go down on a very pretty girl. and just as youâre about to make fun of him for it, he slinks his way down, stopping right above your cunt.
he presses his lips against you through the fabric, tongue darting out to flick your clit. your thighs clench from the new sensation and he holds them open, now leaving a trail of kisses along them.
âjisung,â you whine, âdonât fucking tease.âÂ
he pauses, looking up at you sinfully. âbut do you really want a loser like me to taste you? to know how sweet this pretty pussy is?â his fingers rub you in place of his mouth, slowly dragging up and down the wet material you really wish he would just rip off of you. but unfortunately, youâve made him feel a bit too powerful.
âyou think youâre in control now, baby?â you drawl with feigned sweetness. âyouâre not. admit it â if i got up right now, youâd get on your knees and beg for me. right, jisungie?â
he huffs despite knowing your words are true. and he fears that you really might get up just to prove it. so he dips his thumbs into your waistband and pulls the pink lacy fabric down, the cool air hitting your pussy immediately.Â
but thatâs not a good enough answer for you. you tangle your fingers into his hair and tug a little too harshly, forcing him to look up at you again. âi asked a question,â you taunt.
âright,â he mutters defeatedly, and though you wouldâve liked a more enthusiastic agreement, that would have to do. you were already far too needy from all the nightâs events.Â
âgood,â you hum, ânow make me cum.â
all traces of his previous teasing vanish when he licks a stripe through your folds, your slick coating his tongue. this time when you pull his hair, itâs not to punish, but to ground yourself.Â
because thereâs no restraint in his actions. jisung â who you just heard complain about a âcommunal sex bedroomâ and who you watched place his glasses down with so much care â devours you sloppily, hungrily. that careful, overthinking part of him was long gone, and his only thoughts now revolve around making you cum on his tongue no matter how messy it may be.
your back arches off the bed and he holds your thighs even tighter, wondering if he could leave his imprints on your skin for the next guy to see. hopefully there wonât be a next guy.Â
âfuck, jisung,â you moan.
âhm?â he hums into you, and the vibration sends a delicious jolt through your body. âam i doing good?â
you nod even though he canât see. âso good,â you pant, âhow the fuck are you so good?â
the praise only entices him, lapping at your pussy greedily. his lips wrap around your clit, sucking the sensitive bud until you swear your vision blurs.Â
truthfully, he doesnât have an answer to your question; sure, heâs eaten girls out before, but none of them have given him a particularly amazing reaction. but you have no reason to stroke his ego, so he assumes your words must hold truth. and god, does he feel too damn good about himself right now.Â
his name falls from your lips in strangled cries each time he dips his tongue into your hole or flicks it against your clit. the alternation between the two is so dizzying that you feel your release building rapidly.
that only furthers when he drags two fingers through your folds, collecting your wetness. with ease, he plunges those same fingers into you and focuses his mouth entirely on your swollen nub. the lewd noises fill the room along with your moans, and your sweet, wrecked voice calling out his name is enough to have his cock twitching to life yet again.Â
âji, fuck,â you cry, âiâm so close, donât stop. youâre doing so fucking good for me.â
for you. his life might just have a new purpose.
he pumps his fingers into you quicker now, curling them upwards against your g-spot in rhythm with the languid circles of his tongue around your clit.Â
âcum for me, please?â he begs, only parting from you for a moment. âright on my tongue. please, baby.â
his words are all you need to come undone, clenching around his fingers and gripping his hair as he works you through your orgasm. he slows his pumps but doesnât stop, not until your back falls to the mattress and your grip loosens.Â
even then, he doesnât pull away without one final slow, tantalizing lick up your center, just to savor it in case he never gets to have you like this again.Â
âoh my god,â you breathe out, watching his movements out of the corner of your eye while you try to bring yourself back down to earth.
he licks his lips and sucks his fingers clean before reaching for his glasses. when he puts them back on, heâs no longer jisung who made you cum on his fingers, but jisung who sits awkwardly at parties. youâve discovered that youâre actually quite fond of both sides.
âplease tell me you werenât lying about all that,â he pleads.
âwhat? that you did good?â he nods, reverting back to his usual shy self. like the glasses have some kind of power to turn it off and on. ânope. han jisung is a really good pussy eater.â
his cheeks dust with embarrassment, as if he didnât just devour you a few minutes ago. the jisung you recognize is back, and you can only laugh at his sudden 180.
the room fills with silence as you both mull over the past hour internally. thereâs no regret, justâŠconfusion? excitement? and exhaustion. lots of exhaustion. heâs sprawled out at the foot of the bed while your head is on the pillows, and if you werenât nearly naked in changbinâs spare room, you could probably fall asleep like this.
then his voice cuts through the silence and you force your eyes open. âfavorite christopher nolan movie?â he asks â a very important question. probably should have come before the orgasms, even. his head is turned to face you against the mattress, hoping youâll sayâŠ
âthe dark knight.âÂ
he narrows his eyes at your answer, not totally pleased. itâs a solid one, but not the right one. this isnât an opinion-based question to him. âinterstellar,â he shoots back.
you pull your head back in shock. âreally? you strike me as a superhero guy,â you muse.
âyeah, spiderman,â he scoffs. like you should just know he prefers spiderman over batman. common jisung knowledge of course. youâd save the debate about battinson for another day.
âright. cause youâre basically peter parker.â
âhuh?â
he waits for you to elaborate, but you move on far too quickly. âand youâre probably into all that crazy space shit that went over my head in interstellar,â you groan. that causes him to sit up immediately, face contorting in horror.
âwhat? you didnât understand the masterpiece that is interstellar?â you blink at him. âoh my god. we have to go watch it right now. but just be prepared, i will be on my knees banging on the tv right with matthew mcconaughey.â
somehow, youâre wide awake now, fully enticed by the prospect of watching a movie with him. such a simple domestic thing that has you grinning and laughing at his enthusiasm.Â
âokay, yeah, maybe you are a loserâŠâ
you laugh and he deadpans at you before breaking into laughter himself. itâs comfortable and easy, and you both begin shoving limbs into clothes hurriedly so you can get out of here and indulge yourselves in three hours of âcrazy space shit.â
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pairing: jeongin x f!reader
contains: fluff, light angst, suggestive comments â really, two people as hopeless at communicating as you and jeongin probably shouldnât date anyway, for the sake of everyone elseâs sanity. or: five times skz pushes you to tell jeongin how you feel, and the one time you give up. 5k words.
â note: finished an old wip!! everyone cheer!! <3
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âIâm gonna get jealous if you keep drooling over edits of Hyunjin.âÂ
Shitfuckshit.
 You nearly jump out of your skin at the sound of Jeonginâs voice, entirely too close behind you to have just gotten there. Quickly, with shaking fingers, you close the godforsaken app and slam your phone face down on his mattress. Nailed it. Not suspicious at all.Â
In the following few seconds of pure silence, mortification festers and almost digs a hole straight through your stomach lining. Almost. Thereâs also a tiny glimmer of gratitude that he didnât catch you watching one of his edits â or, worse yet, saving one to your Innie â€ïž collection.Â
Itâs that glimmer of gratitude you resolve to cling to throughout his inevitable goading.Â
No wonder he came to check on you. Itâs his room. Youâve been gone far too long to feasibly be âplugging your phone in.â In your defense, you did start charging your phone, but you also happened to get distracted.Â
He flops down on his stomach next to you with a force akin to a small earthquake. The mattress dips and jostles you closer until your arm is pressed against his, and you promptly disregard every thought youâve ever had. Instead of scooting away, he drapes that arm around your shoulders like itâs the most natural thing in the world.Â
âI wasnât drooling,â you mutter, then mentally kick yourself for it. You pray he canât hear the blood rushing in your ears.Â
To anyone else, anyone who didnât know the extent of your unrequited love, you two must look like a couple. Cuddled against each other, easy familiarity, so close it hurts in every way possible.Â
Heâs mere inches away. If he wanted, he could lean in and easily close the gap between you.Â
Instead, he just laughs in your face, like the terrible friend he is. Trying to ignore your heart skipping a beat at the sound, you burrow closer into his embrace, reveling in as much of him as heâll let you have.Â
His chest vibrates when he speaks again. âI had a good time last night.â He pairs his kind words with a rude poke to your side.Â
A good time is underestimating it, at least for you. Innie claimed that the rest of the guys were always hogging up your free time, and he missed his best friend. He booked a reservation at an Italian restaurant notoriously hard to get into â but heâs an idol, of course he has connections like that.Â
If this were a romance movie, one of you would have confessed. Preferably him, to spare you the embarrassment. But itâs not, and at the end of the night, he dropped you off at home with a beaming smile and the memory.Â
If this were a romance movie, now would also be a pretty good time for a confession.Â
You look up at him. Heâs looking back at you.Â
The entire world shrinks to only him, and his eyes, staring into yours. âYeah?â you ask, breathless.Â
He grins. âYeah,â his voice is low. His eyes drop down to your lips, and suddenly his hand is cupping your chin, his thumb brushing over your lower lip.Â
Then, he clears his throat, the sound piercing. He shakes his head, as if to snap himself out of a thought, then whispers, âYou had something.â He doesnât remove his thumb.Â
As if on cue, Seungmin walks past his open doorway headed towards the kitchen. He peeks inside, and immediately freezes in his tracks while his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline at the scene before him.Â
Cuddled against each other. Easy familiarity. So close it hurts.Â
Before he says anything too incriminating â and thus ensuring his death by your hands â heâs interrupted by a wild-eyed Changbin barreling past him and into Jeonginâs room, yelling âChanâs buying us food! Get up! Hurryhurryhurry!â
An outraged, âThe fuck I am!â sounds from the living room.Â
At the restaurant, Jeongin steals a dumpling off Changbinâs plate rather unsuccessfully. The plop as it lands on the table alerts Changbin to the attempted thievery, and naturally, Jeongin winds up in a headlock as punishment. They go back and forth exclaiming, âSay youâre sorry!â and âI didnât even do anything!â until Chan looks like heâs about to start sprouting grey hairs.Â
âHeâs such an idiot,â Seungmin says beside you.Â
âI know,â you sigh. âI want his balls in my mouth.âÂ
Seungmin freezes with a steamed bun inches away from his lips. âPlease,â he deadpans. âNever speak to me again.âÂ
Hyunjin proves himself nearly useless. However, heâs a lot better than your complete uselessness, so you find yourself taking his advice a few days later.Â
âWhat does painting my feelings even mean?â you ask. Hyunjin sits across from you, concentrating on his own canvas like heâs the one about to confess via acrylic paint. Maybe he is; he and Changbin have been acting particularly married lately. A variety of paint tubes sits on the table between you two. âWhat color are my feelings?âÂ
Hyunjin snorts. âI donât know, what color do you think pabo is?â
âGreen?â
With a small grin, Hyunjin slides a pigment labelled Permanent Green closer to you, then subsequently dodges it when you hurl it back at him. Shame. He exclaims something about Changbin killing him if any more paint spills in their dorm, but youâre not listening, instead choosing to stare down at your canvas as if it will unveil its secrets if you simply look at it long enough.Â
Hyunjin had sworn on his life that painting your love and gifting it to Jeongin would work, and the boy would swoon in your arms upon receiving it. He claimed there was no possible way he could miss the hint of his obviously-in-love best friend creating art for him. It is romantic, if nothing else. The only problem is you have no idea where to start. Or end. Or anything in between. Both of you, apparently, drastically overestimated your loveâs ability to be painted.Â
You stare longer, but the canvas unabashedly remains blank.Â
âWhat comes to mind when you first think about him? Any special memories between you, anything you like to do together?â he asks. âIf you say something nasty Iâm kicking you out.âÂ
Jeongin brought you to a flower field a few weeks beforehand. He plucked a daisy, tucked it behind your ear, and smiled brighter than the sun. You want to keep being the reason he smiles like that. Back at home, you pressed the daisy as a keepsake.Â
It might not be the idyllic, romantic embodiment Hyunjin probably hoped for, but itâs a lovely memory regardless. A flower field is fairly easy to paint, right?
Hyunjin gives his stamp of approval to your idea, as well as a five-minute-straight monologue about how cute you and Jeongin are together, your nerves about your gift heightening with each âyouâre made for each other!âÂ
What if he doesnât even like it? What if he doesnât know the meaning behind it? What if he does know the meaning behind it?
As much as Hyunjin woes about his own love life, you feel justified wallowing in his presence a bit longer.Â
âCan we please not talk about this? I donât really want to think about how heâll probably reject it.â
Hyunjin drops it for all of two minutes â just enough time for you to barely dip your paintbrush into Radiant Blue and cover most of the canvas in broad, sweeping strokes.Â
âI think he loves you,â he says, without looking up from his own canvas.Â
The paintbrush slips out of your fingers. Blue paint splatters across your jeans, and stains the floor where the brush lands. Hyunjin sees it, purses his lips, but thankfully doesnât say anything else about his own impending doom.Â
âHe does not,â you assure him once you stop air from going down the wrong pipe.Â
Hyunjin rolls his eyes, somehow loudly. âDo you want a list of reasons why I know he is? For one, he wouldnât shut up about those flowers you picked for him.â The same flowers you chose to paint. He tacks on, âIt was gross.âÂ
Your heart sinks at the implication you wish was true. âThat was as friends,â you mutter, like a child who got told no. Hoping Hyunjin would take the hint, you pick up your paintbrush from the floor and continue swiping it across the canvas, trying to fix the parts that are streaky from the fall.Â
He either did not get the hint or is flat out ignoring it. âI donât take just friends to pick flowers,â you bite back the urge to point out Jeongin only knew about it because Changbin took Hyunjin, âand spend the next three hours talking about how pretty she looked.âÂ
âHe did that?â Heat rises to your cheeks.Â
He nods. âHe only stopped because Minho threatened to tape his mouth closed.âÂ
The next hours are spent in relative silence as you two paint. As grateful as you are to avoid speaking about Jeongin, youâre unable to stop thinking about him â about if Hyunjin was exaggerating, about Jeonginâs reaction, about either possibility of him accepting or rejecting it.Â
A flower field is not fairly easy to paint, as evidenced by Hyunjinâs snorting laughter when you finally show him your canvas. Itâs not winning any awards anytime soon, but you thought it was alright, at least.Â
âA child could have done a better job!â he exclaims. âAn actual child!â He dodges yet another paint tube â when did he get so good at that? Through laughter, he says again, âItâs proof he loves you if he actually displays it anywhere.â
Unfortunately, Hyunjin made sure to be there while you gift it to Jeongin.Â
âI love it!â Jeongin looks like you awarded him the moon and stars, rather than â youâll admit it now â a pretty terrible painting. âThank you!âÂ
And he walks away, admiring it.Â
Hyunjin will not let this go for a long time.Â
Youâre staring at Jeongin making downright sinful noises doing pushups and debating when exactly in your life you lost your mind. You must have at some point, as only an insane person would agree to Chan asking you to accompany them to the gym. Â
Jeongin does another pushup, grunting, and all rational thoughts leave your brain.Â
Down. Up. Grunt. Â
Would he make the same sounds ifâ Â
âYou know, they say those work better if you actually lift them,â Chan takes the bench next to you, carrying his own dumbbells orders of magnitude heavier than the ones laying abandoned by your feet.Â
âHm?âÂ
Jeongin finishes his set, and as if in slow motion, strips off his shirt. Sweat glistens on his chest, even in their gymâs terrible lighting. Good god. It wouldâve been kinder if Chan punched you in the sternum and called it a day.Â
Chanâs laugh breaks through the Jeongin-brain fog clouding your mind. You wrench your eyes away from the, quite frankly, ludicrous display going on to glare at him.Â
âYouâve got a bit of drool on your chin there.â He seems more amused than he should.Â
âWhy does everyone keep saying I drool? Itâs gross and I donât do it.âÂ
âYeah, it is gross, isnât it?â Chan pauses to take in your expression, and lets out a deep sigh. âLook, you should just tell him, rip off the band-aid, you know? Have you tried anything like that?â
âIâve tried, but I donât know, something in me freezes up every time I try and I end up gaping at him like a fish.âÂ
Even before this week, youâve tried so often, but the words always die in your throat. Itâs harder than it seems, confessing your undying love to your best friend.Â
Chanâs staring at you like you grew a second mouth, one that said something stupid.Â
âWhat?â you ask.Â
He shakes his head. âNothing, just remembering similar conversations.â He glances across the room, where Jeonginâs in position to start doing pushups again. God save everyone. âI think you should tell him though. Now.âÂ
âAre you craââ
âNow. Re-rack your weights first.â He lifts his dumbbells off the floor and turns his attention towards the wall-to-wall mirror, shutting you out of the conversation and leaving no room for debate.Â
Your heartbeat thunders in rhythm with your footsteps.Â
Jeongin drops down with a dramatic sigh â seriously, an all-out punch wouldâve been kinder, Chan â once he sees you approach. Then, he rolls on his back on the probably grimy, definitely sweaty floor and exclaims âThere you are!â with a huge smile.Â
âHelp me up?â he holds his hands out in the air for you to take.Â
Of course you do.Â
Of course he doesnât let go once heâs standing.Â
Once again, his intense gaze burns straight through you. Youâre all but positive your confession is written on your forehead, with how intently heâs looking at you, as if nobody else exists.Â
You canât tell him. Not here. Not in a gym. Not with Chan watching.Â
âAre you finally going to join me? I could use the motivation,â Jeongin winks, still holding your hands in his. Your heart drops to your stomach and your stomach jumps up to your throat.Â
He could get you to agree to anything, internal organs all out of balance as they are.Â
âY-yeah. Sure.â Hopefully you could claim the sweat forming is from exercise.Â
His resulting smile could blind the dead. âAwesome! Iâll get set up!â
With that, he drops your hands and turns his back to stride towards a machine. Finally, you can breathe normally again. You trail after him, glancing back at Chan on the way. He looks like he expected absolutely nothing less out of that whole situation.Â
âI think thatâs a biohazard,â Seungmin informs, taking a seat next to where your head so elegantly landed when you flopped face-down on their couch. âI mean, Iâve seen Felix stay in that exact spot for, like, two days straight. And heâs gross, so just imagine whatâs still in the cushions.âÂ
âCanât move,â your reply is muffled. Youâre not even lying this time â your bones are pudding only hours after working through Jeonginâs push day routine with him.Â
âYour funeral, I guess.âÂ
The couch is unfairly comfortable, honestly, and you have half a mind to succumb to the sleep threatening to pull you under. But, you can tell Seungmin is enjoying the silence, which just wonât do. Not on your watch.Â
âYou ever see Innie working out?â you ask, not bothering to move your face away from the couch in any way to help him understand you.Â
âAll the time. Hey, can I borrow your phone? Mineâs dead.â
âItâs on the coffee table.â Truly, if you could move your arms at all, you would hand it over. âItâs amazing, isnât it? Heâs like a statue.âÂ
Seungmin releases a sound like heâs dying around the sound of him typing. âDid you come here just so I could suffer with you?âÂ
âAnd he has abs!â
Seungmin leans forward, then he gently sets your phone back down. âI will smother you until you stop talking,â he deadpans.Â
âIâll cook dinner for you if I can keep going.â
âYou were saying something about his abs?â Â
Fifteen minutes and twenty instances of Seungmin asking what youâre making later, you have enough feeling in your arms to begin dinner preparation.Â
Your phone pings with a new text once the chicken is almost finished cooking on the stovetop.
Innie: I would hope so :)
Opening your messaging app reveals the answer. The horrible, terrible, no-good answer.Â
You: I like you.Â
Innie: I would hope so :)
Seungmin. Youâre going to kill him. The fanbase will understand. Heâs had it coming for a while, anyway.Â
Seungminâs food burns while youâre contemplating revenge.Â
He eats it without complaint.Â
On screen, Princess Peach cuts in front of Wario inches away from the finish line, and Minho damn near throws his controller at you. Before you can start the typical Iâm-the-Best-Bow-at-My-Feet speech, Han steps outside of his room with a guilty expression rarely seen outside courtrooms.Â
âI talked to Innie,â he admits.Â
Ice forms in your stomach.Â
âThatâs my cue,â Minho says, gets up, and retreats into his own room. Bastard.Â
Han sits beside you, hanging his head so he does not have to look you in the eye.Â
âWhy,â you croak.Â
âI thought I was being helpful! I asked if he was interested in anyone, you know, to get the ball rolling!â At that, he looks up at you, eyes almost comically wide. âBut he acted like I was dumb for even asking.âÂ
âWhy.âÂ
Han steamrolls on with his explanation. âI mean, no offense or anything, but you are pretty obvious about it! I thought he knew already, honestly.âÂ
The ice transforms into a category 5 winter storm. You had been trying not to think about that, but heâs right. Anyone with eyes can clearly see how you act around Jeongin. He must know. Heâs being nice by not outright rejecting you.Â
Han only coos âIâm so sorry,â tone as gentle as the hand he places on your knee, in response to your considerations.
Together, you and Han formulate A Plan. It goes like this: Forget about Your Feelings for Innie. Not that you want to, but even you have limits on how far your delusions go.Â
Itâs a great plan. It will work flawlessly.
The plan goes to shit the next day.Â
Felix invites everyone over for a movie night at Chan and Jeonginâs dorm â artfully avoiding Changbinâs question of whether or not he actually had permission to do so. Han assures you Jeongin already has plans, so you wonât have to worry about seeing him or speaking to him or being around him at all, really.Â
For some reason, Jeongin had hung up your painting in their living room, and it practically stares you down as you settle into your blankets across from it. Heaviness weighs on your body, but a night with your friends might be the distraction you need to forget about it for a while.Â
Unless those friends make you talk about it.Â
Halfway through the first movie, Minho, never one to beat around the bush, pauses it and says, âYou look sad.â Heâs met with noises of agreement from nearly everyone else. Â
âI just - I donât know what to do about Innie,â you say, unwilling to look at anyoneâs face for fear of seeing your own patheticness validated. You pick a spot on the carpet and focus all your attention into picking at the fraying fibers. âI think I have to give up on him.âÂ
Admitting it is a weight off your shoulders and a boulder on your chest. Youâve already had this conversation with Han, but here, speaking it into a room of your closest friends, makes the words real. Too real to take back, to brush off as anything else.Â
Nobodyâs said anything. Usually, at this point, Hyunjin would be offering unrealistic advice, or Seungmin would be telling you nobody wants to hear it. Somethingâs wrong. You look up. Half the room is staring at you.
Half the room is staring behind you.Â
âOuch,â sounds from the doorway into Jeonginâs room. âDonât give up on me yet.â His tone is lighthearted on the surface, but everyone in the room knows him well enough to hear the strain underneath it.
Every muscle in your body freezes. Unable to move, you and Felix are now locked in a horrible staring contest. He looks as scared as you feel.Â
No.Â
Thereâs no possible way to get out of this.Â
No.Â
Itâs far too late to try to play it off as anything other than a confession. He would see straight through you. He always does when youâre lying.Â
Nononono.Â
How do you even explain that youâve been unashamedly pining to the point everyone else is sick of hearing it, all to no avail? That you know he knows and now youâve broken the silent âdonât talk about it to let her down easyâ strategy he had going on.Â
You cannot be here.Â
You cannot turn around to face the consequences of your careless speaking.Â
You cannot stay in this room, on this street, on this planet with Jeongin.Â
Mechanically, on legs you pray arenât actually shaking even though your cells are vibrating, you get to your feet. Something akin to, âIhavetogobye,â spills out of your mouth, before you rush out the door without turning around. Without once looking back at Jeongin, or his insisting that you stay.Â
Jeongin studies his members, all sitting (or â in Changbinâs case â laying across Hyunjinâs lap), all staring back at him with nearly identical pitiful expressions. After running a hand down his face, as if he could wipe away the memory of what you said, he asks the room, âDoes anyone want to tell me what that was about?â
Instead of actually answering his question, Chan just responds, âDude.â Like dominoes, most everyone echoes the sentiment, dread growing in Jeonginâs stomach after every one. Rarely is nobody willing to outright tell him what he did wrong. Usually they jump at the chance to embarrass him.Â
Jeongin flops to the floor, right where you were sitting. âDude what?,â he groans and tries to ignore the pain sprouting in his butt from his theatrics. âWhat did I do? Why is my girlfriend giving up on me?â
Hanâs jaw audibly pops as it falls open.Â
A silence unlike anything Jeongin has ever known descends upon the dorm.Â
Even Hyunjin has stopped poking Changbin in the side to get a rise out of him. Jeongin is fairly certain itâs not this quiet even when nobodyâs home. Once, when Chan was fed up with them, he had snapped that the next person to make a single sound would be doing everyoneâs dishes for a month. This is quieter.
Seven twenty-something men collectively deciding to embody statues cannot mean anything good. They could hear a pin drop outside.Â
Until Seungmin starts giggling into his palm. To his credit, he does attempt to stifle it, but his laugh practically echoes in the silence.Â
Changbin begins laughing too. He rolls over to muffle the sound by hiding his face in Hyunjinâs stomach. His attempts are useless. Less than useless, because Hyunjin is ticklish and smacks him with a shriek that might be, âStop it!â Changbin rolls back over, now nothing blocking his increase in volume. His shoulders shake the louder he gets. The whole thing only eggs Seungmin on, and soon enough, Seungmin, Changbin, Han, and Minho are in various stages of laughing at Jeongin.Â
Jeongin, baffled, asks, âWhat is happening?âÂ
âGirlfriend?â Felix clarifies.
âYes?â Jeongin feels like heâs missing a crucial piece of information.Â
Seungminâs face is lit up with pure joy. He would give kids on Christmas morning a serious run for their money. âHow long,â he pauses to wipe an honest-to-God tear from his cheek. âHow long has that been going on?âÂ
âI donât know, a week? Maybe two?âÂ
âTwo?â Chan chokes on the word. âDude.âÂ
Jeongin has to be on the worldâs worst prank show. A camera crew must be incredibly well hidden. âWhat is happening?â he asks again.Â
Hyunjin finds his words first. âDid you ever⊠tell her youâre dating?âÂ
âOf course,â comes Jeonginâs easy reply. He bites back, What kind of question is that?Â
Hyunjinâs cocked eyebrow causes him to reconsider. The dates, the gifts, the⊠everything. He canât recall outright saying, âWe are in an exclusive romantic relationship,â but you have to know. He asked you out! Didnât he? Yes. He did. Weeks ago. You said yes.Â
Wait.Â
You said yes to him asking, âDo you want to be with me?â over pasta and, admittedly, maybe one too many glasses of wine. Thereâs room for misinterpretation there. Clearly.Â
âOh.â Jeongin blinks slowly. âA lot of things are starting to make sense.âÂ
Seungmin guffaws again. Minho mutters, âYeah, I bet they are.â Chan looks like heâs regretting choosing Jeongin for the group.Â
Itâs ironic, in a way, that you end up at a familiar walking trail you and Jeongin visit often when either one of you needs fresh air. You didnât even mean to come here, but you shut their front door behind you, and next thing you knew youâre wiping away tears and settling against a tree a short distance from the path. Wind blows through the trees, its accompanying chill biting at the wetness near your eyes.Â
You canât dodge Jeonginâs calls forever. His contact photo constantly lighting up your screen is making it incredibly hard to forget he â and by extension, your feelings currently lodging themselves squarely in your throat â exists.Â
You have no right to be upset, not when you were too much of a coward to actually confess anything to him at all. Not when you willingly let every opportunity to tell him pass you up. Not when you just left. Who gives someone a painting and expects them to read four layers deep into it? Who goes to Han for rational advice?
Hell, Seungmin was the most direct with him. Thatâs a new low.Â
Behind you, footsteps you could pick out of a lineup crunch over leaves.Â
âHey,â his voice is soft, almost lost in the breeze. Your refusal to meet his eyes doesnât deter him, instead he just sits on the dirt across from you, the tongue of his shoe nearly touching yours. âLook at me, please.âÂ
He looks like he always does, and itâs a twist of the knife. Something should be different, there should be some sign advertising the loss heâs about to hand you. His oversized hoodie, his hair overdue for a trim, same softness in his eyes. So much like your Jeongin, the one you cannot reconcile with the Jeongin who knows and doesnât love you how you want.Â
But he is still your Jeongin, sweet and caring for the hard moments, so his face drops when he sees your red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks. He takes one of your hands in his, and you let him, because this might be the last time he does.Â
âI have been reliably informed that I misread what our relationship is,â he says.Â
A single choked laugh escapes your throat. âI know, itâs okay. You donât have to sugarcoat, I can handle anything you tell me.â Â
âThatâs not what I meant. IâŠâ he starts, then stops again. His cheeks grow pinker by the second. He looks to the sky, then back at you. âI thought you were already my girlfriend.âÂ
Well.Â
Almost anything.Â
What? âYou â what?âÂ
What?Â
If he seemed embarrassed ten seconds ago, he does doubly so now. Heâs about to start shrinking in on himself. âPlease donât make me say it again,â he groans.Â
âSay it again.â You need to make sure you arenât hearing things before getting your hopes up too much and shattering your emotions twice in a row.Â
âRemember that night we went out to dinner at that Italian place?âÂ
Through your haze, you nod back at him.Â
âI asked you to be my girlfriend that night. At least, I thought I did. Now, I donât think that actually happened.âÂ
Blood roars in your ears. Your thoughts transform into TV static. âYou want to date me even after everything that happened this week?â you ask through a tongue that suddenly feels too big for your mouth.
âEspecially after everything that happened this week.â His answer is immediate.Â
Jeongin grins tentatively and takes a risk. He scoots closer towards you, and seeing you not make to move away from him, fully commits to sit next to you, wrap his arm around you, and pull you into his side. Itâs a position youâve been in so many times before, familiar and new, but now heâs yours and youâre his, like flowers blooming intertwined.
Warmth blossoms and spreads throughout you. The cold winds donât seem so bad anymore. Youâd stay out here forever, as long as your Innie keeps holding you. As long as he keeps knowing you and loving you because of your flaws, not despite them.Â
âInnie?âÂ
He presses a kiss into the top of your head, and you have to fight not to derail your train of thought. âWeâve been dating for a while and you never tried to kiss me?âÂ
He groans and lets his head drop onto the top of yours. âI thought you wanted to take it slow, I donât know. I was trying to respect that.âÂ
Youâve waited long enough.
âWill you kiss me now?âÂ
The weight on your head disappears. You look up at him. Heâs looking back at you.Â
This time he doesnât pull away or snap himself out of it.Â
When he leans in and closes the gap between you, itâs absolutely nothing like youâve dreamed about. No dream, no fantasy could compare to him, real and yours and kissing you like he wonât ever get another chance. Like he also cannot believe youâre letting him. He moves slowly, savoring your first kiss as long as possible.
Eventually, he has to pull away, keeping his eyes closed for several seconds after. He doesnât go far, keeps his head inches away, enough to breathe without putting space between you. âDâyou want to go back to the dorm?â he sighs against your lips.Â
âNo,â you whisper back.Â
âMe neither.âÂ
With a relieved grin, he brings you into him again.Â
everyone else stays up waiting for you two to stumble giggling back into the dorm, met with thunderous (ha) and noisy (ha ha) applause and several wolf whistles. seungmin leads them in a "jeongin! jeongin!" chant.
ily if you made it this far this was abandoned for a reason
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