let's go back to life.

| pairing: idol!seungmin x reader

| genre: angst, hurt/comfort

| CW: failed relationship. that’s all i think??

| word count: 1.5k

| synopsis: stray kids x harry styles songs, part 2

seungmin’s long working hours & little communication causes a huge strain on your relationship. you realize, sometimes love just isn’t enough…

| note: i am SO sorry in advance for the pain this may cause. i promise it hurt to write, too. NOT proofread

disclaimer: in no way shape or form does this represent seungmin. i do not believe he would ever act like this in a million years!!

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Current Day…..

The clock’s light illuminates the bedroom as you toss and turn in bed. You’ve been trying to sleep for hours, but without the warmth of your boyfriend next to you, it’s hard, not that you’re not used to it by now. You haven’t seen each other much in the last week, the last month really, but you miss his presence. Things have been different for a while between you and Seungmin, you hardly feel like you have a boyfriend anymore.

You love him, that’s not a question, but you’re getting tired of crying yourself to sleep every night, wondering when you’re going to get a call, or even a text from Seungmin while he’s working. You’ve talked to him about it before, you told him that you felt alone, felt unloved, and he swore he would try harder.

You toss and turn, remembering every moment of that conversation, until you fall asleep.

Two Months Earlier…… 

“I-I feel so alone, Min.” You sobbed into your hands, losing the composure you’ve tried to maintain through this conversation. You didn’t want a fight, you didn’t want to scream or yell, you just wanted him to understand your side. 

“Baby….I’m-I’m so sorry.” He pleaded, sitting next to you on the couch, caressing your back as the tears continued to fall. You take your hands away from your face, looking at the man you’re in love with. His face looks like a wounded puppy, his eyes welling with tears from seeing you so upset.

“I feel like you don’t love me anymore.” You croak out, barely loud enough to hear, not because you’re afraid to say it, but because you’re afraid of the answer. His hands shoot out, cradling your face in his palms, moving as close as he can to you.

“No, no, no!” He nearly shouts, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was hurting you. There’s so much going on with recordings, practices, and promotions. I’ll fix it, I’ll do better, I promise. I don’t want you to ever feel like that.” He leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I know you have to do that stuff, and I’m so proud of you, I just wish you kept me more in the loop. I want to know if I can expect my boyfriend at home with me in the evenings or not.” You whisper, subtle tears still falling. He backs up for a moment, wiping away your tears with his thumbs. The look on this face makes you almost feel bad for even bringing it up. He seems truly upset that you’ve felt this way. You have no reason to doubt him, so you trust that he will do better. Unfortunately, that “better,” lasted about a month. 

Current Day…..

We’re sorry, Minnie <3, is unavailable at this time. Call back and try again later. 

You: Min? I haven’t heard from you all day, is everything okay?

Read

The Next Day…..

We’re sorry, Minnie <3, is unavailable at this time. Call back and try again later. 

The Day After…..

We’re sorry, Minnie <3, is unavailable at this time. Call back and try again later. 

You: It’d be nice to know if my bf is alive or not.

Minnie <3: I’ll be home later.

Later That Day…..

Your eyes are red and swollen as you lie on the bed. It’s nearing midnight, and of course, you haven’t heard of your boyfriend apart from the one dry text earlier in the day. You can hardly believe the way he’s acting. Working and staying out late is one thing, but not even giving you the time of day, or the courtesy of a phone call. 

You don’t know what to do anymore. You feel like a burden in your own relationship, or what is left of it. You stare blankly at the wall next to the bed, thoughts and insecurities running through your brain. You raise up slowly, the thought of sleep long gone. You trudge into the living room, trying to gather your thoughts for when Seungmin finally makes it home. It’s nearly 1 a.m. when you hear the jingle of his keys on the other side of the door, and you feel sick, knowing how much this is going to hurt. 

The door creaks open, Seungmin letting out a sigh as he sets down his bag next to the door. He notices you on the couch, the lamp dimly lighting the area you’re sitting at. You bite your lip anxiously, not sure if you’re strong enough for this conversation.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” He says low and gravely, kicking off his shoes. You take a deep breath, trying to channel your emotions that are leading towards anger, rather than sadness. 

“After three days, that’s all you have to say?” You interrogate, bringing your gaze over to him. “I’ve spent three days wondering what the hell you’re doing, or if you’re okay, and all you ask is why I’m not asleep? I haven’t slept for 3 days, Seungmin.”

“Can we not do this right now? It’s been a long day.” He groans, and you can hardly believe his lack of empathy. 

“Are you serious? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore, Seungmin.” You admit, a single tear falling against your cheek. You’re shocked by his lack of reaction, this relationship is so far gone that he doesn’t even care anymore.

“Jagi, I don’t know what you want me to do? You want me to quit my job, leave the group and let down thousands of people, including myself, all because you’re too clingy to sleep without me?” He spits out, arms gesturing desperately. Your jaw hits the floor, feeling like you’ve been punched in the gut. You stand slowly, meeting his gaze.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! All of the sudden I’m ‘too clingy’ just because I want to hear from my boyfriend more often than once a week?!” You take a breath as he looks at you.

“The old Seungmin, my Minnie, would never treat me like this, let alone insult me and make me feel like I’m stupid.” You continue, jaw tight in anger, confusion, and grief. 

“I-I’m not trying to. But y-you’re making me feel g-guilty and suffocated.” Seungmin looks away from you as he talks, unable to face you as he spews more and more to put you down. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” You utter, scared to even speak it aloud, making the thought real. You love him more than anyone, the past two years had been nearly magical, until the last few months. His face drops as he hears you words.

“W-What do you mean?” He starts, voice softer than before. He takes a step towards you, his eyes suddenly pleading. “Baby, you-you don’t mean that. We can fix it. You know we can.” 

“We’ve already tried, Minnie. I-I don’t trust you anymore. I can’t.” You whisper, tears beginning to pour. “You’re not ready for this kind of commitment, and I can’t keep getting hurt.”

“Please. I love you so much.” He takes another step towards you, grabbing your forearms gently, caressing them as tears escape from his glossy eyes. 

“You have a funny way of showing it, Min. Ignoring my calls? Not even taking a second to send a text? Making me wonder what you’re out doing where you can’t take 2 seconds to acknowledge the girl you apparently love.” You shake your head as his head falls, tears gushing from both of your tired eyes. 

“I-I’m sorry, baby, please give me another chance. When I’m at work, I don’t talk to anyone, it wasn’t personal, it wasn’t about you. I want to do better, I just don’t know how.” He sniffles through his words, looking back up at you with those puppy dog eyes that make your heart melt. 

“I love you, Minnie. So much. But for once, I’ve gotta put myself first. I can’t keep crying myself to sleep. I can’t keep waiting for you to be who I want, no, need, you to be.” You can barely speak, the sadness and dread filling your chest. 

“Please don’t leave me.” He whimpers, sounding like a wounded animal, hardly believing that this is happening. He leans into your shoulder, the smell of him filling your body, his touch secure, making it so much harder.

“I n-need some time, Min. We both do. I’m g’nna stay with a friend for a few weeks. If you want to talk after that, let me know.” It hurts to say, your heart breaking inside of you, but this is what needs to happen, even though your heart says otherwise. He wraps his arms around you tightly, and you lean into him, realizing the irony. This is the closest you’ve held each other for months.

“What if you never need me again? Like I need you..” He says softly, gasping slightly through his tears, and your heart breaks even more. You stay there for what feels like forever, holding each other as the tears continue to fall..

Ugh just STAB me, why not?? 😭😭😭😭

@hityoulikebahng