❝ leaves in the wind ❞

✧ Realizing his love for you felt like a double take. “Oh.” and then “Oh.” It’s a split second that changes his entire perspective, and it hits him in the most random of times. He could be pressing flowers and then smile at the realization that those were your favorite flowers. Or maybe he’s jotting down notes and finds himself writing a few letters the same way you do. It could even be something as small as looking up at the sky and wondering if you saw the same shape in the clouds that he did.

✧ Once he realizes he’s in love with you, everything makes sense. The puddle of goo slowly melts away and everything feels okay again, and the clarity of everything hits him like a truck. He needs to say something. Tighnari is a man of action. He thinks before he speaks, but he speaks before you can think. He’d take a moment to think about what he would say, but then he’s standing right in front of you with rosy cheeks and a determined look on his face. And then finally, he’d say those three special words to you--

- ✧ -

“You’re a pain.” Tighnari couldn’t help but sigh as he crossed his arms, looking at you up and down with a tired expression. Yet, a faint smile tugged at his lips as he watched you struggle with a particularly invasive type of vine. You’re tangled in it like a bug in a spiderweb, a defeated look on your face as you hang limply from the vines. 

You groan, crossing your arms as you glare at him. The sight of him looking at you so smugly made you want to slap him...and kiss him. Maybe not in that order though. “I am no such thing! I’m just-- ugh…” The vines dug into your skin as they held you by your ankle, and you sighed before reaching out to him. His fluffy ears twitched with delight at the way you pouted so adorably, and he swiftly used an arrow to cut the vine, catching you when you fell. However, he clearly didn't think this through. As he held you, watching your expression shift from relief to shock to a mixture of embarrassment and bashfulness, his own eyes widened and a warm blush spread over his cheeks, his fluffy ears twitching when his tan skin continued to redden.

Oh.

Oh.

Tighnari was dead silent when he put you down, and he briskly turned around before starting to walk away. “Wait! Don’t just leave me here!” You sighed, starting to swiftly follow him, doing your best to ignore the way your heart pounded. The walk back was painfully awkward, your attempts at conversation followed by dry responses if a response at all. And eventually, you had enough! The way he refused to meet your gaze, how his hands clenched at his sides just to make sure they didn’t touch yours, he was avoiding you like the plague despite being right beside you. And so, you pivoted on your heel until you stood right before him.

“Okay, what’s with you? Ever since the vine thing, you’re acting like I did something wrong! Did…did I do something wrong?” Your confused and hurt expression made his heart ache, and Tighnari couldn’t help but shake his head fervently-- the way his ears bounced with each movement would have been adorable had it not been for the hurt you felt. Tighnari’s cheeks blushed a soft red, his multicolored eyes trained on you in a serious manner. It looked like he was about to scold you, with his serious frown and crossed arms, so you mentally prepared yourself for yet another lecture. 

“No, you’ve done nothing wrong. Well, getting tangled in the vines was rather stupid,” You bit the inside of your cheek, resisting the urge to say it wasn’t your fault, but he continued regardless. “But, I’m grateful you did. Had it not been for your adorably clumsy nature, I would not have had the chance to catch you in my arms.” As your eyes widened, a small smirk tugged at his lips and he took a step towards you. “And if I hadn’t held you so close, I don’t think I would have realized this just yet.” Tighnari seemed to trail off on this annoying cliffhanger, and you sighed before looking up at him. 

“...Realized what?” As if he’d been waiting for you to ask, he leaned close- close enough that his hair tickled your nose and his lips brushed against your ear as he whispered:

“That I love you.”

𝗪𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗿 '𝗞𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗸𝘂𝘇𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶'

✧ It took him ages to realize he loved you. No seriously, it would take years. Some part of him knew you were special, but he could never figure out why. Was it the way your smile made him anxious? Or perhaps the way your voice made his face heat up with rage? Maybe it was the way every little thing reminded him of you, like an annoying bug that wouldn’t go away. Yet, he found that none of these things were actually…bad. He loved your smile, the way it made his robotic heart race. He adored your voice, the way it made him blush so heavily. And he absolutely loved the way everything reminded him of you, like some part of you was always with him. It took him a while to realize he did actually like you, and not hate you. And then after that, it took even longer to realize he loved you.

✧ Realizing he was in love with you felt like a nightmare. It was a panic, a moment of weakness. Him? Love? Please, what a sick joke. Yet…after the panic subsided, he found his heart reaching out to you who he adored so dearly. You would understand, wouldn’t you? Surely you, who had the patience of a mother, would understand his pathetic feelings? Or would you turn him away, and leave him behind? He’d spend days agonizing over the what if’s though he tried not to. He was too prideful to admit someone like you could reduce him to a total mess. The amount of questions circling his brain only served to make him angrier, and he swallowed back his fears for just long enough to shout a very upset sounding “I THINK I LOVE YOU.” Honestly, it almost sounded like he was cursing at you.

✧ In summary, Wanderer is an emotional mess. His hundreds of years alive have been dedicated to anything but his feelings. He was destined for something greater than human emotions in his mind. However, when he sees the way your face shifts from shock to a relieved happiness, he realized maybe this was his destiny all along. Maybe loving you, who made him feel like a puddle of goo, was the divine purpose he was meant for all along.

- ✧ -

A chill ran down your spine for the fifth time in the past few minutes, and your eyes awkwardly shifted to the ground. He has been staring at you for a creepy amount of time, but it wasn’t his usual glare- and somehow, that only serves to make you more nervous. You gulped thickly, drumming your fingers over your arm before your head snapped to him, and you raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, what is it?” In response, Wanderer simply shrugged. Gods, he could be so infuriating. You could feel your eyebrow twitch as you gritted your teeth, resting a hand on your hip. “I see, so you’ve been staring at me for five minutes just for fun?” Once again, he shrugged. The faintest shade of red dusted the tips of his ears, and his hands limply rested in the pockets of his shorts. You could see the way he turned his head, hiding it behind his intricately-detailed hat. The sight of his blushed ears made your eyes narrow, and you reached out to grab his wrist- causing him to let out a curse. Finally, a reaction!

Wanderer looked down at your hand on his wrist, and then back up at you. And then down to his wrist before he tugged his hand away. Though, he found that he quickly missed the feeling of your soft hand warming his cold skin. The way his hand subconsciously reached out to hold yours once more made him scoff and he shoved his hand back in his pocket, quickly looking away. “What’s the big idea, huh?!” His indigo eyes crinkled when he snarled, but a certain glitter swirled within them that made you smile knowingly. Wanderer leaned forward, flicking your forehead when you didn’t respond. He did this a lot, and always smiled at the way you yelped and/or pouted. But this time, his smile wasn’t mocking or amused, but oddly…endearing? 

“You won’t respond!! Come on, we both know something’s up.” You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms- and you didn’t miss the way he mirrored your expression.

He sighed, shaking his head before looking up at you. “You really wanna know? Really?” His arms crossed as his hat cast a shadow over his face, but even through the dark, you could see a blush starting to coat his pale cheeks. When you nodded, he sighed again, leaning close to you. “You’re making my head do weird shit and I don’t like it one bit.” Your confused expression made him groan as he tried to explain further. “Come on, don’t play stupid!! I keep having these…gross and cheesy thoughts about you whenever you get close. And the way you smile…I think makes me happy. When I see your hand, I want to hold it…” The more he spoke, the more a gentle smile started to consume his scowl before he snapped out of it, growling in frustration before grabbing your shoulders. “S-So what’re you doing to me, huh?! What, are you some kind of witch? Do you enjoy making me feel this weird?!”

The more you processed his words, the more you smiled. Slowly, your head tilted to the side and you laughed, shaking your head when his blush only worsened. “Wanderer…do you lik--” He quickly slapped a hand over your mouth, squeezing his eyes shut before shouting-

“I THINK I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, OKAY?!”

𝗫𝗶𝗮𝗼 '𝗔𝗹𝗮𝘁𝘂𝘀'

✧ Realizing his love for you felt like a insult. He figured that his romantic feelings towards you were just…a glitch in the matrix. There was something about you that made his heart do backflips, and he did not like it. And so, he avoided you like the plague. But, distance makes the heart grow fonder. With each moment that passed without you beside him, he only felt lonelier. Even despite his eons of solitude, a mere moment without you felt like another thousand years. And so, one lonely night, you call out his name. And there he is, red faced and wide eyed, standing before your teary eyes.

✧ He didn’t want to admit he was in love with you. Could he, The Conqueror of Demons, feel something as human as…love? And so, the mere thought of falling in love with you felt almost insulting to him. It was a shock, something that almost angered him. He shouldn’t feel these things! But…if it wasn’t meant to be, then why does he like it? Why does he love the way his face heats up when you smile up at him? Why does he love the way you make him blush and laugh like a fool? Why does he love the way he loves you? Ultimately, he decides these questions are futile. Slowly, his feeling of betrayal and offense morphed into a feeling of fondness. And even slower, he’d finally listen to the cries of his aching heart.

✧ He didn’t want to tell you at first. But, after the realization of his feelings, he just couldn’t wait! He felt like an impatient child, shifting on his feet and biting his cheek. But, when you rested a reassuring hand on his shoulder, he knew it would all be okay. And so, as you gave him the sweetest smile he’s ever seen, he understood his feelings for the first time. For Xiao, falling in love with you felt like a rollercoaster. But…loving you felt like heaven. 

- ✧  - 

You’ve never seen him so anxious before. It was oddly unsettling, to be honest. Watching him shift his gaze every few seconds like a guilty child, the way his fingers fiddled with the material of his pants, even his scowl looked more like a nervous frown. Slowly, you set your pencil down, looking up at him with a concerned gaze from where you watched him pace around the inn. “Xiao…are you oka-”

“-YES.”

You deadpanned for a moment, wanting to be amused at his immediate answer that contradicted his expression of pure nerves. Instead, you were only more anxious. Slowly, your hands pushed against the table to prop you up and your shoes glided over the wooden floor before you were an arm’s length away from him. Xiao sighed slowly, resting his hands on the sill of the balcony with his head tilted away from you. This is a common occurrence for the both of you. Standing on the balcony, resting on it while watching the sun set. It was calming for both of you, but also made it much easier to discuss feelings neither of you liked. Past memories, traumas, bad days, any and all of it. But this…this was different.

“...No, I’m not.” Ah, there it is. Xiao’s eyes averted from yours, trained on the sky above the both of you as his hands gripped at the wooden sill. Patiently, you watched him, awaiting his next words. He was tense, and in all the time you’ve known him, you’ve never seen him this…afraid. Slowly, his head tilts to meet your gaze. His eyes were wide, glimmering in the fading sunlight while his pale skin carried a rosy blush that reached all the way to his elven ears. 

You smiled gently, reaching over to pat his shoulder- he still tensed, but it was nothing like before. He wasn’t one to let people touch him. Not even you, not at first. He would flinch, shove your hand away, and move from you- always the same actions in different orders. But, over time, he started to relax under your touch. This time was no different as he let out a small sigh.

“There’s something bothering me.” Xiao spoke slowly, his voice gruff and low but also hesitant. “I feel…weird around you. I’ve heard of these feelings in those stories told by Liyuen romantics, how one’s heart flutters around those they…love. But I’m not capable of that.” He continued on this spiel, and your eyes widened at the way he indirectly confessed to you. But, even as a wobbly smile overtook your lips, you remained quiet. “I’m a Yaksha, an adepti, I-I can’t feel something like this. And yet, I am. I am, and I don’t know how to feel about it.”

Xiao groaned, raking a hand through his hair before he turned to you, a small smile on his lips when you rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. You hummed softly, scooting closer before resting a head on his shoulder. “I feel the same way, Xiao. You may be an adeptus, but you still experience human emotions. Feelings confuse all of us, even adepti like you and humans like me. But, there’s no need to be afraid of them.” Your voice is nearly a whisper, letting your eyes flutter shut as his hand shakily reaches over to hold yours. He sucks in a quick breath, letting out a slow exhale before whispering:

“In that case…I think I’m in love with you.”

✧ He’s a fairly deep sleeper, unluckily for you. You try to wake him up lightly so as to not startle him but as you watch his face scrunch in pain and knuckles lighten from his grip on the sheets, you start shaking him like one of his signature cocktails. He wakes with a start, eyes wide and fearful as he stares through you rather than at you. It takes a while to bring him back to earth. He’s not angry, nor does he cry. He just….stares. Eyes hazy and unfocused as his body lies still where he sits. It’s as if he’s a statue, unmoving and silent. The first time he did this, it scared the hell out of you. Now though, you sit beside him and let him come to himself in his own time. Slowly, you reach for his hand to hold it. If this goes on too long, you start humming your favorite songs and tracing shapes along his scarred hands and arms.

✧ Diluc’s preferred source of comfort is physical touch, surprisingly. Words are nice, but he’s been told far too many that meant nothing. So he instead loves when you talk through your hands. When you rub circles into his back, fingers lingering over the scars you’ve kissed. When your trace hearts over his arms and shoulders, massaging them lightly while you mentally chide him for working so hard. He finds solace in how earnestly you touch him, as if tracing the most delicate of porcelain. He’s in love with how focused you are on tracing his skin like connect the dots, from freckles to sunspots to scars to random dips of skin to anywhere your eyes linger. He especially loves when you wipe the stray tears from his face, gentle eyes staring into his tired ones. He can’t help but lean into your palm, smiling so softly you nearly missed it. And slowly, comfortably, does he fall back asleep. 

- ✧ -

Of all the things to wake up to, the burning stare of two wide, reddened eyes staring back at you was not what you expected. You gasped shortly, before leaning back to get a full look of whatever it was you just witnessed. Your lover, your dear Diluc, was a mess. And it was frightening just how silent he was. He half hovered, half rested over his pillow- every inch of his body tense and rigid as a statue. His eyes, transfixed in fear, stared at nothing in particular. But most heartbreaking was the streaks of tears that dripped down from those sad eyes to the pillow below him. You sighed, sitting up fully and gently grabbing his hands in an attempt to guide him into a more comfortable position.

“Same nightmare as always, I’m assuming.” Your voice was quiet, solemn almost. Your hands were delicate when they traced over his, and you wiped at his cheeks with your thumbs. He made no effort to speak, nor did his eyes speak for him. God it was frightening to see him this lifeless, as if he’d been possessed. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long, I was asleep,” You paused your sentiment to brush some stray, wild hair away from his face. “I was dreaming of us actually, at the windblume festival. It’s still really early, but I’m excited to go today.” As you mused more and more about your dream, about how excited you were to dance with him amidst the city and pick flowers for him, he seemed to relax a bit more. 

“Mm…” He started to nod along with your words, blinking for the first time in several minutes. His lips curled into a small scowl, and life slowly returned to his face. He still remained silent and still, but now at least he was with you. “Yes, yes, I know you’ll have to leave early to take care of the tavern. I’m sure it gets busy around this time of year.” A small huff escaped his lips, the closest you’d get to a laugh, and you smiled widely. “I hope you’re feeling a bit better now, my love.” You felt his pinky twitch against your hand, interlocking with yours and you rested his head against your chest with your head resting atop his. 

“I’m happy to hear it.” Blowing a tuft of scarlet hair away from your face, still loosely wrapped in its protective night style, you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head and relished in the way he sleepily relaxed against you. “I’ll see you in the morning, Diluc. Sweet dreams.”

It wasn’t long before you drifted back to sleep yourself despite the uncomfortable position, but as your eyelids fluttered shut, you caught sight of the way his pinky still locked with yours and smiled ever so softly.

𝗪𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗿 '𝗞𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗸𝘂𝘇𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶'

✧ Wanderer is a vessel. He compares himself to a puppet but really, he’s most similar to a bottle. One sealed shut that contains a murky liquid full of dark mud and slime. It looks ready to burst, the glass expanded and the cap barely holding on. Wanderer is a bottle, one that contains memories he wishes to forget and trauma he’ll never forget. He was never taught how to express his pains despite having so many of them, and instead bottles things up until they explode in the form of meltdowns, rage, violence, and even crying to the point of not being able to taste or smell for hours. This is rare though, usually he finds these things to be pathetic and opts to keep things locked within the heart he wishes he had.

✧ Nightmares aren’t new to him. He’s slept through many nights that leave him with tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes reddened from the buried pain that shows through when he’s most vulnerable. This is why he prefers to sleep alone. After convincing himself being caught crying in his sleep was the reason for his abandonment, he’s never let anyone see him show weakness like that again. He’ll sleep on the couch or anywhere you can’t see him- but you catch him one night. His usually blank face is scrunched up and pained, the moonlight reflecting off glittery tears that streak down his skin. You watch his hands shake as he mumbles soft pleas and curses through bitten lips.

✧ You comfort him while he sleeps, knowing full well he doesn’t even want you seeing him like this yet. Not that it offends you, something he’s extremely grateful for. You mumble sweet words in his ear, wiping his tears gently so as to not wake him. You take his trembling hands in yours, sweeping your fingers along his knuckles. You stay like this for gods knows how long, your knees have begun to ache and sleep pulls at your eyelids. But, as his fingers twitch and then curl around your own, you realize it was worth it. He still weeps, but he smiles as he does. And slowly do you drift off with your head rested against the couch, and his hand in yours.

- ✧ -

Living in the peaceful city of Sumeru usually means nights of tranquility and quiet dreams, with only the sound of the wind to disturb you occasionally. However, you found yourself harshly awoken by a crash downstairs. At first, you shrugged it off. ‘Maybe it was the cat.’ Was your first thought, your eyelids slowly fluttered shut only to be practically ripped open at the realization-- 

“We don’t own a cat.”

Rushing down the steps, you found yourself walking ever quieter so as to not disturb your lover who always slept on the couch. It was strange, you’d admit, but you respected it. The way he looked at you when he feebly requested to sleep on the couch reminded you of a kicked puppy, ashamed and nervous before you. And so, you let it slide. Sleeping in a cold bed as you cuddled a pillow rather than your boyfriend, but it was worth it to see him in the mornings. However, as you stare at him laying face down on the floor beside the couch he called his bed, you begin to understand his hesitation.

He’s still asleep, miraculously. But his skin, ever pale and cold, collects tears on his cheeks like morning dew on petals and leaves. You kneel down slowly, watching as his hands grip the blanket that now half lay over his curled up body. Small mumbles escape his lips, though incomprehensible you made out small pleas and curses-- curses mostly. His face is scrunched up in a mixture of pain and confusion, almost betrayal- and the way his hands guard his body even in slumber breaks your heart. You gently brush a hand over his hair that clings to the sweat on his forehead. “I’m sorry I never noticed.” He stiffens, eyes scrunching at the touch and he sniffles. Rather than lifting him back onto the couch, you opt to simply take his pillow and tuck it back beneath his head.

There’s plenty to talk about, but it can wait till the morning. You carefully move his arm, which quivers under your hold, and move it out to the side. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.” Despite not knowing if he can hear it, you whisper kind words into his ear while resting your head atop his arm. Your eyes feel heavy, but his burden feels lighter and that’s all that matters to you. Though, as you drift off, you notice his hand move to your cheek, where he brushes his knuckles over your skin so lightly you barely notice.

And then, as you turn over to look at him, you notice the faintest smile on those trembling lips.

𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗸𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗛𝗲𝗶𝘇𝗼𝘂

✧ Heizou isn’t someone people suspect to be so…sad. They see his suave jokes, the glimmer in his eye when his suspicions prove correct, or the way his shoulders slump and lip juts out when the trail goes cold. They see a troublemaker, someone rowdy and annoying. Even his own brother sees a nuisance. Truthfully, you did as well at one point. When he picked up a piece of trash you accidentally dropped and then chided you on the “dangers of littering.” Though while being witty and fun is something he enjoys, a good chunk of it is a front. A detective is excellent at uncovering lies, but he’s also good at creating them.

✧ You know about his past, about his friend, but it never seemed to bother him as much as it really did. Heizou was a man angry at the world. He was the forefront of protests and the face of right vs wrong, he wasn’t afraid to scream and shout and the world that cursed the people that loved it. However, someone as bold and brash as this becomes overwhelmed. Sometimes the crushing realization that he can’t fix everything becomes too much. When he rests, he sees only the dagger through his friend's heart. He sees the fates of others just like his friend, people who were wronged as a result of pride and greed. One example of this was after a nightmare became too much, and he practically shot out of bed with eyes wide and hands clammy.

✧ You comfort him through words at first, something he’s very good at. But you soon realize because he’s overwhelmed and exhausted, he’s overanalyzing everything you say. Looking for hidden meanings and things to distrust. With a small, saddened sigh, you simply rest his head on your shoulder and then does he break. He gripes about how tired he is, how hard he works sometimes just to realize the world is still the same as before. And you listen earnestly, resting your cheek atop his head while rubbing circles into his back. At some point, you feel him weakly smile against your shoulder. He’s still sleepy, you note, and a breathy whisper catches your ear as he drifts off:

- ✧  - 

“It really is you and me against the world.” He mutters, and you look up from where you were 

”But we'll never be enough.”

Those barely audible words roll around your head like marbles, your eyes drifting off into the dark ceiling above you as your hand runs through magenta locks of hair. Just moments ago, that same hair was brushing against your nose as he cried against your shoulder. As your shoulder moves against your shirt, you can feel his tears still sticking to your skin, and you frown at the memory of those lovely eyes so sad as they looked up at you. Asking you why, why the world hated people so. And gods, you wish you had an answer. “No matter what I do, it’s never enough.” You wanted to deny it, but truly, nothing anyone did would matter in the end. However, you reassured him: 

“It’s enough for me. And,” You brush a few strands of messy hair away from his face, “All the other people who you helped thought the same too. They may not remember you in the future, but in that moment? You made things so much better. Or even just a bit better.” He scoffed lightly, but you saw a hint of a smile tug at his lips that wobbled with every breath. Heizou sighed and flopped limply against your chest, to which you let out a breathless laugh. His hand found yours, and his thumb caressed your skin sweetly. 

“You could’ve stopped with the first sentence, y’know.” He grinned mischievously, though it looked rather foolish seeing as he was about to burst into tears again. “Knowing I’m enough for you means a lot.” A sharp breath, a shaky exhale, and one heavy sniff later, he looked back up at you. “But why can’t we be enough for everyone else? No matter what I do, no matter what you do, there will always be more problems than solutions.” With every word that escaped the confines of his rapidly closing throat, he spoke faster. And faster. And faster, and faster, and fastandfasteranfast--

“HEIZOU!” He jolted, wide awake at your completely bewildered expression. “I have no clue what you’re saying, love, slow down.” Your hand found his cheek, and you guided him through a few slower breaths. He sighed, suddenly quiet in your arms. Tears dripped from tired eyes to welcoming arms and he cried freely where he felt safe to do so.

“I’m just tired.” And it showed. In the eyebags that grew dark enough to mask his moles, in the way he spaced out more than he spoke, in the way he poured salt in his coffee instead of sugar and then forgot to clean up when he spit it everywhere. You let out a quiet ‘I know, love.’, and your free hand moved to his hair where it stayed from then, to now. To now, where he rested peacefully on your chest. To now, where his hand still refused to let go of yours.

To now, where you were left wondering if he could fix the world in his dreams, because here?

we’ll never be enough.

✧ He’s a fairly deep sleeper, unluckily for you. You try to wake him up lightly so as to not startle him but as you watch his face scrunch in pain and knuckles lighten from his grip on the sheets, you start shaking him like one of his signature cocktails. He wakes with a start, eyes wide and fearful as he stares through you rather than at you. It takes a while to bring him back to earth. He’s not angry, nor does he cry. He just….stares. Eyes hazy and unfocused as his body lies still where he sits. It’s as if he’s a statue, unmoving and silent. The first time he did this, it scared the hell out of you. Now though, you sit beside him and let him come to himself in his own time. Slowly, you reach for his hand to hold it. If this goes on too long, you start humming your favorite songs and tracing shapes along his scarred hands and arms.

✧ Diluc’s preferred source of comfort is physical touch, surprisingly. Words are nice, but he’s been told far too many that meant nothing. So he instead loves when you talk through your hands. When you rub circles into his back, fingers lingering over the scars you’ve kissed. When your trace hearts over his arms and shoulders, massaging them lightly while you mentally chide him for working so hard. He finds solace in how earnestly you touch him, as if tracing the most delicate of porcelain. He’s in love with how focused you are on tracing his skin like connect the dots, from freckles to sunspots to scars to random dips of skin to anywhere your eyes linger. He especially loves when you wipe the stray tears from his face, gentle eyes staring into his tired ones. He can’t help but lean into your palm, smiling so softly you nearly missed it. And slowly, comfortably, does he fall back asleep. 

- ✧ -

Of all the things to wake up to, the burning stare of two wide, reddened eyes staring back at you was not what you expected. You gasped shortly, before leaning back to get a full look of whatever it was you just witnessed. Your lover, your dear Diluc, was a mess. And it was frightening just how silent he was. He half hovered, half rested over his pillow- every inch of his body tense and rigid as a statue. His eyes, transfixed in fear, stared at nothing in particular. But most heartbreaking was the streaks of tears that dripped down from those sad eyes to the pillow below him. You sighed, sitting up fully and gently grabbing his hands in an attempt to guide him into a more comfortable position.

“Same nightmare as always, I’m assuming.” Your voice was quiet, solemn almost. Your hands were delicate when they traced over his, and you wiped at his cheeks with your thumbs. He made no effort to speak, nor did his eyes speak for him. God it was frightening to see him this lifeless, as if he’d been possessed. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long, I was asleep,” You paused your sentiment to brush some stray, wild hair away from his face. “I was dreaming of us actually, at the windblume festival. It’s still really early, but I’m excited to go today.” As you mused more and more about your dream, about how excited you were to dance with him amidst the city and pick flowers for him, he seemed to relax a bit more. 

“Mm…” He started to nod along with your words, blinking for the first time in several minutes. His lips curled into a small scowl, and life slowly returned to his face. He still remained silent and still, but now at least he was with you. “Yes, yes, I know you’ll have to leave early to take care of the tavern. I’m sure it gets busy around this time of year.” A small huff escaped his lips, the closest you’d get to a laugh, and you smiled widely. “I hope you’re feeling a bit better now, my love.” You felt his pinky twitch against your hand, interlocking with yours and you rested his head against your chest with your head resting atop his. 

“I’m happy to hear it.” Blowing a tuft of scarlet hair away from your face, still loosely wrapped in its protective night style, you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head and relished in the way he sleepily relaxed against you. “I’ll see you in the morning, Diluc. Sweet dreams.”

It wasn’t long before you drifted back to sleep yourself despite the uncomfortable position, but as your eyelids fluttered shut, you caught sight of the way his pinky still locked with yours and smiled ever so softly.

𝗪𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗿 '𝗞𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗸𝘂𝘇𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶'

✧ Wanderer is a vessel. He compares himself to a puppet but really, he’s most similar to a bottle. One sealed shut that contains a murky liquid full of dark mud and slime. It looks ready to burst, the glass expanded and the cap barely holding on. Wanderer is a bottle, one that contains memories he wishes to forget and trauma he’ll never forget. He was never taught how to express his pains despite having so many of them, and instead bottles things up until they explode in the form of meltdowns, rage, violence, and even crying to the point of not being able to taste or smell for hours. This is rare though, usually he finds these things to be pathetic and opts to keep things locked within the heart he wishes he had.

✧ Nightmares aren’t new to him. He’s slept through many nights that leave him with tear stains on his cheeks and his eyes reddened from the buried pain that shows through when he’s most vulnerable. This is why he prefers to sleep alone. After convincing himself being caught crying in his sleep was the reason for his abandonment, he’s never let anyone see him show weakness like that again. He’ll sleep on the couch or anywhere you can’t see him- but you catch him one night. His usually blank face is scrunched up and pained, the moonlight reflecting off glittery tears that streak down his skin. You watch his hands shake as he mumbles soft pleas and curses through bitten lips.

✧ You comfort him while he sleeps, knowing full well he doesn’t even want you seeing him like this yet. Not that it offends you, something he’s extremely grateful for. You mumble sweet words in his ear, wiping his tears gently so as to not wake him. You take his trembling hands in yours, sweeping your fingers along his knuckles. You stay like this for gods knows how long, your knees have begun to ache and sleep pulls at your eyelids. But, as his fingers twitch and then curl around your own, you realize it was worth it. He still weeps, but he smiles as he does. And slowly do you drift off with your head rested against the couch, and his hand in yours.

- ✧ -

Living in the peaceful city of Sumeru usually means nights of tranquility and quiet dreams, with only the sound of the wind to disturb you occasionally. However, you found yourself harshly awoken by a crash downstairs. At first, you shrugged it off. ‘Maybe it was the cat.’ Was your first thought, your eyelids slowly fluttered shut only to be practically ripped open at the realization-- 

“We don’t own a cat.”

Rushing down the steps, you found yourself walking ever quieter so as to not disturb your lover who always slept on the couch. It was strange, you’d admit, but you respected it. The way he looked at you when he feebly requested to sleep on the couch reminded you of a kicked puppy, ashamed and nervous before you. And so, you let it slide. Sleeping in a cold bed as you cuddled a pillow rather than your boyfriend, but it was worth it to see him in the mornings. However, as you stare at him laying face down on the floor beside the couch he called his bed, you begin to understand his hesitation.

He’s still asleep, miraculously. But his skin, ever pale and cold, collects tears on his cheeks like morning dew on petals and leaves. You kneel down slowly, watching as his hands grip the blanket that now half lay over his curled up body. Small mumbles escape his lips, though incomprehensible you made out small pleas and curses-- curses mostly. His face is scrunched up in a mixture of pain and confusion, almost betrayal- and the way his hands guard his body even in slumber breaks your heart. You gently brush a hand over his hair that clings to the sweat on his forehead. “I’m sorry I never noticed.” He stiffens, eyes scrunching at the touch and he sniffles. Rather than lifting him back onto the couch, you opt to simply take his pillow and tuck it back beneath his head.

There’s plenty to talk about, but it can wait till the morning. You carefully move his arm, which quivers under your hold, and move it out to the side. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.” Despite not knowing if he can hear it, you whisper kind words into his ear while resting your head atop his arm. Your eyes feel heavy, but his burden feels lighter and that’s all that matters to you. Though, as you drift off, you notice his hand move to your cheek, where he brushes his knuckles over your skin so lightly you barely notice.

And then, as you turn over to look at him, you notice the faintest smile on those trembling lips.

𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗸𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗛𝗲𝗶𝘇𝗼𝘂

✧ Heizou isn’t someone people suspect to be so…sad. They see his suave jokes, the glimmer in his eye when his suspicions prove correct, or the way his shoulders slump and lip juts out when the trail goes cold. They see a troublemaker, someone rowdy and annoying. Even his own brother sees a nuisance. Truthfully, you did as well at one point. When he picked up a piece of trash you accidentally dropped and then chided you on the “dangers of littering.” Though while being witty and fun is something he enjoys, a good chunk of it is a front. A detective is excellent at uncovering lies, but he’s also good at creating them.

✧ You know about his past, about his friend, but it never seemed to bother him as much as it really did. Heizou was a man angry at the world. He was the forefront of protests and the face of right vs wrong, he wasn’t afraid to scream and shout and the world that cursed the people that loved it. However, someone as bold and brash as this becomes overwhelmed. Sometimes the crushing realization that he can’t fix everything becomes too much. When he rests, he sees only the dagger through his friend's heart. He sees the fates of others just like his friend, people who were wronged as a result of pride and greed. One example of this was after a nightmare became too much, and he practically shot out of bed with eyes wide and hands clammy.

✧ You comfort him through words at first, something he’s very good at. But you soon realize because he’s overwhelmed and exhausted, he’s overanalyzing everything you say. Looking for hidden meanings and things to distrust. With a small, saddened sigh, you simply rest his head on your shoulder and then does he break. He gripes about how tired he is, how hard he works sometimes just to realize the world is still the same as before. And you listen earnestly, resting your cheek atop his head while rubbing circles into his back. At some point, you feel him weakly smile against your shoulder. He’s still sleepy, you note, and a breathy whisper catches your ear as he drifts off:

- ✧  - 

“It really is you and me against the world.” He mutters, and you look up from where you were 

”But we'll never be enough.”

Those barely audible words roll around your head like marbles, your eyes drifting off into the dark ceiling above you as your hand runs through magenta locks of hair. Just moments ago, that same hair was brushing against your nose as he cried against your shoulder. As your shoulder moves against your shirt, you can feel his tears still sticking to your skin, and you frown at the memory of those lovely eyes so sad as they looked up at you. Asking you why, why the world hated people so. And gods, you wish you had an answer. “No matter what I do, it’s never enough.” You wanted to deny it, but truly, nothing anyone did would matter in the end. However, you reassured him: 

“It’s enough for me. And,” You brush a few strands of messy hair away from his face, “All the other people who you helped thought the same too. They may not remember you in the future, but in that moment? You made things so much better. Or even just a bit better.” He scoffed lightly, but you saw a hint of a smile tug at his lips that wobbled with every breath. Heizou sighed and flopped limply against your chest, to which you let out a breathless laugh. His hand found yours, and his thumb caressed your skin sweetly. 

“You could’ve stopped with the first sentence, y’know.” He grinned mischievously, though it looked rather foolish seeing as he was about to burst into tears again. “Knowing I’m enough for you means a lot.” A sharp breath, a shaky exhale, and one heavy sniff later, he looked back up at you. “But why can’t we be enough for everyone else? No matter what I do, no matter what you do, there will always be more problems than solutions.” With every word that escaped the confines of his rapidly closing throat, he spoke faster. And faster. And faster, and faster, and fastandfasteranfast--

“HEIZOU!” He jolted, wide awake at your completely bewildered expression. “I have no clue what you’re saying, love, slow down.” Your hand found his cheek, and you guided him through a few slower breaths. He sighed, suddenly quiet in your arms. Tears dripped from tired eyes to welcoming arms and he cried freely where he felt safe to do so.

“I’m just tired.” And it showed. In the eyebags that grew dark enough to mask his moles, in the way he spaced out more than he spoke, in the way he poured salt in his coffee instead of sugar and then forgot to clean up when he spit it everywhere. You let out a quiet ‘I know, love.’, and your free hand moved to his hair where it stayed from then, to now. To now, where he rested peacefully on your chest. To now, where his hand still refused to let go of yours.

To now, where you were left wondering if he could fix the world in his dreams, because here?

we’ll never be enough.