morgan!

People who are making posts telling us what is happening over on threads, twitter, and Instagram are like war correspondents sending us reports from the front.

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

I think we don’t talk enough about Neil’s understated sex appeal. I just know he lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat on his face on the treadmill, and on the one next to him Kevin trips and almost falls. I know his running shorts ride up at one point and there is a loud thump from the direction of Andrew’s leg curl machine. I know he pours a bottle of water on his face and chest while running outside one day and some poor freshman girl gets a stroke unrelated to the heat. And the best part is he’s completely unaware of it.

& you know what it actually IS lifechanging to smile at strangers & say please & thank you & goodmorning & compliment someones outfit & help someone in need & be more accepting of loving other people just because they are other people!!!

similar topic but it's so funny to me when people are like "you can't ship these people one of them is the other's father figure!" as if wanting to fuck a father figure isn't the only joy left in this life

WHAT IS FORMULA ONE

I just learned about the existance of “pretend to work” spaces in China where you can pay to pretend to work at a realistic looking fake office so that you can take selfies to pretend that you have a job and get your family to stop asking why you’re unemployed. Which is like such a capitalism thing that I have no joke to make about it.