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@jxxvas
stressful angel.

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blood coming down like a waterfall.
trepidatixn:
Oh, dear. Shimura doesn’t consider himself a judgmental person under any circumstances, so he refrains from making any assumptions about their recently hired programmer; after all, he had been one of the main people to make that decision. Only time can tell if that was a poor decision or a well made one, but until then, he’s just a bit miffed by the guy’s smoking habit. Plenty of his coworkers are the same way, but he can at least be assured that all of them are old enough for it, and he’s pretty sure of the opposite here.
It’s the smoke that irritates him, really, but he isn’t planning on commenting on it, out of politeness more than anything else. He had been hoping the programmer wouldn’t take notice of him, but those fears are pretty swiftly squashed.
❝ That’s my given name, yes, ❞ Shimura replies, doing his best not to look exhausted and desperate for death. It has a limited effect, but he at least manages not to appear downright annoyed. ❝ Shimura. Remind me of your name, please? Sorry, I’ve forgotten it. ❞ He’s actually fairly sure he hasn’t forgotten, but it’s better to give the younger man a chance to reintroduce himself, anyways.
🎮 — Wow, two words in and he’s already messed up. This must be a record for him. It’s almost funny, except that it’s really not. Matt nods, scratches his head, and then nods again. “Right. Sorry.” Though a little gruff, Matt will be respectful enough to follow cultures. He removes the cigarette from his mouth and even go so far as to blow the smoke away from Shimura. He’s a little surprised that his name has been forgotten already, but there are plenty of explanations. Some more reasonable than others.
“Matt,” he offers. With a toothy grin that could be apologetic or amused (but is most likely both), he tacks on “Last name Rzhevsky.” Though he’d been speaking Japanese, the name comes out in flawless Russian. “Don’t worry about calling me that, though. I haven’t met someone who can pronounce it yet.” The grin gets a little wider, touching the corner of one eye. “It’s almost as painful for me as for whoever’s trying to say it, at this point.” Complaining though he may be, it seems to be in a good-natured sort of way. “So just call me Matt.”
In the pause, he takes another drag from his cigarette, almost thoughtful. Working inside has given him a real appreciation for jobs where he can smoke and work at the same time. “Hey, so, I won’t talk about work since we’re both on break, but what d’you do for fun? You seen like an ... upstanding kinda guy.”
PLAYER: @lastcardstanding START!
🎮 — It’s not ideal, working alongside near, but it’s certainly better than some of the alternatives. Matt simply doesn’t fit in among the big businesses that often hire a professional hacker (usually to steal information or alter their webpages to sabotage business), and working the kind of jobs traditionally open to teenagers is just ... not his style. Flipping burgers? Yeah, right. Plus, Near is a little more ... understanding than colleagues he’s had in the past, and he’s got access to information that gets Matt closer to finding out where Mello is hiding.
Yeah, it’s not perfect, but it’s getting pretty close. Leaning back in his chair, Matt pushes out from the desk, letting out a long sigh and pulling his game from his back pocket. In a moment, the quiet sounds emitted from it fill the room. What would L think of them now? Would he be proud that they were working together, or would he think they ought to be on their own? Would he care?
“Remind me again why we give a shit about Kira? He’s obviously just some crazy guy on a bender. He’s gotta burn himself out eventually.”
PLAYER: @trepidatixn START!
🎮 — It’s hard to treat a guy like him seriously, he knows. Though Matt has learned about Japan’s conformity and business culture since he could read, it’s still a little shocking to see it in action. Even more jarring is to try and insert oneself into it, when one is anything but conformist.
He already sticks out with combat boots and motorcycle jeans among the black and white suits, but being white (even with his hair dyed black this month) and clearly not hired on the same terms as everyone else makes sore thumb seem woefully inadequate. It makes him anxious. Almost as anxious as his search for Mello. So even though it’s technically illegal, and he certainly doesn’t look any older than he is with his wiry, stick-thin frame, Matt will often nip outside and stand away from the other businessmen to smoke.
It’s a bad habit, he knows, but it helps to keep his mind clear.
Today, unfortunately, he’s only halfway through his cigarette before he sees a familiar face, and though Matt isn’t one for formalities, it’s sometimes easier than animosity, so he moves to stand next to his new co-worker. “Hey, um, Suguru, right? I recognize your face from the office.”

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verge.
gamenu:
{/Nicole knows enough about her best friend to understand what he was going to do. She can’t say she approves, and probably never will. But she understands the feeling well enough to want the temptation. As her laughter dies down, she soon looks over at him again. It’s a bit sad he didn’t laugh with her, but there are just those times when someone doesn’t want to laugh, and can’t. She’s had those moments before. Nicole wishes she could do more for him, but offering tiny bits of humor and hiding his weaponry from him is honestly the best she can do at the time.
When he speaks up that she’s going to have to tell him about the location of his gun, she simply shrugs softly.} “–I’ll tell ya when ya make an’ earnes’ promise ta me tha’ yer no’ gonna do nuffin’ ta yerself an’–”
{/She stops when the sound of his stomach vibrates through the couch. It’s enough to make her laugh again. Sitting up, she turns and faces Matt. Reaching over and pulling his hand away from his mouth, she looks down and starts to pull out her phone.} “I’m gonna order a pizza. Wha’ do youse eat on yer’s? An’ yer eatin’ by tha way. Ya gotta care fer yerself more than a three minute shower, Matt. Eatin’ is part o’ tha’. I will give ya yer gun back an’ do anythin’ else ya wanna do, even if i’s nuffin’, if ya eat one whole slice o’ pizza.”
🎮 — Nicole’s kindness has always been foreign to him. At Wammy’s, they were treated with a professional brand of kindness, dependent on their continued loyalty and performance. Nicole always seems to give hers for free, even though it seems like he’s never able to give her anything back. When she pulls his fingers away, they curl loosely around hers like a child’s, only out of proximity and impulse. He watches Nicole with eyes so different than how they are behind the tinted glass of, or rimmed with red from his goggles.
Rightfully, he shouldn’t ask any more of her. As his gaze wanders from hers to their fingers, Matt considers all that she has done for him, and all that her kindness means to him, and how his last gift to her will always be an empty apartment and changed locks. One day, he knows, she will drop by because he’s not answering her texts and she won’t be able to get in, or find his car, or anything, and he hasn’t figured out a way where their friendship doesn’t end that way.
So he takes a deep breath in, removing his hand from hers to toss his arm over his face, concealing his expression and curling up on the couch with a deep inhale. Sometimes it feels like her kindness is going to crush him. Is that normal?
[ every time I have to write about matt’s goggles I am so deeply offended ]
verge.
gamenu:
{/With Matt back on the couch, Nicole relaxes once more. He’s still breathing, he’s still alive. Even if it’s just barely by this point. Staring up at the ceiling, she goes back to letting her brain become that of akin to static noises. Just nothing, just doing nothing and relaxing for the time being. Throughout the static, she let her mind wander. What were her rabbits doing? How was Buddy? Was he protecting the home while she was out? Did they all have enough food to tide them over until she got home? There was a lot to actually think about, even if it was everything and nothing all at once.
It wasn’t until Matt spoke up again that Nicole looked and realized that he was looking at her. Turning just slightly, she did it so she could face him and pay him the attention he needed. It was cute. So very cute that he didn’t think this is what friendship was.} “–Matt. Fer a smar’ guy, yer pretty fuckin’ stupid. Babysittin’ yer friends is all tha’ friendship is. I make sure youse don’ kill yerself. An’ youse make sure I don’ kill someone else. I’d say tha’s a pretty successful friendship.”
{/It was spoken with a lighthearted laugh. Just something to help improve her mood, and hopefully his too. Nicole thinks she did good by hiding his gun so he wouldn’t be able to do anything stupid. Although with her knowing where it was, she could be tempted to do something stupid. Or not. Matt was a good portion of her impulse control.} “I don’ need nuffin’ from ya, bu’ fer ya’ll ta be okay a’ tha end o’ tha day. I like comin’ over here an’ visitin’. I don’ wan’ tha’ ta go away. Okay?”
🎮 — It’s nice to hear her laugh, but Matt can’t quite bring himself to join in. It’s not that it isn’t funny, but when she mentions him killing himself, even in passing, it’s hard to feel anything above the way his stomach turns over. It feels like, with what she walked in on, he can’t exactly argue that it wasn’t his plan. Even if he explains that he can’t die, won’t die while Mello still needs him, the evidence is rather stacked against him. His life isn’t his own to take at will, but that’s something that most people can’t really understand.
And Matt can’t even promise her that he’ll stick around, either, because there’s no way they can maintain a friendship if Matt has to leave the city, because he can’t leave any trail, paper or digital, behind. There’s nothing he can say to reassure her, so Matt just buries his face back in the cushions, heaves another sigh, then speaks. “You’ll have to tell me where that gun is eventually. We might have to move again soon, and I’d rather not explain that one to Mello.”
Suddenly, as if the minimal self-care of shower and vague conversation Matt offered himself is enough to remind it of its suffering, his stomach lets out a long, low, gurgling growl. Maybe it has been a while since he’s eaten. He can’t pinpoint exactly how long. It’s been a real blur. Instead of doing anything about it, though, he only wraps an arm around his stomach, mutters, “Shit,” and then brings his free hand up to chew the skin around his fingernails. That’s how Matt solves problems.
verge.
gamenu:
{/She’s just laying there. Not sure if she should be worried or content that Matt didn’t debate with her like he usually does. There’s just something about him, but he has a level of intelligence that far surpasses her’s. He might have been able to get her to take it back without her even realizing she did it! Okay, maybe that was worrisome. Not just his intelligence, but the fact he wasn’t using it to gain the upper hand on her even as something as small and trivial as this. Nicole herself has a beehive of a brain right now. She knew there was no getting him to talk until he was ready to. But what could she do to help him?
Her attention is drawn to Matt as he stands up. Okay, so he was taking off his shirt. Interesting, and he was…heading to the bathroom. At least when she heard the shower, she knew he was taking care of himself even if it was for those three minutes. Hopefully he wouldn’t smell as bad as he did earlier. When he came out, she lifts her head just slightly to look at him as he face-plants directly back on to the couch. Wow. He was really out of it. This was a new low, even for him. It was actually pretty frightening. Nicole wished she could do something, anything to help him. However she couldn’t. Not that she knew of, anyway.
As he finally speaks, her head snaps over in his direction before she just gives a small bout of laughter. It was cute. He really thought he owed her one? Laying back flat on the floor, resting her hands on her stomach, Nicole shakes her head. Even though Matt couldn’t see it, she did it.}
“–Nah. Yer like…onna my bes’ buds. I’d do i’ fer ya even if ya didn’ owe me. I was jus’ playin’ earlier, Matt. Seriously. Don’ worry bou’ i’.”
🎮 — A damp spot is very quickly forming on the couch, but Matt doesn’t seem to mind. With any luck they’ll be out of this dump before much longer, and lying on his own bathwater is easier than drying himself with those musty towels, anyway. It’s so strange, having her here. It feels incongruous with his mood, with this place, though Matt knows now that she’s not only the cheerful girl who dragged a complete stranger to a game store on the first day they met.
Nicole must feel like this sometimes, too. It feels hard to believe, but Matt tries to imagine it anyway. Tries to imagine her sitting on the floor, staring into nothing as he’d done. He doubts she has any weapons or the abundance of substances he does, but he learned at Wammy’s that everyone’s got their vices. Taking a deep, rattling breath, Matt digs his fingers into his hair before exhaling and letting his body go limp again. Though he knows he shouldn’t get what Mello would qualify as an ‘outsider’ involved in their business any more than he has to, Matt can’t deny that it makes him feel better just to have her there, and to hear her breathing.
After a few more moments of silence, Matt finally speaks up. “I’m no expert on friendship, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t generally involve babysitting your friends, but I could be wrong.” A pause, and then he shifts on the couch so that his wet hair dangles down and one eye, rimmed with darkness, is visible over the edge of the cushion. At least he seems to be focused on her for now.
“... So, you can ask for something, if you need it. A ride, a jerk you need scaring, whatever. You have my number.”
[ can I do a tentative starter call? ]

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enquiren:
…And this is why Naoto prefers to work alone. Genius or not, does this Matt really need to be playing a video game while working on a case? They aren’t the only ones in the room, and even if the messy office is big enough that Naoto thinks – desperately hopes – that the music shouldn’t carry too far, they shouldn’t be imposing any more than they need to. They have been asked to help, not hinder.
She opens her mouth to say something, but after a moment of clenched fists and barely suppressed irritation, Naoto closes it, instead moving over to take the file and look through it herself.
Luckily, the many months spent tuning out Yosuke’s incessant chatter have made it easy to ignore the soft music coming from the device in Matt’s hands. Naoto takes her time looking through the information, allowing the details of the case to sink in.
Matt could stand to learn a little bit of patience. His game can keep him busy while he waits.
“It would appear some of the victims were blackmailed,” Naoto says after several minutes of not-quite-silence. “Online. Three of them, though there are only transcripts for two…” She trails off, flipping back through the file. “…No. One was blackmailed, one is presumed blackmailed – they were unable to gain access to the conversation, though living relatives implied as much – and the third was… Coerced. It appears they thought they were meeting a potential lover, not a killer. They do not know if the other victims were contacted prior to their deaths.”
She stares at the file. “Something very deliberate, then. There must be something connecting the victims.”
🎮 — He seems perfectly willing to wait, at least, when he’s got something to distract him. Still, his chair rolls absently back and forth (drawing attention to the rather work-inappropriate combat boots he’s got one) as Naoto reads. Maybe he’s impatient, but it seems more likely that he’s just impatient. Somewhere during her explanation, his attention shifts to her, though the game still plays quietly in his hands.
Actually, he seems to be playing the game while looking through his goggles at her, one eyebrow raised. “A potential lover? Like the kind you get in those sketchy ads, or was it a long-term, online-relationship-type deal?” He’s still rolling his chair. “If the criminal is the type to play out an extended relationship, then we’re dealing with someone a lot different than an opportunistic porn bot.” Roll, roll. “So they started with confirmed blackmail, then blackmail that could only be claimed by the relatives, to a love-meet of dubious intentions...?”
It seems that Matt is done with the whole eye contact thing, because he turns his attention back to the game. “Doesn’t that sound like the culprit is evolving their strategy, rather than outright changing it? Maybe the blackmail deal was a close call, so they learned to cover their tracks when pursuing the next victim. But the family still figured it out, only they couldn’t prove it, so the culprit abandoned blackmail altogether and decided to lure their victims in a different way...?”
That seems to be enough thinking for Matt. Whatever’s left of his attention span seems to disintegrate into the stale air of their cluttered office. “So, do they want me to find those records? Those sketchy platforms usually delete the conversations pretty fast, but there are ways around that. Or did they meet in an MMO? Blog site?”
verge.
MATT.
🎮 — He might be asleep except for the way his eyes, open only to slits, seem to track her from the moment she enters the cramped apartment. He breathes like he’s asleep though, long and deep, as if he’s expecting each breath to be his last. Distantly, he knows he must smell. It’s the kind of self-consciousness that only his time with Mello has been able to beat into him. Though, if someone doesn’t move, do they still start to smell? He doesn’t bother to check.
It’s only when the box of cigarettes drops to his chest that Matt moves, opening the carton with a deftness that should be impossible in his state, and places one between his lips. He has to pull an interesting maneuver to get his lighter from his back pocket, but it’s one he’s done enough times that it’s almost second nature. Matt lights up, breathes in, and exhales without even taking the cigarette out of his mouth. This sucks.
But business is business. He knows how expensive cigarettes are—he’s the one who’s been sustaining the habit for far too many years already—and he supposes Nicole doesn’t deserve any of this. Though she did kinda sign up for it. It’s not like he hides what a mess he is when he goes out or anything. So he shifts again, holding the cigarette in his mouth, and unzips one of the ratty couch cushions. Procuring a wad of crumpled 20s (why is American money all green?), Matt casts his arm straight off the couch and lets go, dropping the money right where he guesses she might be. It’s more than any pack of cigarettes he’s ever bought, but that’s not really the point).
He doesn’t seem to have recovered his ability to speak, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be grateful in his own way.
{/She watches him as he seems to spring to life when she drops that box of cigarettes on him. It’s…strange. She’ll definitely say that. She didn’t know he needed them that badly. Then again, people she’s worked for kinda need them too. Nicole herself has never fallen trap to them, so she rightfully didn’t understand the necessity of someone who needed them on a seemingly regular basis. It doesn’t make it any more okay. They still smell and could still do more harm than good for whatever they think their nerves might need.
Where he obtained his money, she didn’t want to understand. That was the same mentality of people who decided to keep all their money in a mattress. Didn’t make sense then, doesn’t make sense now. Just like the amount he decided to give her. He essentially gave her sixty dollars, when she really only spent five. Just…how out of it was he? Taking the money, she puts forty back in his hand, and then starts digging through her backpack to give him change. Money is money, and if there’s one thing she doesn’t like to do, it’s owe friends. She’s not going to take more from him than what she spent. And he’s honestly lucky that she has a ten and a couple of ones to be able to break the last twenty for him. So with that, she grabs hold of his hand where she previously placed the other twenties, and placed the change there too.
At least…he seemed to be moving around. So he wasn’t dead like she thought he might be. Now, she’s just going to lay on the floor beside him. On her back, knees up, and staring at the ceiling. Nicole is a champion of doing this. Long nights of mental suffering and insomnia made her very skilled at being able to stare at things and space out until someone called her to attention. She’s just going to be a little more attentive now to listen out for any sound Matt makes. When he wants to talk, he’ll talk. Until then, she’ll be by his side.}
🎮 — Matt doesn’t want change, but he wants discussion even less, so he’ll just accept the money. It takes him a little while to move, though, even with his fingers just barely able to hold the cash in place. When he does, the movement is slow and laboured. Shoving it back in the pillow, he zips it back up before settling back down on the couch. For a little while, the only sound is his rattling breath and, occasionally, him scratching. It’s not that he’s thinking particularly hard, but that he’s thinking significantly less than he was before. It’s easier to relax now.
When he finishes the first cigarette, Matt stubs it out before lighting up another. Halfway through it, he sits up and balances what’s left, still smouldering, on the edge of the table so that he can strip off his wrinkly shirt without setting it on fire. It’s tossed to the side and the cigarette is returned to his mouth as Matt makes his way to the bathroom. There, the shower runs for a grand total of three minutes before he emerges, still dripping though he managed to put his pants back on.
Walking as if he’s half-asleep already, Matt puts a knee up on the couch before flopping down face-first into the cushions with an arm dangling limply towards the floor. After a long moment like this, Matt releases a groan that turns into a sigh that turns into a whimper. This is pathetic, even for him. It shouldn’t make him feel so empty to know that the bruises on his body are fading, and that the injuries Mello inflicted are healing in his absence. It shouldn’t make his chest feel so hollow, but it does.
“I guess I do owe you one,” he admits at last, though his voice is muffled by the ragged fabric that he’s sinking into.
verge.
🎮 — He hadn’t been feeling right for a while. Mello was usually a useful sponge for whatever need was consuming Matt, but without his partner … The muscles in his face twitched. It wasn’t a smile, but it had the same effect. How pathetic he must be to be reduced to this when left to his own vices and devices for a few days. When Nicole removes herself from him, both of Matt’s arms curl around himself like a dying bug’s legs, gripping the striped fabric over his ribs and his shoulder.
If Mello found out that he’d let Nicole wander so freely throughout the apartment, he’d probably shoot Matt himself, but as skinny knees curled up closer to his skinny form, Matt didn’t see that as a real threat. He waits, doing little more than breathing, before Nicole’s return prompts him to breach the surface of his misery.
Out. Of course he was out. The one time he needed a smoke – needed a smoke – and he was out. He hated this, but instead of voicing it, Matt only nodded. Just barely, but it was enough. He could wait, and as he did, Matt could pull himself together, even just a little bit. His mind wandered to the contents of his drawer – certainly they would help, and it was one of the many cravings that Matt felt, especially in times of desperation like this, but something made him hang back. Instead, he pushed himself up from the floor, dragged his phone from where it sat on the coffee table, and shoved it deep into his jeans pocket. From there, sitting on the floor, he pushes fingers into his hair and tears the goggles from his skull before tossing them hopelessly across the room. They land only a few feet from him and, as if disgusted, Matt heaves himself up onto the couch to sprawl his lanky body across the cushions, as if all this time he’d only been taking an afternoon nap.
{/As much as she didn’t want to be outside in this cold weather, she found herself doing it because Matt needed a smoke to get him out of whatever funk he’s in. Clutching her hoodie to herself as tight as she could, she ignored the freezing weather. It would have been a lot smarter of her if she had actually thought about bringing her coat with her. This is for Matt, she kept telling herself. Just for the friend who’s been there and had her back in that awkward, subtle way of his.
Upon reaching the gas station store, she just purchased a pack of Marlboro cigarettes for him, and for herself, a small box of chocolate raisins. Paying for just the two items was a little ridiculous in her mind. Since when the hell did smokes cost so much? Either way, not even allowing the cashier to bag them, she stuffs both items in her hood pockets, and made way to leave.
By the time she was out of the store and had made the trek back to that shack they call an apartment, she was freezing. Naught but a shivering mess and teeth clattering, she shudders uncontrollably as she tries to warm herself up. For a moment, she only stood in the doorway to warm herself, but then again, movement was needed to help heat the body. So it’s with shaky steps that she walks over to the couch where Matt managed to move himself, she pulls out the box of cigarettes and tosses them down in front of him.}
“Y-youse o-o-owe me!”
{/Since he was taking up the whole couch, the only place for her was back on the floor where she had previously been. Taking her candy out of her pocket, she carefully lays on the floor with it, and curls up as much as possible.}
“I-I’s freezin’ ou’ there…..”
🎮 — He might be asleep except for the way his eyes, open only to slits, seem to track her from the moment she enters the cramped apartment. He breathes like he’s asleep though, long and deep, as if he’s expecting each breath to be his last. Distantly, he knows he must smell. It’s the kind of self-consciousness that only his time with Mello has been able to beat into him. Though, if someone doesn’t move, do they still start to smell? He doesn’t bother to check.
It’s only when the box of cigarettes drops to his chest that Matt moves, opening the carton with a deftness that should be impossible in his state, and places one between his lips. He has to pull an interesting maneuver to get his lighter from his back pocket, but it’s one he’s done enough times that it’s almost second nature. Matt lights up, breathes in, and exhales without even taking the cigarette out of his mouth. This sucks.
But business is business. He knows how expensive cigarettes are—he’s the one who’s been sustaining the habit for far too many years already—and he supposes Nicole doesn’t deserve any of this. Though she did kinda sign up for it. It’s not like he hides what a mess he is when he goes out or anything. So he shifts again, holding the cigarette in his mouth, and unzips one of the ratty couch cushions. Procuring a wad of crumpled 20s (why is American money all green?), Matt casts his arm straight off the couch and lets go, dropping the money right where he guesses she might be. It’s more than any pack of cigarettes he’s ever bought, but that’s not really the point).
He doesn’t seem to have recovered his ability to speak, but that doesn’t mean he can’t be grateful in his own way.
[ an au where I update the graphics on my blog ....... ]

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