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@justwannabethinstuff
Was forced to eat a lot of food today at a family gathering- or at least it felt like a lot. Idk how much exactly calories wise, but im certain under 1000. When i got home my constipation finally stopped which I'm hoping is a good sign and means I might lose some weight tomorrow, but im also worried about water weight or some BS. Idk.
But also, I'm 8% towards my gw. And just a few days until my pills get here.
I'm just so tired and it was a long ass day
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My sister took a polaroid of me unexpectedly and oh my god I have the WORST double chin - we started laughing because I looked like a deer in the headlights but then i started crying by accident because I just hated how I looked so badly 😭😭😭
Everyone was lovely and stuff but welp. Didn't really keep my cool
Just a few days till my WL pills come in. Just a few days. Just a few days
Forever torn between:
Eating in front of people so they can see I'm eating and not be worried about me/think I'm starving
Refusing to eat in front of people in case they think im a fatty fat pig and I want them to worry about me actually
This Saturday I'm going to see my grandparents and other family, which is lovely and all, except they always prepare a huge lunch and then bring out loads of dessert and snacks afterwards and try to make everyone eat as much as possible (with love of course). It shall be hard to avoid suspicion. I may have to treat it as a metabolism day
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My sister is manic and bakes loads of stuff when she is manic. Unfortunately she gives a lot of it to me so now I have to resist a bunch of brownies in the fridge
I HATE the constipation that comes with restriction. This is how I ended up abusing laxatives in the past!! I want to feel EMPTY
I wish I could p*rge the traditional way but I have literally no gag reflex. Instead if I want to, I have to use laxatives. But because I abused them awfully in the past, I have to use very big doses nowadays for them to work 😭 and ofc it doesn't ACTUALLY get rid of any calories. I just like feeling empty inside. Clean.
The thing I'm looking forward to most about losing this weight is being able to wear my wedding ring again. I gained so much weight after getting married that it no longer fits and that's devastating to me. But just wait. Give it a few months and it will fit again.
Seeing old photos of me when I was at my lower weight is so cruel. I wasn't skinny but I look so much skinnier compared to now with my literal obese BMI so looking at them and remembering how I thought I was do fat is like 😭😭😭 girl you have no idea!!
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Had a bacon bap on my break at work, about 400 calories roughly. I've been waking up very hungry because I've only been having a bit of popcorn for dinner so tonight I'm letting myself have a brownie as a treat.
I've had a raging headache for the past few days and perhaps it's connected to the restriction... who knows. Idc
Another good day today, I was really hungry this morning but just went through it. Ate the same as yesterday, a sausage and bacon bap around 10:30, and then some popcorn when I got home at 5ish.
I also lost a pound today which is good.
Bit hungry still after the popcorn but oh well. Just a sign I'm doing well.
Can the number on the scale please PLEASE please be lower tomorrow when I wake up please
Some of my favourite ED content:
-My Mad Fat Diary (mental health in general but also binge eating)
-Everything Now (teenage anorexia ofc)
-To the Bone (does this need an intro?)
-Skins (teen anorexia again)
-My Parasite, Ana (I don't read much but this is a book about a teenage boy with anorexia)
-Me and Mia by Ted Leo (a song about anorexia and bulimia)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Today's been a good day. Honestly forgot how euphoric it feels to starve.
I had a bacon and sausage bap and a bowl of air popped popcorn. I'd guess around 700 calories, most of that from the bacon and sausage- but it's protein, and that's good for me.
Can't wait for the day I walk into work and someone goes "Have you lost weight??" I want people to talk about it dammit
