hi hope you’re all happy and healthy!! <3
i honestly can’t wait to start reading capri again and experience like 14 heartbreaks per chapter lol
aaaand sure enough the first sentence already makes me feel sad for damen
He sat on the edge of the bed in his rooms, with his elbows on his knees and the heels of his palms digging hard into his eyes.
i think this is the first time damen is actually letting himself experience his sadness…?
It was as if some protective membrane had been torn away and everything that he had not let himself feel was exposed behind the rupture. He had nothing left to hold it back, only this raw, terrible feeling, of being denied family.
oh :( so it is. i am so so so sad for him but maybe, in a way, it’s good for him to finally have to deal with all of the heartbreak he’s suppressed ever since he was taken to vere (and probably before that, too).
In his life, he had known only one parent. His father had been to him a set of ideals, a man he looked up to, and strove to please, a standard against whom he measured himself. (…)
now, obviously, laurent has been much more alone than damen all his life, but damen is no stranger to isolation either. he did have a father who i’m sure loved him but their relationship seemed to have been very much reliant on how well damen grew into his role as future king. it sounds like damen put a ton of pressure on himself growing up and that being the only real relationship he had (since he doesn’t know his mother? if i understood that correctly? plus, kastor wasn’t really emotionally available due to the grudge he’s been holding against damen) sounds exhausting.
Laurent said, ‘No. I’m not here to—’ He said, ‘I’m just here.’
oh god this chapter is going to make me cry i know it
Laurent, he realised, had guarded his solitude for him. (…) He was stupidly, profoundly grateful for that.
i loooove them. i love them so much. i can’t believe how far they’ve come (also if i ever hear anyone say laurent is cold i will scream)
is laurent… HUGGING him??????
If he had been offered this as an adult, he couldn’t remember it. He couldn’t remember ever having needed it, except that maybe he had needed it since the bells had rung in Akielos, and never allowed himself to ask for it. Body leaned in to body and he closed his eyes.
1) DAMEN HAS NEVER BEEN HUGGED BEFORE???????? WTF????
2) they ARE hugging oh my god oh my goddd they’re leaning against each other and damen closed his eyes and laurent’s fingers are maybe still on the back of damen’s neck and they are HUGGING. i can’t believe these are the same guys from book 1. even book 2. their individual growth but also their growth as a couple makes me sooo emotional (i am very very very close to tears)
Time passed. He became aware of the slow, strong pulse, the slender body, the warmth in his arms—and that was nice in a different way.
‘Now you are taking advantage of my kind-hearted instincts,’ Laurent said, a murmur into his ear.
i don’t know if this means damen is getting horny again?? but this is so cute. i love them so much. also: laurent is MURMURING cute jokes into damen’s HAIR ahhhh <3
He let his lips form a half-smile. ‘You aren’t going to offer me one of your gaudy Veretian handkerchiefs?’
‘You could use the clothing you’re wearing. It’s about the same size.’
i am sitting here smiling with tears streaming down my cheeks
‘No,’ said Laurent. ‘We don’t have to do this now.’
this is the first time laurent has ever backed away from an argument
‘I hated you,’ said Laurent. ‘I hated you so badly I thought I’d choke on it. If my uncle hadn’t stopped me, I would have killed you. And then you saved my life, and every time I needed you, you were there, and I hated you for that, too.’
laurent :( just thinking about how much pain damen showing up must’ve meant for him. he has been dealing with probably the worst kind of moral and emotional dilemma :(
‘I killed your brother.’
:(((((
Laurent said, ‘I know what it’s like to lose family.’
aaaand i’m crying again. (also i’d like to repeat that laurent is literally the exact opposite of cold.)
‘Is there no way forward for us?’ (…) ‘I mean that we hold the centre. We hold everything from Acquitart to Sicyon. Can we not call it a kingdom and rule it together? Am I such a poorer prospect than a Patran princess, or a daughter of the Empire?’
um. is damen… proposing? in a way? like. is he saying they could rule as a couple? i know he’s in love with laurent but did he really just say he wants a future with laurent? <3333
‘How can you trust me, after what your own brother did to you?’
‘Because he was false,’ said Damen, ‘and you are true. I have never known a truer man.’ He said, into the stillness, ‘I think if I gave you my heart, you would treat it tenderly.’
.
..
…
what.
oh ym god hwat.
i think if i gave you my heart you would treat it tenderly.
you are true.
i have never known a truer man.
what the fuck
TENDERLY.
damen TRUSTS laurent to treat his HEART TENDERLY.
this is the most beautiful love confession i have ever heard in my whole entire life and i am so horribly angry at myself that it took me months to read this chapter because this has been the biggest most intense serotonin boost i have gotten in a long time and i love damen and laurent so much and can you believe someone who literally transforms into some god of war during battles turns into the biggest romantic when he’s with the love of his life aka the prince most people believe has no feelings at all what the fuck .
Laurent turned his head, denying Damen his face. Damen could see his breathing. After a moment he said in a low voice, ‘When you make love to me like that, I can’t think.’
oh my god laurent i love him sm he makes me so sad
‘Don’t,’ said Laurent, ‘toy with me. I—have not the means to—defend against this.’
i’m not lying when i tell you that i am full on sobbing rn. laurent is also in love with damen <3 and he doesn’t know how to deal with it </3 and i want them to be happy and in love for the rest of their lives <333
‘Kiss me,’ said Laurent. And then flushed, a rich colour. Don’t think, Damen had said, but Laurent couldn’t do that. Even to sit there after what he had said, he was fighting a battle in his head.
i have so many feelings for laurent idk how to express even the simplest of them because i love him sm and he’s so dear to me and everythign he does breaks my heart
Instead of leaning in, Damen took Laurent’s hand, brought it towards himself, and kissed his palm, once. He had learned in the course of their one night together to tell when Laurent was taken unawares—taken aback. It wasn’t easy to anticipate, the gaps in Laurent’s experience not mapping to anything that he understood. He felt it now, Laurent’s eyes very dark, uncertain of what he should do. ‘I meant—’
‘Don’t let you think?’
i’d really like to have a conversation with anyone who claims damen is oblivious because he is literally the only person capable of understanding laurent no matter how little he thinks he can read him and there is not a single cell of damen’s body that’s not 100% attuned to laurent’s feelings
(…) ‘I’m not an innocent who needs his hand held through every step.’ (…) After a moment: ‘At Ravenel, I—it had been a long time since I had—with anyone. I was nervous.’ (…) ‘There has,’ said Laurent. He stopped. ‘There has only been one other person.‘
i am going to scream and cry. fuck the regent.
Softly, ‘I’m a little more experienced than that.’
‘Yes, that is immediately apparent.’
‘Is it?’ A little pleased.
‘Yes.’
love how damen stays true to the jock archetype <3
‘I hurt you, Laurent.’
‘That’s enough, stop,’ said Laurent.
‘It wasn’t right. You were just a boy. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.’
‘I said that’s enough.’
‘Is it so hard to hear?’
i know damen is only referring to auguste here since he doesn’t know about the regent yet (which still freaks me out bc i am so nervous about his reaction when he does realize what the regent did to laurent) and it is so devastating to know this dialogue can be understood two ways
(…) He said, ‘I still get too caught up near the end. I know I forget myself.’
the honesty is really doing something to me here
‘When you kissed me,’ said Laurent, pushing the words out, ‘I liked it. When you took me in your mouth, it was the first time that I had … done that.’ He said, ‘I liked it when you—’
<333333 yes !!! figure out what you like !!! i am so supportive of laurent having good sex and safe sex and getting to learn more about himself and what he likes and maybe one day have a healthy relationship with sex and i am sooo proud of him bc i know how difficult this must be and !!! my baby !!!! i love him !!!!
they’re kissing omg omg omg
(…) Laurent’s reaction to kissing had always been complex: tense; vulnerable; hot. The tension was the greatest part of it, as though this single act was too much for him, too extreme. And yet, he had asked for it. (…)
i am so PROUD <333
Don’t think, he’d said, because it was easier than saying, Take me for who I am.
when will my heart stop aching for both of them
‘It’s me,’ said Damen. ‘It’s me, here with you. Say my name.’ ‘Damianos.’ (…) he was in some private reality where myth and man met. (…) Beneath him, Laurent’s kisses were all open-mouthed. Desire flamed, painful and bright. (…) the tremors in Laurent not that of a single barrier crumbling, but shudders as though one after another were being brought down, each place unexplored, each place deeper than the last. Prince-killer. (…)
this is so huge. there are no more secrets between them. they have chosen each other, despite their history, despite everything. i think there is a way forward for them, now that everything is out in the open. at least i hope so !!! :)
‘I—’ Damen pushed himself up instinctively onto one arm, and was stopped halfway by the look in Laurent’s eyes.
i bet it means so much to laurent that he can get damen to stop with just a look, when his entire childhood (literally fuck the regent, what a disgusting, vile human being) he’s been controlled and manipulated and used
(…) Laurent lifted his hands to his own neck. His eyes on Damen’s, slowly, he took up one of the tight-laced ties at his throat, and drew on it. (…) Laurent was undressing for him, one lace after another, the jacket’s fabric opening, revealing the fine white shirt beneath. (…)
i just want to say that i really love the use of clothes as metaphors
Laurent said, ‘I know who you are. I know who you are. Damianos.’
i genuinely think laurent acknowledging damen’s identity means a lot of pressure falling from him, plus maybe some regain of control of the situation/his life. ever since auguste’s death, laurent has been fantasizing about taking revenge, and then could never follow through with it. that must’ve meant so much stress for him.
(…) He kissed back knowing it hurt him, hurt them both. There was a desperation in both of them, an aching need that could not be filled, and he could feel it in Laurent, the same unconscious striving. (…)
i am in pain
i just wanna say that damen being careful not to hurt laurent by going in without any prep means so much to me
He was inside Laurent. It felt raw and unprotected. He had never felt more like himself: Laurent had let him inside, knowing who he was. His body was already moving. Laurent made a helpless sound into the bedding that was the Veretian word, ‘Yes.’
i love them so much
‘I want you,’ said Damen, ‘I’ve wanted you for so long, I’ve never felt like this with anyone—’
‘Damen,’ said Laurent, helplessly, ‘Damen.’
damen is really just confessing his love left and right this chapter. also, him being just as overwhelmed by his feelings as laurent is so sweet and in my opinion pretty important considering there’s no imbalance there and that they both have to learn how to be with someone else and ahhh i just love them sm
(…) He barely knew the moment when he pressed Laurent onto his back, (…)
laurent turning around to look at damen is so !!!!
i can’t believe they have finally (hopefully for good) found their way back to each other :’) <333
i love them so much <3333333
