Just Jalice

“It was a long time ago, Bella. It’s not something that I think about very often. I know that they are safe and happy, and that’s all that really matters in the end.” There is definitely sadness in her voice now, and he wonders who it was. Who turned their back on her and left her alone and unprotected.

“But didn’t you see that it wouldn’t work out?” He wants to ask Bella to stop talking, to leave Alice alone, but he is transfixed by this secret side of Alice.

“I saw us together and happy. And I got impatient, and decided to go and find them early. I just wanted to skip to the good part, I guess. Unfortunately, I changed the future.”

“Do you still talk to them?” Bella seems to realise that her questions are uncomfortable, but still asks that last question.

“I do. We’re on good terms, Bella!” Alice is pulling her mood back together now. “I don’t really think about it anymore, honestly. Happy and safe, that’s all I ever wanted for both of us. If they meet someone and fall in love, I’ll be happy they found love that was the right fit. Now, have a look at this dress - I think it will look amazing with your colouring…”

// Jasper can’t help himself; after hearing her conversation with Bella, Jasper finds himself watching Alice more.

Her perfectly co-ordinated outfits; her flawless schoolwork; her entire bedroom. Her room always made him uncomfortable - the crisply made bed, the vacuum lines in the carpet, the elaborate floral wallpaper that wasn’t even wallpaper but hand-painted by Alice. Not once did it ever look used - even the cavernous closet was organised into an elaborate filing system that would put the local library to shame. Not so much as a scuffed boot or an earring left out of place. It felt like a shrine; not like a sanctuary.

The way she’s always helping - if Esme is baking for some charity event at the hospital, Alice is there helping decorate little cakes despite the stench; Rose needs help with the cars - usually cleaning and moving them around - and Alice is there in an old t-shirt. The garden is cared for with tenderness, flowers and herbs blooming cheerfully. His laundry, folded and mended, stacked neatly on the dresser in his study. Her language books waiting neatly on the corner desk in the library, the languages swapped out every month as she adds another to her repertoire. The corner of Esme’s studio where Alice makes clothing, not a loose thread or dropped pin to be seen.

A week ago, he considered it an almost manic enjoyment of family life, a management system to juggle a million balls in the air without dropping one. Maybe even a way to mark time for her visions.

Now he just sees utter loneliness and a desperation to stay occupied. He has no idea how to help. She doesn’t feel sad or unhappy, and she doesn’t seem to be dwelling on her conversation with Bella. She’s just being Alice, as usual.

“I heard you talking to Bella the other day.”

He blurts that out when she’s in his office, going over the tax paperwork with him, to make sure everything is accurate to their backstories. It’s a dull task, but one he and Alice have always tackled for the family as a way to lessen the burden on them when they joined.

Alice’s eyes are focused on the table as she sits cross-legged on his couch. “Hmm?”

“The conversation you had with Bella.”

“Which one?” She looks up, and there is no indication that she has any idea what he overheard. Like all the conversations she had with Bella held the same weight.

“I didn’t know you left someone behind.” Jasper frowns. “I thought we told each other everything.”

Alice blinks. “Oh Jas, it’s nothing. Just some obscure event in my history. I think my first Dior purchase was a more momentous occasion. It’s not something I hid intentionally, it’s just never come up. You need to correct the December 10th transactions - they should be under the Platt account, not Masen.”

He nods, and turns back to his computer. “You were sad,” he says quietly. “When you told Bella.”

“I was. I hadn’t thought about it in a long time, and Bella was sitting there like someone had murdered my puppy in front of me.” Alice scrolls down on the tablet. “It would have been a nice future, that’s all.”

“I could beat some sense into him for you?”

She laughs at that, delighted, and stands up to wrap her arms around him from behind, her chin on his shoulder. “Jas. I am fine with it. I made my peace a long time ago. And let’s be real, I would make a dreadful wife.

“I value their happiness, comfort, and safety above my own desires. That’s how it’s supposed to be.”

She smells like lemons and cherries. It’s his favourite smell because it means she’s close by, and that’s always been like home to him. He lets out a breath.

“What was his excuse?” He asked. “He won the lottery with you and just said, “no thanks?””

Alice giggles. “Jas, you’re being ridiculous.”

“I want you to be happy,” Jasper tries again. “Maybe you could try again? Talk to him?”

Alice rolled her eyes then. “He doesn’t know, Jas. It would have been a disaster if I told him any of it. Now, the Platt-Masen change is the only one, you’re good to submit. Stop dwelling on my ancient history, send the tax stuff through, and then Rosalie wants you to go over the motorcycle customization you want. I will be shopping.”

//

“You’ve got something on your mind, luchik,” Tanya says, propping herself up on one arm. “You look stern.”

“I always look stern.” Jasper looks over at her. His arrangement with Tanya had started some time in the late 70s - a combination of boredom and lack of viable options. Most of the Cullens ignored it; Edward had looked pained when he found out, and Alice had rolled her eyes and muttered unflattering about men but that was the extent of the feedback. It was entirely casual, and through more than thirty years, Jasper considered Tanya one of his closest friends and confidantes.

“Not like this. Tell me.” Tanya sits up to pull her hair out of her face and drag on a t-shirt hanging over the bed frame.

“Did Alice ever mention to you or the others that she found her mate, and he rejected her?” Jasper half blurts out. Alice was known to have 'girl time’ with Kate and Irina - and Tanya, if Tanya and Rosalie weren’t up to something or she wasn’t occupied with him.

“Alice?” Tanya freezes and crawls back into bed. “Alice Cullen?”

“Yeah. I need you not to say anything, I just wanted to know…” Who he was. Where he was. Why he hadn’t wanted Alice.

“That girl has never mentioned so much as a flirtation. I lost good money to Irina that Alice was into girls back in the 50s,” Tanya looked at the ceiling. “Did she tell you his name? Eleazer knows everyone, we could find him.”

“No. Just that it didn’t work out, and that he’s safe and happy. And that they still talk, and he has no idea.” That makes his chest tight. The idea that Alice had let someone she loved go without a word and they had taken it at face value.

Not only had they left her, they had let her leave to find him and join the Cullens alone.

And Alice would always be chained to this mysterious figure, even if he went off and found someone new. There was the possibility Alice would find someone, but it wouldn’t be right; Jasper had seen it before, especially with Maria. Vampires mated for life, and second choices would never fill that space.

He feels vaguely sick. Alice has been his best friend, his rock for so long that it almost feels like a personal slight.

“Alice probably saw something and made a choice,” Tanya says, shrugging. "Just ask her what happened.”

“I did. ‘Stop dwelling on ancient history’ and that she’s fine with it is all she would say.”