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I miss her someday, on lonely nights and cold days. I miss how confident she was in the unknown, fearless to be alone. I missed her intelligence when she had little doubts. I miss how she smiled when she danced when no one was around. I miss when she felt pretty, even on her ugly days. I miss her when she would not compare herself to the surgeon's work these days. I miss her of little worries; I miss her of passionate reading, pure and gleaming. Some days I don't know her anymore. Some days, she seems unrecognizable. I forgot her, actually, I misplaced her. I'm trying to get her back, but she's so far. I miss her; I miss who she once was, and who she dreamed to be. I miss her silly lines, her laugh, her jokes, and her cries. I miss when she was sensitive and felt everything so strongly, but now she barely feels at all. I miss her. I want her back. Tell me, are you there anywhere? Should I wait for her? Or should I move on? I miss her; I am her, and she was me. Is she still there?

I wish I would have spent more time with her when she was alive. I didn't know. I mean, no one knew, and no one knows when they're about to die. But it was almost like she knew. She knew it was her last time and yet still I didn't pay attention to her. It's been a year, I miss you, my heart still does. I'll see you again soon, but in the meantime, I'll keep on waiting.

My mind keeps playing back memories of you like a recording. In my head, we're that movie that everyone watches, an old-time favorite. That movie that people keep recommending, and that one scene everyone cries to. That kiss that makes everyone feel at home, and loners lonesome. And young kids are dazed and confused as they witness romance so purely. Elders reminiscence at their old lovers when they had no care in the world whey they watch us. And, darling, I want to hold on to that thought forever. Please, never leave me, because I'll hurt the most if you do. And everything will take me back to you, as I try to hold on.