Remember that time I got to improvise with Sean Astin? Remember it??

I will NEVER forget it because that is LITERALLY a dream come true omg

In the wake of Keith Porter, Renee Good, and Alex Pretti, "don't make a bad decision" feels like a threat to kill if you don't comply.

That's cuz it is

yesterday i had a nice southern teenager call me "ma'am" and then look at me and go, in a well-meaning tone, "uhhhh, if you go by ma'am. sorry if not." and i had to be like yeah man ma'am is fine. appreciate you being inclusive though. i could almost see the little warning pop up in his UI-- hold up! people with blue hair often have pronouns. are you sure you want to address this individual with a gendered term?

I must not explain the joke. Explaining the joke is the joke-killer. I will face my followers who did not get the joke. I will permit them to pass over me and through me

guys i’m so sorry to say this but exercising and indulging in hobbies rather than scrolling on your phone for 200 hours actually does improve your mood and overall mental health, this has deeply upset me more than anyone

the older i get, the more i appreciate the competency and cooperativeness of those politicians who got together to kill caesar 

60 agreed to kill him and only 23 followed through with the plan, if I remember correctly.

i’m american do you know how siked i would be to get 23 senators to agree on direct action 

According to Christopher Andrew apparently only one stroke was actually fatal

that is exactly as effective as I expect most political action to be tbh

I think it’s my duty to tell the world that not only a single stab was fatal, but also a bunch of those senators accidentally stabbed each other (and some of them died because of the wounds) cause they were panicking so much while attacking Caesar

this is it. this is the taxpayers money in action. incredible.