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@justanotherlawstudent

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How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
oh my god these are great
fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes
Dear God
Source
On your bar application- definitely file it now. I know it's daunting, but I've been waiting for them to approve me for A YEAR, and I'm 26, I've always lived in the state, and I have no criminal history. Good thing I passed the bar all the way back in July, right? They are slow, slow, slow. I've been living in my dad's house, doing shitty jobs, feeling depressed. Don't let that happen to you.
Hello! Yes, actually I filed it last year and I’ve already been cleared :D Thank you for the advice though! Hopefully this will help someone else out!

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Elle Woods was hollering back before the movement. This is why i love this movie. It’s so progressive. Elle is a femme feminist who comes by it the hard way. She doesn’t change for the bookish people, the elitists, or for the feminists. She just does what she needs to do, and what she wants, even when at first it was chasing a boy. Then the movie drops the romance. IT DROPS THE ROMANCE. chick flicks don’t do that. Emmett asking her out is a footnote at the very end. And this whole time, she is classy, and lady like, and has pride in herself and her work. She’ll go to a costume party as a playboy bunny, but like hell will she sleep with her professor for an internship. Elle is my feminist role model
Elle Woods 4ever
I remember listening to my DAD defend Legally Blonde. An uncle was saying “Oh look, it’s that stupid movie again.” as he flipped through the channels. My dad responded with “Oh yeah, that movie where the blonde girl with great grades works really hard to get into pre-law, studies hard and proves herself to her peers and bosses while maintaining her integrity and not sleeping with her boss? What a terrible message to send girls.”
Also, I love this movie because Reese Witherspoon.
And don’t forget that she has serious female friends and wins the case by way of her specialist knowledge of so-called “feminine things” that no one else takes seriously enough to even bother with.
The movie also passes the Bechdel test.
might i mention that my evidence professor has addressed the precise situation of having a parrot testify?
now entering hermit mode
A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, “Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest...
[Facebook Law for Idiots]
THIS

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I'm freaking out about my decision of wanting to go to law school given the current market for lawyers. What made you look past this and still decide to be a lawyer? (I'm currently a junior in undergrad)
That is a good question. The best answer is that I had a sort of mid-life crisis where I didn't know what I was going to do with my life and time was running out for me to pick the next step. I was not so much aware of the market for lawyers at the time of my decision, I just knew that I wanted to choose a path with the potential to help real people out. I also figured that I was good at reading and writing and I really liked logic problems ahahahahaha
To be real, though, if you are GOOD at being lawyer and love it, I think there will be a job for you. I was an intern for a judge this summer and about 90% of the lawyers who came through were either completely incompetent or didn't care at all about their clients. The job market is pretty bad for everyone at the moment, but I think that there are many other options open for someone with a law degree, besides being a lawyer. The skills you learn – reading, writing, and analyzing – are highly valued in many fields.
But this is just merely my humble and non-expert opinion~
what kind of law are you interested in going into?
I am not positive at the moment, but I am considering patent/intellectual property law due to my biology-centric undergraduate career. Apparently lawyers with a science background are in demand in the field, which is expanding as technology advances. Plus I enjoy the subject, which helps.
BUT I really want to use my law degree to help people... and intellectual property doesn't really seem to be quite a people-centric field. So I have also thought about family law and securities arbitration (helping small-time investors).
At some point I would really like to be a judge, though... I just don't know how to get there from here >_> I should really go and talk to my career advisor soon. Ugh thinking of the future makes my head spin a bit sometimes @__@
Hey great advice to that anon, law school classmates can be miserable sometimes, good to know we have other #lawblrs for support.
Thank you~! Spreading wisdom is why I am here :D Yes the lawblr network is one of a kind, do reach out if you need anything.
(Sorry for the late reply, I saw your message a while ago but was swept in a whirlwind of business >_> But do know that it made my day :D)
Struggling with all the testable material for an exam.
The girl sitting in front of me in Employment Law is shopping for tacky furniture online.
I really just want to blurt out DON’T DO IT. RATTAN IS NOT CUTE.
ahaha this reminds me of how the other day the guy sitting in front of me in one of my classes was shopping for bathtubs o.O
I was so confused @_@

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it's our civic duty~
Hahahaha.
oh god the haunted law school